Scared Courage

By Muriel Gill

Neo makes a startling discovery, which forces her to make a difficult choice between honoring what she believes to be morally right and a lavish lifestyle, provided by her husband whose money is thickly tainted with the blood of the innocent. There will be dire consequences either way, not only for herself, but also in the lives of those closest to her. With her life in danger, she is forced to flee her beloved native country and live as a fugitive, under a new identity in a foreign country. Her journey to the warm friendliness of beautiful South Carolina is one with twists and turns. Will her dogged determination to begin anew be enough to get her safely there?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Beach Books Publishing House
• Release date: Jul 6, 2016
• ISBN: 9781311716460

Muriel Gill

Muriel Gill was born and grew up in the small village of Taung in the North West Province of South Africa; she is a village girl. Her current place of residence is in Cape Town. She has registered two businesses in South Africa and is looking to register an NGO that will help the many survivalist unregistered businesses across Africa make a transition into registered growing businesses. She obtained a Master’s of Commerce in Entrepreneurship from the University of South Africa.Being proudly South African and African, Muriel enjoys watching documentaries and anything to do with wildlife.

Book preview

SCARED COURAGE

By Muriel Gill

Copyright © 2016 Muriel Gill

Published by Beach Books Publishing House

License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

CHAPTER 1: THE DISCOVERY

What is it Neo? What’s bothering you so much? Greg asked his wife. It’s nothing. I’m perfectly fine, Neo replied, without lifting her eyes to look at her husband’s face. You’ve hardly touched a thing on your plate, and you did the same thing last night at dinner time. Gregory was altogether not convinced that his wife was fine. After sixteen years of marriage, he knew her pretty well. You’re not sick, are you?  Greg asked with great concern. If you are, I can make an appointment for you with our family physician, and send a chauffeur to come pick you up and take you to the doctor, if you’re too sick to drive.

Chantal, their cook; arrived with a fresh pot of tea, made in a pure silver teapot, that rested atop a pure silver tray. Will you have some more tea Neo? I know you love your tea, especially in the morning. Yes, please Chantal, Neo lifted her eyes and smiled at Chantal, as she began to fill her fine china cup with tea. And you, Mr. Gregory, will you have a fresh cup? No, thanks Chantal. I’m not a great lover of tea as my wife, here.

As soon as Chantal left their breakfast table, Greg reached for his cell phone and began to punch the numbers. Another business call? Neo asked. No, I’m phoning the doctor to make an appointment. Greg, no, stop. That won’t be necessary. I told you I’m not sick, I’m fine, Neo protested hastily, sitting up straight and squaring her shoulders as if to convince him that she was not sick. Sick, maybe not.  But fine, I’m not so sure, he said as he flipped the phone close, and continued his breakfast; his much loved half-done eggs and bacon, with sausage.  He loved a full breakfast, and feasted like this almost every morning, often ignoring his wife’s importuning to eat some breakfast cereals. She had almost given up lecturing him about the goodness of fibre. His protest was usually that cereals are bland; they don’t have a good savory taste he got from bacon and sausage. Besides, he ate whole grain bread every morning. That should be almost sufficient to provide the needed fibre, the rest he got from fresh fruit and steamed vegetables. You’ve hardly been yourself for weeks now. Something is eating you. Don’t you ever give up? Will you change the topic please?  She was becoming uncomfortable. I’m always just a phone call away, if you need to talk, Greg said as he kissed his wife good bye.

His chauffeur picked his jacket and briefcase up and they both walked out of the door, towards the garage.  Neo walked towards the balcony, first opening their massive sliding door, and rested her elbows on the ornate steel balustrade, looking out at the uninterrupted view below.  She wondered how she was going to broach the topic to her husband, whose temper she knew could flare up at times, and wondered if ever he would listen to her, when she asked him to amend his ways.  She would hate to give ultimatums.  She believed no marriage should rest on an ultimatum; it is never a good foundation for any marriage. 

She had been aware of her husband’s illegal and atrocious business dealings for some time.  The more she investigated and had her fears confirmed, the more uncomfortable she became about their lifestyle, and searched her heart in earnest and wondered what right route to take.  Greg was wonderful and loving towards her, though at times he had a temper that she found difficult to live and cope with.  But then, no one is perfect.  He was also a good provider for his family.  He had never neglected them at any time; if anything, he tried hard to put his family first, even above his business deals.  He had slipped once or twice in the past, when he either cancelled a family vacation or sent them on a vacation by themselves, while he had a mightily important business matter to attend to, and he had profusely apologized for that and checked on them every single night while they were holidaying without him.  Other than that, he had struggled hard to put his family first, and had tried hard never to bring any work home.  He would rather work a little late, and had a self-made rule of never missing a family dinner more than two nights in a week. 

In spite of all of that, and the extremely fine lifestyle he had given them, she was increasingly more and more troubled by the knowledge that she was enjoying all that, at the expense of someone else. She found it highly unethical to enjoy a good lifestyle with resources tainted with innocent blood. The more she thought about it, the more uneasy she became, and did not know the right course to choose; both for herself and her family’s sake. She was torn, confused, and even beginning to feel a little angry with her husband. It all seemed so perfect, her fairytale marriage. At times, her friends had even secretly admitted to her that she had a perfectly enviable family, some had even secretly asked for family advice from her. Was it really as perfect as it seemed?

Beau-ti-ful, Chantal’s voice croaked musically.  She cleared her throat.  Beautiful weather today, she continued, standing behind Neo on the living room balcony. She noticed that Neo never turned to look at her, neither had she responded to her cordial comment. Hmm, I said beautiful weather today, she repeated as she moved closer to Neo. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes, it is indeed, Neo turned, half startled. She had been lost in her thoughts and did not hear Chantal come on to the balcony. Neo, I’m inclined to agree with Mr. Gregory. You haven’t been yourself lately. What exactly do you mean?  She knew that was a weak dissemble. She knew that people around her were beginning to notice a change in her behavior. You often seem to be lost in your thoughts, and appear to be less aware of your surroundings, which is totally unlike you. For instance, I noticed you did not hear me walk onto the balcony, and appeared startled when you head my voice. It’s like I brought you back from a reverie.

They’ve become quite comfortable in each other’s presence, and have sometimes shared some of their personal struggles and inner thoughts. It had not always been that way. In the beginning, when Chantal first came to work for them, they were constantly at loggerheads with each other. Chantal had no problem at all, respecting and relating to Mr. Gregory, as she called him. However, it presented a huge problem to her to relate to Mr. Gregory’s wife the same way she respected him. In her mind, from her environment and previous race relations in her society, she was accustomed to regarding herself as of a higher social class than Neo. To act in an obsequious manner towards her, was insolence to her, to say the least. She was colored – of mixed European and black descent- but Neo was black. Through Mr. Gregory’s mediation, who himself was European and had emigrated to South Africa a long time ago, she had slowly begun, with great effort in the beginning, to re-educate herself and challenged her stereotypical prejudice. The amazing and liberating result was that she found that all human beings are of equal value and, one’s worth is determined by God and not by any other superficial human definition. This was really liberating to her. As her mind and thinking began to change, her mental attitude towards Neo began to change likewise. And needless to say, so did their relationship, which turned out to be not that of a master and a thrall, but they became somewhat more like sisters. They both had something to learn from each other and one or two things to teach the other and their relationship became more enriching, strengthened by the new mutual respect they had for each other.

Though they had a good understanding between them, Neo knew she could not share everything she had just found out with Chantal. She knew how fond Chantal was of Mr. Gregory, and besides, every relationship, depending on its nature, has got its boundaries. She could not tell Chantal everything about Mr. Gregory’s business dealings, nor was it ethical for her to discuss with Chantal her boss’s business dealings, behind his back.

After several days, having spent much time in solitude searching her soul during the day, Neo finally mustered enough courage to talk about what had been bothering her.  As she had expected, it wasn’t a pleasant conversation.  Woman, where on earth did your gather all this nonsense?  Do you realize how serious those allegations are?  Greg asked pretentiously. I’ve done my homework, Greg.  Neo replied squarely, overcoming great fear within her. Y-you’ve been going behind my back, snooping around and poking your nose in matters that don’t even concern you? It concerns me, Greg. I’m living on that money. Every time I spend it, I feel awful. Neo clutched her chest with her right hand and tried to stop the sobbing sound flowing involuntarily from her mouth. You feel like what?  Greg was livid, he was almost shouting at the top of his voice. I feel like I’m part of the murder.  Neo managed to finish her sentence. Do you realize that you’re accusing me of murder, here?  the denial and dissemble continued. Greg, I couldn’t say what I’m saying to you, right now, if I hadn’t done my own investigation. What prompted you to go behind my back? I’ve done nothing, but be a good husband to you, and all I get from you is this accusation? I did what I did to take care of my family! Greg, you’ve taken wonderful care of your family, but I would prefer you do it in a more honest and humane way. Not murder some innocent people. Shut up, just shut up. You have no clue what you’re talking about!  Greg continued to shout, stomping towards the door to leave their palatial bedroom. Then he turned around halfway towards the door, pointed his stubby right index finger towards his wife, and continued his rage. I wish you’d stop this asinine, impetuous and obdurate behavior of yours!  Greg snarled. Do you really have to kill people?  Neo still tried to talk sense into her husband. You perfidious woman! Fine, you wanna ride the high moral ground here, miss goodie two shoes? I promise you, you gonna run aground like a ship caught in big waves! You are becoming too big for your boots! Do you think all the big lucrative businesses are profitable because of your high moral values? You check them all out, the big businesses that collude and cartel. The companies that bribe high ranking officials to have them approve their drugs, though they know they have serious and more dangerous side effects, that actually do kill people.  The companies that go to lengths to kill their key rivals and buy them out, just so that they can attain their monopolistic status and skim the market.  What are you gonna do about those?  I’m not talking about people I do not know, people whose money does not support me.  Continuing to poke that finger at her, Every single time you buy their products you collude with them, you become party to what they are doing, and rubber stamp their horrendous deeds.  I’ve even bought you shares of considerable amount of value, in some of these companies.  You’re right in the center of all this greed, miss goodie two shoes!  What are you gonna do?  Huh, you cannot divorce me or walk away from me.  You’re gonna come a cropper.

Things have not been the same, since that heated conversation, Neo confided in her friend. Are you sure of your so-called findings?  Thandi thought her friend was wrong. Besides, what prompted you to start investigating your husband, behind his back? What other way could I have done it? With his assistance?  Neo asked, ducking her head a little to look into Thandi’s eyes. Being too inquisitive is not necessarily a good thing. As long as you did not know how this money was amassed, you were innocent and you enjoyed it. Now, you’ve troubled your conscience.  Thandi took a sip at her juice. What are you going to do now?  Thandi asked, leaning forward, as if with renewed interest.  I don’t know.  What was your purpose, in the first place, to investigate your husband?  I had read a series of two or three allusions in a certain newspaper some time back.  Oh, my dear, you know very well that you cannot believe everything the newspapers say.  That is why, when it seemed like it persisted, I decided to do my own investigation.  Frankly my dear, I’d say you’ve stabbed your husband in the back.  Perfidious, is the new word I’ve looked up in the dictionary.  I try to memorize three words from the dictionary every day.  It means you’re treacherous, Thandi pointed, putting her right elbow on the table and resting her chin on her four fingers.  Her face was wearing that self-righteous indignant expression.  Neo looked at Thandi incredulously, her mouth dropping open.  You’re supposed to stand by your husband’s side, through thick and thin.  Remember the vows, ‘for richer or for poorer’, Thandi persisted, in spite of her friend’s obvious shock. 

Breathing out heavily, Thandi, you are incredulous. That did not mean that I stand by him, when he violates the rights of other people and openly breaks the commandments of the Lord, Neo was shocked by her friend’s way of interpretation. Well, then, you talk to him, try to show him his wrongs, Thandi said nonchalantly. I’ve tried, a number of times, and every time he ends up livid and brawling at the top of his voice. Sitting back and leaning against the chair, Thandi slightly slit her eyes. My dear, remember where we come from. We come from abject poverty. We both have counted it an immense honor and enormous achievement to reach where we are today. What’s that word I looked up in the dictionary the other day? Parvenu. It means a newly rich social climber. I’m always trying to improve my vocabulary, to go with my new social image. Being articulate; is what they call it. With a slight chuckle, To come from Gugulethu in the Cape Flats, and find yourself living at Bishop’s Court, the prestigious, highly sought-after address in Cape Town, living lavishly in a sprawling palatial house, rubbing shoulders with the who’s who of the Mother City, is an honor you don’t want to spoil with your sanctimonious attitude.  Chuckling out loud and clasping her hands together, slightly throwing her head backwards, We are the so-called ‘from the ghetto to the palace, from rags to riches.’  Again leaning forward and speaking a little softer this time, This is something I would do anything to retain, cling to like a dog clinging to a bone.  I wouldn’t unnecessarily unnerve my providing husband, lest he kicks me out of his house.  There are many girls out there, who are yearning to have what you have, which you are seemingly throwing away in ingratitude.  With a snigger, Or is it pride?  They would do anything to attain your status. 

Without saying another word, without bidding Thandi goodbye, Neo picked up her handbag and hurriedly left.  She wasn’t getting the support or advice she expected.  She didn’t know what to feel for Thandi, whether she should feel angry at such inanity or pity her unfeeling shallowness and fatuous materialism.  As she walked back towards her car, it dawned on her that if she were to ignore everything she knew, above all, disregard her conscience, she would be exactly like Thandi.  The very thing she had seen in Thandi, which she so much despised, would be the very thing her God would see reflected in her, if she cast a blind eye. 

Sure enough, it was undeniably true what she had felt when she first came to live at Bishop’s Court.  It was the ultimate achievement to her, an unattainable dream graciously granted.  She had cherished every moment of those initial days.  Living in a mansion that was twenty times the size of the little matchbox cottage she had grown up in.  Their house had nine oversized bedrooms, each en-suite.  It had three living rooms, a huge refectory where they used to entertain her husband’s friends and business colleagues.  It had an imposing reception area, with high-reaching ceilings, giving an illusion of an even bigger reception area.  Their kitchen was bigger than the entire four-roomed cottage she was raised in.  Outside, they had a big swimming pool with water features, which to her at first appeared like it was Olympic-sized.  She had servants attending to her needs throughout the day.  Having them scrub her house spotlessly clean, and to think that this is what her mother used to do for a living; cleaning other people’s homes, and she had grown up on the meager wages she was getting for doing that. 

There was hardly ever enough stuff around their house; from food to school fees, to their clothes.  Instead, her mother used to bring home some left over unwanted food, which they would voraciously consume, and it was always unlike anything they had ever eaten around their own house.  As for clothes, her mother used to bring them her employers’ children’s used clothes, and that was what they would wear on Sundays, as her whole family went to church.  Her mother was a very religious person, who loved God with all her heart and put all her trust in Him.  She had trained her household to always look up to God and trust Him in every situation, knowing that He would always provide. 

Sure enough, she had some problems when she first moved into their neighborhood. The neighbors weren’t anything like what she was used to. In her township, neighbors knew one another, stood together and had a casual chat over the fence, even gossiped a little about the others; a practice her mother always detested and never got herself involved in, and always sternly warned her children against it. It was not a little gossip she had hankered for, but just to have someone offer a little friendly greeting and a smile as a neighbor, to have someone chat a little with her; a little inconsequential talk, howbeit, refreshing in the sense that it took away the afternoon boredom.

She had found herself judging her new neighbors of being snobbish. She’d even felt alienated, ostracized. She’d struggled to fit in. Often she’d felt like an unwelcome outsider. To overcome that perceived alienation, she’d indulged herself in her new found luxury. She would take long afternoon drives in her luxury car, without any particular destination in mind. She often liked to drive along Chapman’s Peak, with the top of her convertible car down, the wind rushing through her long artificial weaved hair as she drove, and along with this wind rush, her adrenaline rising and enjoying all the excitement of powerful performance of her car and savoring the idyllic scenery. She’d often imagined she was in another country. When she shared this experience with her husband, he began taking her on holidays to more exotic places of the globe. There were very few experiences she would rank above trotting the globe, seeing some of the amazingly beautiful places secretly tucked away at the far flung corners of the globe, as if they were precious jewels of great value, to be beheld only by the fortunate eyes of the few chosen ones. Some of these places were sparsely populated exotic islands of indescribable beauty and serenity.

When she was not driving along Chapman’s Peak, she would indulge in expensive shopping sprees, buying only from exclusive boutiques, paying exorbitant prices.  She began amassing clothes in her dressing room as a result of this habit, some of which were never worn.  They would be standing for ages in her dressing room, some of them with price tags still hanging.  When her husband began expressing his displeased concern, which he rarely did, it was only then that she decelerated.  She had enjoyed dining out at some of Cape Town’s top restaurants - not before her husband had brushed up on her table manners and helped her abandon most of her former solecism - had learned to feast on some exquisite cuisine she had never known before, prepared by some of the Mother City’s top culinary experts.  She had enjoyed all this enormously when she first married her husband.  It was a totally new world to her, the one she had only seen on TV as a kid and could only dream about.  Experiencing it was the ultimate dream, and she still enjoyed that kind of life.  It was a whole lot better than the poverty she’d grown up in. 

But now that she knew that horrendous crimes had been committed, innocent blood had been shed to buy her all that luxury; she began to feel different about her life of indulgence.  Ignoring it and continuing blindly as if she were not aware of it, would be against her mother’s Christian training, which was indelibly written on her conscience.  She knew that trying to continue as if she knew nothing, would haunt her soul, and make her a willing accomplice in those atrocities.  Her hands would equally be tainted with the inerasable stain of innocent blood, crying out for justice against her as well.  She knew it would be a hard job trying to betray her mother’s teachings, permanently written on the delicate slate of her soul.  Even if she tried, she would never again enjoy her bounty.  Worse off, if she chose indulgent materialism above her conscience, her conscience would become seared in the process.  She would evolve into something she would not recognize herself.  That was scary. 

She reasoned to herself that having enjoyed their opulence in her past ignorance, exonerated her, but now that she knew, it was different.  She had tried several times to talk to Greg, but he was adamantly unrepentant.  He called greed the name of the game, ‘you take greed out, you take business away’, he claimed, ‘and along with that goes away the excitement of business.’  It shocked her to hear him say that, it left her wondering if she ever knew her husband at all.  She had never imagined him to be that unfeeling and cold; never imagined he had the capacity to kill and remain unmoved in his conscience.  She realized it must have been going on for a long time, for him to feel desensitized about the killings.  His conscience was now seared.  It gave her chills to make that realization.  She wondered whom she was up against.  She was living and dealing with a person she now realized she never knew.  The realization brought immortalizing fear; she began to fear for her own life. 

She also sadly discovered that her marriage of nearly sixteen years had been very shallow.  In her race to indulge and immerse herself in what she never had, she had made very little effort to know the character of the man she was living with.  She was almost ashamed at her own shallowness, which she also began to realize.  She began to see herself reflected in her friend Thandi, and she knew that she had no right to judge her, for they were in exactly the same boat.  The very things she had seen and been repulsed by in Thandi, they had also resided in her head and bosom, until very recently when she made her discovery and was forced to look at herself.  They were always unuttered, but at the core of her being, she believed she was entitled to that luxury, almost with a sense of bitterness, believing that it was a right she had been denied and deprived of through former planning.  In her bid to get and enjoy what she had been denied for so long, she dug her teeth too deep, and ended up consumed by that and knowing very little of the man she was living with.  She had been very grateful to him for all the exposure and good life he had given her, and had solely judged his character on the basis of his good providence. 

When their two children were born, she indulged herself in motherhood, something she had always enjoyed; which was a strong part of her upbringing. She has been a good mother to her children, and her husband had in the past commended her for her good mothering skills. Things had seemed good and perfect between them, in