StarCaught

By Jaide Fox

After a drunken dare through a meteor field leaves his ship damaged, Tor Severian and his crew land on Earth for repairs. The planet of puny men and punier women leave a bad taste in their mouth, especially since “the law” seem determined to catch them at every turn and ruin their vacation. It’s the woman, Samantha, however, who throws the biggest kink in Tor’s plans.

Agog at the giant robbing her at the bank, Samantha is stunned when she’s kidnapped by the biggest freaking guy she’s ever seen, leading the cops on a chase. Worse yet, it seems her captor isn’t even human, and she’s dragged kicking and screaming onto a spaceship of enormous, gorgeous men.

The galaxy isn’t prepared for the mayhem of Earth women in space.

Rating: Short novel 37,000+ words. Contains highly detailed love scenes, hilarity, and mayhem on a galactic scale. Big sexy alien alpha hero. Also contains excerpt from the second book, StarRomped. Reissue. Formerly released as Intergalactic Bad Boys.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jaide Fox
• Release date: May 26, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311570871

Book preview

INTERGALACTIC BAD BOYS JAIDE FOX 90

Interstellar Mayhem Book One

StarCaught

Jaide Fox

Smashwords Edition

Copyright by Jaide Fox May 2014

Cover Art by Eliza Black, © copyright May 2014

This is a work of fiction. All characters, events, and places are of the author’s imagination and not to be confused with fact. Any resemblance to living persons or events is merely coincidence.

Chapter One

What the fuck was that? Tor Severian demanded groggily as the scream of metal reached the cock pit and the ship shuddered.

What? Kerel, who was piloting the sleek sports rocket, asked irritably, juggling his drink in one hand and the steering controls in the other.

He missed it by a mile, Hauk said.

Missed what? Bradan and Galan asked in a chorus, sitting up from their sprawl on the floor.

At just that moment, the computer burst loose with a loud squawk, Warning! Warning! The hull has been breached.

Dammit, Kerel, Tor said angrily. I thought you told me you knew how to drive this model. Now you’ve screwed up my brand new sports rocket.

Hauk spoke up, He does. I just bet him he couldn’t get through that meteor belt without hitting anything. And he said he could. It’s his fault.

I can fly this thing blind, Kerel boasted, using one finger to push the wheel around.

Yeah, but can you fly it blind drunk? Tor asked, standing, clutching his head with a loud groan before collapsing back down on the bench.

You’re one to talk. If you hadn’t been so determined to drink everyone under the table and passed out, I wouldn’t have to be driving this thing.

Warning! Oxygen levels are dropping, the computer interrupted cheerfully.

Tor got up and looked blearily at the gauges for several moments. Oh shit.

Famous last words, Hauk said.

Shut the hell up, Tor slurred. We’re in trouble guys. We’re going to have to set this baby down and do some work on it. Get up, Kerel, and let me see if I can find some place to set her down. Tor pulled Kerel out of the seat.

Kerel staggered away, slinging brew off his hands. Hey! You made me spill my brew!

Warning! Oxygen levels have dropped to 80 percent.

Shut up, Tor said to Kerel, looking owl-eyed at the sticky controls, now dripping brew. After a moment, he decided he wasn’t currently in a state to fly it. All right, who’s the soberest?

A ten minute argument ensued while they discussed who was the drunkest. Tor was getting irritated. He’d lost his buzz. All right, Dammit. Who just woke up?

Galan and Bradan raised their arms weakly.

Tor pointed at Galan. Okay, ‘cause you passed out before I did, you had at least thirty minutes to sleep it off. Have a look at the map and find us some place to put this down.

Warning! Oxygen level has dropped to 70 percent.

But this is uncharted space. Remember, we took the shortcut? Galan said.

Shit! Tor said. Computer, would you shut up the warnings already. We heard you. Do something useful. Find us a place to set down. Bradan, find something and stuff it in that breach so the computer can think of something besides the hole.

Like what? Bradan asked, rubbing his eyes and then looking around the small cabin blankly. Empty brew cans rolled across the floor as the ship swayed.

I don’t know. Stuff a sock in it, Tor said irritably.

Bradan struggled to his feet and went to the door, pulling on the lever, but the door didn’t budge. He grunted, pulling on it several times before giving up and looking back at Tor. Door’s stuck.

Tor rolled his eyes. Computer, open the door.

I’m sorry, the outer chamber has been compromised. If I open the door, you will all implode, computer said cheerfully. I am not allowed to do anything that would harm life.

Great, just great, Tor grumbled, rubbing his hands over his face.

Hey, Tor. I think I found something. Does that look like a hunk of metal to you? Hauk asking, pointing out the front panel.

Everyone rushed to the windows and plastered their faces to the glass. The ship chugged over what looked like a mangled wing piece. Sailing onward, they passed another.

Tor grinned. We’re saved! Where there’s trash, there’s life. Follow that junk, Galan.

After a few minutes, a bright blue planet swirling with atmosphere came into view. Tor stood imperiously at the prow, his hands on his hips. Maybe it was the decreasing oxygen that had sobered him up so quickly. Computer, scan for vitals. Can it support life?

Scanning now. The atmosphere is a combination of oxygen--

He didn’t feel like listening to a list of vitals. They didn’t really have much time. Can we breathe it? Tor interrupted.

Yes.

Hot damn! Galan and Bradan shouted in unison.

Are there women, computer? Bradan asked, rubbing his hands together excitedly.

It appears females outnumber the male species on this planet.

Whoo hoo! Bradan yelled. Kerel released a triumphant war cry and coughed on the last sip of his brew.

All right.... Tor rubbed his jaw thoughtfully. Computer, download languages into the translators. Galan, set us down some place ... balmy. And we probably need plenty of cover. It’s too much to hope stealth mode is still working.

Uh ... it’s all I can do to steer this thing. The play in it’s a bitch.

That’s because we’re dragging half the galaxy with us, Tor said, angry that his buddy dared to disparage his baby.

Kerel, who was standing beside him but apparently not keeping up with the conversation, nodded drunkenly. I could use some sun.

Hauk laughed. Your pasty ass needs it, Kerel.

Stop it, Kerel said, frowning, looking down at his mysteriously empty brew container. You should talk. You’re almost as white as I am.

I’m blond. I’m supposed to be--you don’t have any excuse, Hauk said.

You two are making my head pound again. Kerel, you’re not going anywhere. You fucked up the ship, you get to fix it, Tor warned. Galan, get us the hell down there before I kill these two. I think the depleting oxygen is killing brain cells.

Galan grinned, saluting. Yes, sir.

And hit that button right there, Tor pointed at it. Federation knows we don’t want some heathens shooting our asses out of the sky.

* * * *

The sun was high in the sky when dirt flew from the ground in a fine spray of grit and grass. The earth depressed under a heavy, unseen weight. There was a whining hiss of steam, and then a door appeared from nowhere, folding outward to become a thick, planed ramp.

Five men stumbled from the dim interior, blinking at the bright, summer sun.

Sweat popped out instantly on their skin. A cacophony of irritating chirps started up from deep in the surrounding woods.

Tor grimaced, looking around. You landed us at a swamp, Galan.

Galan shrugged, stretching, then rubbed his stomach lazily. You said some place balmy. I was going by the temperature gauge on the ship.

Tor grunted, rounding his shoulders to ease the kink in them. Well, get to work, Kerel. I’d like to get back to my break this millennia.

I can’t even see the ship. How’m I supposed to work on it in stealth mode? he asked irritably. He was always irritable. Kerel seriously needed to get laid.

Same way you get around with your head up your ass, Hauk said, laughing.

Kerel frowned when everyone joined in. Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up.

Tor chuckled, hitting the remote. The air flickered, wavering, and the ship flashed into view. I suppose it’s safe, since there doesn’t seem to be anyone around this federation forsaken place.

Thanks. A lot. Kerel grumbled as he went inside to look for tools.

Wonder what the locals look like, Bradan mused, laying on the grass with his legs crossed. Galan laid down next to his brother, falling asleep and snoring almost immediately. Bradan swatted an insect from his arm. They have blood suckers. Better turn on your protective fields.

Damn thing makes my hair stand on end, Hauk muttered, switching his on. Sure enough, his hair rose off his forehead and frizzed.

Kerel came back out, arms loaded with brews and tools. He drank half of one before pulling the welder out.

I never thought you one to worry about how pretty you look, Hauk. Think you’ll see some action here? Tor asked, grinning as he switched his protective field on too. He popped the top on a brew and took a long swig, passing the remaining brews to his friends.

I can hope, Hauk muttered, taking a brew for himself.

For all you know they’re covered with hair, smell like fonktol droppings, and have two pussies apiece.

Two wouldn’t be so bad. Gives me ideas. Hauk chuckled, waggling his eyebrows.

You ain’t got enough to satisfy one, Hauk, Kerel piped up from under the hull, tinkering with the welder to get it started.

You been checking me out, Kerel? I didn’t know you swung both ways.

Ha ha. That’s all I’m saying. Ha.

By the Federation, I hope they’re not that ugly. I haven’t seen a woman in..., Bradan trailed off, frowning as he counted his fingers.

Since we left. And it hasn’t been that long, Tor finished for him. You’re doing that wrong, he said to Kerel, pointing his brew at the hull before taking a sip.

Yeah, Hauk piped up. You’re holding it backwards.

Kerel turned it around. He blinked up at Hauk. "No, it goes the other way. Maybe if someone wasn’t blocking my light...."

I don’t think so, Tor said, taking another swallow of brew, standing over Kerel. The big end attaches to the ship.

Kerel grunted, swiping the back of his hand across his forehead, smearing a streak of dirt. Do you want to do this?

I’m satisfied watching you.

Asshole.

That’s Prince Asshole to you.

He’s right, Kerel. You’re never going to get the welder started that way. Put it on the metal so it sparks a reaction. Hauk pointed his toe at the rough edge of the hole, finishing off his brew and starting on another.

Shit! Bradan said.

What? Tor asked, turning around.

I spilled my brew. Any more?

I don’t know. Go inside and check the galley.

He stood and brushed dirt off himself before going inside. A minute later he was back, white faced and wide eyed. You won’t believe this. He took a long breath, steadying himself. We’re out of brew.

Huh?

No!

You’re shitting me!

The commotion woke Galan. He snorted, coming up swinging. Get off me fucker. He looked around, confused when he didn’t hit an attacker. Oh ... uh. What’s going on?

Okay, don’t have a shit fit, everyone. Did you check the cooling units and the cock pit? Tor asked. You weren’t gone very long.

I used computer when I couldn’t find any. She ran a scan and said Kerel took the last.

Fuck! Hauk crushed the last brew container, tossing it into the ship. That’s just wonderful. First the ship, now no brews and no women.

It’s not like we’ll die without it. Hell, that’s what got us in this fix to start with, Tor said, looking morosely at the empty brews. It wasn’t that they habitually got snockered, but brew sickness would set in before long, and the only cure for brew sickness was more brew ... heaving his guts out held no appeal. He brightened suddenly. There’s civilization here, right? Let’s go get some more.

My prince, I would follow you anywhere, Hauk said, grinning as he slapped an arm across his chest and bowed.

Tor pushed him up the ramp and kicked a foot towards his ass, missing.

What’s going on? Galan asked, swaying as he got on his feet.

We’re going to get you some fuel, fonktol, Bradan said, pushing