A Professor Sparky Adventure: The Only Thing Left Was Their Underpants!

By John Kelly

THE ONLY THING LEFT WAS THEIR UNDERPANTS! (A PROFESSOR SPARKY SCIENCEY MYSTERY: Book 1) By John Kelly Professor Sparky is a scientific genius and sausage dog (The sausage dog part is a recent development.) He lives on Floating Island 1178, high above the surface of the planet Duplex with his best (and only) friend, Ellie-Ann. It is Ellie’s job to stop him accidentally killing himself, or blowing up the planet. One morning over breakfast Sparky and Ellie read in the newspaper that some unknown (but probably evil) genius is abducting members of the Extreme Cleverness Society from all over Duplex. The only thing left is their underpants! Realizing there is a pattern, the duo try to prevent the remaining members of the Extreme Cleverness Society from being abducted. (Which is pretty noble of Prof Sparky, considering he was expelled from the ECS after the biting incident at last year's Christmas party.) At the scene of one of the disappearances Prof Sparky discovers: a. A mysterious energy signature. b. A very interesting and familiar smell. He cobbles together a contraption, the Whiff-O-meter (it measures the energy signature of interesting smells), and use it to trace the smell to a robot dog-food factory. Then, after recalibrating it properly, it leads them to... ...CLOUD ONE, the research ship of Drs Odwin and Edwin SpodWangler (yes, CLOUD ONE does look like a cloud!). It is floating high above Duplex studying the migration patterns of the enigmatic Quadflapple birds. But before the SpodWanglers can heed Sparky’s warning, their semi-tame Quadflapple bird, Edgar, has taken a shine to Prof Sparky's glasses and absconded with them. During the ensuing chase the good doctors are both dematerialised. (Prof Sparky does get his glasses back though, so relax.) The rest of the book contains further dematerialisations as Sparky and Ellie find, warn, and fail to prevent the abduction of the other endangered professors. After LOADS more exciting stuff about worm-holes, indescribably foul dog-food, underpants in many exciting patterns, reverse-alchemy, indoor explosions, lava-cats, giant psychic birds, and splunge-diving, they eventually uncover the astonishing truth behind the villain’s motivations. Now read on...

• Language: English
• Publisher: John Kelly
• Release date: Mar 13, 2018

John Kelly

John Kelly, who holds a graduate degree in European history, is the author and coauthor of ten books on science, medicine, and human behavior, including Three on the Edge, which Publishers Weekly called the work of "an expert storyteller." He lives in New York City.

Book preview

CHAPTER ONE

A SPLUNGE DIVING MYSTERY

It was Sunday morning on the planet Duplex. High above the surface, in the top floor apartment of Floating Island 1178, Ellie-Ann was having a problem catching her breakfast.

She was trying to eat her Intellitoast™ (the only breakfast meal guaranteed to make you smarter and fitter), but it was refusing to let her catch it.

Arghh! groaned Ellie as she chased the toast round and round the legs of the breakfast table. She stretched out one tentacle, but the toast put on a surprising burst of speed. It shot away from her and out of the room. Come back you little...! she yelled, racing after it.

The Intellitoast™ was finally cornered in the kitchen, trying to open the window with a fork. After a brief but vigorous struggle, she buttered and jammed it.

I wish we could just have normal things for breakfast! she sighed, slumped exhausted into a chair at the breakfast table, and began to chomp noisily on her toast. Maybe when she regained her strength, she would try and catch another slice.

Have you quite finished? came a pompous voice from the other end of the breakfast table.

It was her best friend, scientific genius and sausage dog, Professor Sparky. (The sausage dog part was a recent development.) He was still reading the Duplexian morning paper, The Bugle, and really didn’t like to be disturbed before his third cup of coffee.

As she crunched the last bites of her Intellitoast™ one of the headlines in The Bugle caught Ellie’s attention. It read: ‘BRAINBOX DISAPPEARS LEAVING ONLY SWIMMING TRUNKS BEHIND! (see page 12). ’Peering over Sparky’s shoulder (always guaranteed to annoy him!) Ellie avidly read the most curious details...

‘The world of science was rocked today by the disappearance of Prof Abblebabble. The Professor, the winner of last year’s Galactic Prize for Extreme Cleverness (region 78), was relaxing on holiday at the island resort of Parasol when he went missing from the Splunge-diving pool.

Amazed onlookers saw the sprightly scientist execute a perfect triple backwards somersault (with pike), before he glowed pink and inexplicably disappeared into thin air.

Prof Abblebabble is the second top scientist to have recently disappeared. Last week, Prof Boffary dematerialized while out walking his pet panglosaur.’

That’s a rather unlikely coincidence, said Ellie. Didn’t Boffary and Abblebabble both beat you in the Extreme Cleverness Competition last year?

Prof Sparky lowered his newspaper and growled at her.

You know very well I would have won if I hadn’t been unfairly disqualified for biting, he said sulkily.

Yes, agreed Ellie, but seriously, what are the odds of two Extreme Cleverness Society members being dematerialized within a week of each other?

Hmmm… growled Sparky. Good point. I’d say – off the top of my head – about 906,413,678,555,312.7 to 1. Approximately.

Then he momentarily drifted off into a faraway-science-genius-look. And before Ellie could answer, the Prof threw down his paper, jumped up from his chair, and rushed out of the room.

Ellie sighed.

This sort of ‘rushing off’ thing was quite common when you lived with a science genius, especially one who had only very recently become a sausage dog.

[How the Professor became a sausage dog is complicated and still the subject of several rather serious ongoing legal cases. The security services are also taking an interest. So, let’s just say that it involves an alien invasion, an experimental matter transporter, and some REALLY annoying cats.]

Ellie knew there was no point racing off after Sparky when he was in one of his brain-thinky episodes, so she popped another slice of Intellitoast™ in the toaster and got ready to pounce on it.

* * *

Later, when she had finished her breakfast, Ellie strolled into the Prof’s room. He was balanced on a perilously high stack of books. He waved one paw excitedly at his huge blackboard. It was covered in dense mathematical formulas and drawings of overweight professors in garish bathing trunks.

I have confirmed my theory! exclaimed the Professor, between quick chews on his favourite squeaky toy. Prof Zulfur came third in last year’s Extreme Cleverness Competition. Someone is clearly abducting last year’s finalists. Sparky held up a dog-eared piece of paper, then waggled it with his paw.

I believe that the professors on this list are all in great danger of being dematerialized.

Could it be meddling aliens again? asked Ellie. "Or maybe your rivals at