Help! My Toddler Came Without Instructions: Practical tips for Parenting a Happy One, Two, Three and Four Year Old

By Blythe Lipman

Raising children is a serious business, especially in this era of two working parents with jam-packed schedules. A helping hand can make all the difference. Nationally known parenting expert Blythe Lipman is on a mission to help parents, offering hundreds of practical tips with a dash of humor. Go from stressed-out, overwhelmed and exhausted to melt-down free and mellow! The purpose of Help! My Toddler Came Without Instructions is to provide parents with quick solutions to help with those hair-raising toddler issues. When some new "toddler troubles" arise, grab the book, find the solution and you'll be back in control of your out-of-control child. Topics include sleeping (ways to transition from crib to bed, naps, creating a friendly sleep environment and nightly rituals and routines), potty training (age discussion, type of potty to use, fears, underwear, charts and issues), and fears (night terrors, stranger anxiety, the dark, monsters and separation anxiety).

• Language: English
• Publisher: Viva Editions
• Release date: Apr 22, 2013
• ISBN: 9781936740482

Blythe Lipman

An Infant Care Specialist, Blythe Lipman, CDA, has worked with babies for over twenty years. She began her career at Boston University's Neonatal Care Unit. Blythe has helped countless new, sleep-deprived parents with workshops, in-home visits, invaluable tips, and sound advice. Her work with parents, preschools, hospitals, and caregivers throughout North America earned her a reputation as one of the top infant care experts of today. She and her family live in Scottsdale, AZ.John Duffy is a clinical psychologist and certified life coach with a thriving private practice in the Chicago area. He is also a national parenting and relationships expert on The Steve Harvey Show. Duffy consults with individuals, groups and corporations in a number of areas, including Emotional Intelligence, stress management, balancing work and family, conflict resolution, goal-setting and the power of thoughts in bringing about change. Dr. Duffy's highly satisfied clients include Sears, Allstate, General Electric, Household Financial, Exxon Mobil, Accenture, Bank of America and Hewitt Associates. The Duffy family lives in Chicago, Illinois.

Book preview

PREFACE

As a practicing pediatrician with forty years’ experience, I was most pleased to hear that Blythe Lipman was publishing a sequel to her first book, Help! My Baby Came Without Instructions. This new book concentrates on ages one through four years, a most challenging time for children as well as their parents.

With many parents living long distances from their own families, grandmother is no longer nearby to help with the daily demands of raising a toddler, and also not available to lend advice directly when a new situation arises. Consulting the pediatrician for child-rearing concerns may not be feasible, given the demands on the doctor’s time. Lengthy telephone conversations with the pediatrician or a nurse may not be as available as in the past.

As before, Blythe has drawn on her own vast experience as a mother and as a caregiver for many children in the community. She also consults experts in the field and searches the literature to add to her own experience. I have known her for over twenty years, and have been impressed by her common-sense approach to everyday parenting challenges.

This book is filled with charts, vignettes, and solid advice about problems that all parents encounter. There is also a much-needed chapter on keeping the parents’ marriage thriving despite the stresses of raising children.

The chapters on discipline and toilet training are especially well written and most important.

I continue to recommend Blythe’s book on infant care to new parents, and now will have this new volume to recommend to parents as their child enters toddlerhood.

—Alan B. Singer, MD

Phoenix, Arizona

INTRODUCTION

You did it—you got through that first year with your adorable, soft, cuddly, sweet-smelling, smiling, cooing, hungry, tired, gassy, screaming baby. And you thought that was tough. So who is this Cranky, Clingy, Picky, Screaming, Biting, Hitting, Non-listening, Rambunctious little being that is trying to rule your world? Your toddler, of course.

Ahh, toddlerhood, doesn’t this just say it all?

Toddlerhood is about becoming independent. Once your little one is up and walking, she wants to try and do most things by herself. And toddlers know no boundaries. They think they can do anything! And that can sure make for a scary world in a parent’s eyes.

The toddler stage starts around your child’s first birthday and continues until they are four years old. In just one short year, they go from crawling to walking to running. And toddlers have unbelievable energy, which makes naptimes shorter and shorter.

And remember, toddlers live in the present. To them, yesterday is ancient history and tomorrow could mean next year. So those big events don’t count as much as those special little moments which happen each day. And toddlers want Mommy and Daddy’s undivided attention at all times!

But what do you do when your toddler asks the same questions over and over? What about when you are in a hurry to leave and she wants to show you how she dressed herself? And oh, those temper tantrums on the grocery store floor…so embarrassing! Where, when, and how do you set boundaries? Are you being too overprotective or too lenient? Yikes...where are the instructions?

They are right here, in your hand. Help! My Toddler Came Without Instructions is filled with pediatrician-approved, parent-tested, user-friendly tips to help make those toddler years a whole lot easier.

This book is simple to use; no cumbersome reading here. When a toddler issue arises, just go down the page and pick the solution that fits the problem. The thing to remember is one size doesn’t fit all. Each toddler, parent, and family is wonderfully unique. And there is no right or wrong. What works for one family may not work for another. I have successfully used each and every tip in my book and know they can help.

The key to success during these sometimes challenging years is to be consistent. And we all know it’s easier to give in because we don’t want an argument, tantrum, or we’re just too tired to say no. Toddlers are me-centered. Life is all about them and they want immediate gratification. So letting them know the ground rules, and yes, you will have to repeat them over and over, makes life more manageable for everyone. Toddlers and transition do not always fit like a glove. But being a consistent parent will make everyone’s life easier. Knowing the parameters and sticking to them pays off in the long and short run. And the tips in my book will help you accomplish this with ease.

I have taken care of infants, toddlers, and their families for over thirty-five years while using each and every tip in this book. And I have to tell you there is nothing that has brought me more joy than watching those little ones blossom and grow as they reached each milestone. Seeing a toddler’s eyes light up with happiness as she successfully accomplished something new has truly made my heart smile.

Remember, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and you are your toddler’s number-one role model. Have fun watching your precious as she tackles each new task. Bask in her glory while you both enjoy the journey because in the blink of an eye, your pride and joy will be asking for the keys to the car!

Lastly, my use of she throughout the book is in no way gender-biased, but a merely a way to make reading consistent.

—Blythe Lipman

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back

and realize they were the big things."

—Robert Brault

THE TODDLER’S CREED

If I want it, IT’S MINE!

If I give it to you and change my mind later, IT’S MINE!

If I can take it away from you, IT’S MINE!

If it’s mine it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what.

If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine!

If it looks just like mine, IT’S MINE!

If it breaks or needs putting away, IT’S YOURS!

—Dr. Burton L. White

TODDLERS GONE WILD!

Negative Behavior and Discipline

Your toddler is happily playing with blocks with her big sister and wham… she decides to throw a block at her. You tell her to stop, but to no avail, another block goes hurling across the room and hits big sister right in the head, ouch!

The grand test of parenting is how well you handle your temper when your toddler just won’t listen. Your personal reserve of inner discipline is your grand test. Limits are limits and you know what is dangerous and what is not. It is your job as a parent to teach your toddler about acceptable behavior. Being able to calmly say no for the twentieth time is a challenge for any parent. Consistency is the key. No means No whether it is the first time or the hundredth time.

The following tips should help to keep the peace:

Talk to your mate about discipline during the baby years. Make sure you are both on the same page. There is nothing more confusing to a toddler than inconsistency. Toddlers are very smart and will quickly learn who the easy one is!

If your mate uses a method you don’t agree with, go into another room to discuss it; never in front of your toddler. And don’t interfere and take your toddler out of time-out if daddy has just put her in there. Undermining your mate does not make for a good role model.

I Was So Mad by Mercer Mayer is a great book to read if your toddler has a difficult time

Reviews for Help! My Toddler Came Without Instructions

[mamalaoshi · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Lots of very good advice compiled into chapters by topic. However it is not very readable. It really is just a list of lots of different suggestions from various people that the author has collected. Lots of the advice is helpful but it is the kind of book you pick up to help you brainstorm your own solution to a specific problem. Personally, I prefer to read a book straight through with either a narrative to weave it together or a science/psychology slant that explains each topic and combines the advice into a cohesive article. Instead I felt like I was reading the comment section on a childrearing blog. In summary: Lots of ideas but not something I need to keep on my bookshelf.

[jessmckenzie_1 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

I was really exited when I first received this book because my toddler was acting out a lot since we moved. I figured I could find new approaches to handling his ever changing moods/attitudes/actings out, but this offered nothing more than obvious or unhelpful advice. Each little tidbit of advice lasted a few short paragraphs that lacked substance. It felt like more like a novelty book than something I would actually go to for help. It covers the very basic. I also didn't appreciate some of the pointers the author gave, they seemed more "personal opinions' than necessities such as making sure your babysitter doesn't have any tattoos or body piercings. What does that have to do with the quality care my child will receive? I don't care if my sitter has tattoos on his face and a peg leg, as long as he is good to my kids and will act as a responsible babysitter appearance shouldn't matter. Final thought: Save your money and use Google, you'll probably get better (and more detailed) advice.

[mellymel171328 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I love this book, it will be one I will turn too often as my son ages. It has given me confidence and reminded me that I will never be perfect and all I can do is my very best and what I feel I should do as a mother, it has a lot of helpful advice and different ways to look at things, sometimes even translating your child's actions for you. Fully recommend to new toddler parents.

[jlhowson · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I received this book as part of the Early Reviewer Program on Librarything.com. I am the parent of a three-year-old, and found this a book with some very nice, practical advice. The author speaks out of her own experiences with toddlers, and offers some nice tips and tricks that I plan to use with my son. I especially liked the section on creative, toddler-helper-friendly snacks. That said, I sometimes found the suggestions a little disjointed at times - though organized into topical chapters, the author can jump quickly from one idea to another, leading to a disruptive reading experience (Confession: I dislike twitter too, so maybe it's just me ;-) Overall, this is a nice generalist guide of tips and tricks, not a hardcore parenting manual... which may be exactly what busy toddler parents need.

[panopticon2_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

As the mother of a soon-to-be-toddler, I was glad to be sent a review copy of this book, courtesy of Early Reviewers. It's a short collection of handy tips and advice for parents of toddlers, and was a relatively quick read - a good thing, when you're a parent and have limited reading time. It's probably not a guide everyone can use, however. As I read it, I kept thinking that a single mother, for instance, would find much of the advice useless, since the author writes from the assumption that parents have ready access to resources (money; a supportive and helpful partner; hired assistance). There is also a fair amount of product placement throughout, of which I'm always a bit leery. But overall, it's a helpful little guide.

[willowsmom_1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Cute, bordering on cutesy. It was a very light-hearted read, and I certainly laughed out loud several times...but if you're looking for actual advice or guidance, I'd look elsewhere--this is more of a 'read with a glass of wine after putting the same child to bed 6 times in an hour' kind of book!

[vintage_books_baby · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I have a toddler, so when I was given the chance to review this book, I considered myself very lucky to get this book. The book contains small chapters of concern about toddlers which appeal to a parent's short time span. A parent is supposed to be able to look up a problem and than quickly find a solution. Sounds great, right?Unfortunately, I found the book to be off the mark. So off the mark, that I actually read it through three times. The book offers solutions to normal behavior (tantrums etc) and than quickly offers a remedy. The problem I found, is that the answers were somewhat simplistic in nature and without references. The author's solution was sometimes in contrast to other authors or saavy mamas I know, so I ended up confused or questioning her sources, of which she didn't list any.In the end, I ended up using my gut, because while this is an interesting concept that I loved, I didn't use even one instruction given by this author in application to my child and her challenges or development.

[sandsing7 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Overall, I thought this book was a bit trite. I'm a first time parent, and I found that most of the information was commonsense. So, it's nice (cute, perhaps?) with little quotations and some personal anecdotes but not as useful as the title would suggest.

[bookangel_a · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

As the parent of a child who has just started crawling and is getting into everything, I was very interested in receiving this book about ways to effectively parent toddlers.The author takes a gentle, often funny approach, and offers a little bit of everything. There are sections for every major problem toddlers may face, as well as developmental checklists as they grow, checklists for picking a play group, a pre-school, and a babysitter. It even closes with a heartwarming chapter of "baby bloopers".Unfortunately, I was expecting it to be an advice book that I could read from cover to cover, explaining what toddlers are like. But this book is meant to be used as a reference book, where you find the appropriate section and read the recommendations for that problem. Each paragraph is a separate tip or suggestion, and the ideas come at the reader rapid-fire. It can be a bit overwhelming to read it all at once. That's what prevented me from giving it 4 stars, it was not what I expected when I ordered it, so at first it felt like a bit of a letdown. All in all this book is packed with great advice and I would recommend it.

[drt_4 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Help! My Toddler Came Without Instructions by Blythe Lipman was a book for which I was selected to be an early reviewer on librarything.com. I want to thank Viva Editions for this opportunity. I am the father of 5 children and specialized in children an family in my Postdoc training. This book was jam packed with classic behavioral negotiations, practical suggestions and a realistic peek at raising toddlers. It has many referrals to other books/resources, has many good quotes throughout, and gave fun ideas to try. I have worked with similar ideas in this book for many years and have found many similar ideas/concepts very successful in my own life and in my work with children as a professional. At times, this book seemed rather distant, if not cold or sterile, but at other times I see the love, compassion and joy in raising children in these pages. For many years I have conceptualized things from a behavioral approach. Having worked in group homes, residential treatment facilities, psychiatric hospitals, schools, etc. I would often give similar advice for educational purposes and as “how tos” for behavior changes. Knowing who I am as a person and understanding my own positive social skills it was easy for me to dismiss other’s ideas of my approach as “They really do not understanding my Cognitive-Behavioral approach because I do not divorce the emotional connection from my work with children and use of behavioral interventions.” While that is true of my outlook about my work, I was able to understanding how some people could come to that conclusion while reading this book and began to develop a better understanding because I agreed with the criticism a number of times while reading this book. Please do not misunderstand my point about this book and think I am being too critical of its behavioral approach. I still use behavioral interventions but have come to appreciate more of the problem solving approach for children (depending on the age of the child). We must remember this book is about toddlers and not speaking to a broader range of ages. I enjoyed this book, will continue to use behavioral interventions when appropriate and recommend gaging it from a developmental perspective as this writer has done. This book was enjoyable for me, had lots of good ideas, can be useful and was fun to read. Thank you for selecting me as an early reviewer.

[cecilturtle · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Lipman's intention are noble: every parent dreams to have a handbook, the secret to perfect parenthood. In doing so, however, she does not go to the core of the child, his needs, hers wants, his experience of world, her personality. She also makes some pretty grand assumptions: as a parent, you are wealthy, you are American, you have no other interests than your child (hm, not me). The result is a mishmash of cutesy tips that could or could not apply, a series of "what if" scenarios which look at specific situations and not general principles.There were some good tips, but most of them do not suit my life or parenting style; I personally don't feel like I need to give my daughter a treat each time she goes potty, like I would my dog. I also take for granted that my daughter is an integral part of the family and that she needs to adapt to it and not the other way around. Finally, I think some of the advice she gives is probably illegal: I'm not sure you can ask a potential nanny about her family life and future plans (discrimination and employment equity laws).All around a disappointment and another book in the pile of uninspired parenting.