The Heaviness of Knowing: The Conscious Dreamer Series Book 1: A Dystopian, Alien Invasion Thriller

By Sharolyn G. Brown

They say the truth will set you free. They lie.

Roxal is desperate to stay alive. So desperate that she pretends to obey her gods even though she knows they are false. But now her gods are hunting down and executing the non-believers, and Roxal fears her pretense may no longer keep her safe.

Overachiever Lauren is on the verge of a brilliant technological breakthrough when an unexpected illness stops her in her tracks. Urgent visits with a hypnotherapist reveal an alien named Roxal is responsible. Is the alien a symptom of the illness? Or worse, is she real?

Two women are in danger on two different worlds. Can their connection to each other be the key to saving them? Or will only one survive?

The Heaviness of Knowing is the first book in a suspenseful, action-packed series for readers who love stories of overthrowing dystopian leaders and uncovering alien invasion conspiracies. Buy your copy today and be transported to a world where knowing the truth is a death sentence.

The Complete Conscious Dreamer Series Includes:
The Heaviness of Knowing, Conscious Dreamer Series Book 1
The Peril of Knowing, Conscious Dreamer Series Book 2
The Sacrifice of Knowing, Conscious Dreamer Series Book 3

Science Fiction series, aliens, alien invasion, thriller, alternate dimension, parallel dimension, scifi, sci fi, alien planet, dystopian, metaphysical

• Language: English
• Publisher: Moon-kissed Publishing
• Release date: Apr 8, 2017
• ISBN: 9788826071596

Book preview

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Chapter One

Blending in to the point of being invisible was the only way Roxal knew to survive. So she stood quietly in formation with her fellow Travelers caste members, waiting to enter the assembly hall for an unscheduled Glorious Session. Unscheduled gatherings never meant anything good, but Roxal did not let her worry show. Like the sea of people all around her dressed in their identical cobalt blue uniforms, she stood erect, looking forward, with her hands clasped behind her back. Her stance matched that of everyone around her. No one fidgeted; they all just silently waited until it was time for the Travelers to enter.

When the shrill tone sounded, everyone stepped forward in unison, right foot first. Once through the doors, smaller groups split off with precision as people went to their assigned seating areas. The room was noiseless, except for the sound of marching, even though thousands of Citizens had already entered and many thousands more were silently streaming in.

The assembly hall was a massive, four-sided room designed to reinforce the strict caste system in which they all lived: the lower your rank, the lower your seating area. Along the outer wall where the doors were located, there was a walkway that went around the entire room. However, to get from the walkway to the seats, there were only four floating walkways on each caste’s level that connected to their assigned seat section, like spokes running from the outer section of a wheel to the central hub.

In the case of her assembly room, the central hub was also four-sided and sloped at an angle, like the four-sided pyramids that Roxal’s Earth Connection, Lauren, had once shown her. There was a slight difference from the pyramids she had been shown, however. Instead of the sloped walls meeting at the top to form a triangular point, the top of the hub was a broad, flat platform on which the highest in their society, The Keepers’ Representatives, sat during Sessions. When seated, everyone else had to continuously look up to see them.

The seats were arranged in concentric boxes around the hub. One level down from The Keepers’ Representatives was the seating section for the next highest caste group, the Talented and Honored Citizens. Below them was the seating section for Roxal’s caste group, the Travelers. And at the bottom was the Helpers and Laborers caste. Roxal, thankfully, had always been a Traveler, so she knew nothing about the lowest caste beyond what her various assigned Helpers had told her through the annums.

Everything on Trebor revolved around their caste system. Children were created in birth pods of thirty beings. Once gestated, you were trained and educated together until the age of ten annums. At ten, each child began a series of aptitude tests to determine his or her caste designation. Travelers were identified first, and then the remaining children were sorted into Helpers and Laborers. Membership in the higher groups, the Talented and Honored and The Keepers’ Representatives, could only be earned through ascension. Ascension was a gift bestowed on the obedient by their gods, The Keepers. And assemblies such as Glorious Session were just one of the many ways obedience was reinforced.

Attending Glorious Session was a solemn occasion, so once Roxal was seated, she sat in silence with her head raised so that she could see the platform where The Keepers’ Representatives would eventually sit. She watched as the last of the Talented and Honored took their seats. The Representatives would not enter until everyone else was inside. Their sacredness demanded they not mingle long with the masses.

The thought of this lie and the many others that she once believed left her feeling anger toward those who had taught them to her and shame at how, for most of her life, she had accepted the lies as the truth. Actually, the shame she felt was also mixed with some anger, because even though she now knew the truth, she still had to pretend that she believed the lies for her own safety.

Her conformity allowed her to be invisible. Roxal did nothing to bring notice to herself. She dressed the part of loyal Traveler. She talked the part of loyal Traveler when not around Edo, who had taught her the truth. She acted the part of loyal Traveler. Being invisible allowed her to stay alive, so she perfected her invisibility.

The tone signaling the entry of the Reps sounded. Roxal, in unison with everyone else in attendance, stood, raised both of her hands, and covered her eyes, so as not to gaze too long on the godlike beings. Even a motion as simple as covering one’s eyes in assembly was scripted. Their arms were raised and held parallel to the ground. The elbows were bent, and each hand covered an eye with the palm side toward the face. The hands were flat and the tips of the longest fingers touched on the bridge of the nose.

She presumed everyone covered their eyes. Roxal had never been brave enough to even peek through her fingers. As they all stood with their eyes covered, they began to chant, The Keepers know all. The Keepers see all. The Keepers are gods and therefore must be obeyed. It is through their benevolence that I am allowed to live and serve them. If I can no longer serve The Keepers, then I no longer deserve to live.

Another tone sounded and everyone was allowed to uncover their eyes and be seated. Covering their eyes while the Reps entered was symbolic, because the Reps’ uniforms completely covered them from head to toe. The Rep uniform consisted of a heavy brown robe with a black, hooded piece attached at the shoulder that covered the entire head and face. In contrast, all Travelers wore front-fastening shirts and drawstring pants, in their caste color.

All hail The Keepers! All hail The Keepers! All hail The Keepers! the Reps led the responsive chant.

We have called you all here for a matter of grave importance, one of the Reps spoke. It is with much sadness that I must inform you that there are traitors among us!

With those words, Roxal’s heart fluttered and her breath skipped. An audible gasp was heard, and for the first time in her life, Roxal heard the murmuring of the Citizens in attendance. She looked around at the other Travelers in her area. In the sea of blue, she could see heads turning in different directions, with some people whispering to their neighbors. She wished that she could look behind herself down into the Helpers’ section. Edo was back there, somewhere. And she desperately wanted to see him to reassure herself that her worst fear was not about to come true. But she was afraid of what would happen if she was seen looking out of her area.

Though she had learned that The Keepers were not all knowing and all seeing gods, she knew they had surveillance everywhere. And concern for someone other than yourself and your fellow caste members was not normal. Showing concern for Edo would disrupt her camouflage of conformity. As she thought about it, this announcement during an assembly would be just the type of trap their surveillance was made for. Bring everyone together, make the announcement, watch their reaction, and follow up with those who did not respond as they should.

The Rep spoke again, "Yes. We are devastated as well to know that there are blasphemers among us who have rejected the wise and benevolent leadership of The Keepers. But then again, it just shows us why we, The Keepers’ Representatives, are so needed. We are here to guide you and to ensure that you stay on our holy path.

To that end, we are letting you know that everyone will be reviewed and judged to determine if you are still loyal, or if you have turned against your gods and deserve death. The Rep paused again, as if to let the weight of his proclamation sink in.

What does he mean by reviewed? was a question Roxal heard whispered over and over again.

Roxal sat in silence while her mind raced.

Something must have happened. Why now? she thought.

Roxal first learned of the Resistors almost an annum ago from her current adult Helper, Edo. Edo was a demoted Traveler who had been abruptly assigned to her, replacing her previous adult Helper, Daken. When they were first paired, Roxal did not trust him, and apparently Edo had not trusted her either because for two annums he said nothing to her about the Resistors. Even after they became involved physically, as all Travelers did with their adult Helpers. But at some point, things between them changed, and slowly, he told her what he knew.

Initially, it was hard to believe that her entire life had been a lie, until she finally worked up the courage to begin testing the so-called omniscience of The Keepers. Her first act of defiance had been small. While in a Glorious Session, she had dared to think of The Keepers’ Representative who was speaking at the time as an ignorant Rep.

A stray unapproved thought was her first act of defiance. However, for Roxal, it was huge. She honestly did not know what she had expected to happen exactly. But when she thought about it later, she realized she had expected that in the sea of hundreds of thousands of people present, her treacherous thought would be heard by her gods and she would immediately be called out for it. Yet nothing had happened. The Glorious Session had continued, and she was allowed to leave unharmed. She returned to her quarters, and continued on with her helio as if nothing had happened. That simple thought had opened up a world she never considered possible.

Still, this new world was dangerous. Always guarding her behavior to ensure she never broke character was becoming tiresome. Only being able to trust one person, Edo, with her newly discovered truth was isolating. And always waiting for the moment when her defiance would be discovered and she would be killed was nerve wracking. Now this assembly, as if in answer to her worst fear, was moving dangerously close to her dread of being discovered and killed.

Silence, yelled the Rep, and everyone stopped speaking at once. Do not worry, dear Citizens. You will have a part to play in rooting out this evil before it takes hold and destroys our paradise. But first, we must make an example of The Keepers’ power.

There was a scream from the seating section around the corner to Roxal’s left. She could not see what was happening, but there was a lot of commotion. Then, other shouts could be heard from all around the assembly. As Roxal wondered what was going on, she saw the all black uniforms of the Security Force entering the aisles and making their way through each row of seated people. As she watched, someone was grabbed from five rows above her. The person was dragged out into the aisle and practically carried up to the platform.

As Roxal continued watching, she heard a noise to her right. She turned and looked just in time to see Security Force members forcing their way onto her row. The Security Force members did not speak as they marched through the gathered. Some people were fast enough to climb over their seats and get out of the way. Other, slower moving people were just shoved either backward or forward over the seats.

Roxal sat, waiting for them to come get her. Running would do no good because there was nowhere to go. However, when the Security Force members reached her, one of them grabbed her arm roughly and tossed her over her seat. Entangled with the people she landed on, a bewildered Roxal worked herself free in time to see them grab Jonar and drag him toward the platform.

The seizing of Jonar made tears spring to Roxal’s eyes. She knew him. He was raised in the same birth pod as her and Edo. But more than that, he was a member of the Resistors. Roxal had never spoken to him about it, but she had seen him speaking with Edo in private during general work assignments.

Jonar struggled as he was carried to the platform. Roxal could do nothing but watch him get taken, powerless to do anything of consequence. She could not yell out or fight for him without damning herself to his same fate. So she watched along with everyone else who was spared as the captured people were dragged onto the platform and shoved to the floor. Some of the people on the platform tried to run back to their seats. They were recaptured, easily, and thrown back into the platform’s center. Finally, there came a point where no new people were being brought up, and those who were on the platform seemed resolved to their fates and stopped fighting.

Then the Rep spoke again. You who are here are examples of the power of The Keepers. Our omniscient gods have been watching you. And they know that you are blasphemers! The Rep’s back was turned to the crowd as he focused on the twenty or so people on the stage. There were several cobalt blue-clothed Travelers; Jonar was one of them. However, there were also some olive green-uniformed Helpers and slate gray-uniformed Laborers. Roxal noticed that there were none of the golden yellow-uniformed Talented and Honored Citizens.

I guess once you become a member of the Talented and Honored caste, The Keepers are guaranteed your loyalty, she thought.

The Rep continued, Your unfaithfulness is a fact, for The Keepers are never wrong. Now all we have to do is determine the appropriate punishment for you.

Please, your Holiness. I am innocent, someone cried out from the stage. To make sure that everyone could see what was happening, an enlarged projection of the platform was now hovering above them. It could be seen from all angles. On it was a close-up of a Helper who was crying out her innocence.

The Rep walked over to the Helper and she cowered on the floor. He crouched down to get closer to her. His long brown gown partially obstructed Roxal’s view of the crying woman kneeling at his feet. My child. You cannot be innocent, for The Keepers have reviewed you and found you to be guilty. But if you now truly repent of your sins, maybe you can be spared.

I repent, your Holiness, the female Helper quickly exclaimed as she grabbed on to his lower body. I repent of whatever my gods have found me guilty of. The Keepers know all. The Keepers see all. The Keepers are gods and therefore must be obeyed. Sobs interrupted her exposition. She continued, It is through their benevolence that I am allowed to live and serve them. If I can no longer serve The Keepers... Her crying intensified. If I can no longer serve... Again, her crying choked off the words she was struggling to say. If I can no longer serve The Keepers, then I no longer deserve to live. Please spare me. Her sobs continued.

My child, your plea has not fallen on deaf ears or a hardened heart. The Rep forcefully removed the woman from his lower body and stood. He then faced the people in the seats. You see, I was directed by The Keepers to kill all of the traitors that were uncovered tonight. But their deaths were not to be merciful and quick ones. They were to be drawn out and painful.

Roxal watched the screen, knowing what was coming next. Exile.

The Rep continued, These blasphemers were to be exiled to the poisonous wilderness that exists outside the safe walls of our compound. Now the projection switched from a view of the platform to a scene showing the conditions outside of their compound. The sky was a dingy, brownish-orange, and lightning flashed from purple-black cloud to purple-black cloud. As the toxic rain fell onto sickly and dead trees and scorched land, a mist rose, signifying the continuous burning and damaging of the land. Darkened viscous pools of liquid puddled and ran along the surface of the burned terrain. The thought of stepping outside the compound made Roxal’s skin feel as if it were itching and burning.

But, if you would like to confess—the video switched back to the Rep, who looked down at the Helper still groveling at his feet—you will save yourself from exile and be killed here mercifully by our Security Force.

No. Please, she continued to plead. I am loyal. I serve The Keepers.

Well, if you serve them, my child, you should be willing to give your life for them.

The Helper then collapsed fully onto the floor, weeping. Two members of the Security Force picked her up by her arms and dragged her to a chair with arm and leg restraints, that Roxal had not noticed when this all began. The Helper was fastened in. She did not fight the Security Force members as they locked her in place. Her head hung forward, and her sobbing was now more of a whimper.

My child. Because you have confessed and repented of your sins, you will be granted a merciful, quick death. Have you any last words?

The Helper remained slumped over, not even acknowledging the Rep as he spoke to her.

Very well. The Security Force members raised her head and strapped it into place against the back of the chair. The video showed a close-up of her face as they did this. Her eyes were partially opened; it was as if she had almost fallen asleep. Once her head was strapped in, one of the Security Force members pulled out a gun and held it to her head. There was a crackle. The Helper’s face tensed for a moment, and then her eyes closed as her face relaxed. Dead.

Tears welled in Roxal’s eyes and ran down her face. She did not know the name of the Helper who had just been killed, but she had just witnessed the woman’s death nonetheless. She had stood there and just watched her be executed.

It was not until the thought that she herself could be killed that Roxal began to search the remaining people to see if Edo was one of them. The projection remained on the face of the recently executed Helper. So she stopped watching the projection and stared at the actual platform above her. She strained to focus on the faces of the remaining green-uniformed people. There were six still alive, four men and two women. Of the four men, only one had brown skin, and his skin was darker than Edo’s.

Roxal let out a sigh of relief. She did not feel that she and Edo were safe. But she did feel that maybe they were not going to be executed in this session. Living through this assembly was the first step, then they could figure out what to do to survive later.

How unfortunate. The Rep slowly shook his head from side to side. This is a tragedy. This Citizen did not have to die. Not like this. But such is the fate of all blasphemers. Now, for you who are left. The Rep turned toward the remaining Citizens on the platform. Is there anyone else who would like to confess their guilt and receive a merciful death?

The projection widened its focus on the platform so that the faces of the remaining kneeling people showed clearly. Roxal watched Jonar. She would not have blamed him for confessing at this point. It was guaranteed that everyone on that platform would be killed. Now it was just a matter of how. As the Rep stood watching the Citizens, no one else stepped forward. The accused Citizens huddled in pairs and trios, comforting one another on the platform. Jonar huddled with another Traveler, but remained silent.

Well, if no one else is willing to confess, exile is what you are choosing. Is that what you want?

No one moved.

Then Jonar looked up.

The projected image focused on his face. With all attention on him, Jonar smiled. As Roxal wondered what possible thought would make him smile, he jumped up and ran for the edge of the platform, directly toward the Rep. Two Security Force members ran over and tackled him before he even got close to the Rep. Roxal startled.

The image continued to focus on Jonar, now on his back, struggling beneath the bodies of the two Force members. Jonar somehow managed to plant his feet on the floor and lift his lower body, rolling the two people on top of him toward his upper body. As he lifted, he shifted his body and began wriggling out from under them.

The two Force members who were on top of Jonar were now tangled together. Roxal could not tell if they were fighting each other or Jonar at this point. However, before Jonar could totally free himself from the pile, two more Force members ran over.

The first to reach Jonar hit him in the head with something that caused him to fall motionless onto the platform. The second of the new arrivals straddled Jonar’s lower body. The member who had hit him in the head was holding down Jonar’s shoulders. The two Force members he had originally fought were now separated.

One dove back onto Jonar’s upper body, while the fourth removed a gun from his side and placed the tip on Jonar’s forehead. The same crackle from moments before sounded. Jonar’s body convulsed for a few moments and then went slack.

As the Force members removed themselves from Jonar’s lifeless body and stood, the other Citizens on the platform suddenly exploded into action. All of them ran toward the Rep who had been speaking. The projection expanded to show the full scope of the chaos. The Rep took a few steps back as the mob of captured Citizens was met by a wave of Security Force members.

The scene was now one of mayhem as blue, green, and gray-uniformed Citizens crashed into the multitude of black-uniformed Security Force members. Every moment of the horrific scene was shown for all to see.

The Citizens never stood a chance. There were at least two Force members for every one of them. Roxal did not look away as each Citizen was caught and thrown to the floor. Some continued to fight as they lay on the floor, as Jonar had. Others surrendered immediately.

Ultimately, it did not matter whether someone continued struggling or not. The end result was the same for them all: the Force members eventually got the upper hand and the Citizen was shot in the head.

Time seemed to drag on and on as they watched the massacre. Eventually, the Security Force members stood and returned to formation. The bodies of the dead Citizens lay strewn across the platform for all to see. Finally, the Rep spoke again.

You have all witnessed the power of The Keepers. Those of you who are still hiding will be uncovered, and you will meet the same fate. So turn yourself in. Also, if you harbor a blasphemer, you will suffer the same fate. The Rep paused and then added, This Glorious Session has ended.

Like the trained animals they were, all of the remaining Citizens stood and recited, The Keepers know all. The Keepers see all. The Keepers are gods and therefore must be obeyed. It is through their benevolence that I am allowed to live and serve them. If I can no longer serve The Keepers, then I no longer deserve to live.

Chapter Two

As she walked toward her quarters at the end of the helio, Roxal was mentally berating herself over the mistakes she had made. After witnessing the slaughter of Jonar and the other Citizens, Roxal had gone to her mental training work session, as scheduled. Normally, she was one of the top performers in class. This time, though, she could not seem to complete some of the basic exercises.

In addition to mistakes in mental training, Roxal had gotten dressed down for breaking caste protocol. She and several fellow Travelers had been walking to physical training when she had failed to notice the approaching golden yellow-clothed Citizens. The others she had been walking with, however, had noticed. And had, appropriately, stopped and stood with their backs against the wall. Roxal, unfortunately, had continued walking.

One of the Talented caste members had stopped to question her about her delay in response. I have no reasonable justification and humbly beg your forgiveness, had been her reply. Though to herself, she thought, We just witnessed people being killed in front of us. And you care about how long it took me to position myself against the wall?

After commanding Roxal to recite the loyalty to The Keepers oath, the Talented caste member had walked away, joining his compatriots, and left her alone.

Finally, in physical training, Roxal had been more aggressive than normal when sparring with her training mates. Though the Instructor seemed pleased by this, Roxal knew this aggression was the only way she could express her anger and fear.

Now approaching her door, the fear was growing. Is Edo inside? she wondered. Though she had not seen him dragged onto the stage during the assembly, it did not mean he had not been grabbed afterwards. For all Roxal knew, he could be being held in preparation for exile.

Once at her door, Roxal touched her hand to the access panel. It validated her identity, and she heard the soft swish as it opened, sliding into the wall. She stepped through the open door and exhaled loudly. Edo was there, arranging her clothes in preparation for the new helio. She pursed her lips to keep the smile she felt from showing on her face.

Helper, I am pleased to see that you have begun preparing for new helio without being told, Roxal said. She hoped Edo heard what she really meant, that she was pleased to see him, still alive.

Yes, Traveler. After this helio’s events, I thought you might want to retire for sleep before end of helio lights out.

Whether he understood her real message or not, Roxal understood Edo’s: Let’s get into the sleeping unit as soon as possible so we can talk privately.

After some discussion of their schedule for the next helio, both Edo and Roxal stripped out of their clothes and into clothing for sleep. As with most things on Trebor, sleep clothes were all the same. Whether male or female, they consisted of drawstring sleep pants and a matching shirt made of a lightweight material. The only difference between their clothes, other than the size, was the color: Edo’s sleep clothing was green, to match his caste’s color, and Roxal’s was blue.

Wearing only her sleeping shirt, Roxal climbed into their shared sleeping unit. Edo pulled her close and kissed her. The warmth of his bare upper body was comforting. This was not their first kiss, and because she knew they were possibly being watched, she responded as she normally did by reciprocating. Not long after the kissing started, Roxal and Edo were out of their clothes and physically mating, as was typical.

Travelers, from the moment they were identified, were assigned Helpers. When the Travelers were children, these Helpers filled a role similar to caretakers. They supported the young Travelers as they learned how to fulfill their assigned tasks. They also taught the young Travelers how to become loyal Citizens. When not with the Travelers, they assisted Laborers with general activities within the compound.

Then, between the ages of eighteen and twenty annums, a Traveler was considered mature and was assigned his or her new adult Helper. These adult Helpers continued to assist a Traveler with accomplishing his or her task. But the Helper also filled the role of mate. Meaning it was expected that, in matters of physical pleasure, a Traveler’s adult Helper was the primary source.

Roxal had learned from connecting with Lauren over the annums that on Earth, humans had elaborate mating rituals where they connected with different people at will. On Trebor, though, a Traveler could physically mate with his or her Helper or with someone else of the Travelers caste. However, if she wanted to mate with another Traveler, approval from her Section’s Rep would be required. Roxal had once believed that this approval was to ensure that any relationship between Travelers did not interfere with their responsibilities. Now she was not so sure. Edo had told her he and some of the other Resistors thought it was to make sure the Reps could maintain control by keeping people separate.

Once they had finished mating, they both lay in the sleeping unit, not speaking. The tone for evening mantra recitation sounded, and over the loudspeaker, it played. Roxal and Edo both sat upright in their sleeping unit and chanted along.

The Keepers know all. The Keepers see all. The Keepers are gods and therefore must be obeyed. It is through their benevolence that I am allowed to live and serve them. If I can no longer serve The Keepers, then I no longer deserve to live.

After the word ‘live’ had been spoken, the lights went out. In the dark, with their sleeping unit’s covering pulled up to their necks, Roxal placed her hands against Edo’s naked stomach and used them to communicate.

What has happened? Roxal asked in the hand signal language Edo had taught her. Why are the Reps looking for traitors now?

I am not sure, exactly. I thought it too dangerous to meet with my Resistor contacts after the assembly. But... he paused during his response.

But what? she prodded.

Roxal, you have always asked that I not give you details because you did not want to get involved. The questions you are asking will get you involved.

This time Roxal paused before answering Edo because he was right. Even after her moment of defiance and after learning their gods were fake, and that her mission with Lauren was a lie, and that she was actually a slave, Roxal had asked him to not give her any details on the activities of the Resistors. She had thought that by not knowing any of the details about the Resistors, she could keep herself safe by denying membership. However, today had shown her otherwise. The sight of the Helper pleading for her life while declaring her innocence had shown Roxal that there was no such thing as being safe.

She finally admitted to herself, that as a slave to The Keepers and the Reps, her life was forfeit from the moment she was created. Appeasing her gods and the Reps could keep her alive. But if they ever decided that she should die, she now knew there was nothing she could say or do to stop it.

Glorious Session showed me that not knowing will not keep me safe. What has happened? Roxal pressed even harder against Edo’s stomach to let him know she wanted an answer.

Jonar’s part of our cell was planning something big. I do not know what. Before