No Thanks, Mommy, I Peed Yesterday
()
About this ebook
Do you have kids? Do you sometimes want to send them to their bedroom until puberty? And other times, do you want to hug them until they burst?
What about those moments when they say something so innocent and incredibly cute or hilarious that you wish you had a pen and paper so you could remember it?
Well, that’s exactly what I did. My children have given my husband and I so many gifts, but the most precious has been laughter. I made a record of each funny or cute thing that they said since the moment they could speak.
It’s all here in this short yet unforgettable ‘Kids Say The Darndest Things’ style memoir.
No thanks, Mommy, I peed yesterday is a witty, side-splittingly funny comedy that can be enjoyed by both young and old.
The humorous comments, explanations, and kid-thoughts will stay with you for years to come!
Sandy Appleyard
Some have said that if you see me on the street (usually with a book in hand or a laptop fired up), I appear a cold, hard-fisted person. However, once we’ve spoken for five minutes or less, you’ll have laughed at least once. That is, provided you appreciate sarcastic, self-deprecating wit.My first short story was penned in middle school and I was hooked ever since.I graduated with honours from Humber College and began working as an Administrative Coordinator for a large, multinational corporation shortly afterward. Quickly learning that the corporate world, despite the love I had for my job, is a slow killer of creativity, I chose to quit during maternity leave in 2006.Difficulty thinking outside the box soon evaporated when I received something that didn’t come in one: my first child. While at home with the baby my imaginative energy got the better of me and my first memoir was written. It had been a dream of mine to write about my late father, who passed away from alcoholism in 1992, and it took me two years to compose a fifty-page manuscript, but I did it.After my second daughter was born in 2008 I had more fuel to write, and felt it necessary to voice the challenges and inherent gifts I acquired during my struggles with Scoliosis. Hence, my second memoir was born. The words flowed out of me with such ease I shocked myself.My love for words grew with each book I read and every word I wrote. I soon realized I had no more material to write non-fiction, which led me to take a stab at fiction. The next two books were such a revelation: it became more and more clear what my true calling was. The rest, as they say, is history!
Related to No Thanks, Mommy, I Peed Yesterday
Related ebooks
Kentucky Woman: Bluegrass Reunion Series, #1 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Saving The Single Dad Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAddison Falls in Love - A Short Romance Story: The Love Series Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5A Perfect Knave Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSecret Songs Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLegend of the Mer III Song of Sirens Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A Hairy Tail 2 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHealing Touch Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5Ms. Miller and the Midas Man Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Her Frog Prince (Once Upon A Romance, Book 13) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNot Until Tonight Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsCrazy in Love Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Hoodwinked By A Wolfe (Once Upon A Romance Series Book 9) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSimple Gifts: A Romantic Christmas Story Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5High Witch (High Witch Book 1) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Star Crossed Collection Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsRock Bottom Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIn Safe Hands (Grace & Poole, #1) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Only Child Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPack Of Lies Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Forget Me Not (Once Upon A Romance, Book 14) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Liars Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLegend of the Mer II The New Guardian Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Saving Eden. An Ecology Romance.: The Eden Trilogy, #1 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Gossamer Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Love and the Millionairess Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsScallop Shores: 4 Contemporary Romances Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHooked Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5
Children's Humor For You
Sideways Stories from Wayside School Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Cedric The Shark Get's Toothache: Bedtime Stories For Children, #1 Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Alice in Wonderland: Down the Rabbit Hole Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mr. Popper's Penguins Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Series of Unfortunate Events #1: The Bad Beginning Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Wayside School Is Falling Down Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5100 Jokes for Kids Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Wayside School Gets a Little Stranger Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Pete the Kitty Goes to the Doctor Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Original Adventures of Hank the Cowdog Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Good Egg Presents: The Great Eggscape!: An Easter And Springtime Book For Kids Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Chocolate Touch Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Fortunately, the Milk Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Don't Judge An Alligator By Its Teeth!: Benjamin's Adventures, #1 Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I Broke My Butt! Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Bear Went Over the Mountain Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5House of Many Ways Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Unteachables Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Bad Kitty Gets a Bath Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Goodnight, Good Dog Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Wayside School Beneath the Cloud of Doom Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Chicken Big Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Series of Unfortunate Events #2: The Reptile Room Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids (Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Series of Unfortunate Events #3: The Wide Window Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Amelia Bedelia Gets the Picture Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Pete the Kitty and the Unicorn's Missing Colors Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I Can Be Anything Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Pete the Cat and the Supercool Science Fair Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5
Reviews for No Thanks, Mommy, I Peed Yesterday
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
No Thanks, Mommy, I Peed Yesterday - Sandy Appleyard
NO THANKS, MOMMY, I PEED YESTERDAY
Sandy Appleyard
Keep in touch with the author by subscribing.
ISBN 9781500674526
Copyright © 2014 Sandy Appleyard. All rights reserved.
Table of Contents
Introduction
I’ll Never Wear a Backless Dress
Also by Sandy
Did You Enjoy This Book?
Author’s Note
Introduction
This is not a story, it isn’t fiction, very simply put this is a collection of all the wonderfully funny and heart warming statements our children have made since they could speak. They have given us many gifts since they entered our lives, but the most precious gift is laughter.
#1
I sneezed and asked Olivia to hurry and go get me a tissue; she exclaimed as she ran, Hurry! Before the burgers get out!!
#2
Olivia was curiously watching Lady, the family cat, clean herself, and she said matter-of-factly, Mommy, she’s hungry.
#3
I was bathing both Olivia and Victoria; Olivia in the adult bath tub and Victoria in her baby bath. Victoria was heartily splashing in her tub; Olivia started screaming, Oh no Mommy! Victoria is going to break the water!!
#4
Victoria awoke in her crib and Olivia decided to go in her room and greet her. Olivia came to me afterwards and said very sweetly, Mommy, Victoria smiled at me in her cage.
#5
Victoria was having a typical day for a toddler; she was getting into everything. Each time she got into something else, I would call her a trouble maker. As Olivia was trying to put away all her colouring books and crayons, Victoria continuously took them out of the box and threw them all over the floor again. In frustration, Olivia shouted (instead of trouble maker), Victoria, you’re a marker trouble!
#6
When Olivia awoke, I asked her if she had to go pee. She answered, No Mommy, I went pee yesterday.
#7
Our family cat, Lady was feeling a little frisky, and Olivia feared she might be playfully attacked by her. I tried to ease her fear by saying, Olivia, Lady loves you, she would never hurt you, you know that, right?
Olivia responded, I know she loves me, and she’s really scary.
#8
As I read Olivia her bedtime stories, she started playing with her hair. I said to her, Did you know I helped make your hair?
She looked at me and asked At the haircut store?
#9
My husband Rob was telling Olivia that we were going to McDonald’s to play with her friend Keira. Olivia asked, At the eating store?
#10
We went to the second-hand store to buy the girls some much needed clothes. On the way to the store, Olivia asked (instead of second-hand store), Mommy, where’s the hand store?
#11
Olivia came out of the bathroom and said proudly, "Mommy, I finished washing all my hands!"
#12
Olivia was playing with her doctor set. She approached me, put the blood pressure armband on me and said, See Mommy? It’s an arm humper.
#13
Olivia asked, Are you going to cook something on the (barbecue) bargeque?
#14
Olivia said her tummy hurt, so I asked her what she thought might make her feel better, she answered, My gingerbread cookie.
#15
I asked Olivia if she wanted any more brothers or sisters, she answered decisively, Mommy, I want juice.
#16
As Victoria was crying, Olivia was trying to tell me something and I couldn’t hear her as I picked Victoria up. So I told her, Honey, I can’t hear you.
When Victoria stopped crying, I then asked Olivia what she wanted to tell me. She answered, Mommy, I wanted to tell you that Victoria is crying.
#17
We returned home from shopping, and when Rob finished bringing all the groceries in, Olivia asked, Daddy, are you out from outside now?
#18
We were trying to teach Olivia to recognize the places where we travel. We asked her questions like: Where are we?
And she would reply, At the grocery store.
Or, At home.
Or, Where Mommy gets her back fixed (physiotherapy).
One day we were on a