Babble Speak

By Jim Pahz

A collection of thought-provoking poetry and observations by Jim Pahz.  Occasionally irreverent, sometimes humorous, always insightful. Poems include:

When Your Hair is on Fire and You're Holding a Circuit Board

Nasty, White, Liberal Women in Pink Pussy Hats

When Kishkes Go A-Wandering

Straw Graspers Beating a Dead Horse

Stealing Napkins from McDonalds in Retirement

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rubber Chicken Press
• Release date: Sep 29, 2017
• ISBN: 9780998853703

Book preview

WARNING

Poetry is NOT a victimless Crime

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Call the law firm of Goldfeder, McConnell,

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Your initial consultation is absolutely free of charge. Fees are due only upon your recovery and your complete satisfaction with our services

Remember:

Compensation may be available for any

discomfort you have experienced

Mi Familia

Forward

When the people climbed down from the Tower of Babel they discovered they couldn’t understand one another. They talked AT each other, but not TO each other. They were confused and befuddled. Becoming angry, they resorted to name calling, insults, and incivility.

That was more than two thousand years ago, and not much has changed. We argue, insult, and malign one another. Watch the news on any night and you will see countless examples of Babble-Speak; language and ideas that just don’t connect.

These are my poems and observations—my Babble-Speak

Table of Contents

Warning—Poetry

Picture—Mi Familia

Certificate of Authenticity

Forward

Manifesto.....................................................................1

Monsters on the Catwalk........................................3

Coney Island...............................................................4

When Your Hair is on Fire and You’re Holding

a Circuit Board...........................................................7

Picture—Passenger on an Airplane

Holding a Circuit Board...........................................8

You’re a Racist...........................................................9

Bin Laden is Dead...................................................11

Last Supper..............................................................13

The Fly on the Elephant........................................14

Invasion.....................................................................15

ENDORSEMENT: Jack and Magdalena de Silva  16

Train...........................................................................17

Y2K..............................................................................19

Picture—Simon and Abigayle Bronsiski.........20

Nailed.........................................................................21

Picture—Frannie Flekman....................................22

Preacher Man..........................................................23

The Dream................................................................24

Tyrants in Tutus......................................................25

TV Commercials......................................................27

Rejecting Diversity.................................................29

Race Huckster Farm..............................................31

Love Follicle.............................................................33

Picture—Hermon and Alice Blumegartten...34

Putin in Space..........................................................35

Same Old Al..............................................................36

Yesterday’s Dreams...............................................38

ENDORSEMENT: Wilhelmina Wolf..................40

Using the N Word...................................................41

Chia Pet Obama.......................................................43

Pinocchio Syndrome..............................................45

Frolicking in Ferguson..........................................47

Blame..........................................................................48

The World Watched................................................49

ADVERTISEMENT: PAINACEA............................50

Big, Fat, Official Lies.............................................51

ENDORSEMENT: Professor Bartholomew Bushkee  53

Liberalitis..................................................................54

Plausible Denial.......................................................55

Picture—Wheatley High School Students.....57

Where Did It Come From.....................................58

Burgoo..............................................................................59

Picture—Thirsty Josh...............................................60

House of Lies...........................................................61

Hillary’s Spin............................................................62

ENDORSEMENT: Nancy P....................................64

Glozilla.......................................................................65

The Ferguson Shuffle............................................66

Caliphate Capers....................................................67

Picture—Pulling for Poetry...................................68

The Terror Tree.......................................................69

Chattanooga Bang Bang.......................................70

Words and Places....................................................71

Wizards......................................................................72

Kingdom....................................................................74

Picture—Jimmy and Cheryl Goldfeder.............75

Keeping a Happy and Healthy Head.................76

Exit Al Jazeera.........................................................77

The Choice................................................................78

Worm in the Apple..................................................81

A Safe Place..............................................................83

ENDORSEMENT: Goat Busters International  84

Vanishing Trump Signs.........................................85

Picture—The Anderson Family, 1930..............87

Kisser..........................................................................88

Zombola.....................................................................89

Burger King Philosophy........................................93

The Hagfish Lament...............................................94

ENDORSEMENT: Philip Philpot.........................95

The 2016 Election...................................................96

Rodeo Clown............................................................98

Shriek.........................................................................99

Legacy Leave.........................................................100

Picture—The Fastest Gun in the West, 1954  101

Witch........................................................................102

Jill Stein’s Dog and Pony Show........................103

Picture—Helianthus Charboneau and Baby Todd  104

Ambulance Chaser’s Pitch.................................105

Happy Holidays.....................................................107

Hillary’s Bleach Bit Stew...................................108

ENDORSEMENT: Todd Charboneau..............109

The Running of the Liberals..............................110

Designated Campus Weeping Area.................111

How Not to Lose an Election............................113

Picture—Lisa and Elida........................................115

Inevitability............................................................116

My Deplorables.....................................................118

The Creatures that Chose to Stay in the Swamp  120

Picture—Katherine Suggs, 1929.....................121

The Aftermath.......................................................122

One Last Act..........................................................124

The Hens in the Yard...........................................125

Nasty, White, Liberal Women in Pink Pussy Hats  126

Picture—Charlotte Pickelman..........................128

Cool Dude in the White House.........................129

Picture—Gertrude Downs....................................130

Houses.....................................................................131

The Shadow Government...................................132

The Orange Man...................................................133

Picture—Benita Belladonna...............................134

Piñata Presidency ................................................135

How Doris Spends Her Day...............................136

Stealing Napkins from McDonalds in Retirement  138

ENDORSEMENT: William Whootzie..............140

Susan in the Kingdom.........................................141

Picture—New Citizens...........................................143

When Kishkes Go A-Wandering.......................144

The Tree..................................................................145

In Convalescence..................................................146

Fun Times with Facebook........................................147

Straw Graspers Beating a Dead Horse.........149

Lather Up..............................................................151

I Embarrass My Sister........................................152

Hungry Little Demons with Big Appetites....154

Picture—Entrepreneurship at its Finest......155

Burning Trump......................................................156

Picture—The Ten Commandments of PC....158

Get Thee to a Cuddle Dome..............................159

Buoys........................................................................160

If Thy Monument Offends Thee......................162

Picture—Sol, Sam, Frida, Annie, Ruby, Max  164

Defining Moments................................................165

When Treasures Smell, But Not Like Flowers  167

Picture— Lilly Lightfoot.......................................168

They’re Still Here?...............................................169

My Voyage to the Stars and Marital Bliss....170

The Pack..................................................................172

The Taliban’s Teachable Moment...................174

How I Covet Your Company..............................175

My PC World..........................................................177

BIOGRAPHY: Jim Pahz, The Patagonian Poet

Manifesto

I’m circling the drain

Going down

Wondering where

I’m heading and

what comes next

I’m bored

I’ve counted the

flowers on the wall

and the sheep

grazing

in my head

I could noodle in Arkansas

and catch a catfish

Shove my hand down his throat

or shoot carp in Mississippi

or classmates

at school

Take revenge and have

my celebrity frozen in time

On the nightly news

the commentator will say:

Left his internet ramblings

for everyone to see

––––––––

Why didn’t we see this coming?

Please people...

Twitter us a response

Monsters on the Catwalk

Wearing the latest fashions

for the well-dressed

suicide bomber,

the show included

Richard Reid,

the shoe bomber,

Umar Farouk Abracadabra,

the underwear bomber

Also in attendance

was the hat bomber,

the bra bomber, and

the garter belt bomber

Every type of shrapnel-padded

garment was on display for

the well-dressed

fundamentalist

Jihadi Jane was there

She was in her hibijibi

Only her eyes were visible,

but what eyes!

They were spectacular,

a killer’s eyes

Well-dressed terrorists

strutting their stuff,

and back-stepping into

the 7th century

The poet and his brother on a Sunday drive

to Coney Island amusement park.

Coney Island

As a child

I went to Coney Island

The part I liked best

was the freak show

I remember Molly, the turtle-woman,

slithering across the stage

on her belly,

talking about her mother

"what went down to the river and

was raped by a turtle

The result she said, is what you see"

But I didn’t