Maggie Goes Medieval: Maggie MacKay: Magical Tracker, #8

By Kate Danley

Just when things couldn't get worse, the fate of the world depends upon surviving a mad king's games at a Renaissance Festival.  Maggie and Killian will be trading more barbs than an historically inacurate iron maiden.

WARNING: This story contains cussing, brawling, and unladylike behavior.  Proceed with caution.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Katherine Danley
• Release date: Jan 15, 2017
• ISBN: 9781540100450

Kate Danley

Kate Danley, an award-winning actress, playwright, and author, is a member of the Acme Comedy Improv and sketch troupes in Los Angeles. Her plays have been produced in New York, Los Angeles, and the Washington, DC/Baltimore area. Danley’s screenplay Fairy Blood won first place in the Breckenridge Festival of Film screenwriting competition in the action/adventure category. Her debut novel, The Woodcutter, was honored with the Garcia Award for the best fiction book of the year, was the first place fantasy book in the Reader Views Literary Awards, and the winner of the sci-fi/fantasy category of the Next Generation Indie Book Awards. Kate currently lives in Burbank, California, and works by day as office manager for education and exhibits at the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles.

Book preview

The Maggie MacKay Series

Stay up to date on the official Maggie website

http://www.maggiemackaymagicaltracker.com/books/

Maggie MacKay: Magical Tracker

Maggie for Hire

Maggie Get Your Gun

Maggie on the Bounty

M&K Tracking

The M-Team

Maggie Goes to Hollywood

Maggie Reloaded

Maggie Goes Medieval

Eine Kleine Nacht Maggie

Of Mice and MacKays

Auntie Mags (coming Fall 2018)

The Ghost & Ms. MacKay (A Holiday Special)

Red, White, and Maggie (A Holiday Special)

My Maggie Valentine (A Holiday Special)

...and more to come

Chapter One

N ever again shall you face such a terrible fate, my people.  Never again shall you be placed in harm's way.  I was foolish before and placed other concerns above that which is our primary concern:  you.  Killian of Greenwold has proven himself worthy to stand at my side.  We shall prepare for the royal wedding where he shall be my chosen husband and consort.  Children shall be had so that our people shall never be left without an heir.  So shall it be spoken, so shall it be done.

I stared at Killian, aghast.

His face mirrored my aghastness pretty much line-for-WTF-line.

About three seconds ago, we woke the elves' version of Sleeping Beauty from her thrall with  mere moments to spare before all of creation was destroyed.  This all came about because the Dark Dimension was sucking on the queen's life force like a Dyson vacuum in an infomercial.  Reclining in her bed with Killian at her side, the newly restored queen had announced to her loyal subjects this surprise executive decision: She and her handsome prince were getting hitched!  Surprise!  The entire elfin court (who had been passed out on the floor as of about two seconds ago) now hauled their droopy selves over to swarm the not-so-happy couple with smiles and well wishes.  The queen practically glowed.  Killian looked more along the lines of: Maybe we should have let the world end, Maggie.

Xiaoming and Father Killarney were standing, exhausted, behind me.  I'm not sure who would have won the jaw drop competition.

This very, very bad... whispered Xiaoming.

My name is Maggie MacKay.  I'm a magical tracker.  I used to work for the official World Walker's Association before an evil organization called the Bringers of Light took it over.  I'm not exactly sure how things stood now.  I hadn't swung by the front office to pick up the company newsletter since they used a medusa to turn my co-workers into a bunch of statues.

Oh, and my Dad was currently a statue.  We stuck him in a dragon's cave for safekeeping while Killian and I tried to save civilization.  You know.  A normal Tuesday night. 

But now the evil little road bump we'll call Utter Annihilation by Bad Jewelry Choices had been smashed beneath the tires of our monster truck named Don't Fuck With Our Survival or I Will Fuck You Up, I had been looking forward to getting Dad sorted out.  There were these earrings I left with this World Walker chick that could cut people out of marble.  It was only a matter of tracking her down and asking to borrow them back, but I hadn't had a chance yet.  One of those, When you get around to it items on the Preventing the Apocalypse To-Do list I seemed to be carrying around in my front pocket.

Killian is my partner.  Well, officially ex-partner since we had to close up M&K Tracking as an officially sanctioned tracking company.  But we put together our own crack commando unit for solving problems I was affectionately calling the M-Team.  It was made up of namely him, me, a busty blue intake officer, a drunk Irish priest, and a cranky Chinese guy.  It doesn't sound too impressive on paper, but believe you me, we already managed to save the multiverse from implosion by riding a demon horse through the Dark Dimension and freeing the elfin queen from a soul sucking thrall.   According to math as I understood it, that put us at a 100% success rate, which I'm thinking was pat-on-the-back worthy.

Unfortunately, on awakening, the queen of the elves decided that she had enough of Killian's swinging bachelor ways and it was high time for him to settle down.  Namely on her.  And she failed to ask the groom what he thought of this idea before announcing the shotgun wedding to her people.  Based on what I could see, I'm pretty sure Killian would have chosen the shotgun.  He was mouthing something at the three of us that I couldn't make out.  Was it Help?  Get me the fuck out of here?  This woman is batshit crazy?  Something.

I hope he isn't askin' me to officiate, Father Killarney mumbled in his Irish lilt.  I threw an elbow at his ribs.  Father Killarney is our family priest.  He also ran a cleanup crew that specialized in exorcisms and had been fighting the bad guys since before I was born. 

This very, very, very bad... whispered Xiaoming, in case we had missed it the first time.  He hit me with a steely glance.  Survival of world is out of balance.  Again.  He pointed at Killian as he accused me of screwing up my friend's life.  "YOU put him in this danger."

I'm sure that if he didn't like me so much, Xiaoming would've been just as happy to have a vampire turn me so he could stake me without feeling bad about it.  Our relationship is complicated. 

I was feeling the effects of battling it out with the forces of dark, though.  I felt kind of like a person who had their ass handed to them more than any one person should in a 24-hour period.  Soooo... what do we do?  Stay?  Go?  Find ourselves a hot tub and drink ourselves into oblivion?  I forgot what Miss Manners said about saving an entire species and having your moment overshadowed by a forced wedding.

I vote drinking, said Xiaoming, holding up his hand to make sure his vote counted.  He then held up his other hand in case it could be counted twice.

I had no problem with that.  So, we've got three for alcohol.  Not going to let us down, are you, Father Killarney?

He took Xiaoming's arms and pulled them down to his side.  Perhaps we should return to Killian's house and wait for him there, Father Killarney hissed.  We might not want to make our presence too—

Why wouldn't we want to make our presence— I began to ask, but was interrupted.

And we have these brave heroes to thank for my rescue and our survival! said the Queen, sweeping her hand towards the three of us.

Aaaaand that's when I figured out why Father Killarney suggested we play it cool.  The entire host of elves turned to face us in one, silent motion.  It was very Invasion of the Body Snatchers. 

I gave a dismissive wave.  Easy game.  Anytime.

They responded with nothing but stony silence. 

Xiaoming coughed uncomfortably. 

Tomorrow begins the royal feast to celebrate our nuptials and these mighty warriors shall be our honored guests, announced the queen.

A forced cheer rose from the crowd.  I mean, we saved every single one of their muscular, tight asses and it took a royal command for some hollow gratitude?  Something was going on here that I did not understand.  At all.

As soon as you can get away, go to Killian's house, Father Killarney murmured as his face broke into a wide smile and he acknowledged the accolades of the crowd.

Xiaoming and I followed his lead.  But as I looked at the queen, there was a cold glimmer in her stare that I did not like.

My eyes met Killian's.  He wasn't cheering.  In fact, he looked about two seconds from a panic attack.  He very purposely glanced away, as if to make sure everyone knew that he most definitely was NOT glancing at us.

I turned back to the Queen.  I raised my hand to ask a question, hoping the teacher wouldn't get mad at me.  The entire crowd fell eerily silent again.  I am so sorry to be a party pooper, but turns out my Uncle Ulrich escaped from his interdimensional prison, there's a demon horse running through your woods, and I have this asshole angel I left stranded in the Dark Dimension who is gonna be really, really pissed if I don't get back to him, so I might need to bug out—

The Queen stopped me.  And she was throwing off a creepy enough vibe that I actually did stop.  I repeat, she said, her voice ringing out with such command that one might suspect it held a note of warning.  "You are our honored guests and you shall be thanked for your service."

I swallowed hard.  This time, Killian and I locked eyes.  I didn't think that pale, blond elf could pale even more, but somehow he managed it.  He gave me a small, almost imperceptible nod that practically screamed, GO WITH THE FLOW, DUMBASS.  I plastered the smile I learned working as a PA in Hollywood on my face and gritted my teeth.  We would be honored.

Another cheer went up from the crowd.  The queen reached over with a perfectly manicured hand, tilted Killian's head towards her, and gave him a kiss.  She might as well have been marking her territory like a dog peeing on a beach blanket.  Too bad she hadn't figured out I wasn't her competition.  Killian was already quite capable of rejecting her on his own.  If we're talking the flames of passion, I'd seen more fire on a toasted marshmallow.

When they parted, another cheer rose from the crowd, and I almost sprained my eyeballs from rolling them so hard.  I realized Killian was looking at me and just the slightest amused smile quirked the edges of his mouth.

There's an old saying that when misfortune strikes, you gotta make sure the shit rolls outward.  The victim of said misfortune can bitch and moan all they want.  It is your job to make sure you don't pile your grief onto their already overburdened shoulders.  I decided it was time to take on that mantle.

As the crowd was given permission to ignore us again and settled into polite chatter amongst themselves, the three of us outsiders made our escape.

What the hell is going on? I asked Father Killarney as we snuck out the door.

She's keepin' us from stealing away with her bridegroom, he replied, glancing over his shoulder.  We couldn't leave now if we tried.

Come on, I dismissed.  "She was just talking the talk in front of her people in there.  She wouldn't actually make us her prisoners.  I pointed up ahead where the pathway forked in two.  Oh look! I said to Father Killarney and Xiaoming.  Is that a hell horse?"

I motioned for Father Killarney and Xiaoming to continue towards Killian's place while I headed in the out of the tree direction.

Xiaoming leaned against the trunk like a high school vice principal who had seen this particular stunt a million times.  Mere seconds after I thought I had gotten away with it, a branch shot out from the Mother Tree like a mom's arm across the front seat in a brake check.

I held up my hands and backed myself up.  Just thought I saw a hell horse.  I'm headed back to Killian's.  The branch slowly retracted from across the pathway.  I pointed at it accusingly.  "But for the record, I would like to remind you that I'M the one who saved your ass and I do NOT appreciate this ingratitude." 

Xiaoming shook his head.  What?  You think Mother Tree is stupid?

I sighed heavily.  No, Xiaoming, I was just checking... never mind...

Mother Tree is not idiot like you, Maggie MacKay, he said, pulling his pack of smokes out of his pocket.

You sure you should be doing that? I asked.  There is an awful lot of wood around us.

He shrugged.  I am pretty sure our life over soon anyways.  He lit up and was just about to toss the match over the edge when I grabbed it.

Only YOU can prevent forest fires, Smokey, I said, spitting on the match head and making sure the ember was completely out before flicking it over the walkway.  With as shitty of a guest as you are, I'm surprised the Mother Tree isn't shoving us out the door.

Xiaoming gave me an exaggerated no duh look and I suddenly realized I had foiled his plan to be such a shitty guest that the Mother Tree DID kick us out.  Oh.  Sorry.

You so stupid, Maggie, said Xiaoming, taking a long drag and ashing over the walkway.

As we resumed our walk to Killian's place, I was struck by the change that had already begun taking place.  As weird as the queen was acting, I gotta say, the forest looked glad to have her back.  The rot was being replaced by green and the Mother Tree, while not about to win a garden party competition, seemed to be doing better.

Xiaoming ran his hand along the bark of the tree, then rubbed his thumb and forefinger together and examined whatever it was he was rolling.  I hoped it wasn't tree boogers.

Good... he said.

Good, what? I asked.

Tree is healing.  There will be a ring in all the trunks marking this time of trouble, but Mother Tree survives.

I could have told you that on account of the fact she just tried to clothesline me.

Xiaoming shook his head. More to not dying that just LOOKING like not dying.  And then he walked in front of me so I might have some space to mull that thought over.

We finally got to Killian's place and I showed them in.  It was a round tree house that grew out of the Mother Tree.  It doesn't have a door, but there are carvings that come to life to eat unwanted visitors.  There are bookshelves growing out of the walls and furniture growing out of the floor.  There is an imbedded circular staircase that grows up to Killian's sleeping loft on the second floor. 

Um... pull up a... tree stump, I offered, pointing at the elf's furniture. 

Father Killarney looked up the curved staircase at Killian's bedroom.  Is that where the two of you are sleeping? he asked, with a note of disapproval in his voice.

Listen, I was trying to save you the horror, I replied, pulling back the fabric that separated Killian's room from mine, but no, we are not crashing in this natural wonderland together.  My room is the 1980s nightmare behind Door Number 2.

Killian grew me an extra bedroom next door which he filled with his collection of human artifacts, including a Rubik's cube, lime green inflatable furniture, and a black floor lamp shaped like a woman's body except there's a lampshade where her head should be (and a candle instead of a light bulb since elves don't do electricity.) 

Xiaoming looked inside and then looked at me.  I would like to stay with Door Number 1.

You and me both, I said.  I hustled over to the kitchen.  How about I make up some coffee while we wait?  Hopefully Killian won't be too long. I began filling up the pot with water.  While he's gone, what THE FUCK just happened in there?

Father Killarney shook his head.  Oh, Maggie.  That Queen was tied to the Dark Dimension for far longer than any elf should be tied to such a place.  It is going to be awhile before she's herself.  Worse, I think the hospitality of the elves is near an end.

What do you mean? I asked.

It was outsiders that brought these troubles to their door.  And if you push an elf too far... well...  Father Killarney shook his head.  They are a peaceful race now, but it has not always been that way, he explained.  With the sacking of their caves and this trouble with the Dark Dimension, they may decide outsiders are unwelcome.

You mean, aside from us, I added.  I mean, we saved their lives.  If that means they're giving us the boot...

Oh, I have no doubt that we will specifically be invited to not darken their forest gate, Maggie.

I couldn't believe it.  Those ungrateful little fuckers.

Father Killarney threw a knowing look in Xiaoming's direction.  It is not so much about keeping you out as keeping a certain someone in.

It took me a second to realize what he was saying.  I started to laugh because it was so flipping ridiculous.  The queen thinks my presence is a threat?

She knows there are places Killian would rather be than here, Father Killarney tactfully stated.  I have a feeling she is deciding it is best if he, along with all of her people, are not tempted by the outside world.

Fuckers.

Well, said Father Killarney, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.  That is part of it.  They need to repopulate.  They've been decimated.  Cutting themselves off from the world for a few hundred years is a fairly safe course for survival.

WHAT?  That's BONKERS.  There are factions of crazy monsters out there gunning for them and they're going to just sit here pretending like nothing is happening? I began, but before I could finish that thought, Killian burst through the door. 

He leaned over, his breath coming in deep gasps.  He looked up at me.  Maggie, you must get me out of here.

Chapter Two

Killian paced up and down his elfin apartment, running his fingers through his hair and wiping his face like he was breaking out in a cold sweat.

I held out my hands trying to get him to at least stop moving.  He was making me seasick.  Killian, it was the heat of the moment. I tried to soothe.  She was focused on the emergency and just didn't think—

He barely looked at me.  I could practically see the gears in his brain spinning, but they were spinning less like a precision built triumph of engineering wonder and more like a cuckoo clock.  No, she knew EXACTLY what she was doing, he corrected me.  "She has wanted this for