Smothered

By George Barilla

Of all the many kinds of evil in this world none is worse than evil done to innocent children. Such harm hijacks a whole life – those children that don't die outright face an uphill climb -- carrying mental and physical scars that follow them all of their lives. Brave survivors have spoken out but most victims were terrorized into staying silent. Many, like me, are too damaged to ever realize their full potential or have a productive life. What really happened and who is responsible? Can we identify the abusers and hold them accountable? This book answers these questions.

Why am I writing it now and not sooner? Like many victims, I thought I was alone in my suffering. Then, because the internet and social media made communication almost instantaneous and far reaching, I found other people like me who had been damaged and abused by priests and nuns. I found out that there were thousands and thousands of survivors. They are all over the world and they are sharing the facts of their ordeals on websites, blogs and in news media brave enough to reveal the truth about the catholic church. Those thousands of survivors are just the tip of the iceberg – there are many more who have been reluctant to talk about the abuse and the abusers. I hope this book encourages them to tell their stories.

I can't live on hope; I can only live on results. My goal is to make sure that they will never, not any perverted nun or priest or other male clergy, under any circumstances be in charge of or be near a child again. All abusers of children, whether church, family or strangers are criminals and their punishment should fit their crimes.

For those that died at the hands of nuns, priests and other child abusers, I wrote this book. And for those that are still suffering or will suffer in the future if the abuse is not stopped, I also write for them. We may never heal but we will live to see justice served.

I am telling this true story to my wife. She is writing this book for me because the brain damage caused by the nuns who "cared" for me prevents me from writing it myself. I wanted to tell my story and put all of the facts and information together in one place so you can understand what has happened, what is still happening and what the future will be like for innocent children if we don't stop these abusers. I have a lot of determination to reveal the truth because of what they did to me, my brother and to all the other children in this world who suffered by their hands.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Dec 3, 2012
• ISBN: 9780985983000

Book preview

List of characters

I chose the name Rocco Valente for myself and Angelo Valente for my brother because it is too difficult for me to keep hearing our real names over and over while writing about the abuse inflicted on us. Valente means strong – and we were.

Angelo: messenger of God (Frankie)* Angelo Valente, Rocco’s older brother

Rocco: rock (George) Rocco Valente, the main character – this is his story

Desdemona, Des for short: of the devil, (Rose) mother of Rocco and Angelo

Russo (Frank), Rocco’s father

Ana (Ann), Rocco’s older sister

Babs (Barbara), Rocco’s sister, younger than Ana but older than Rocco

Ted Benz (Ed Sr.), Ana’s boyfriend, then husband

Teddy Boy (Ed Jr.), – Ted Benz Jr. son of Ted Benz

*Real names in parentheses

Note to Readers

In this book, we have not capitalized any words related to the roman catholic church: the vatican, the pope, priests, fathers, etc. -- because until they all take responsibility for ensuring the safety of the children entrusted to their care, they do not deserve to be formally acknowledged. When I speak of church I am talking about the roman catholic church. God is always capitalized.

Transitions: Throughout the book are scenes where Rocco is running, always going uphill. The running intervals separate major parts of the book. The top of the hill is bright and bathed in light. There are obstacles in Rocco’s path that foretell the bad things that will happen to him. When he reaches an obstacle, the scene switches to an evil person or event. He reaches the top and at the end of the story looks down and sees all the evil people he left behind.

Quotes: George comments throughout the book when the facts need a more personal explanation.

Preface

Why I wrote this book

Of all the many kinds of evil in this world none is worse than evil done to innocent children. Such harm hijacks a whole life – those children that don’t die outright face an uphill climb -- carrying mental and physical scars that follow them all of their lives. Brave survivors have spoken out but most victims were terrorized into staying silent. Many, like me, are too damaged to ever realize their full potential or have a productive life. What really happened and who is responsible? Can we identify the abusers and hold them accountable? This book answers these questions.

Why am I writing it now and not sooner? Like many victims, I thought I was alone in my suffering. Then, because the internet and social media made communication almost instantaneous and far reaching, I found other people like me who had been damaged and abused by priests and nuns. I found out that there were thousands and thousands of survivors. They are all over the world and they are sharing the facts of their ordeals on websites, blogs and in news media brave enough to reveal the truth about the catholic church. Those thousands of survivors are just the tip of the iceberg – there are many more who have been reluctant to talk about the abuse and the abusers. I hope this book encourages them to tell their stories.

I can’t live on hope; I can only live on results. My goal is to make sure that they will never, not any perverted nun or priest or other male clergy, under any circumstances be in charge of or be near a child again. All abusers of children, whether church, family or strangers are criminals and their punishment should fit their crimes.

For those that died at the hands of nuns, priests and other child abusers, I wrote this book. And for those that are still suffering or will suffer in the future if the abuse is not stopped, I also write for them. We may never heal but we will live to see justice served.

I am telling this true story to my wife. She is writing this book for me because the brain damage caused by the nuns who cared for me prevents me from writing it myself. I wanted to tell my story and put all of the facts and information together in one place so you can understand what has happened, what is still happening and what the future will be like for innocent children if we don’t stop these abusers. I have a lot of determination to reveal the truth because of what they did to me, my brother and to all the other children in this world who suffered by their hands.

Sins of the father

This is a list of the evil done by the church and its minions (including nuns who take orders from the fathers). See documented details throughout the book.

The Children

Beating and raping children

Beating and raping deaf and autistic children

Smothering and killing children

Cover up of pedophiles

Isolating children at camps, outings and behind the altar to rape them

Missionary pedophiles in Third World countries where no one can hear the children cry

Sexually and physically abused children of every race, nationality and age

Threaten children with bodily harm to them and their families if they tell

Using unwanted babies as slaves in the orphanages

When the pope was cardinal ratzinger in 2001 he said clearly that child sex abuse cases should not only be kept internal, but should be dealt with under the deepest cover that the church has, called pontifical secret.

Thousands and thousands of children suffered from sexual abuse in the Dutch roman catholic church over more than six decades.

Dutch children who were sexually abused were castrated while under care in catholic-run psychiatric institutions because of ‘homosexual behaviour’ after priests raped them.

Finance

U.S. State Department added the vatican to its list of money-laundering centers

Disappearance of $1.3 billion supposed to go to poor in South America

JP Morgan Chase closes vatican bank account on suspicion of money laundering

Using parishioners’ money for abuse case payouts

Claiming bankruptcy to avoid paying survivors

Paying lobbyists to get laws in their favor and eliminating statutes of limitation

Bribing politicians, police and lawmakers

Church lawyers further abuse the abused survivors

Paying pedophile priests $20,000 to leave the church (Cardinal Tim Dolan’s idea – crime pays)

Church pays no taxes even on income-producing real estate and for-profit businesses they own

The Real Law vs. the pope’s law

Pope told Irish bishops not to report child sex abuse by priests to the police

Pope fires bishops for diocese management problems but doesn’t fire bishops who cover up pedophile priests

Mafia mobster buried in vatican church tomb

The pope and all his followers have total legal immunity in Italy – from the Italian government and can do anything they want

Keeping secret archives with evidence on pedophile priests and higher level clergy

People with vatican connections disappear or are found hanged

Church disregards the First Amendment of the United States Constitution by telling victims to keep quiet if they want payments for their abuse

The priest who helped write the church’s zero-tolerance policy on pedophiles in the church and wrote a guidebook for U.S. bishops on how to handle abuse cases was indicted for having oral sex with a 15-year-old boy.

A priest is serving 60 years in prison for agreeing to pay $5,000 to have his sex abuse accuser killed. The hit man was actually an undercover Texas Department of Public Safety agent.

Mother Teresa’s personal confessor, a jesuit, is one of the most notorious child abusers in the church’s history (and she was aware of his background). He is currently serving a 25 year sentence in prison.

Where the Donations Go

Send priests and nuns to comfortable retirement homes (with parishioners’ money)

Squander parishioners’ money on gold, velvet, silk, designer shoes and perfume for the pope

Eat gourmet food while parishioners and the poor go hungry

Pay for gardeners and fertilizer for 57 acres of vatican land

Pay an army of guards to protect them but nothing to protect children from them

Philadelphia diocese owns massive beachfront home worth $6.2 million where retired priests can enjoy themselves and have cooks, waiters and caretakers. Taxes on the home are $115,000 a year.

Vatican owns a palace on a lake used for summer vacations since 1624.

Pay out abuse settlements of $3 billion.

Bad Habits

Collect child pornography

Priests write love letters to male lovers

Attend Sexaholics Anonymous meetings exclusively for priests

Bad Company

Nazi connections (Hitler)

Fascist connections (Mussolini)

Nazi connections now

Banker with close ties to vatican found dead hanging under a bridge

The Worst Sin

Hiding behind God to do evil

Smothered

Prologue

No Way Out Alive

The only way three year old Rocco could get away from his abusers was to die. Innocent and defenseless -- with no one to protect him -- the truly evil took the opportunity to abuse him. Rocco’s abusers towered over him. They hit, kicked and beat him with their hands, their feet, and an arsenal of torture tools. He could not cry or move – the pain was so strong it paralyzed his mind and body.

The first time they beat him, Rocco thought it would never happen again. But they did it over and over. Between the beatings he was very sad --he was never happy, not once – there was never a kind word. Rocco survived the torture and abuse. God kept him alive so that one day when he was safe he could speak out and expose the evil.

I could have died many times over. Each time I faced death I didn’t know who would be the winner. Yet I got through it.

Rocco survived abuse that killed so many children. He grew strong. Never again would he be vulnerable. Never again would any evil coward hurt him. He trained like a gladiator. The punches from Golden Gloves boxers and street fighters were nothing compared to the child abuse he had suffered at the hands of those entrusted to protect him. Rocco survived life threatening challenges and there were more to come. It took more than strength and luck to live through it all – it took miracles.

Miracles

Miracles can be great events like the parting of the Red Sea – or they can be so small that they go unnoticed. God can help in many ways, giving us strength to overcome evil and survive against all odds. Rocco survived repeated abuse and severe brain damage at the time when medical skill wasn’t advanced enough to keep him alive. Did God have a reason for keeping Rocco alive? Rocco came back from the dead to tell everyone, everywhere, just where the evil lives – to help survivors, to warn parents and care givers, and to stop the abuse of helpless children that still happens every day all over the world.

Abusers

Abusers are devious. They can disguise abuse as discipline, concern or even love. Priests and nuns and others who sexually abuse children may say they love them. Rocco’s mother called him the apple of her eye in public and abused him when no one was looking.

Abusers invent sins that they can then punish: You deserve this! they say to their victim. That a young child could encourage abuse, especially sexual abuse is unthinkable! These serial abusers fear discovery. Their goal is to beat and rape and torture our children. So they protect themselves and others like them by blaming the victim so they can continue the evil.

Children living in a brutal world don’t recognize abuse because it’s the only world they know. A child may not tell anyone they were abused, especially if the abuser is a family member or a trusted person. Those too young or too disabled to talk are easy prey. The cowardly abusers try to make the child feel shame – but the shame is on them for the immoral and brutal criminal acts they commit.

Everywhere in the world certain acts are considered evil by everyone: murdering, beating and raping children are tops on the list. Child rapists who find themselves in jail are often killed by inmates – many of whom have been victims of child abuse and rape -- and who consider such a crime lower than low. Using God and religion as a means to molest or control a child is the worst kind of abuse. Whether the abuser is an individual or an institution like the church, the instant they choose such evil over good, their place is in Hell.

For those who survive, abuse starts a chain reaction. Victims, made to feel guilty (so they can be used and abused), can suffer depression and often become suicidal. Children who are beaten are vulnerable to more abuse from the same abusers or from other abusers. They are physically and mentally damaged and can’t communicate, so it is easy for other malicious people, including family members, to further abuse that child. Abused children become adults who are under the control of their abusers – physically or psychologically. They never truly heal.

Perry Bulwer, lawyer and human rights advocate writing on his website: http://religiouschildabuse.blogspot.com/ in Religion and Child Abuse News says, Children are easy targets. But it is more than just sad when religion is used to justify assaulting children, it is immoral and criminal.

In addition to being sexually abusive, it is also spiritually abusive because of clergy’s religious relationship with the child, says Bulwer. The emotional pain and confusion caused by a sexual assault by a trusted authority figure causes psychological abuse as well, he says. Catholic leaders stoop so low that they blame children for causing their own abuse, says Bulwer. Such abuse also makes it more likely that the child will have PTSD (Posttraumatic stress disorder) (Giardino AP, http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/916007 ).

Rocco was brain damaged from the abuse the nuns inflicted, and his family heaped emotional abuse on top of that physical abuse. Rocco’s parents ignored and isolated him; he was never given a chance to thrive, to develop or learn.

On purpose, and by their evil nature, everything his family did to Rocco put him in harm’s way. They wanted or hoped that he would be hurt or killed -- but in such a way that they weren’t blamed -- and they had many ways: they left him in the street in dangerous neighborhoods where bullies and gangs hunted the young and the weak. They abandoned him in dangerous and distant places. Anything Rocco owned that was important to him was destroyed or disappeared -- and there was much more abuse to come.

It wasn’t poverty that kept Rocco cold in the winter with no blankets or warm clothes and with shoes patched with cardboard. Rocco’s parents had fine clothes and slept under warm blankets. His mother had many dresses, wore an expensive fur coat and jewelry and his father had a cashmere winter coat and wool suits. They deprived him out of jealousy and an evil wish to abuse a helpless child, already so abused by church minions that he couldn’t cry or tell anyone about it. He couldn’t ask for a warm blanket. He just shivered in the cold. There was no love, no affection, no sympathy -- just apathy and meanness always. Like all child abusers, Rocco’s parents were devils walking upon this earth.

About Evil People

God did not create evil. Just as darkness is the absence of light, evil is the absence of God. — Albert Einstein

No conscience

Good people want to help us keep the children safe, sound and protected. When good people hear that a child is hurt, beaten, or molested, they get sick over it. The pope of the roman catholic church and his minions abused millions of children in these ways. Do they get a good night’s sleep and wake up in the morning looking for more victims? It would appear so since they do nothing to protect the children or punish the criminals. With that mentality, their goal is to take over the world using God as a cover up or a front.

They send their missionaries to scout for more victims. They are power hungry – not holy and pious as they want us to believe. They change laws and destroy our chance to retaliate and bring them to justice. They use our donations to support their perverted lifestyles. They want to go back to a time when they had armies and could destroy any opposition to their evil deeds.

Evil people thrive when they hurt someone. They feel no guilt because they have no conscience. Often, they single out someone and abuse them while they force children or other powerless victims to watch. They want the others to witness the physical or sexual abuse in order to instill fear in them – and make them submit more easily to the abusers. The nuns did this to me and my brother; they did it to so many children; they are still doing it now.

Under the rug

The abusers, all psychopaths, practice self-deception, convincing themselves that they can do no wrong -- they try to appear to be good, while continuing to do their evil secretly. If they get caught violating civil laws, they plead not guilty or blame society and their victims for their crimes as you will see. Unless the crimes are so visible and blatant, many, like the evil nuns and priests in this book and more senior clergy all the way up to the vatican get away with heinous crimes and go on to repeat them.

When they do get caught, the abusers have a system of mentors who aid them, cover up for them, support them and encourage them. If they were on their own these craven cowards would wind up in jail. To break this evil system, we have to start with these mentors, the enablers – and cut their support lines. If we don’t, the evil perpetrators will just continue their crimes and will be replaced by the next generation of abusers.

We have to cut off funding for any abusers that feed off organizations or people. We cannot keep supporting the priests and nuns who are pedophiles through our donations or by letting bribed and sympathetic law makers pass church-friendly laws that hurt the victims. Murder has no statute of limitations. Why does raping a child have a statute of limitations that keeps the rapists from justice? The crime is murder – of a mind, a body and a life.

Body snatchers

Are these evil people who abuse children and abuse the helpless really devils? They look like us, but inside they are soul-less. Is their human form just a disguise to trick us into listening to them or acting like them? God or pretended godliness is a good disguise for devils in business to destroy our bodies and souls. Abusive nuns, priests, bishops, archbishops, cardinals and the pope all hold God’s commandments in front of them and do the devil’s work behind them. Devils need their minions – a following of people who are adoring and subservient to them. If the God disguise fools you, they can find all the followers they need. The disguise does not fool the true God.

Golden Rule

The battle between good and the evil in the catholic church has been going on for centuries but now is the best time to expose this evil and stop it. Why? It is because we are no longer isolated. The internet, social media and instant communication is the downfall of evil. People immediately know what is happening around the world, and there is nowhere for evil to hide.

Moral codes have been around for a long time -- but evil people don’t live by them unless they are forced to do so. They enjoy violating moral codes. They don’t follow the Ten Commandments or the golden rule:

What is hateful to you; do not to your fellow man. This is the law: all the rest is commentary. - Hillel; Talmud

Do not do to others what would anger you if done to you by others. - Socrates.

If you or your children are weak, or small, or young -- so much the better and easier for evil to win. How could someone abuse a three year old child to near death? Where does it say in the Bible that original sin should be beaten out of a child? Can a child sin? Or is it the abusers who are the sinners and want to blame the child as an excuse to fulfill their perverted needs?

Evil fears the light

Evil is terrified of the light that shines to reveal it and its perpetrators. It is time to wake up the world about the true nature of this evil against innocent children. Once you know where evil lives, you can organize your defenses, seek it out and successfully combat it. In numbers there is safety and strength and there are many of us. We are prepared and we will win the battle in this world.

Abused people often want to put the evil out of their minds – dwelling on it hurts them. The abusers often tell them to forgive and forget, so they get off the hook and can do more evil. Rocco – left for dead by evil people, did not forget and will never forgive them. He doesn’t forgive them because they have never stopped being pedophiles and murderers.

"As long as you say, ‘I forgive’ or ‘I understand’ you enable them – you are working for them and you are keeping them out of jail and the children are still in danger."

Evil habits

If you Google Sparkill dominican nuns (New York) a link comes up: Women Making a Difference. In the 1940s these nuns ran st. agnes, a home in Sparkill, New York for orphans and for boys and girls with family problems – a supposedly safe haven. What you read about these nuns hides the truth. Charged with the care and protection of children, they did make a difference: they and their priest accomplice destroyed my life, caused my brother to commit suicide and hurt or killed thousands of other children.

Dominican nuns (and priests) have been around for 805 years. In 1231 pope gregory IX gave the job of carrying out inquisitions to the dominican order. In 1252, pope innocent IV authorized the dominicans’ use of torture and they never stopped using it. Inquisitions were witch hunts in which the church condemned anyone that didn’t agree with them and got rid of its political opponents by torturing or murdering them. In 1578 the inquisitors’ handbook said that punishment wasn’t for the correction and good of the person being punished – it was for the public good so others may become terrified and weaned away from the evils they would commit. (underline added) They were the original terrorists and they haven’t changed and never will until we stop them.

No one knew what went on behind closed doors at st. agnes except those of us who survived the abuse. About 20 years ago, 60 minutes CBS TV ran a segment on st. agnes and the child abuse that took place there. There is no mention of this show today -- not on CBS or on major search engines. Like much of the information on abuse by priests and nuns, it has disappeared from public view. The truth died with the victims or is locked up in the minds of those who can’t or won’t talk about it. St. agnes is just one example of church-sponsored housing and schools where hundreds of thousands of children around the world were made to suffer and were maimed or killed.

What the nuns and priest first did to me made the rest of my life unbearable. What they did to me ensured that all of the evil people who came afterward could easily get away with more abuse. We have to speak out, we who have been abused, because we don’t want it to happen to others -- to you or your children – we have to stop the abusers. When we do, the children of today and of the future will be safe and the 2,000 year chain of suffering will be broken.

The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. — Albert Einstein

Our personal nun and clergy abusers are part of an organization that reports up to the pope – he gives the orders but they are all evil. We can stop them. All of us, all over the world who were abused can keep speaking out -- and each of us can tell others. When our united voices are loud enough we will uncover more pedophile priests. We will show the world that nuns are just as abusive and guilty. We will be able to do to the nuns what the world did to the priests – expose them for what they are, and make the worst abusers, their leaders in the vatican, pay for their atrocious sins. They will never stop on their own, so we must stop them.

With the power of God’s help I want this book to encourage victims of abuse and those who care about them to add their voices to mine. Let everyone who wants to protect their child, grandchild and the unborn children of tomorrow speak out so that we can all be safe.

Any society which does not insist upon respect for all life must necessarily decay.

— Albert Einstein

Smothered

Opening Scene

The trail wound through the green field and disappeared into the dark woods. It was much colder among the trees. The young man ran at an even pace, breathing in a rhythm, his chest rising and falling. A chill wind began to blow, lightly at first and then it intensified, whipping the tree branches wildly. Lightening flashed in a white arc across the sky and crashed down like an axe, splitting a tree in half. One half of the tree falls toward the forest -- catching and crushing

Reviews for Smothered

[warbrickmelanie · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Absolutely devastating, anyone who abuses children are the lowest form of life, pathetic, gutless pigs. My partner & I would often discuss how the churches priests, pope, nuns etc are nothing but hypocrites, they are the worst sinners, we also could never understand why they never had to pay taxes. Their day will come it's could KARMA. Good book to read just really, really sad I cried several times.