The Mystery of Families

By Richard Saw

John Watson found it fascinating when his newest patient turned out to be the surrogate of a child for the soon-to-be-married uber-powerful talent agent Simon Pearson and the up-and-coming politician Vernon Laing. But when Simon's business partners start to worry that he's more interested in his husband-to-be's career and not the next big Hollywood actor desperate for some West-End credibility, they decide that there's only one person they can trust to investigate this discreetly.
Holmes!
But when he rejects their initial overtures, the partners won't take 'no' for an answer. They hire his law firm and Holmes - on the cusp of being made the first non-named partner in the history of Fothergill, Patricks & Havers - finds himself with no choice but to get involved in a messy investigation that touches on many aspects of the modern gay family.
Prevented from assisting Holmes due to client-patient confidentially, Watson finds himself wondering why his own family thinks Holmes is so damn wonderful, what church will the 'gay wedding-of-the-season' be held in and what is the right colour tie to buy his boyfriend?
But Holmes, as he digs for dirt on Vernon Laing, starts to realise that not everyone is as innocent as they seem and maybe Vernon's the pawn in a clever business plan instead of being the villain.
For the fourth time, Holmes & Watson find themselves on another adventure which takes them from the Watson family home in Devon to a retired US Senator’s mansion in Provincetown. From Michelin-starred restaurants to hedonistic sex clubs and features more than enough one-liners and inappropriate sexual encounters to keep things going.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Richard Saw
• Release date: Oct 5, 2015
• ISBN: 9781502964212

Richard Saw

Richard Saw is a long time London resident who fell in love with the city when he fled his native Australia in the vain hope that he’d land a real job. Author of ‘From Breakfast to Whenever: The Eating Guide to Soho’ and a struggling media executive, he started writing the Holmes & Watson novels as a love letter to the city, the men and the lifestyle he’d fallen in love with.

Book preview

The Mystery of Families

A Holmes & Watson Mystery

Richard Saw

Copyright © 2006 by Richard Saw

First published as an ebook in 2013

The moral right of the author has been asserted.

All characters and events in this publication other than those clearly in the public domain are fictitious and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

That being said, some famous people do turn up in this and subsequent novels to add flavour or perspective.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the written permission of the author, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binging or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent buyer.

ISBN-13: 978-1502964212 ISBN-10: 150296421X

Thank you to all those people who got slightly tipsy over lunch with me and told me stories which are included in one way or another in this book. I was serious when I told you …that’s going in my next novel.

Stay in touch with the author on Twitter @authorofholmes, search for Richard Saw on Facebook or if you’re looking for something a little naughtier, check out Todd Mitchell’s twitter account @gayjockgeek or the Tumblr account The Erotic Side of Holmes & Watson by searching for ‘authorinsearchof’.

Prologue

He’d had so many dreams in his life and if you asked other people they’d say, without dispute, that Vernon Laing had achieved them all. But that wasn’t true. Every day it seemed he was sacrificing one dream and having to replace it with an amended version. It was especially true with his day job. Life seemed a constant round of compromise and he was sick of it.

But this new dream was one that he wasn’t willing to compromise on. His political sensibilities meant that he was able to take an idea that he had only recently formed and behave as if it had been part of his mind-set for years. And once the idea was firmly lodged in his mind, he was even more determined that it was going to happen.

Not much of a details man, Vernon was willing to do almost anything to achieve his dream and he certainly didn’t mind compromising on many of the smaller things if the big picture was achieved. So he started to implant the idea in his partner’s mind. Vernon was well aware that it always helped when people thought it was their own idea or at the very least, a joint one. And then there was a need to find some willing accomplices. Even Vernon was surprised when he discovered one right under his partner’s nose.

But then there was the problem of others around them. He wasn’t foolish enough to believe that they only thought well of him and they might prove to be a thorn in his side. They’d have to be watched, that’s for sure.

Chapter One

Hurry, we must catch that train, the great Holmes snapped as he and John Watson struggled up the stairs at Paddington Station. It was a crisp, late December morn and the wide expanse and high ceiling of the station made it all the colder. Watson would have pulled his coat tightly closed had it not been for his case in his left hand. He cursed under his breath, gritted his teeth and scurried after Holmes who seemed oblivious to the weather, his own luggage or the other passengers around him.

It’ll be fine if we get the next train, Watson gasped, his suitcase catching the last step and making him stumble. Holmes ignored him and hustled over to check the timetable. This way, he ordered and dove off, back into the crowd. Watson muttered to himself and puffed out an apology as he pushed past an elderly grandmother and her grandchild who had chosen the top of the stairs as a place to stop and admire the scene.

Holmes had barely given Watson time to pack that morning when he had informed him they were to catch the 11.05am train to Exeter St David. Watson arrived at the top of the platform just as he heard the conductor blow the whistle. He sighed and resigned himself to the fact that all the rushing had been in vain.

Holmes however dropped his case, took three giant leaps and threw himself between the closing doors of the first class carriage. The substantial weight of the doors bounced off his solid frame and fell back into the open position. He turned around to stare at Watson who was scrambling along, trying to pick up Holmes’ case as well as carry his own.

Come along Watson, Holmes thundered. You’re holding up the train. Watson stumbled aboard, sweating and cursing, as Holmes graciously allowed the doors to close. Show the man our tickets, for goodness sake, he then instructed John as a bemused conductor stood watching the entire charade. By the time Watson had found the tickets on his iPhone, stowed the luggage in the overhead compartment and pulled out the book he was going to read, Holmes was away in his own world. John climbed opposite him and placed his book on the desk with a thud.

What? Holmes broke the silence when he looked up and realised that Watson wasn’t reading, but simply staring at him.

I was just thinking how amazing it is that you’re coming down with me for a family Christmas, Watson said, a big puppy dog smile creasing his face.

John, Holmes eyes dropped back down to his laptop and he waved his hand dismissively. I don’t have time for your sentimentality. I’m working!

***

Holmes’ decision to join Watson’s family for Christmas had indeed come as quite a surprise. He usually liked to pretend he’d barely suffered through the handful of Watson family events he had attended in the past and for days afterwards, John would be forced to endure a sulky and recalcitrant partner. This was ironic because, as John remembered, on the day of the event itself Holmes always revelled in Watson’s family. Holmes and John’s father would disappear for ‘men’ talks and then Watson would find his partner and his own mother in the kitchen for hours at a time where, for a man whose knowledge of domestic skills was sorely lacking when he was in London, Holmes seemed totally at home in front of an Aga. The moment they were alone however, John knew he would be confronted with the full fury of Holmes’ typically anti-social attitude.

So Watson had never dared ask Holmes to join him for a family Christmas and to be fair he was happy enough to spend most Christmases away from his family, only occasionally going back for the traditional experience. He had only got as far as ‘thinking’ about it this year when Holmes had surprised him by announcing that Devon was where they were going to go for what their American friends would call ‘The Holiday Season’. John did wonder if Holmes had come up with the suggestion by himself or if he’d arranged it with his future mother-in-law. Either way, Watson chose to go along with it, even if it meant a desperate sprint across Paddington Station to get the train that Holmes had chosen.

As the train trundled along, Watson paused to think about how little he knew of Holmes’ family. He was aware that Holmes had a brother somewhere and his parents though divorced, were both still alive – he knew that. He had deduced that Holmes’s mother resided in Zurich due to the occasional trips that Holmes undertook and somewhere along the line John had concluded that Holmes’ father still lived in the UK and had been a senior civil servant of some description. It bothered him only a little that he knew no more. He had always dreamed of being a wonderful son-in-law to his partner’s family. Instead it had turned out that it was Holmes who got to live that particular fantasy.

John glanced up from his book and watched Holmes, careful this time not to attract attention and be rebuked again for soppiness. He had known Holmes for what felt like a lifetime and yet he was still bemused by his partner’s behaviour. His thoughts were interrupted by his mobile vibrating. Pulling it out, he recognised the caller, got up and walked to the doorway of the carriage before he answered it.

John Watson, he answered.

Mr Watson.

Mr Mitchell, John replied, keeping to the theme. Todd Mitchell was Holmes’ one night-stand from long ago who had turned into one of those indispensable friends. The fact that he was the manager of the busiest restaurant in Soho – Diva – was neither here nor there.

You rang?

Yes, why yes I did, John replied, happy to hear Todd’s voice. Somewhat predictably it was through John that Todd did most of his communicating and at the same time Todd now seemed to view Holmes as his older brother. Of course everyone knew that Todd still fantasised about Holmes – which made it a little disturbing – especially as Holmes, to everyone’s silent bemusement, had started to accept this state of affairs and seemed to take great pleasure in treating Todd like the younger brother he’d never had. Are you free to talk?

Yeah I’m fine, I’m not at work at the moment. I’m very happily couch-ing it, Todd replied, ignoring the logic that since he had returned the call, he was obviously free.

It was just a courtesy call really, John admitted. Holmes and I are going down to Devon for Christmas…

Ohhh, how middle-class of you, Todd teased. Taking the boyfriend home for Christmas. Gee how quaint. He paused for a second before slowly drawing out the punch line. And how unlike Holmes…

Yes, yes I know, I know, Watson tried to shake off the bemusement in his tone. I think I’m almost as surprised as anyone.

Does this mean he actually did something you asked him to?

Ha! John spluttered. He decided for us! He told me that was what we were doing for Christmas this year. I barely had enough time to pack a bag.

Maybe he’s going to ask your parents for your hand in marriage... Todd suggested. I mean now that the Anglican Church has agreed to bless them and let you have the ceremony in the church... Oh my God, he chuckled. Are you going to go all black and white and Cecil Beaton on us? Damn I better order that hat from the milliners... When there was silence down the line, Todd added a polite, No?

Well, I don’t think that’s particularly likely, Watson sighed, drawing out the syllables for emphasis, having been lost in thought for a second or two. On one hand I have an entire family – and no doubt when the parish meets Holmes – an entire parish, pushing me to get married so they can get invited to a fabulous gay wedding. And on the other hand one rather scary boyfriend staring daggers at me every time there’s a story in the media that mentions gay marriage as if somehow I’m responsible for planting it.

Does this mean you’re not coming into the restaurant on Christmas Day? Oh we will miss you. Todd threw John slightly off balance with his twist of the conversation, his voice sounding hurt.

No, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Gosh I know that we promised to spend the day with you since your sister’s gone back to Australia and... John began his grovelling apology before being stopped by Todd’s deep-throated laugh.

Oh please John. It’s fine, I was kidding. Kidding. No, don’t you worry about me.

But I do worry about you, Watson interjected. Ever since Carlos’ death you’ve lived in that flat all by yourself.

I am a big boy y’know, Todd reminded him, sounding exasperated by his friends desperate need to coddle him.

Well you could always come down to Devon...

No, no that’s fine, it’s fine, we’re fine, I’m fine, I mean. Todd replied.

Are you sure? John asked. He was befuddled. There was something to Todd’s behaviour that he would usually have taken great delight in questioning him over but it was Christmas time and he was a little too busy to obsess about it. What about your army of exes? Surely one of them wants to ignite the flame with you?

Are you suggesting the only reason I stay friends with my exes is so that I have a little saved in reserve for when I need some? Todd asked, amusingly insulted.

No, no... John paused. I’m saying that’s the only reason that THEY stay friends with you.

I’m hanging up now, Todd chuckled down the phone and he signed off wishing them both a Happy Christmas.

Hmm, John muttered as he went back to his seat across from Holmes. There was no reaction from the great investigator who continued to work on his laptop. Hmmm, mmm, John added for more effect. He was curious as he suspected that Todd was up to something. And in the absence of anything more exciting, John Watson was always intrigued by his friend’s lives. Or as Holmes would put it, creating intrigue when none was around.

John, Holmes responded with a tight and firm tone, without even looking up, I don’t care.

‘Fuck,’ John pouted to himself. ‘This is the beginning of a real happy fucking Christmas holiday, I can just feel it.’ And depressed at the thought, wishing he was back on his sofa in London, he slumped back in the seat.

***

The train eventually pulled into Exeter St David, one change and a good four hours after leaving London. Holmes had been glued to his BlackBerry for the last hour of the trip – having finished