Call the Chaplain

By Kate McClelland

This warm-hearted and practical handbook for hospital-based pastoral care considers the pastoral sensitivities surrounding patient encounters. It explores the essential skills needed for this kind of ministry: the importance of ritual, difficult pastoral tasks, deflecting anger, caring for the carers, working in multi-faith contexts and more.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Canterbury Press
• Release date: Apr 24, 2014
• ISBN: 9781848256385

Book preview

Call the Chaplain

Call the Chaplain

Spiritual and pastoral caregiving in hospitals

Kate McClelland

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© Kate McClelland 2014

First published in 2014 by the Canterbury Press Norwich

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All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, Canterbury Press.

The Author has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as the Author of this Work

British Library Cataloguing in Publication data

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 978 1 84825 636 1

Typeset by Regent Typesetting

Printed and bound in Great Britain by CPI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon

For Pat,

my rock

Acknowledgements

Dr Nicky Rudd – for inspiring me to be the best healthcare practitioner that I could be, instilling in me her values and dedication, making sure that all patients have the best holistic care possible at end of life.

Jill Hardman-Smith – for educating me on best practice at end of life, for opening doors for me where religious apathy existed and giving me a rounded understanding of spirituality in a clinical context as well as being a good friend.

Reverend Caroline Roe – for being a loyal friend and excellent colleague. For the personal sacrifices she made for me, always believing in my ability and calling.

Christine Smith – for her faith, determination and encouragement when recognizing something in me I had failed to recognize in myself.

Margaret Dillow (Mum) – for introducing me to the faith, and teaching me to search for my own answers to the questions of life.

Reverend Pat Nimmo – for giving me everything I needed, when it was needed.

Contents

Foreword

Preface

Introduction

1. Expectations of a pastoral encounter

2. Understanding the person

3. Complexities of family relationships that serious illness highlights

4. Communicating in difficult circumstances

5. The importance of rituals

6. Ministering to the care-giver

7. Helping people face difficult truths – whose truth is it?

8. Dying matters

9. The challenge of mental health

10. Sustaining oneself in the face of suffering

Resources

1. Blessing of a still-born baby

2. Naming of a baby

3. Blessing of a couple when one is terminally ill

4. Blessing of a room

5. Prayers before someone dies

6 . Prayers before surgery

7. Confession

8. Communion

Foreword

As the Head of the Hospital Palliative Care Team, I was lucky to have Kate assigned as the chaplain to the team. She attended our team meetings for nearly three years, bringing a unique view to the management of the distressed patient or relative.

Kate has written a book that demystifies many of the aspects of hospital life. She gives a very individual view and shows how to be a true advocate for the person in front of her. The book is a practical guide for anyone who works with people and an insight into the breadth of experience that she has built up over her years in the ministry. Each chapter has a subject that is well illustrated and concluded with a wise set of key points. She has covered topics that range from complex family relationships, through the challenge of mental-health problems to the importance of rituals. The book concludes with a chapter on sustaining oneself in the face of suffering.

The themes that shine through all these diverse topics are those of communication and the ability to concentrate on the needs of the person in front of you, thereby allowing them to express themselves in an effective way. The lack of judgement and acceptance of that person and their belief system, whatever it may be, is refreshing.

I can wholly recommend this book as a guide for anyone working in hospitals, both those in the chaplaincy team and anyone else who has contact with patients in whatever form.

Dr N. Rudd

Consultant and Head of Service for Palliative Medicine

Haematology & Cancer Services

University Hospital of Leicester

Preface

Dear Friends,

I hope you enjoy reading my book. It is an honest and open account of my experiences as a healthcare chaplain. It records the highs and lows of what has been the most difficult, disturbing yet privileged and enriching part of my ministerial journey to date. I always say that I wasn’t called into chaplaincy, it happened out of a practical desire to ‘move home’ to be closer to my dad, whom we knew to be slowly dying. As a fun-loving, musical, all-singing, dancing Methodist minister, the last thing on my mind was to minister to the dying, and subsequently to those who have the most challenging mental illness. There’s not much singing and dancing in that, you might say – but God has a wonderful sense of humour and a way of taking us down the right path at the right time, even though we may want to argue or barter. So here I am. I hope you find what you are looking for in this book, but mostly I hope that it aids you on your personal journey of pastoral care. Christina Rossetti, in her poem ‘In the bleak midwinter’, asks: ‘What can I give him, poor as I am?’ The answer is, of course, ‘My heart’. It really is as simple as that.

May the blessing of God be upon you and the peace of God live in your hearts.

Kate

Introduction

When a person becomes unwell and needs to enter a healthcare environment – a hospital, hospice or care home – they can cease to be an autonomous person. Choices that previously have been taken for granted – the freedom to go out, choose what and when they want to eat, what to wear and when to get undressed, what procedures happen – can be taken away, causing a loss of dignity, self-respect and disempowerment. Spiritual wellbeing is central to a person’s autonomy and an integral part in the healing process. Journeying with someone through the darkest valleys of their lives is a challenging, difficult and sometimes overwhelming task, yet an incredibly enriching, privileged experience. This book shows a personal insight into this pastoral ministry, the highs, lows, challenges and skills needed to equip all those people who feel called to care in this environment.

Within healthcare circles I believe there is currently a gap between theory and practice with regard to spiritual and pastoral care. Hopefully this book will go some way to bridging that gap. I aim to address some of the complex issues surrounding pastoral visiting in a healthcare environment while providing some practical tips to improve the patient experience. With reference to personal narratives, I will explore the pastoral sensitivities surrounding patient encounters, as well as some of the practical aspects of the roles of chaplains, clergy, pastoral visitors and volunteers. I will draw on many years of experience of caring for people as they face the challenges of illness, diagnosis, old age, mental illness, death and bereavement. I will give an honest and sometimes emotional account of my work and professional practice as well as tips I have learnt along the way. This is not an academic book, rather a reflective look at pastoral and spiritual care in a healthcare environment plotted by my own spiritual and pastoral journey. I will also reflect theologically on actual practice that has been gained from working in acute hospitals, community hospitals, secure and medium secure environments.

The aim of this book is to provide a resource to equip people from all walks of life for pastoral ministry in a healthcare environment. At the end there is a section of liturgies for you to use on your journey with those in need of spiritual comfort. This book is both for those people who are experienced or professional pastoral visitors and for those who are just beginning to consider pastoral ministry. A first consideration when taking on this enormous responsibility for caring for others is to know who we are as individuals and what knowing ourselves can teach us about caring for others.

Knowing who we are

Who we are as individuals cannot and should not be separated from the acts that we do and the reasons we do them. If you are considering a ‘call’ to pastoral ministry then the first step is to have a long, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself: Who am I? Why am I called to pastoral ministry? What is my role to be? It is only when we answer those difficult questions about ourselves that we can truly begin in the process of caring for others. Understanding why we have gone into an encounter and what we hope to gain from it is key to having a successful outcome.

I, for example, am a clergy woman, a minister of religion and a chaplain, but there is so much more to me than that. I am someone’s partner, a mother, a sister, friend, daughter, animal lover, musician, writer and social activist. I remember on the eve of my ordination, my then Chair of District, a man I had the utmost respect for, came to visit me and asked me how I was feeling. While I was stumbling with words of expression that seemed totally inadequate for the task that was before me, he simply said: ‘Well, there’s no going back; you can never be un-ordained.’ In a self-consumed state I didn’t really acknowledge what he’d said. Many times over the past years, however, it has returned to me. Yes, you can stand down your orders, resign if you will, but I made a commitment before God and vow to care for others and serve God for the rest of my life. Every person who takes that vow should take it very seriously or they let themselves and their God down. You can never be un-ordained – for the rest of my life I am ‘called to care’ in the service of my God. If you are ordained then you will also have experienced that momentous occasion of ordination when you submit yourself to life-long service to the care of God’s people. Yet ordination is only one route to service. The call to every Christian is to walk alongside those in need, to hold out the hand of friendship to those who have fallen and to love those whom others cannot or will not love. This is a high calling on our lives, yet it comes with the greatest of rewards. These rewards are to be found in the richness and privileges of sharing experiences with those you encounter.

Calling and your personal theology are important elements to embrace and understand. Time and time again you will be required through this ministry to look inside yourself to your personal resources. You will be called to say the right thing at the right time, to face situations that are unimaginable and that are personally very costly to you. Your own theological stance will be challenged and your faith shaken and tested. Having a clear understanding of why you believe and what you believe about God is vital. My theology is incarnational. It is grounded in a simple, clear understanding that ‘God is with us’ in this moment and in this encounter. I am called to reach out and touch the lost, broken and lonely, as God’s representative on earth, with as much love, compassion and understanding as my humanness can manage.

Holding in tension that calling and being a real living human being that gets fed up, is selfish, can be unreasonable (apparently!) challenges me. It should not be underestimated but embraced. ‘How do you do it?’ Well, I do not try to be superwoman. There’s a good reason for this. It does not work, people see through you. Be yourself, but know who you are. It never ceases to amaze me that God did indeed choose me for service, with all my faults and all my talents. But God also chose me to be all the other things I am and gave me a tool box full of interesting things to help me with the roles and responsibilities I have to face. In short, take it easy on yourself. Just do the best you can with the resources you have available on that day, in that moment. Don’t waste negative energy wishing you’d done more or been better. Save your energy for your next encounter. It is a far greater use of your skills.

Knowing who you are at the moment of any encounter is a vital requirement for good pastoral visits. My best friend, who is also a clergy woman, recently was getting ready to visit her mum in hospital. This particular hospital stay, as for many families, had been fraught with miscommunication and frustration. As she put on her coat I noticed the clerical shirt peeping out and asked why she was wearing it. Her reply was, ‘I will get in past the staff (out of visiting hours) and perhaps they will treat me better.’ I know what she meant, of course. With the collar comes a certain authority, although not as much as it used to. In her frustration she was hoping to pull some sort of rank on the staff and get treated with more respect. She was hoping that it would lead to more information about what was happening to her mother and therefore relieve some of the family tension that was building. What she failed to realize was that, by putting on her collar, she ceased to be seen as her mum’s daughter but rather her mother’s spiritual guide (which she was not). It affected the relationship with her mother and the staff. It did not allow her to say the things she wanted to and she had to suppress her emotions. These were emotions that a daughter with a mother who was being ignored on the ward was entitled to feel, but which were not expected from a clergy person. Rather than treating her better the staff treated her with a coolness and detachment that comes when dealing with professionals on a daily basis. The collar became a barrier to a good pastoral visit in this case.

Nursing staff are not monsters, they are people like you and me. They are often overstretched and undervalued but they too have mothers, sisters, brothers and friends. I feel confident that had my friend rung the ward and asked politely to come at a different time for visiting with a reasonable explanation, they would