I Breathe Last For You

By Sunaina Sindhwani

Love gives life, sometimes it takes.

Saakshi and Raghav had been married for six years. They had a son. When Saakshi started working in Delhi, why did Rohit come into her life? Why did Saakshi become the victim of sexual assault so many times?....................
A real love story explaining a new relationship at the end of life itself!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sunaina Sindhwani
• Release date: Jan 10, 2017
• ISBN: 9781773023687

Book preview

9781773023687.jpg

I Breathe Last For You

A True Story Of A Woman Who Sacrificed

All Other Relationships To Make Just One!

Sunaina Sindhwani

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Acknowledgments

First of all, I would like to thank AVIS for their book FALL LIKE A ROSE PETAL, as this book encouraged me to write for the first time.

My sincere thanks to Sudeep Nagarkar, SORRY YOU ARE NOT MY TYPE, for his simple and beautiful expression of Love and Rejection.

Last but not Least, I thank Om Swami, MONK MEMOIR, who motivated me to bring the truth into the light and give a message to society.

With the exception of Saakshi, all names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of Saakshi’s family.

Dedicated

To

MY FRIEND

……………..

……………..SAAKSHI

A SPECIAL THANKS to my dear, adorable husband Vinay and to my lovely kids Gottam Hari and Ruhi, who always supported me in writing this book.

LOVING THANKS TO MY YOUNGER SISTER Geetu Ralen for her valuable advice and guidance for this book.

Prologue

It was early morning, only seven o’clock, when my doorbell rang. I opened the door and was stunned to see Raghav, husband of my friend Saakshi - who was no more in this world. Though I was shocked to see him at such an early hour, I quickly recollected myself and very politely invited him to come inside.

Please come in, Brother, is everything OK?......How are the kids? I was a bit anxious about them.

He just quietly replied, Yes, all OK. I just came to hand over Saakshi’s diary to you. And he handed me a red-coloured diary.

I still remembered how Saakshi used to write in a diary every night. I simply accepted the book and asked, Why are you giving it to me?

He paused, and said, I want you to write a book in the hopes that maybe he’ll also read it one day and apologize for what he did to her. That would give solace to her soul in heaven.

I was moved by the gesture which Saakshi’s husband was offering for her. I replied very firmly, Ya sure, I would do that for you, and for my friend Saakshi. And he just left.

After finishing my routine work, I opened the first page of Saakshi’s diary and read these words:

…………… Saakshi….. the loner.

Chapter 1

It was April 2005, and Saakshi was planning to go ahead with setting up her own business by the name of Waves in Delhi. She had dreamed of becoming a businesswoman and now this dream was going to come true. She was the only daughter in her family to set up her own business. Her husband Raghav was giving his full support as she fulfilled her dream. Raghav was her all weather friend who never said No to her in any case. She was thoroughly dependent on him for all necessities of life. But on the day when she was given her chance to take a step forward in her life and shine, her husband was not there. He was absent on the day of the inauguration of her business. Although she was surrounded by all her workers, friends, and well-wishers, his absence was casting darkness in her heart. Her eyes were searching for Raghav, but she knew that he was not there. He did not have leave from his office. Beginning is half done - this couplet was today hurting her the most. Why today, when her dreams were coming true, was her soul mate not there with her? He knew what this business meant to her. Was this a sign from God Almighty, or was it just her fear psychosis, as she was very much attached to Raghav? Suddenly, somebody shouted, Saakshi, the Chief Guest has arrived. She became alert and started to face the reality of the inauguration day of her own business. She welcomed the Chief Guest, a big shot politician who had come for the inauguration ceremony. All the formal ceremonies were done nicely, including candle lighting (Tilak Aroma). But Saakshi’s mind was disturbed with some impending fears.

It was five o’clock in the evening by the time all the guests had dispersed. Now free from all the arrangements, Saakshi was anxiously looking forward to calling Raghav. As she heard his voice, and he called her by her nickname Sona, she immediately sat down on a chair. Suddenly tears rolled down from her eyes. She was speechless. Raghav was asking so many questions about the function, but she was lost somewhere else, and so she was not responding to any of his queries. Raghav again called, Sona, what happened? Why are you so quiet? Is everything OK?

Saakshi said three words: I missed you, and disconnected the phone. She did not know why she disconnected the phone. She was dying to hear Raghav’s voice, but what happened? Was she feeling indifferent? What was it - her frustration, or something else? With all these thoughts in her mind, she went to sleep, as she knew that she had to get up early the next morning.

Chapter 2

Suddenly the alarm clock started ringing. Saakshi turned it off; it was eight o’ clock in the morning. She got up hurriedly from the bed as she had to reach her office by ten. She had given appointments to some of her VIP clients, and she did not want to be embarrassed on her first day by being late. She had some tea and two biscuits. Before going to the office, she called up Raghav to say good morning. Raghav had just got up and seemed to be little sick as well. Saakshi asked him what was wrong but he simply ignored her question. She did not have time to pay more attention to him. So she disconnected the phone and left for the office. She was a bit tired by the time she arrived. She had to go to her office by rickshaw, because she did not have a car. Her office was still full of decorations from yesterday. As soon as she stepped in, her employees wished her Good Morning, and she responded very nicely to everyone. She took a look around the spa, relaxed, and asked for a cup of coffee. She felt a bit anxious or nervous; was this business stress or something else? Clients had started arriving; she was running here and there arranging services for them, as she could not completely rely on her staff to give their best.

By two o’ clock in the afternoon, a man named Prateek entered her spa and enquired about the owner. Her receptionist asked him to be seated, but as there was no electricity on account of sudden shut down and the generator was still to be arranged, the man refused to sit down. He started complaining, asking How could you open a spa without having a proper arrangement for electricity? The receptionist apologized. By that time Saakshi had come to meet him. The man told Saakshi that he had come with a plan for sponsorship of an exhibition which his wife was proposing to put up. Saakshi told him that she would think about it, as she had to consult her partners. Though Prateek seemed a little weird, she ignored this. Before he left, he gave his exhibition cards to Saakshi. Saakshi again became busy with her work. Raghav called her two or three times but she was too busy to take his calls. By the evening everyone was very much exhausted. It had been hectic, but all of them had enjoyed the first day. They had started a good business. Saakshi and her employees were all staying at the same place, so they all closed their accounts and hired two rickshaws to bring them to their residence.

After arriving at the house, Saakshi took a shower and decided she would like to talk to her four-year-old son Aryan, as it was his first day at school and she had missed this special occasion on account of her new business. But by the time Saakshi called, Aryan was already asleep. Raghav asked about her day, but her reply was very casual. She said, It was OK; I am tired and now I want to sleep. Raghav always understood her, and so he asked her to go to sleep and to call him the next morning. Saakshi jumped in her bed, but again, an unknown and strange feeling was still hovering around her mind.

At seven o’ clock in the morning, Saakshi’s phone started ringing. She thought that it may be Raghav. Without noticing the number, she picked up her phone hurriedly. An unknown voice came and wished, Good morning, Saakshi, Mam.

She got down from her bed and said, Sorry; I thought it was my husband. I did not check the number. May I know who this is?

This is Prateek from Apsara Exhibition.

Prateek… she hardly recognized his name, but out of courtesy, she said, Can you call me later, please?

He said, OK.

At eleven o’ clock in the morning, Saakshi received another call from the same person, Prateek. She asked him to meet her at the office in the afternoon.

The spa was again packed with clients. Saakshi was attending to a client, when suddenly the receptionist came into her office and told

Reviews for I Breathe Last For You

[niksha · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

no free trial of 3 books given as mentioned
fake app

[Brenda Damen · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is a book of longings. I’ve not read another book which so well captured the feelings of love: love that’s forbidden, love that’s stolen, love that’s luminously uncertain. Love that evaporates in your hands.

The spell of India is woven right into the book. The nuances and magical ambiance of Chandigarh. Words smooth as koans in your hand, words like rickshaw, and the kajal smudged on Saakshi’s cheeks.

Dealt with particularly well are the interiors of a marriage without intimacy. "She never had any sense of completion after physical intimacy.”
A couple can be in an intimate moment, but it not be intimate.
"His body's smell was so intoxicating that Saakshi could hardly resist. She'd never had such feelings before, even though she was married." The author uses deft subtleties to show how alone Saakshi feels inside of her marriage.

The first fizzy feelings of her love affair: "Their relationship was becoming intimate, but neither of them were aware of this." The layers, increments, and sparks that occur before one is even aware of them. The underpinnings of the heart which has already recognized what the conscious mind has not.

“Unbeknownst to her, destiny was planning to unfold something new.” I read this sentence about 3 times, I liked it so much.


“Saakshi's face was glowing. She was looking so different” - happiness can absolutely transform us. “When your love is greater than your fear.” The heart aches for Saakshi, as she goes into an affair with innocent eyes. She does not suspect it to be anything other than pure real love.

The author describes, with strokes of boldness and compassion, the betrayal and shock of sexual abuse.

Described here is the paralysis fear can create when the mind is overwhelmed with an intense level of terror. I am thinking of one scene in particular: “She was unable to move - just watched him putting on his pants....” That particular mutism, that intense refusal of the spirit to absorb what has just happened.

There are some powerful psychological moments. “She put her fingers on her phone and started trying to rub out the words ‘I love you.’ “He only touched your body, not your soul, and our skin changes every twenty-four hours.”

With a tragic and irreversible ending, we are still in awe of the beauty to be found in that moment.
Sunaina Sindhwani