How Do You Light a Fart?: And 150 Other Essential Things Every Guy Should Know about Science

By Bobby Mercer

Fireworks and grenades. Grills and campfires. Burps and farts.

Men get a kick out of things that go boom, things that cook with fire, and all forms of bodily gas. What they might not know is that science is what makes it all happen. This book answers all the questions guys have about their favorite topics, such as:

• How do you make a Lifesaver spark?
• How do you hotwire a car?
• Why do kegs float?
• What is PMS?
• Why doesn't a cell phone work in metal buildings?

Serious science mixed with outrageous humor, this book promises guys the need-to-know info on sports, cars, technology, women, bodily functions, food, and more!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster
• Release date: Apr 18, 2009
• ISBN: 9781440519871

Bobby Mercer

An Adams Media author.

Book preview

HOW DO

YOU LIGHT

A FART?

And 150 Other Essential

Things Every Guy

Should Know about Science

9781598699845_0004_001

BOBBY MERCER

9781598699845_0004_002

Copyright © 2009 by Bobby Mercer

All rights reserved.

This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form

without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made

for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

Published by

Adams Media, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.

www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN 10: 1-59869-984-9

ISBN 13: 978-1-59869-984-5

eISBN: 978-1-44051-987-1

Printed in the United States of America.

J I H G F E D C B A

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

is available from the publisher.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

—From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a

Committee of the American Bar Association

and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

Illustrations © Neubau Welt

(www.NeubauWelt.com)

This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.

For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.

To Steve and Susie—

The best sibs a guy could ask for!

9781598699845_0006_001

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Introduction

ONE: THINGS THAT GO BOOM

How Do Firecrackers Explode?

How Is Dynamite Made Safe for Explosions?

How Is an Aerial Firework Display Made?

What Is the Difference Between Dynamite and TNT?

How Does a Large Building Implode into a Neat Pile of Rubble?

How Do Hand Grenades Work?

How Do You Make Butane Lighters Explode?

How Do You Start a Fire in the Woods?

How Does Hollywood Create Car Crashes?

How Do Spaceships Explode?

Can a Flame Be Round?

Are Safety Matches Really Safe?

How Do They Put the Pop in Pop Rocks?

How Do You Make Life Savers Spark?

What Is the Trick to a Trick Candle?

How Do Your Feet Not Burn While Firewalking?

How Do You Breathe Fire?

TWO: REV YOUR ENGINES

Why Don’t Racecar Tires Have Treads?

What Is the Advantage of Nitrogen in Tires?

How Does Downforce Help Racers on the Track?

Why Do Dragsters Do a Burnout?

What Is the Difference Between Nitro and Top Fuel?

How Do Smart Walls Work?

What Is a Stolen Vehicle Recovery System?

How Does GPS Work in Your Car?

How Do Antilock Brakes (ABS) Work?

How Can You Drive on Run-Flat Tires?

How Does an Airbag Punch You in the Face?

What Does the Octane Number Mean?

Can You Make Your Own Gasoline?

How Do You Hot-Wire a Car?

What Is the Secret to Digital Chip Keys?

What Is the Difference Between Torque and Horsepower?

How Does a Car Self-Park?

THREE: GAME TIME

Do Graphite Shafts Help You Hit a Golf Ball Farther?

How Do Large Golf Clubheads Help?

Can Three-Piece Golf Balls Help Your Game?

Why Do They Put Dimples on a Golf Ball?

Why Do Baseballs Curve?

How Does a Knuckleball Work?

Why Are Tennis Balls Fuzzy?

Why Don’t the Yellow Lines in Football Broadcasts Slice Through the Players?

Why Are New Tennis Racquets the Size of Rhode Island?

How Do They Create Neat Grass Displays in Stadiums for Sporting Events?

How Does the Cue Ball Come Back in a Bar Game of Pool?

How Do Clothes Wick Away Sweat?

How Does Eye Black Help Athletes?

How Does a Swimsuit Help You Swim Faster?

How Do Aluminum Bats Help Little Leaguers Hit the Ball Farther?

How Can a Bowling Ball Help You Strike Out the Side?

FOUR: BURPS, FARTS, AND THE SCIENCE OF SEX

How Are Farts Created?

Why Do Farts Make a Sound?

Why Do Farts Smell?

How Do You Light a Fart?

What Is a Snart?

How Does Erectile Dysfunction Work (or Not Work)?

Can Dead Guys Get Erections?

How Do Disposable Diapers Work?

Why Do Burps Happen?

Is Holding a Sneeze Dangerous?

Why Do People Sneeze When They Walk into Bright Sunlight?

Why Do Men Think about Sex All the Time?

What Is the Prostate Probe?

Why Does Hair Grow Out of Our Nose and Ears?

How Does Smiling Conserve Energy?

Why Do We Sleep?

FIVE: TECHNOBABBLE

How Does the Internet Work?

How Are 3D Movies Made?

How Does a Plasma TV Work?

How Does an LCD Screen Work?

Which Is Better: LCD or Plasma?

Why Will You Miss Your Old TV?

How Does a DVR Pause Live Action Television?

How Does Sound Surround You?

What Are the Benefits of MP3s?

How Does an iPhone Touchscreen Work?

How Do Cell Phones Work?

Can You Use a Cell Phone in a Metal Building?

How Do They Know to Change a Movie Reel in a Theater?

What Is the Best Way to Fix Electronic Devices?

SIX: PARTY TIME TIPS AND TRICKS

Why Do Kegs Float?

Why Does Ice Sink in a Glass of Bourbon?

What Is the Secret to Layered Drinks?

What Is the Secret to Crushing a Beer Can on Your Forehead?

Why Does the Falling Dollar Trick Work?

What Is the Secret to the Upside-Down Shot Glass?

How Do You Trade Whiskey for Water?

How Do You Pick Up an Ice Cube with a Piece of Hair?

How Do Beer Funnels Work?

What Causes the Donald Duck Helium Effect?

How Do Breathalyzers Work?

Why Won’t Alcohol Freeze?

How Do You Freeze a Beer in Thirty Seconds?

SEVEN: MR. FIX-IT

How Do Low-Flow Toilets Work?

How Has the Plunger Improved in the Last Forty Years?

Why Does the Wind Cause My Toilet Water to Move?

How Does a Tankless Water Heater Work?

How Do You Pick a Lock?

How Do You Open a Door with a Credit Card?

What Is the Best Way to Kick in a Door?

How Do Epoxy Glues Work?

How Does Super Glue Work?

How Do Portable Nail Guns Work?

How Do Plasma Cutters Cut?

How Do CFLs Work?

How Do Gun Silencers Work?

Why Does a Whip Crack?

EIGHT: THE CALL OF THE WILD

Why Do Most Men Love Dogs?

Why Are Dog Farts Silent?

Why Do Coyotes Howl?

Can You Outrun an Alligator?

Will Cockroaches Survive a Nuclear Blast?

Why Do Men Distrust Cats?

Why Do Great White Sharks Swim for Their Lives?

Do Sharks Really Have Two Penises?

Do Bulls Really Hate Red?

How Does Being White Help a Polar Bear?

Why Is the Sky Blue?

What Can Petroleum Do for Us?

Why Are Diamonds so Hard?

NINE: THE FAIRER SEX

What Is Women’s Intuition?

What Is PMS?

Do Women Have Extra Ribs?

Can Males Get Pregnant?

Does Brainwashing Work?

Why Is It Okay to Hate Some Females?

How Do Tattoos Work?

How Do You Get Rid of a Tattoo?

How Does Hair Color Work?

How Do You Know If She Hates Your Gift?

TEN: KITCHEN SCIENCE

What Is the Best Way to Avoid Watery Mustard?

How Does Popcorn Pop?

How Do Microwave Ovens Work?

Why Don’t Frozen Hot Dogs Cook in a Microwave Oven?

Why Is There a Metal Rack in Your Microwave?

Where Do Beer Streamers Come From?

How Do Turkey Thermometers Know When to Pop Up?

What Causes Ice Cream Headaches (Brain Freeze)?

Can Beer Batteries Save the World’s Oil Supply?

Why Do Snack Cakes Never Mold?

What Is the Secret to Winning a Hot Dog Eating Contest?

Why Do Onions Make You Cry?

Do Pigs Have Spare Ribs?

ELEVEN: THE BIG THREE

How Do IR Remote Controls Work?

How Do RF Remote Controls Work?

What Is the Best Type of Remote in the Universe?

How Do Motion-Activated Handheld Video Game Controllers Work?

Why Is Duck/Duct Tape Great?

How Does WD-40 Work?

What Happens If You Spray Duct Tape with WD-40?

Why Are Wars Good for Science?

Resources

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Books don’t happen without the support of many people. I have the deepest appreciation for all of the people that helped and listened. I owe a special debt to Matt Kissling for always being there when I needed a friend. I also want to thank my Dad, Buzz Mercer, for teaching me about power tools, WD-40, and how to catch a baseball. I want to thank my Mom, Joyce Mercer, for always believing in Susie, Steve, and me.

I wish to thank my agent, Kathy Green, for her help, guidance, and championing of this book. In my opinion, she is the best in the business. I want to thank Andrea Norville, Katie Corcoran Lytle, and the wonderful people at Adams Media for believing in this book and lending their expertise.

I want to thank all of my great friends for listening and offering anecdotes. Thanks to Jeff Andrews, Scott Buchanan, David Burdette, Rich Canamucio, Richard and Nancy Canamucio, Dana Conner, Matt Daigle, Mike Flowe, Richard Gabriel, Mike Garity, Kim Kessler, Laura Laughter, Ann and Mitch Leonard, Charlie Metcalf, Joe Potter, Courtney Ross, Marvin Smith, Bobby Somerville, Jenny Thomas, and Bill Van Cleve.

The biggest debt of gratitude goes to my wonderful wife, Michele. Thanks for being my best friend and believing in me.

INTRODUCTION

Science has changed our lives for the better and will continue to do so. The advances of the past one hundred years boggle the mind. Things that were once unimaginable—surround sound, cell phones, duct tape, and WD-40—are now indispensable in our daily lives.

Science was the first academic pursuit in our life. As youngsters we saw new things and wondered why? Hopefully, you still wonder why when you see something new. The process of examining the world around us is science. And science (like all things) is easier to understand when it is mixed with a little humor.

In the last few years, several things have become clear to me. One, learning needs to be fun, whether you are eight or eighty. Almost all public speakers break the ice with a joke before they push their agenda, because you learn better when you are laughing. Two, we need to embrace our manliness. Be glad that men and women are different.

We have a different language than women. We say sweat, she says perspire. Guys need textbooks written in their language. I love science and being a guy, so combining the two seemed like a perfect idea—a science textbook written for the male of the species. This book is designed to educate and amuse. And the best part is . . . you won’t have to take a final exam when you finish reading it.

Guys are different in the humor department also. We see humor where most women never would. We smile when our dog moves to the other side of the room after polluting our air with noxious fumes. We make jokes about erectile dysfunction medications (at least until we need them). We smile as we ponder what life was like before the remote control was invented. We laugh about butt gas, burnt knuckle hair, and women.

You will learn about all sorts of manly things in the following pages. Serious science is mixed with a dose of humor. This book will teach you the science of flatulence, neat bar tricks, and why three-piece balls are better for golf. You will also be taught why space explosions are better in the movie theater and at least three ways to open a locked door.

That leads me to this public service announcement about this book. Cherish it forever and buy copies for all of your law-abiding friends. In your will, leave instructions for it to be given to a charity. But NEVER donate it to any books-for-prisoners charity. Also never give this book as a breakup present to your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.

Now that you’ve been forewarned, sit down and hang on as we examine the science of being a guy.

ONE: THINGS THAT GO BOOM

Men love explosions, and our collective fascination with fire and explosions is something inherently male. Hollywood has recognized and catered to that male lust for years with a plethora of action films every summer. In the real world cars almost never explode on impact, but every stunt car crash is accompanied by a raging fireball that stretches a thousand feet into the air. The film industry spends millions of dollars to get our butts into the seats with tons of high-tech pyrotechnics because they know the secret to cinematic success: Men will gladly fork over their money to watch great explosions. The movie can even suck, but most men will still leave the theater happy if there are jaw-dropping explosions.

Grill manufacturers have also learned this secret to success. One of the reasons guys love cooking on a charcoal grill is because of the fun—and danger—that comes from lighting it. Throwing a match onto a pile of gas-laden charcoal briquettes is the highlight of many picnics. Most guys would never wax any part of their body, but we’ll gladly risk burning off our facial hair for the thrill of that momentarily outof-control flame. The wonderful whoosh sound and the immediate six-foot-high wall of flame have signified the beginning of many glorious testosterone-filled hours spent standing happily over the grill. The chance that we may lose our eyebrows is only an added bonus. So light a fire, say goodbye to your body hair, and put on your flameproof suit as we examine the world of pyrotechnics.

Scientifically Speaking

Men love to wonder and that is the nature of science.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

HOW DO FIRECRACKERS

EXPLODE?

Men have loved firecrackers ever since the first time we saw one explode. It’s safe to say that the male penchant for going overboard led to the rise of the pack of firecrackers, because if firecrackers are fun, packs are fun squared. The added fact that firecrackers are illegal in many states only adds to the allure, and a chance to bend the rules and get a giant explosion is impossible to pass up.

Brain Fart

Firecrackers are legal in some states in the Deep South; moonshine, firecrackers, and red clay roads just seem to go together.

A firecracker is a tube of paper wrapped several times for strength and sealed at both ends with clay or plastic. Flash powder is in the center, and a fuse goes through one end to ignite it. The fuse will burn into the flash powder, causing it to explode. The rapid explosion causes the casing to crack open with a loud pop. In a pack of firecrackers a longer fuse runs down the center, which causes all of the individual fuses to ignite in rapid succession. For your safety, only buy approved firecrackers and use approved practices.

HOW IS DYNAMITE MADE

SAFE FOR EXPLOSIONS?

The familiar red cylinder with the long fuse is a television prop. These sticks have been a Hollywood staple for years, but in reality, dynamite can be molded into any shape. Dynamite is nitroglycerin (a liquid) that is mixed with some absorbent base material to make it safer to transport and use. A more sensitive explosive is usually housed in one end of the dynamite and is used to ignite the nitroglycerin-soaked materials. An electric blasting cap ignites this sensitive explosive, and the resulting small explosion causes the dynamite to detonate. In the early days, the blasting cap was similar to a firecracker, but almost all are electronic nowadays. Push a button, complete the electric circuit, and boom!

As many people know, dynamite was invented by Alfred Nobel, the same Nobel of the prizes awarded in physics, chemistry, medicine, literature, and peace. It is commonly believed that he left his fortune to create the prizes after reading