A Perfect Love to Conquer Perfectionism
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About this ebook
I grew up as a perfectionist, trying to please my temperamental mother. At least my father was laid back and came from a caring family. I was also encouraged by my teachers and many friends. Life was pretty good until my parents started fighting and got a divorce. I grew angry with God for not fixing my family and turned my back on him, leading to depression.
At college I felt very alone and my art professors took only a mild interest in my work. I quickly came to the end of my resources and wanted to quit life. But one night while home alone with a dusty Bible, I poured out my heartache before God with many tears and gave my life to him. He met with me in such a powerful way that my debilitating depression surprisingly vanished within two days. During worship at a campus church, I was deluged with a glorious waterfall of the genuine love I had been searching for all my life as the presence of Jesus crumbled my protective walls. Shortly after that, I forgave my mother and a tangible weight was taken from my shoulders that I didn't realize had been there my whole life. Joy and liberty poured into my soul.
The Lord brought me through steps of deeper devotion as he called me to give up a grant at the University of Michigan and transfer to a tiny Bible college. I learned how to listen to his voice and meditate on the scriptures so I could have the courage to take leaps of faith like quitting a job when I really needed the income. Then God called me to travel across the country with my New Age-minded mother, not knowing where we would end up living. I saw numerous divine interventions.
Attending the seminary at Oral Roberts University provided amazing inspiration for a fruitful life, but it was also where I was tormented by panic attacks due to fixating on a 4.0 GPA. Once again I became imprisoned by the merciless dictates of perfectionism as I relished in the praise of others for my academic success. Then God confronted my pride and challenged my priorities. Eventually, I was delivered from irrational fears through scripture memorization, prayer, worship, support from friends and a better diet. My health had been so compromised that I felt led to recuperate by working in childcare where I learned to value the simple beauty around me seen through the eyes of delightful children. My arrogant, self-centered heart was being humbled.
I was mortified by the fact that I had never had a boyfriend and had only three dates by the time I turned 30, even though I yearned to be married. I questioned my self-worth. It was time for a major change. After bleaching my hair and tossing my glasses, I met my first charming boyfriend who was running away from God. Focused too much on a man's position and wealth, I went through several fun, but also painful dating experiences and two marriage proposals that put me on a whirlwind roller coaster. I learned something valuable from each brief relationship.
I enjoyed a sense of family and service through Christian singles ministries in the Detroit area where I saw God moving to transform lives. The Lord frequently urged me to see situations and people through his eyes and purposes. I could choose the world and its values and end up losing my life or I could lose my life for the Lord's calling and gain eternal rewards.
Jennifer Z. Wright
Feel free to share your story or prayer request. You can contact me at jenzwright@mail.com or connect through facebook.com/jenzwright62. I care about you and keep you all in my prayers.Jennifer Z. Wright grew up near The University of Michigan where she studied art and became a Christian. She has a Bachelor of Religious Education and two years of graduate study in Biblical Literature. She served in singles and women's ministries and worked as a teacher and in childcare before marrying at thirty-nine.She became an avid hiker, ascending four mountains over 14,000 ft. in elevation with her husband (he did many more) when they moved to Colorado where she developed a love for nature photography. Jennifer also enjoys biking, teaching and playing with her lively children and testifying to women's groups about the goodness of her Savior. She currently lives in North Carolina.
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