Twisted Mind

By Mia Hoddell

She’s toxic.
Everyone tells me to leave her—that she’s going to destroy me.
But things aren’t that simple.

Elora’s pregnant with my child and I endure her twisted games of manipulation and violence to protect my unborn baby. I never predicted she would do the unthinkable or that she was cruel enough to kill.

Yet she did, and now everything’s spiralling out of control.

The light-hearted jokester on the race track isn’t a part I can play anymore. The Dustin Coates everyone loved is no longer me. I’m merely a grief-stricken man who’s barely able to function.

At least until Tazia Nixon moves in next door.

She soothes my aching heart and helps me forget. With every second I’m around her, I can feel myself being revived.

However, beneath her eternal optimism is a distressing past, and the lies are starting to unravel around me. I should have protected my fragile heart from her when I had the chance because now it’s too late. Someone out there wants to destroy me, and the odds are stacking up against us. They know Tazia can break me beyond repair, and they aren’t afraid to use her.

* Each book in the Chequered Flag series can be read as a standalone and is complete with a HEA. *

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mia Hoddell
• Release date: Aug 8, 2016
• ISBN: 9781370990641

Mia Hoddell

International bestselling author Mia Hoddell lives in the UK with her family and two cats. She spends most of her time writing or reading, loves anything romantic, and has an overactive imagination that keeps her up until the early hours of the morning.Mia has written over ten titles including her Seasons of Change series, the Chequered Flag series, the Elemental Killers series, and her standalone novels False Finder, Not Enough, and Bet On Me.Her favourite genres are contemporary romance or romantic suspense, and with an ever growing list of ideas she is trying to keep up with the speed at which her imagination generates them. She also designs book covers and banners on her website M Designs.

Book preview

ABOUT THE BOOK

She’s toxic.

Everyone tells me to leave her—that she’s going to destroy me.

But things aren’t that simple.

Elora’s pregnant with my child and I endure her twisted games of manipulation and violence to protect my unborn baby. I never predicted she would do the unthinkable or that she was cruel enough to kill.

Yet she did, and now everything’s spiralling out of control.

The light-hearted jokester on the race track isn’t a part I can play anymore. The Dustin Coates everyone loved is no longer me. I’m merely a grief-stricken man who’s barely able to function.

At least until Tazia Nixon moves in next door.

She soothes my aching heart and helps me forget. With every second I’m around her, I can feel myself being revived.

However, beneath her eternal optimism is a distressing past, and the lies are starting to unravel around me. I should have protected my fragile heart from her when I had the chance because now it’s too late. Someone out there wants to destroy me, and the odds are stacking up against us. They know Tazia can break me beyond repair, and they aren’t afraid to use her.

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DEDICATION

For Lauren

Thank you for all of the support over the years. Whether it was to listen to me drone on in History or to be one of the first to buy my books, it means the world to me. I can’t thank you enough for sticking with me.

CHAPTER ONE

Dustin

Elora, open the door. I hammered on the cherry red wood and the door rattled under the constant pounding. Elora!

I ceased all movement for a second, listening for the slightest sign of life on the other side. I knew she was in there. Her car was the only one left on her parents’ driveway and Elora never walked anywhere. If she refused to let me in, I seriously considered breaking the damned thing down because what I needed to say couldn’t wait.

I’d driven straight from Teo’s race at Silverstone. Seeing Raine fight her fears for my brother brought everything in my life into perspective.

I wanted what they had.

I wanted someone worth fighting for, and Elora wasn’t that person.

Hell, I’d tried to make her the one. I really had. However, it wasn’t working and I was stupid if I thought it ever would. Seeing Raine with Teo over the last few weeks only forced me to confront what really remained between me and Elora.

Nothing.

That was it.

There may have been lust at the start of our relationship, but it soon fizzled out. The only thing left now was a doomed relationship filled with violence and an unhealthy rate of break-ups and make-ups. Everyone else saw it, yet I had been dumb enough to believe her capable of change.

If it wasn’t for the baby, I’d have cut all contact weeks ago. I knew, however, that I couldn’t leave my child—born or unborn—alone with her. That wasn’t a risk I could ever take with a life so innocent and fragile. If I wasn’t around to take the hits, then who would?

Regardless, I could no longer be the victim. I wouldn’t leave my child defenceless or without a father, and if I had to fight for custody I would. However, I’d reached my limit of the amount of abuse I could take. I had enough evidence to prove how abusive Elora could be and I refused to put my child in a situation where it would grow up in a household with parents who despised each other. I didn’t want it growing up hearing what violence sounded like, and I definitely didn’t want my child to ever become the victim.

He or she wasn’t even born and already I had begun to adjust my life to accommodate the child. A protective desire stronger than anything I’d ever felt burned within me, and whenever I thought of harm coming to my baby my rage became uncontrollable.

The fucked up situation between us needed to be resolved before the baby was born, and that was why I found myself standing on Elora’s doorstep, demanding she answer me.

Elora, I know you’re home. Open the damned door!

Finally, muffled cursing and the shuffling of feet came from the other side. When the door opened, tortured eyes greeted me. Pain-filled and sleep deprived, faint red rings circled them like she had been crying. For once, her body looked frail. Her arms hugged her mid-section, though all of the actions appeared feeble.

My mind shot into overdrive, blowing my prepared break-up speech out of my head.

What’s wrong? Is it the baby?

Elora stiffened. It was only a minute difference, yet since I’d been deliberately scrutinising her movements I noticed. I studied her intently, trying to figure out what had happened in the space of a day and a sliver of guilt filtered into her gaze before a single blink erased it.

Elora, what’s going on?

Uh … we need to talk.

A sickening apprehension churned in my gut. Nothing good ever came of those words.

Dustin, we need to talk about our relationship. I don’t think it’s going anywhere.

Dustin, I’m sorry I hit you. I’ll never do it again.

Dustin, please take me back. I promise I’ll never do it again.

The past phrases that all started with the words ‘we need to talk’ wouldn’t leave me alone. Although, this time it felt worse than all of them. I couldn’t explain why, only the uneasiness seizing my joints warned me Elora was about to turn my world upside down yet again.

Stepping around her, I walked cautiously into the living room. Not able to bring myself to sit down, I folded my arms, widened my stance, and fixed Elora with a steely glare.

"Tell me what’s going on. Is it the baby?"

She stalked over to the sofa and dropped down on to it with a huff. There’s nothing for you to worry about anymore.

What’s that supposed to mean?

It means I’ve taken care of everything.

Icy tendrils started to creep around my heart, smothering it in paralysing fear as her words sank in. What have you done, Elora?

She waved a hand at me dismissively. You can go now. I’m no longer your concern.

I straightened my lips into a tight, thin line and my nostrils flared. What about the baby? That sure as hell is my concern. If you think for one second I’m allowing you to keep me from my child then—

There is no baby, Dustin.

I sucked in a sharp breath. My entire body tensed and I pressed my balled fists against my legs. Blood pounded in my ears, a rapid thundering to push the rage through my body so not even an inch remained untainted.

"Fuck, Elora! What were you thinking? What were you going to do when you were meant to start showing? Did you honestly think you could try to trap me with another fake pregnancy?"

Her gaze darkened. "That was one time! Are you really still hung up on it?"

"Let me think. My girlfriend claimed to be pregnant to try and get a ring out of me. Then when I failed to follow the plan she transformed into an abusive bitch. And now she’s at it again. What do you think?"

Crimson bled across her face. No, Dustin. I really was pregnant this time.

The tightness in my chest constricted further. "You said was …"

She fixed me with a nonchalant gaze, like she was talking about something as simple as a visit to a salon, and said, I had an abortion.

Like Elora had physically hit me, I stumbled back and shook my head. While I wanted to believe she wouldn’t do something so life changing and vindictive, this was Elora.

Tell me you’re lying. Tell me this is another fucked up game you’ve invented to give yourself a kick, I ground out, trying to hold on to the fury rapidly burning away the shock to consume me.

I couldn’t do it.

I inhaled deeply, bringing a hand up to pinch my nose while I closed my eyes. When I reopened them, I held Elora’s indifferent expression with a challenging glare.

Tell. Me. You’re. Lying.

I can’t. I had an abortion.

The words sliced into my heart, white hot pain ripping through my chest and spilling to the rest of my limbs.

"And you didn’t think to talk to me first? You just went ahead and murdered my baby?"

It was my choice to make and I didn’t feel ready. Not even a speck of remorse flowed from her words, the natural urge to defend herself taking over the tiny amount of humanity in her body.

I can’t forgive you for this, Elora. I ignored everything else you put me through because of our child. What you’ve done … I raised a hand to my hair, pulling on the roots and barely containing the desire to punch something as the grief snowballed in my chest. We’re done. Stay the fuck away from me and my family or I will go to the police for harassment and assault.

She gripped my wrist to prevent me from leaving. I did this for you. I thought you’d understand.

I whirled around, not realising she’d moved so close. Her body almost pressed up against mine, her face inches from me. I jerked my hand free from her hold.

"For me? How could any of this possibly be for me? I roared. And what the fuck is there to understand other than you’re completely bat-shit crazy and have no regard for anyone other than yourself?"

Her palm collided with my cheek and my head snapped to the side from the force of the blow. Instantly, a stinging pain radiated out from the point of impact.

I knew you only stuck around because of that baby! I’m cutting you free because you never wanted me. She curled her fingers against my cheek, her nails digging into my skin as she forced me to look at her.

I could have easily broken her grip. However, not once had I ever laid a hand on her, and even if I wanted to, I never would.

"So what if I didn’t want you? I sure as hell didn’t stick around to be used as a punching bag because I enjoyed it. Our baby was the only one who had my love."

With a demented cry, she drew her nails down my skin. A searing pain flowed down the trails she’d left. Then her fists found my chest. She pummelled them against me, pushing and shoving me backwards.

You bastard!

Hit.

You fucking, shove, piece of shit!

Smack.

I’m glad I got rid of it.

Punch.

You’d have been a shit father.

With palms outstretched, she moved to push me and I caught her wrists loosely. I prevented them reaching my chest, circling them in one hand. Stepping forward, I used my extra height and strength to force her back to the sofa.

Sit. Down, I growled and when she refused to comply I hardened my voice further. "Now, or I’m calling the police."

Her knees buckled and Elora collapsed on the sofa. Her eyes cleared minutely and she blinked to focus on me. I could feel blood starting to pool in the channels she’d clawed, yet I kept my focus on the woman responsible for more of my pain than a few bloody trails.

Here’s what’s going to happen. She opened her mouth to speak and I held up my free hand to silence her. I’m going to walk out of your door and your life. You will not come near me, call, text, write, or any use other form of contact with me or anyone I know again. You will stay the fuck away or I will throw every penny I have into making you pay for all of the shit you’ve pulled, and I won’t stop until you’re behind bars.

Apart from her complexion paling, she gave me no indication she’d heard me.

Do you understand what I’m saying, Elora?

She nodded grudgingly. I’d never been so cold or assertive and the shock was clear in her silence. Nevertheless, I had nothing left to protect and nothing tying me to the bitch any longer. I could say what I wanted.

I’m going to let you go now. If you so much as raise a finger to me I will follow through on my promise. You know I can do it as well.

Tears welled up in her eyes. She blinked hard, forcing the first one to break free. It always went like this. When anger didn’t work she broke down in tears.

I hate you, she spat.

Never again would I allow myself to be swayed by her act. I dropped my hold on her and took a step back. Satisfied she wasn’t going to lunge at me, I strode over to the door. Go to Hell, Elora.

CHAPTER TWO

Dustin

Only once I’d returned to my flat did I allow the full torrent of emotions to crash down upon me. I slammed the front door and stormed through all of the rooms, checking to make sure they were empty.

Of course they were.

Teo was in the middle of a race and Raine was no doubt still there cheering him on.

With a strangled choke that merged into a sob, I collapsed on to the sofa, hunched over my lap, and buried my face in my arms. My shoulders heaved as my cries broke free and I began to tremble.

I couldn’t believe she’d done it.

I’d only just started getting used to the idea of becoming a father and now I’d never get the chance to even see a picture of him or her, let alone hold them in my arms. They had been the only good thing to come out of mine and Elora’s relationship and now even that was tarnished.

I had no concept of how long I remained curled over and I didn’t care. Inexorable pain speared my heart and forced it to fight for every beat as it slowly bled out. Another sob wracked my body and I linked my fingers against the back of my neck to hold myself in place. Rocking back and forth, I struggled to breathe around my suffocating cries.

Finally, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, my gaze fell upon the deck of cards on the coffee table.

I needed the order they brought me.

They allowed me to be in control when everything else spiralled around me.

I slid them out of the packet and shuffled them. My hands shook violently, making the slippery cards hard to hold. Once they were in a random order, I fanned them out and with practised precision began to rearrange them.

Hearts, jacks, diamonds, clubs.

Red, black, red, black.

Two, three four, five … jack, queen, king, ace.

My hands flew over the cards, organising them swiftly until I was happy with them. Then I shuffled the deck again and started the process once more with a different arrangement this time.

I could control the outcome of this. It was ordered, concrete. No one could interfere with the pattern. The cards did what I wanted and they only formed a jumbled mess when I made them.

Not like my thoughts or emotions.

I had no control over those. They grew bigger inside me until they devoured me completely, and I was powerless to do anything to stop them. Each thought cracked my chest open a little further and the cards weren’t helping in the slightest.

With a cry of frustration, I hurled the cards across the room after fifteen minutes. They spun and fluttered, each one twirling so the glossy surfaces caught the daylight, then settled on the floor.

I heaved myself up from the sofa, needing something more effective at numbing the pain and desensitising my thoughts.

I headed into my room to retrieve the bottle of Jack Daniels I kept in there and took a swig straight from the bottle. I settled back on to the sofa with it, kicked my feet up, and nursed the drink. The fiery liquid burned my throat, yet compared to the rest of the agony shredding me, I relished the sweet pain as it slowly removed the bad from my mind.

* * *

The sound of a door unlocking and creaking open vaguely registered in my deadened state. How long I’d been sitting on the sofa I couldn’t say. All I knew was it had been long enough for the alcohol to have consumed me. I brought the bottle up to my lips to take another sip as a set of footsteps rushed over to my side.

Geez, what the hell happened, Dustin? Raine gasped.

Her hand reached out to the scratch marks on my cheek. With a grunt, I retreated from her touch. I didn’t want a reminder they were there. They were the first noticeable sign of Elora’s abuse and I despised wearing her marks. Usually the bruises would be covered by clothes, and although I detested those too, at least I’d been the only one to know about them. The alcohol had made me forget the gashes were even there, and Raine brought it all back with a startling force.

Leave me alone, Raine, I snarled.

What did she do, Dustin? Please, we can help.

I snapped my head to her, fixing her with a glare. I caught sight of Teo over her shoulder, his gaze full of concern. Ignoring them both, I lifted the bottle again, taking a long drink.

I swiped the back of my hand over my mouth. I said. Fuck. Off. Go play happy families together and leave me alone.

Because they had the chance to play happy families, unlike me. They’d grow old together, have kids, grandkids even. They’d have it all, and in one fell swoop, I’d lost my best friend and my brother. Neither of them needed me now they had each other.

Hell, I didn’t even have Elora, not that I wanted her.

I definitely didn’t have my baby.

I had no one.

Vaguely, I heard Teo shouting something and then he appeared at Raine’s side, his hand on her back.

I don’t need your help. Keeping my focus on them, I raised the bottle back up to my lips with a shaky hand. I needed the burning fire to take away the thoughts clawing their way to the surface once more. The blanket of alcohol I’d created needed to be reinforced.

I misjudged the distance, missing my mouth so the cool liquid sloshed down the front of my shirt. I glared at the wet patch, then at Raine and Teo. Shit, now look what you made me do.

Raine turned to walk away, muttering to herself. I’ll get a cloth.

No! I don’t fucking need your help. Just get out of here! I pulled myself off the sofa, squaring my shoulders. My chest heaved with deep, angry breaths and the rage bubbled inside of me.

Dustin, please. Let me be there for you, Raine whimpered.

Come on, Dust, Teo pleaded. You need to stop this, it’s not healthy. Put the drink away and go take a shower.

Like a shower was going to fix everything. I couldn’t wash away my problems.

You want me to put this down? I held the bottle so it lined up with my ear. Okay, I’ll put it down.

With all of the force I could summon, I threw it at the nearest wall. The glass shattered and fell to the floor, leaving a hole in the plasterboard and a splatter of liquid around it. There you go. Now leave me the fuck alone.

Go get your things, Raine. I’ll calm him down, Teo ordered and Raine scurried off.

The pain slammed into me with a vengeance. I clawed at my chest in an attempt to hold my heart together and glared at Teo. He remained unfazed by my hostility and stepped towards me, his hands outstretched in a gesture I guessed was meant to placate.

What’s going on, Dust? What has she done to you?

None of your damn business, I hissed and moved to step around him, my eyes fixed on the door. I couldn’t stand to be in the room with them another second. It hurt too much to see what they had and only reminded me of what I would never get.

Dustin, please. This is getting serious now. We’re worried about you.

It’s over, okay? For good this time. I’m never going back to the bitch.

Teo’s expression remained grim. I’m pleased to hear it, although what about the drinking? You can’t keep doing this. You’re putting your career on the line.

Fuck it all. It means nothing.

You don’t mean that.

I snorted. Don’t I?

Don’t throw it all away, Dustin. Not for her. She’s taken too much from you already. Don’t give her this as well.

Before I could respond, the door to Raine’s room opened and she stepped out cautiously with a bag thrown over her shoulder.

Somewhere deep inside my mind and under the cloud of alcohol, a pang of guilt gnawed away at me from the fear I’d put in her eyes.

Have you got everything you need? Teo asked her, drawing her beneath his arm.

Raine nodded, though she kept her focus on me. Yes. Dustin, are you sure you don’t want us to stay? We don’t mind.

I threw my arms in the air with a groan. What don’t you understand from go away?

Nothing, it’s just—

I stalked around the sofa and Teo positioned his body between me and Raine, which only served to infuriate me further. I’d without a doubt crossed the line of reasonable and rational thought, yet I wasn’t that far gone.

Storming across the room to the front door, I didn’t spare them a second glance. "Forget it. I’ll go."

Neither of them had time to stop me or even comment. I opened the front door, stepped into the hallway, and slammed the door behind me.

With my fists balled at my side and my arms locked, I strode through the complex, heading straight for the stairwell. My heavy footsteps thundered around me as I hurried away.

It took less than a minute to reach the ground floor. I smashed my hands into the doors leading to the lobby.