Complicated

By Sandy Appleyard

Book Three - Complicated

What would you do if the love of your life suddenly didn’t want the same things as you? What if you had an unfulfilled dream and only your partner could make it come true?

Ray is the love of Linda’s life. They have an enviable marriage. Until one day Ray announces that he’s taking a contract job with his uncle....out of the country. While Linda is disappointed, what adds fuel to her upset is that they are right in the middle of trying to start a family. Her surprise pregnancy throws Ray off, and to her chagrin, Ray refuses to come home despite their dream finally coming true.

Her friends make Linda’s pregnancy easy, but she still pines for Ray, until one of them steps in. Does this intervention make things more agreeable or more complicated?

When Ray finally shows up in her third trimester, the tension could be cut with a knife. Will Linda take him back, or will she kick him to the curb?

Mark is a good-looking, Australian cop. Toronto ladies fawn over him, and he doesn’t turn any of them away. What could this foreign hearth throb want with a married woman? Plenty...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sandy Appleyard
• Release date: Sep 9, 2017
• ISBN: 9780995070547

Sandy Appleyard

Some have said that if you see me on the street (usually with a book in hand or a laptop fired up), I appear a cold, hard-fisted person. However, once we’ve spoken for five minutes or less, you’ll have laughed at least once. That is, provided you appreciate sarcastic, self-deprecating wit.My first short story was penned in middle school and I was hooked ever since.I graduated with honours from Humber College and began working as an Administrative Coordinator for a large, multinational corporation shortly afterward. Quickly learning that the corporate world, despite the love I had for my job, is a slow killer of creativity, I chose to quit during maternity leave in 2006.Difficulty thinking outside the box soon evaporated when I received something that didn’t come in one: my first child. While at home with the baby my imaginative energy got the better of me and my first memoir was written. It had been a dream of mine to write about my late father, who passed away from alcoholism in 1992, and it took me two years to compose a fifty-page manuscript, but I did it.After my second daughter was born in 2008 I had more fuel to write, and felt it necessary to voice the challenges and inherent gifts I acquired during my struggles with Scoliosis. Hence, my second memoir was born. The words flowed out of me with such ease I shocked myself.My love for words grew with each book I read and every word I wrote. I soon realized I had no more material to write non-fiction, which led me to take a stab at fiction. The next two books were such a revelation: it became more and more clear what my true calling was. The rest, as they say, is history!

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COMPLICATED

A SWEET ROMANCE

Sandy Appleyard

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ISBN 978-0-9950705-4-7

Copyright © 2016 Sandy Appleyard.

All rights reserved.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

She Only Speaks to Butterflies

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Chapter 1

She raced to the door, fumbling with her keys. As Kendra entered her apartment, she quickly closed the door behind her, and stood with her back pressed against the cold metal, feeling her breath catch. Tears flowed down her cheeks uncontrollably while soft whimpers came from her throat. How could she be so stupid? How could she ruin the best thing that had ever happened to her? Wiping her face, Kendra felt herself calm, and willed her body to relax as she took a step away from the door.

Buying herself time, Kendra decided to send Ian a text message, saying that she got called in to work. Ms. Briggs often called on Kendra if an important case was forthcoming, so Ian wouldn’t suspect anything was wrong. She felt bad lying, but she knew she couldn’t face him. Not after what she found in his sock drawer mere moments ago. After a minute, Ian responded, saying that he’d be waiting for her; that he would keep her breakfast warm.

Feeling relieved that she’d dodged a bullet, the to-be lawyer drew in a deep breath, and headed to the washroom for a tissue. Her friend Cassandra came to mind, and Kendra pulled her phone from her back pocket and dialed Cassandra’s number.

Kendra, hey, I was just going to call you. Cassandra sounded cheery, How did the big celebratory night go? Ian had just been granted a promotion; something he had been waiting on for a long time.

It went well. Kendra said, feigning an equally cheery tone. Cassandra was no dummy; they had known each other way too long for Kendra to pull off faking anything with her best friend.

What’s going on? It’s odd for you to call me so early on a Saturday morning. I thought you and Ian would still be celebrating. She giggled.

Ignoring her friend’s question, Kendra responded too quickly. What did you want to call me for?

Oh, I ran into Missy last night on our way home. You’ll never guess who she was with.

Kendra’s interest was slightly piqued. Who?

Tom. That teacher she was dating.

Hmm. Cassandra picked up on the nonchalance; Kendra was usually the most gung-ho for any type of gossip.

Okay, I’ll bite. What’s going on?

Kendra hesitated, picking at an imaginary piece of lint on her shirt, as she peered in the mirror Are you busy?

If I were busy would I be calling you?

Can you come over?

Cassandra guffawed. What’s with the drama? Why can’t you tell me what horrible thing has happened to you over the phone? she teased.

I’m serious. Come over.

Letting out a big sigh, Cassandra relented. Fine. But this better be good.

The phone went dead as Kendra took the tissue she had been holding, and tossed it into the garbage bin beside the toilet. There, staring back at her, were two empty boxes. Biting her lip, Kendra grabbed the plastic grocery bag lining the pail, and angrily pulled it out with a heavy grunt. Storming to the trash disposal room, she tied a large knot in the top of the bag and pointedly smashed it against the wall before forcefully throwing it down the chute.

It’s good, Cassandra. Real good. Kendra growled, somewhat breathlessly; her voice dripped with sarcasm and frustration.

***

Okay, I’m here. Cassandra called as she opened the door with her key. I’ve only got a half an hour though, Luke wants to take Christopher and I shopping.

Kendra had showered quickly, and was getting dressed in her bedroom. Shopping for what? she asked, raising her voice so her friend could hear her.

You name it…we need it. Her arms were across her chest and her expression said she was not enthused. All we ever do now is shop, shop, shop. I tell you after this, I’m never moving again.

Kendra emerged from her room. Cassandra was waiting in the hallway by her bedroom. Stop complaining. At least you get to live with Luke now. You get to be a family; what you’ve always wanted.

Rolling her eyes, Cassandra smirked. Yeah, yeah. I’m almost convinced it’s easier to stay with my parents. My mom is having a hard time with all this anyway, and daddy won’t admit it, but he, too, can’t stand the fact that we’re moving out.

You’re only moving up the street practically. You could walk there.

Well evidently that isn’t close enough. Cassandra changed tack. Enough about me; what’s the big emergency? she asked, shifting her weight onto both feet. "Is this a sit-down thing? A glass of wine thing? A bottle of wine? Cassandra giggled, irritating Kendra. Lately her friend was taking nothing seriously. It was like falling in love with Luke had erased all tension from her life. She was in a state of constant euphoria. It drove Kendra nuts; especially now. Am I getting closer?" Cassandra guessed, taunting Kendra.

You think this is funny? Kendra blurted, feeling hot tears prick the backs of her eyes. This isn’t a laughing matter, Cassandra. She cried, stomping over to the couch. Bouncing on to the cushions unceremoniously, Kendra placed her hands over her face and wept.

Oh, come on, Kendra. It can’t be that bad. I know you too well. Cassandra said as she joined her on the couch. Kendra’s innocence sometimes created a rift between them; Cassandra being the more experienced with relationships and sex. Just weeks ago, Kendra had asked Cassandra a question about sex that she deemed very serious, only to be inadvertently laughed at. Did he want to make love with his socks on or something? Did you fart in bed? It can’t be that bad or else you would have hidden in your room and you wouldn’t have called me right away.

Lifting her head from her hands, Kendra sniffled. Ian’s going to propose.

Cassandra’s face lit up. Are you serious? Well that’s wonderful! she blurted, leaning over to hug her. "I’ll admit I’m a tad jealous. I mean, Luke and I have a long history together; I thought we would be engaged first. But this is great, Kendra!"

Kendra’s face hadn’t wavered. She was still clearly upset. Staring down at her hands she couldn’t look at Cassandra. Well, aren’t you happy? Don’t you want to marry Ian? Cassandra pried. I know it’s sudden, but heck, this isn’t the dark ages. How do you know he’s going to propose?

I found a ring in his sock drawer.

A ‘v’ formed between Cassandra’s eyebrows. Well, did you actually see it? Is it an engagement ring? Or is it like that time when I wrapped your Coach purse in the box my parent’s refrigerator came in?

No, it’s an engagement ring. Kendra explained, wiping her nose on her hand. I saw it in an antique store that Ian and I were at about a month ago. It was just like the one my grandmother had. Diamonds and sapphires.

So? Aren’t you happy? I’d be pretty ecstatic if Luke proposed to me.

Kendra’s face slipped a notch as she looked into Cassandra’s eyes. Even if you were pregnant?

Eyes widening, Cassandra was speechless for a moment, then she gasped. Are you? Oh my God, Kendra….are you pregnant?

Her chin began to quiver as she nodded. Yeah,

Are you sure?

Still nodding, I took the test twice.

Looking at the ceiling, Cassandra drew in a deep breath, uttering an expletive. Good God, Kendra. How did this….didn’t you…dear Lord. She let out the breath. And you think this will spoil everything…oh, jeez.

We’ve only been together for three months… she squeaked. We haven’t even talked about marriage, or even moving in together. Kendra sobbed. He’ll think I did it on purpose.

Placing her hand on Kendra’s lap, Cassandra interrupted. Wait a minute, aren’t you guys always talking about getting married? Isn’t Ian the guy who didn’t shrink under the table when his entire family told him he’s next after his cousin announced her engagement?

Well…yeah, I guess.

And haven’t you two been careful? Using birth control and everything?

Kendra nodded. Every time, yes.

Then why would you think Ian would suspect that you set him up? And why would you think that Ian wouldn’t want to marry you even if you were pregnant? Doesn’t he have like a huge family with major expectations? Don’t they want him to have like a million children?

Maybe. Kendra nodded but remained sobbing. But look at what happened with you and Luke. You got pregnant with Christopher and then he abandoned you.

Shaking her head, Cassandra inched closer to Kendra. Irrational…delusional…emotional...yep, you’re pregnant. She conceded, then took a breath. First of all, Luke didn’t abandon me. Second, we weren’t even in a relationship when we conceived Christopher. Third, and most important, look at us now. She paused for effect. You and Ian are in love, right?

Kendra’s face softened. A small smile appeared. Yeah,

Cassandra grinned and squeezed Kendra’s hand. Have you thought about how you’re going to tell him?

I have to tell him. Kendra said, as if just realizing this. Oh God, Cassandra, I have to tell him.

Unless you want me to. Cassandra joked.

Rolling her eyes, Kendra slapped her friend playfully.

Your parents are going to be over the moon. Cassandra interjected, emphasizing the word ‘moon’.

That got another eye roll. This kid is going to be spoiled rotten.

So spoiled.

Will you come to the doctor’s with me?

Shouldn’t your mom go?

I don’t know...did your mom go with you? Kendra was frustrated.

I don’t know…I took you a few times, and my mom…why don’t you take Ian? Cassandra argued back.

Kendra looked like she just ate a lemon. Ian? I didn’t know guys wanted to do stuff like that.

Cassandra said casually, Ray goes with Linda to the gynecologist all the time. And then both their eyes widened as they said simultaneously. Oh crap…Linda.

Chapter 2

Linda sat in the room waiting for both Ray, her husband, and her doctor. She was so tired of this. Countless times she’d sat in the same chair while she waited to be told the same thing: you’re not pregnant, and there isn’t any medical reason why you shouldn’t be. The countless hormones, tests, even treatments from a homeopathic doctor had been unsuccessful for her. Her beloved, Ray, was very squeamish, and although very supportive, not having missed one doctor’s appointment with his wife, he refused to even have blood drawn for the cause.

When she saw Ray, a small smile cracked her sour expression. Ray was the love of her life. They had been together forever, it seemed, but at the same time, the way he looked at her, it was like they’d just fallen in love yesterday. The same grin spread across his face when he saw her. Hey, sweetie. How are you? Ray took her in his arms and gave her a chaste kiss.

I’m good. Dr. Thomas is running late.

That’s okay. Ray waved. We have lots of time.

His patience was sometimes agitating. Linda’s tolerance was on its last leg. It had been almost three years that they had been trying to conceive. They’d tried all sorts of home remedies and hormone pills; she’d even visited a naturopath and had gone as far as having acupuncture, but nothing seemed to work.

Linda, the nurse called, surprising them both.

Ray took his wife’s hand and led them towards the nurse. This nurse at the fertility clinic had stopped asking Linda if she suspected she was pregnant long ago; it was a moot point that annoyed her to no end. Right in here. She said, directing them into the smaller room without any diagnostic equipment. Linda saw others, pregnant or not, going into the adjacent room, which housed many obstetric devices. She hoped one day she could at least see that room. But not today.

After a brief wait, the doctor arrived with the same perfunctory half-smile. Hey Linda, Ray, how are you today?

Good, Dr.Thomas. Still not pregnant. Linda said, failing miserably to hide the frustration in her voice.

And how are the hormone pills doing? Do you need a refill? the doctor asked, as if ignoring her comment.

No, they’re fine.

Drawing in a deep breath, Dr. Thomas pursed his lips and shot a glance at Ray. Well, we could always test your husband. We still haven’t done that yet.

Lifting his hands, Ray rose from his seat. No offense, doctor, but I don’t think that’s necessary.

Nonsense. You’re both young and healthy; there has to be a reason you haven’t conceived yet. Dr. Thomas didn’t bother hiding his chastising tone this time, which satisfied Linda. We could do a simple sperm test; it would only take a week to get the results.

No way, Ray countered, pacing in the small square of space there was between himself and the door. I’m not doing…. He motioned to his lower half with a bitter expression, …that.

As if he’d heard enough, Dr. Thomas lifted himself from the chair with a grunt. You two think about it and let me know. Linda, I’ll get you a requisition for your blood. The requisition had been kept on hand for if Linda suspected she was pregnant.

Dr. Thomas left the room and Linda glared at Ray. Why don’t you want to take the test? she said through gritted teeth. For how many tests and pills and torture I’ve been through it’s the least you can do.

We’ve been through this, Linda. I just….I just can’t. he said, shaking his head. I’d rather adopt than go through all that.

But it’s okay for me to go through it all? she squeaked. Ray, all you have to do is give them a sperm sample. You can do it at home; you don’t have to do it in the office anymore. Dr. Thomas told you that months ago.

I know that. Ray hissed. I just can’t do it.

Can’t do what? she looked at his crotch. That? Well, you did that before we met, what’s the difference now?

I just can’t. he answered quickly, cutting her off. Then he changed tack and sat beside her, taking her hand in his. Linda, I love you, I love you more than life itself. But I just can’t do this.

She felt a lump form in her throat. Her voice cracked. So you don’t want to have a baby?

I do, Linda. I want to be a father just as much as you want to be a mother. He explained with strong conviction. His grasp on her hand tightened as he lifted her hand up and kissed it softly.

Then what? What is it? she begged as a tear fell down her cheek. Ray wiped it away and stroked the side of her face.

I’m afraid. He finally whispered. I’m so goddamn afraid, Linda. His voice quivered.

What are you afraid of? she asked, wrapping her arms around him. He had never been the emotional type, and it scared her.

Lowering his gaze, as if unable to look directly at her, he licked his lips and paused, trying to find the right words. I’m afraid that it’s me, he sniffed and swallowed, bobbing his head up and down once, like he was just coming to terms with the idea. I’m afraid that I’m the reason we can’t have a baby. His words broke and he swallowed again, stifling his emotion. And I can’t ever have you look at me, knowing that I’m the reason. I just couldn’t live with myself.

Her mouth curled downward as she let out a small whimper. Linda had no idea that’s how he felt. Honey, I love you no matter what happens. And besides, it could be something that’s simple to fix. At least if they know, they can help us.

And what if they can’t? Are we ready to deal with that? Ray asked, deadpan. Because I don’t think we are, Linda.

Well there’s only one way to find out.

There was a soft knock at the door as Dr. Thomas returned. Well, here you are, Linda. He said, handing her a piece of paper that she was all too familiar with. I’ll give you a call if anything comes of it next time.

Ray drew in a deep breath. Hang on, Dr. Thomas. Um, he pinched his nose briefly between his thumb and forefinger, why don’t you give me a requisition, too.

***

Linda had gone out to grab coffee at Ray’s insistence. He wanted to be alone while he produced a sperm sample. He couldn’t do it with his wife in the house. Linda thought it was silly, but she knew how much it had taken to get him to simply agree to do the test, so she respected his wishes. As she pulled into the driveway she saw that Ray’s car was gone. He had already left to take the sample to the lab.

Pushing her key into the keyhole, she began thinking about Ray and his confession in the doctor’s office. Could she deal with it if Ray couldn’t conceive a child with her? After a moment’s thought she realized that yes, she could deal with that. She wanted nothing more than to have a child, and she knew that Ray wanted the same. But from his behaviour dealing with the sperm test, could he deal with the knowledge that he was the reason for them not being able to conceive? Suddenly Linda realized that no, he probably couldn’t. Fear swept over her.

Entering their marital home, she