Dental Warfare

By Oscar A McCarthy

AYE EVERYONE KNOWS DENTISTS BE EVIL

I could stay aboard this ship for the rest of my life.

The salty air filled Spencer’s lungs and the wind bit his face. This was his first time on a ship. He thought he would hate it. He did hate it at first, but it grew on him quick.

He simply had to become accustomed to the smell of the sea and the motions of the boat that at first made him feel sick. Made him sick, after enough time. He simply drank too much. Thankfully, he was near the railing of the ship and no one had to clean it up.

Pirates. The good pirates. Pirates were the only people you could really trust, weren’t they? Give a pirate a task and he’ll get it done every time. Give him a secret and he’ll protect it like it was his.

Tell him the fate of the entire world was on an island a thousand miles from shore and they’ll be happy to escort you there and fight your battle. A battle with the truest of evil.

The most evil of evil.

Everyone knows dentists are evil. Goodness, how could they not be? They receive their paycheck for sticking metal sticks into people mouths and ripping up their gums.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Oscar A McCarthy
• Release date: Jul 31, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386143871

Book preview

Dential Warfare

Oscar A McCarthy

Published by Oscar A McCarthy, 2018.

This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.

DENTIAL WARFARE

First edition. July 31, 2018.

Copyright © 2018 Oscar A McCarthy.

ISBN: 978-1386143871

Written by Oscar A McCarthy.

Also by Oscar A McCarthy

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Sinensis Camellia

Space Librarian

The Revelation

The Trial

Good Night Primrose

Immortal Blue

Sharp

Eternal Nature

Barbarian

Dental Warfare (Coming Soon)

Game Of Immortals (Coming Soon)

Society (Coming Soon)

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Also By Oscar A McCarthy

Dential Warfare

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Further Reading: Barbarian

Also By Oscar A McCarthy

About the Publisher

I could stay aboard this ship for the rest of my life.

The salty air filled Spencer’s lungs and the wind bit his face. This was his first time on a ship. He thought he would hate it. He did hate it at first, but it grew on him quick.

He simply had to become accustomed to the smell of the sea and the motions of the boat that at first made him feel sick. Made him sick, after enough time. He simply drank too much. Thankfully, he was near the railing of the ship and no one had to clean it up.

Pirates. The good pirates. Pirates were the only people you could really trust, weren’t they? Give a pirate a task and he’ll get it done every time. Give him a secret and he’ll protect it like it was his.

Tell him the fate of the entire world was on an island a thousand miles from shore and they’ll be happy to escort you there and fight your battle. A battle with the truest of evil. The most evil of evil.

Everyone knows dentists are evil. Goodness, how could they not be? They receive their paycheck for sticking metal sticks into people mouths and ripping up their gums.

Then, when your gums are nice and raw, they rub strands of floss up against them to make them really burn. Next, you have to sit on that big ugly chair making faces because you have a mouthful of icky-tasting fluid on little foam mouthpiece thing to clean your teeth. Shouldn’t they clean your teeth in the first place? That’s what they’re paid for, and yet that awful fluoride does all the heavy lifting.

To finish it all off, they make your life really miserable by telling you not to eat or drink anything—even water—for thirty minutes or more! You leave with a toothbrush and box of that horrible floss, that box mocking you every time you open your cabinet door and see it staring back at you.

Speaking of that brush—if the dentist is supposed to clean your teeth, why do you get a magic wand to do it yourself? Spencer knew that his teeth have never looked whiter after using it, and he used it every day of his life when he was just a young lad.

Toothbrushes don’t clean your teeth—they do the complete opposite. The more yellow your teeth, the thinner the enamel and the more you’re going to need the dentist, aren’t you?

It’s all one big conspiracy. Those thin little bristles, Spencer discovered after months of research, are coated in a thin layer of acidic acid, designed specifically to make teeth more susceptible to cavities.

That research cost Spencer over forty-thousand dollars, but by golly, was it worth every penny. It even helped him figure out why so many people wore braces these days: the acidic acid wasn’t just acidity.

It contained a pheromone known to make people more attracted to those with crooked, bent, twisted, separated, pushed-together and otherwise funny teeth, thus meaning there were more children being born with a bad set of biters.

Bad set of biters? Braces. Retainers. Surgeries. Billions of dollars a year from the tax payer, the insurance companies, the patient’s pocket.

That wasn’t the scary part, though. No, far from it. The scary part was that it wasn’t just about money. It’s never just about money. Oil tycoons? They want to see their company on the stock ticker, they’re just obsessed with the power and fame.

Everyone enjoys a lucky day every now and again. Actors, actresses, musicians, painters, artists, sculptors, authors, screenwriters, producers, directors, programmers, chefs, developers, editors, drummers, singers, guitarists, pianists, and baristas? They’re in it because they love their art. Everyone knows that money is overrated.

No, the high cost, the inconvenient dates for