101 Meeting Starters: A Guide to Better Twelve Step Discussions

By Mel B.

A friendly, first-ever guide to making the most of your Twelve Step meetings.

Mel B's 101 Meeting Starters is a friendly, first-ever guide to making the most of Twelve Step meetings. Anyone who has participated in a Twelve Step meeting knows the benefit of these confidential forums for sharing the experience, strength, and hope that sustain recovery. Sometimes, however, meetings get sidetracked by irrelevant topics, dominant speakers, or other distractions, leaving attendees feeling frustrated or unfulfilled. This collection of dynamic Twelve Step "meeting starters" brings focus and meaning to group discussions with topics including "Dealing with Rejection," "Attracting Trouble," "Happy Coincidences," and "Live and Let Live."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hazelden Publishing
• Release date: Mar 16, 2010
• ISBN: 9781592859313

Mel B.

Melissa Berrocal MS RD CDE is a Registered Dietitian and a Miami Native with a specialty in diabetes and obesity. She has an extensive amount of experience with nutrition education of all ages. She created this book so that children can begin to learn the importance of nutrition at an early age. The author has her private practice and is a mother of three children. She wants to emphasize the impact of how discussing health and proper eating habits is essential in forming children’s perception of food and food selections. Her intention with this book is to give parents a guide on how to discuss healthy food choices with their children, making children more aware of the control they have over their own health with the food choices they make.

Book preview

MEETING STARTERS

ALSO BY MEL B.:

New Wine: The Spiritual Roots

of the Twelve Step Miracle

Walk in Dry Places

Ebby: The Man Who Sponsored Bill W.

The 7 Key Principles of Successful Recovery:

The Basic Tools for Progress, Growth,

and Happiness (with Bill P.)

My Search for Bill W.

MEETING STARTERS

A Guide to Better

Twelve Step Discussions

MEL B.

Hazelden Publishing

Center City, Minnesota 55012-0176

800-328-9000

hazelden.org/bookstore

©2007 by Hazelden Foundation

All rights reserved. Published 2007

Printed in the United States of America

No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

B., Mel.

        101 meeting starters : a guide to better twelve step disussions / Mel B.

        p. cm.

        ISBN: 978-1-59285-369-4 (softcover)

        Ebook ISBN: 978-1-59285-931-3

        1. Alcoholics—Rehabilitation. 2. Alcoholics Anonymous. 3. Group facilitation. 4. Twelve-step programs. 5. Discussion. 6. Meetings. I. Title. II. Title: One hundred one meeting starters. III. Title: One hundred and one meeting starters.

HV5275.B2 2007

616.86’106--dc22

2006046936

11 10 09 08 07

6 5 4 3 2 1

Cover design by David Spohn

Interior design by Ann Sudmeier

Typesetting by Prism Publishing Center

Contents

Why I Prepared This Guidebook

A Look at Willpower

Am I Different?

Are Alcoholics Perfectionists?

Are We Passing It On?

Are We Victims?

Attracting Trouble

Be Careful What You Pray For

Being Responsible

Changing Things We Can

Coming to Grips with Fear

Contending with Self-Will

Controlling the Imagination

Coping with Depression

Coping with Social Pressure

Dealing with Disagreeable People

Dealing with Rejection

Dealing with the Past

Do Material Things Matter?

Do We Deserve Success?

Does AA Meet Wants or Needs?

Does Alcoholism Have a Physical Origin?

Does Easy Does It Do It?

Does Harm Reduction Work?

Emotional Sobriety

Erasing the Old Tapes

Fearing Change

Finding a Higher Power

Finding God’s Will for Us

Finding True Independence

First Things First: Getting Things in Order

Getting Beyond People Pleasing

Giving Away to Keep

Growth through Prayer and Action

Happy Coincidences

How Do You Think of God?

How to Deal with Impatience

How to Keep the Good Tapes

How to Find Happy Sobriety

How Should We Carry the Message?

Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

It’s Your Vision That Matters

Justified Resentments

Keep It Simple

Let It Begin with Me

Letting Go of Guilt

Letting Go of Problems

Life after Cloud Nine

Live and Let Live

Mental Depression after Sobriety

Needing the Program versus Wanting It

Old Resentments Flaring Up

Principles before Personalities

Resent Someone

Responsibilities in Sobriety

Should We Have the Four Absolutes?

Surrender to Win

Taking the Tenth Step

The ABCs of AA

The Fear of Rejection

The Importance of Continuing

The Need for Self-Honesty

Tricky Comparisons

Trouble in Finding a Higher Power

Truth and Honesty

Walk in Dry Places

Wanting Instant Gratification

We Cannot Live with Anger

We Die to Live

What about My Old Friends?

What Blocks Acceptance?

What Is a Principle?

What Is Being Spiritually Fit?

What Is Insanity?

What Is Living One Day at a Time?

What Is Open-Mindedness?

What Is Prayer and Meditation?

What Is Sincerity?

What Is Willingness?

What’s Needed for Staying Sober

When and Why We Are in the Wrong

When Have We Made a Decision?

When Have We Taken the Fifth Step?

When I Feel Better, I’ll Do It!

When Pride Gets in My Way

When the Worst Things Become the Best

Who Is an Alcoholic?

Whom Can We Fix?

Why and How We Should Practice Forgiveness

Why Attitude Matters

Why Did We Drink?

Why Do I Keep Coming Back?

Why Have a Primary Purpose?

Why Help Is Needed

Why Is One Drink So Bad?

Why Keep Coming Back?

Why Resentment Leads the Pack

Why Should We Make Amends?

Why Suffer to Get Well?

Why Work the Tenth Step?

Willingness Is the Key

Winning the Boredom Battle

MEETING STARTERS

Why I Prepared This Guidebook

Discussion meetings are closely tied in with AA’s basic purpose of sharing our experience, strength, and hope with each other so we can stay sober and help others achieve sobriety. Certain topics and discussions support this purpose, but others have little or no bearing on sobriety and may even discourage wary newcomers from ever returning to an AA meeting. My hope is that this book will help every AA meeting get started on the right foot, regardless of how skilled the moderator or how distracted the group. My background for writing this book includes steady attendance at AA meetings since 1950. With at least ten thousand meetings behind me, I’ve come to see that not all AA discussion meetings are equal in content or spirit. Some of them are frightfully boring, although the people attending can be lively and personable. Many meetings go off track quickly, perhaps because they were never firmly on track at the beginning. Moderators sometimes permit discussions to become irrelevant or allow pointless distractions.

One pitfall is to launch meetings around general subjects such as relationships or feelings. These topics are too broad to give us the focus we need for a helpful meeting. I’ve never come away from such discussions with the belief that we were really dealing with our personal problems. To some people, for example, the word relationships has come to mean sexual affairs, while feelings could embrace the whole gamut of human emotions.

During one great meeting I recall, a young member admitted to the group that he had been caught shoplifting. We really worked on that topic, and the ensuing discussion allowed some of us to open up about our own past dishonesties. No one condemned the young man, but everybody agreed that shoplifting was wrong and that some amends were necessary. It was a much better meeting than if we had simply tried to discuss the need for honesty.

We also have good meetings when individual members express specific issues that are bothering them at the moment. I recall a woman who was furious because her husband had lost his job, requiring them to move to a town she detested. Resentments of this kind are grist for the AA discussion mill, and almost everybody at the table can bring up examples of similar problems in his or her own past. Discussions can also catch fire when members talk about problems at work or disagreements with co-workers. While some of these discussions may wander a bit, they are healthy because troubled alcoholics need a forum for talking about such matters in a safe environment.

There are times, of course, when certain members will drone on about matters that have little or nothing to do with staying sober. AA even attracts a few people who are badly disturbed or who obsess about certain topics. At such times, it’s necessary to get back to the topic at hand, but this should be done with kindness and understanding. I’ve seen capable moderators break in on such monologues tactfully, changing the subject without hurting feelings.

But our best course is to start the meeting with a good topic or question that will trigger immediate responses in the people at the table. That’s why I’ve written 101 Meeting Starters. The purpose of this guidebook is to get discussion meetings started in the best way so we will come away fulfilled and happy that we’ve had another great sharing experience.

Using this guidebook should be simple. The moderator chooses an appropriate topic, or reads a selection of topics aloud to solicit a preference from the group. The moderator then reads the text aloud to start the discussion portion of the meeting. Space has been provided after each topic for taking notes, which can serve as an aid for future discussions.

These topics are not intended to replace good ideas from group members. But they can serve a useful purpose in helping members focus on the problems and concerns that we face in the ongoing quest for continued, happy sobriety.

A Look at Willpower

MODERATOR: In AA, we don’t believe that will-power can keep us sober. Most of us tried that route before we got here, and it didn’t work for us. No matter how much we willed ourselves to get sober and stay that way, we always wound up drunk. This was a frustrating business, and some of us decided we were just too weak-willed to find sobriety.

But many alcoholics are very strong-willed, and this can even be part of the problem. The will is our power to make choices and carry through with them. In drinking, however, we’ve acquired a compulsion that makes the wrong choices. The more we fight this compulsion, the more it tightens its grip on us. (People with other compulsions understand this well, hence the saying that you can’t eat just one potato chip.)

The process that seems to work for us in AA is to choose a different path with the understanding that our Higher Power is working in and through us, as well as over and above us. Our own will then becomes only the power to choose, but it is not the power that does the actual work of keeping us sober.

For this to work, we have to believe in the process and accept it for ourselves. It is simple, but it works. Now I’d like to ask the group to recall efforts to stay sober on willpower alone. Most likely, these efforts worked for a time and then failed. I need a volunteer to start the discussion with an example from personal experience.