No Matter What: Jaylen and Jessica, #4

By Shaquanda Dalton

Jaylen
Jaylen Miller finally figured out that the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with is Jessica, who's been his best friend and mother to his two daughters. Too bad she doesn't feel the same way. After Jaylen had denied being the father of their youngest daughter, Jessica swore off men and any future romantic relationships. Will Jaylen be able to get her to remember why she fell in love with him in the first place? Or will her ex-boyfriend be able to come back into her life and take her away for good?
Jessica
She's finally set and able to get her life together even if she does have to temporarily live with her baby's father until she can afford to move out. However, as the days pass by and the two of them get closer once again will see even want to leave? But that's not even her biggest problem. Jessica swears see's being stocked by an ex-lover who's out for a bit of payback of his own.

Will these two make it to the end to finally get their happily-ever-after? No Matter What will take you into their home, experience every emotion they feel, and have you thinking about this book long after you've read it. 
 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Shaquanda Dalton
• Release date: Apr 23, 2014
• ISBN: 9781386024736

Shaquanda Dalton

Shaquanda Dalton currently lives in Milwaukee, WI where she continues to fufill her passion of writing until it turns into a full time career. She also enjoys reading teen fiction and will  be working on a YA book in the future.  Please connect with her through Facebook, Shaquanda Dalton, or through email [e-mail]

Book preview

PART ONE

JAYLEN

1

The high-volume screech reaches my ear and dives into the pit of my stomach. Jamie. Our two-month-old daughter’s been crying nonstop for the last twenty minutes, and we still can’t find her pacifier.

Jaylen, Jessica says, shuffling into the living room. It’s not in the bathroom.

It’s not in here. Here, take Jamie and put her in her crib so I can keep looking.

No. She’ll wake Jaslene.

Damn, that’s right. Our fifteen-month-old is sound asleep in the girls’ room, and the last thing we need is two crying babies. So now what? I look over at Jessica, the mother of my children and the love of my life—even if she’s still mad at me for not fully claiming Jamie when she was pregnant with her.

But I had good reasons not to. She was engaged to somebody else, so I said the most I could be was 50 percent sure—not more. She thought it was more likely than that, and that’s how our fights started. We’ve been living together for a week now after the DNA test proved me the father and pretty much ended her engagement with her fiancé, James. Not that I’m complaining about that.

We decided to move in together after my brother, Malcolm, suggested that it would be smarter than paying rent at two different places. Now all four of us live in this three-bedroom apartment five stories up that overlooks the downtown Chicago skyline. The apartment is spacious and warm, and even though we just moved in, it already feels like home with the toys scattered about and the pictures of the girls Jess has over the entertainment center, the end table, and every other surface area she’s found. I know deep down it’s because Jess and the kids are here. If it was just me, I’d be bored out of my freakin’ mind.

I settle for putting Jamie in the swing, then dive on the floor to look under the couch in the living room. Maybe it rolled underneath there.

Oh, we’re never going to find it, Jess says, coming into the living room with frustration written all over her face. I can understand how she’s tired. It’s two a.m., but I’m the one who’s supposed to wake up at seven for work. Maybe we should just go out and buy another one.

All the stores are closed, Jess, I say, standing back up empty-handed. Maybe she’ll just cry herself out.

We turn to look at Jamie, whose face is bright red and flushed with tears. Damn, you’d think she’d gotten bit or something, I mumble, shaking my head. I’ll go search the room again.

Okay, I’ll try breast-feeding her to see if she’s hungry. Hey, and while you’re in there, see if you can find another pacifier from Jaslene’s bag or something that’s close to Jamie’s.

You know she doesn’t like any other kind.

It’s worth a try.

I nod and jog off down the hallway. The girls’ room is noticeably silent compared to the living room, and I quickly close the door behind me. Jaslene is still asleep, thank God, and I want to keep it that way. I pull out my cell phone and use it as a light instead of flicking the switch and lighting up the whole room. Anything to not disturb her.

Now, where can that pacifier be? The room is pretty big but is taken up by two cribs, a changing table, and a toy chest in the corner. Jaslene’s asleep to my left, and Jamie’s crib is on the other side of the room. I walk over to it and touch the mattress. I crouch down to look around the floor but still don’t see it. Finally, I walk to Jaslene’s crib, and her small form isn’t more than three feet long. Her puffy Afro is sticking straight up, confirming already that she’s going to have hair like her momma. I don’t flash the light in her face but reflect it off the wall. I pat the mattress around her body to see if I can find anything slightly resembling a pacifier. No luck.

Jay? The door creaks open, letting in a beam of light from the hallway. Did you find it?

I shake my head.

Ugh, now what?

A feeling of dread slides down my back. I don’t know.

Oh my gosh, Jay, look! Under the crib! It’s under the crib! Jess says, pointing underneath Jaslene’s crib, all smiles now.

I crouch down and spot the blue-and-red pacifier we’ve been looking for all this time and snatch it up quickly.

Yes, Jess cries. I smile at her and she smiles back. We may not have been getting along all that well for the last few months, but since we moved in together with our girls a week ago, we’ve been doing a lot better. In my opinion anyway.

I rush into the bathroom connected to the girls’ room. We gave the master bedroom to the girls to share, and although Jess and I may be living in the same space, we’re not on that level to be sleeping in the same room. Unfortunately.

Don’t forget to use soap!

I pause and give her my best sarcastic face. Naw . . . I’ma just rinse it off.

Her lips pucker to the side. Smart-ass.

I laugh and wash off the pacifier, then bring it to Jamie in the living room. Here you go, I say, plopping the nipple into Jamie’s mouth.

A few tears still slide down her face, but her eyes widen as she stares at me. Feel better? I ask. She sucks hard on the pacifier, her cheeks going in and out.

She might still be hungry. I wasn’t able to get her to latch on when she was crying.

It’s been like this for a week now. Every night there is something involving the girls that bonds us together a little bit more. Tonight it was the lost pacifier. Yesterday, it was Jaslene’s rash stopping her from falling asleep and causing her to cry most of the night. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but to be honest with myself, I’m not complaining.

Jess and I have a relationship that is pretty much on rocky ground after our big fight a few months ago. I had no complaints about having another daughter, but I was not in a position to get my heart broken again if she turned out not to be mine after believing Jess. I say again because my ex–girlfriend, Angela, tried to pin a baby on me that wasn’t mine, and I just wasn’t having it. Maybe at the time I was scared, but I don’t know. So I decided to stay on the fence.

Now that’s Jamie’s been proven to be mine, it’s been a big weight lifted off my chest. I don’t know if deep down Jess still blames me for Jamie coming out early due to stress, but I know we’re not buddy-buddy how we used to be before those events took place.

But I’m determined more than ever to win her back. Not just as a friend but as my woman.

Can you warm up some breast milk from the fridge? she asks.

Sure. I’ve done this chore a million times, it feels like, so my hands do it automatically at this point. It comes in handy at four a.m. when I’m half asleep doing this.

Thank you.

Warm bottle in hand, I return to the sofa and sit down next to Jessica. She smiles, taking the bottle from my hand and putting it in Jamie’s mouth after she pulls out the pacifier. Jamie latches on right away and starts sucking vigorously.

Do you think we’ll ever nail down the whole parenting-raising-a-baby thing? she asks, looking up at me with curious eyes.

I nod. No one’s perfect, but we got this.

You can head to sleep if you want. I know you have to get up in a few hours.

I’m used to working with little energy. It’s been like this for a week now. My body goes into auto after three a.m.

She laughs. If you say so.

I stand up. Might as well straighten up in here a bit.

Jaslene’s just going to mess it up tomorrow anyway.

I know, but the less toys that are scattered on the floor when I wake up at seven, the less chance I have of stepping on them like I did with that toy train.

That was your fault. You should have been looking down.

The blank face I make causes her to laugh again. I break my facade and laugh too. As soon as she learns to understand what I’m saying, I’m going to teach her to put her toys away.

She already knows what I’m saying to her.

Really?

Yeah, we’re always having conversations.

I shake my head and sit back down on the couch. I flick the TV on and lean back. Jamie finishes her bottle, and it takes another hour or so to coax her back to sleep since she’s being fussy.

When Jamie finally dozes off, we walk her to her room and lay her in her crib. We check on Jaslene quickly to make sure both the girls are asleep, then we both sneak back out the door quietly.

I’m sorry about this, Jaylen, Jess says, closing the door to the girls’ room.

Hey, we’re in this together. Tomorrow night will be better. Or worse. We’ll see. It’s an adventure.

Yeah, it is. She’s leaning against the door with her hands behind her back. I keep my eyes on her face to beat the temptation of looking down at her nightie. Her gown stops at her knees but it’s tight enough to show off her womanly curves. All of them. Well, I better get to sleep now.

Yeah, me too, I say. I smile at her, and just like I plan, she blushes.

Well, um. Have a good night, Jaylen.

Good night, Jess.

She turns around slowly and walks straight ahead to her room. I allow my eyes to wander the length of her body as she walks away. She’s five foot five barefoot, and her natural two-feet-long hair reaches the middle of her back. I want to slide my hand through it.

I bite my lip but tell my legs to go in the other direction. She’s not mine, yet. I have to be patient for this to work.

In the living room again, I plop down on the couch and keep watching TV. There’s no point in even trying to go to sleep since it’s already four and I have to wake up at seven. I lean back and rest my hands behind my head, intending to stay up. But my shoes are already off, and I find myself getting more and more comfortable very easily.

At some point, my body turns over and falls off the couch. I shake my head fast and look around. The fresh morning sunlight is shining through our balcony curtain like a beautiful awakening adventure waiting to happen. The toys scattered around the carpet are still in the same places they were last night. I snap my eyes toward the clock above the television and breathe a sigh of relief when it only reads 7:04.

I perk my ears to detect any sounds coming from the bedrooms, but I don’t hear anything.

Jess? I ask, walking toward her room. When I walk past, I sneak a peek into the girls’ room, and both Jamie and Jaslene are still quietly sleeping.

I creep closer to Jessica’s room to find it opened a crack. I push it back further and fight a smile when I see her stretched out, facedown on the pillow, legs and arms spread wide with the sheet covering only one leg. Her hair is fanned out over the back of her head in such a messy array that it looks like a cat came in and tried to comb her hair. I smile. She’s beautiful. I hate to wake her but . . .

Jess!

Huh, what, what? she says, propping herself on her elbows and looking around.

I’m about to shower and head to work. The girls aren’t up yet, but they should be soon.

She falls back down. Okay, Jess says to the pillow.

I shake my head and close the door behind me. She has the baby monitor to wake her up when the girls start crying. I go into our small bathroom, decorated in blue-and-white theme colors and turn the shower water on hot. I strip my shirt off and stare at my muscular chest and arms in the mirror. My arms and chest are free of tattoos, but if I ever got one it would be of Jaslene and Jamie. I grab my Aqua body wash, finish stripping, and jump in the shower. I have forty minutes before I’m supposed to be at work.

Twenty minutes later, I brush my hair waves and trim up my goatee. I have to make sure I’m looking fresh before I walk out of my house. Always.

I peek inside Jess’s room—still asleep. The girls’ room—still asleep. Then I head out the door. The hallway is empty but bright due to the large square window down the hall. I walk straight across to the elevator and press B to get to the parking garage. My blue Honda Accord is parked in the far corner, and I slide in and head straight for downtown Chicago. I’m the owner and founder of two bars—Miller and my new one, Miller House—and I love them because they’re my own creation and my own hustle. Miller is an old-fashioned bar with more tables and bar space for the people who seriously want to just drink. Miller House is more of a club with a dance floor area as well as the bar. There’re pool tables there and few tables. It’s more for people to have fun as well as to drink.

At Miller, I open the master lock with my key and shove it open. I’m at Miller first before going to Miller House because it’s my responsibility to unlock the door and cut off the alarms for my manager when he arrives. My brother, Malcolm, is the manager for this bar, and he normally strolls in here around nine a.m. He puts all the money in the registers, and we check to make sure everything’s clean from the night before.

It’s eight thirty when Malcolm walks in, and I look up from the numbers sheets I have spread out on one of the tables. What are you doing here so early? I ask.

His dreads come over his shoulders, and a sly smile presents itself on his lips. I was already up from last night so—

What you stay up all night doing? Kayla?

He smiles brightly and rolls his eyes. You always jumping to conclusions. Kayla is Jess’s best friend, and she and Malcolm have been having an ongoing romantic affair for months now, so I know it’s time for them to make it official.

I shrug. Actions speak louder than words, my nigga.

He laughs and joins me at the table and assists me with my count. I do this every morning to make sure all my numbers and sells are adding up, and I compare them week to week. So far Miller House has almost caught up to Miller in terms of revenue because of the huge launch and people falling in love with the place.

After a few minutes I retreat back to my office and refile my paperwork while Malcolm sets up the bar. Our employees should be arriving at any moment, and they have about an hour to get ready and do any last jobs Malcolm wants them to do before he opens the doors at eleven.

All right, I’m out, I call, jogging out the door and into my car so I can get to Miller House and do the exact same thing.

Don’t forget we’re going to dinner tonight. All four of us!

I won’t! I shout back. After all the hectic activity going on in our lives, it’ll be nice to wind down and have some fun.

I spend most of my time at the bar locked in my back office going over numbers, figuring out marketing plans, and taking care of anything else that requires my attention, which usually happens. I normally close at least one of my bars every night, but tonight I’m planning a relaxing evening, so I get another trusted employee to close for me.

I don’t get home till about six that night. Before my hand can even reach up and turn the key in the lock, the sound of Jamie’s cries seeps out under the door.

Oh, Jay, thank God, Jess says, standing up from the floor. There’s a blanket spread out, and Jaslene is walking around with only a diaper and one sock on and a doll in her hand. Jamie’s in her mother’s arms, crying her eyes out and kicking her legs. I need to change her diaper—she nods down at Jamie—and Jaslene still needs to get dressed for tonight.

Okay. I’ll take Jamie since I know she’s been crying in your ear all day. You can dress Jaslene, and I think we should feed them before we go out so they won’t be hungry when we get there.

She smiles brightly. Already taken care of.

All right, superwoman.

We carry out our assignments as quickly and as effectively as possible. Kayla and Malcolm are meeting us downtown at this nice Italian restaurant named Paccoto’s, and I can’t wait to get there. I hardly ate anything since I left here this morning in such a rush to get to work. I’m starving.

Are you ready? Jessica calls from her bedroom.

I make one more final swoop around the living room and the kitchen to make sure I didn’t forget anything. I got extra diapers, toys, and bottles for both Jaslene and Jamie. I pat the baby bag and make sure for the third time that I got both those girls’ pacifiers. Ready!

We lock the door behind us and walk across the hallway to the elevator. We live in this newly remodeled apartment building, and it’s nice to not have to worry about hauling the girls up and down all those flights of stairs. My old apartment, where I lived with my ex, Angela, was on the second floor, but she would still complain about the stairs. I shake my head at the thought and note how thankful I am not to have to deal with her anymore. I look over at Jess in the elevator. She’s holding Jaslene as I hold Jamie, and her face is focused on the metal doors about to reopen again.

Are you excited? I ask her.

A smile curves the side of her mouth. Yes, I am. I hardly get to hang out with Kayla anymore since she’s always with Malcolm and I’m always with the girls.

I don’t know why her words about always being with the girls hit a nerve. Does she regret having these two kids with me, or is she just regretting that she hardly has any free time? Well, maybe Kayla should come over more often, like while I’m at work. She and Malcolm.

Jess shrugs, and when the doors finally open up, we walk out to the vast parking garage with about twenty cars of various models parked. We walk to my car in the corner Maybe, but she’s acting like the only person who exists is Malcolm, and she won’t even admit that she’s in love with him. Can you believe that?

I nod. I can believe that because I bet Malcolm is the same way. Maybe he’s acting just like I was acting when I didn’t want to believe that I was in love with Jess. I wonder if Jess knows I still feel that way. I told her when she was in the hospital after she gave birth to Jamie, but I’m not sure how much of that she thought was true. Nonetheless, I need to focus on repairing our friendship. That’s been my goal since moving in with her to raise our kids together. That and the fact that it makes economical sense to only have to pay rent at one place rather than two. Jess doesn’t have a job, so I’d be the one helping her out with the rent if she had gotten her own place. Me and rent assistance.

When we reach the car, we buckle the girls into the backseat.

How long is the ride before we get there? Jess asks, strapping herself in the passenger seat beside me.

Shouldn’t be that long.

I pull out my phone and GPS the name of the restaurant. Fifteen minutes away—not bad. I pull out carefully and start off toward the freeway as the voice instructs. I look over at Jess and she smiles back. This should be a nice trip.

I take a deep breath of the fresh air through the window as we ride. It’s twilight, and the streetlights have just come on. It’s going on eight p.m., and the summer hours make the days last longer. We arrive at the restaurant located in the middle of a busy street with a tall water fountain next to the front door.

Cool, this is pretty, Jess says as I pull up to the front door and let a valet dressed in white and red take my car keys.

Inside, we walk side by side up to the host—a young woman with curly red hair and freckles—and tell her our reservation information. She looks at our young daughters who, thank God, are fast asleep in their carriers, and smiles. Right this way, please.

The restaurant is dimly lit, but the atmosphere is vibrant. The place is full of men and women at the tables talking and laughing with wine glasses in their hands like they have all the time in the world to devote to this dinner. There’s soft jazz music playing over the speakers, and I’ve got to give Malcolm props for picking this place out.

Malcolm and Kayla are already at the table sipping on wine when we approach them. Malcolm is dressed in a simple button-down and khakis, and Kayla is showing out in a long turquoise low-cut dress with her hair pinned up on the top of her head. She’s a professional beautician, so she always makes sure her hair is looking right. They smile when we get close.

Hey, girl! Kayla cheers, reaching her arms out for our babies.

Hey, Kayla. How are you? Jess says, handing her Jaslene.

While the women chat with each other, Malcolm and I talk business for a little while, but after five minutes we drifted off to basketball and Derek Rose’s career. When the waitress comes and take our orders, I request the best steak they have, which is the New York sirloin, and Jess orders the pasta special of the house. We’re all laughing and talking, and I peek over at Jess a few times and notice with mixed feelings that she hasn’t smiled and laughed like this in a long time. Not even since she moved in with me. Why can’t I make her laugh and smile this much when it’s just us? I was able to do that before. How the hell do I get that spark back between us?

Jay, you all right? Kayla asks, her face scrunched up like she’s trying to figure out what the hell I’m thinking about.

Yeah, you do look like you’re in a trance, bro, Malcolm says, laughing as he takes another sip of his soup.

Jess looks over at me to see what all the fuss is about, and by that time I’ve returned my facial expression to neutral and just shrug at her. She shrugs too, and we smile automatically.

It’s weird. Sometimes she and I feel like everything is fine, and then I’ll randomly see her looking sad—whether it’s while she’s folding clothes or feeding Jamie—and I just want to know what she’s thinking about and not have all the attention on me.

I’m good.

Speaking of trance, Malcolm says, putting his napkin down and clapping his hands together. Kayla and I are going away this weekend for my birthday.

Your birthday ain’t for another two weeks, I say.

Nigga, did I say we was going tomorrow?

Where are you guys going? Jess asks, looking at Kayla.

To the Bahamas! Kayla shouts with her arms raised in the air. We’re going on a cruise, and everything’s included.

Nice. I nod in approval.

Jess sucks in her bottom lip and stares at the salt shaker. I’ve never been on a cruise.

Oh, girl, you have to go one day. This will be my third time going! Kayla says, then Malcolm shoots a glare at her.

You saying you went with other dudes? he asks, squinting his eyes, and I can’t help but chuckle. Is the great player Malcolm really jealous?

Hell yeah!

Jess and I laugh even though I notice Malcolm’s fist balling up underneath the table. It’s okay, bro.

Nigga, shut up.

We continue laughing and chatting until the waitress bring us our entrees and then our desserts. It’s been a relaxing, fun evening, and when we part ways and say our good-byes, I expect Jessica to be in a brighter mood, but she still looks down. Just a little.

You okay? I ask, opening my door and settling in behind the wheel. She sits down in her seat beside me and nods. Are you sure?

Yeah, I had fun. I needed the break.

From the girls?

She nods again. I’m with them twenty-four hours a day, and it’s so overwhelming for me. I’m not jealous of Malcolm and Kayla going on vacation, but I just wish I had a break too. A real one.

Do you want to take a day off or something? I can stay home and watch the girls.

She shrugs. I don’t know. I love my girls, and I love spending time with them, but sometimes, with all the feeding to keep track of and the diaper changing and the twenty-four-hour attention, all my energy is drained out.

Okay, I’m off tomorrow, so how about this. Tomorrow morning we’ll have our roles reversed. I’ll get up, take care of the girls, make your breakfast, send you to the mall, clean the house, and make dinner for you.

She starts choking.

What? I ask, patting her on her back.

Are you serious? You can’t do all that while taking care of two girls. Two babies, at that. They need your attention all the time. You’ll hardly find a free moment to go to the bathroom, let alone make breakfast and dinner in the same day.

I shrug. Maybe I have a different technique than you.

Technique? Oh, okay. I can’t wait to see your technique!

I smile widely and reach out my hand. Then it’s a bet. If I can’t do everything I just promised, then we can do whatever you want.

"I want to go take family pictures. In Aurora, with