The Fear Within

By Michael Corso

Faithen Kir has something on the inside. Usually when people say this they’re implying potential, ambition, creativity, imagination. In Faithen’s case, that something has a mind of its own.
Plagued with panic attacks, nightmares, and the oppressive orphanage he calls home, his life has been less than ordinary. With no memory before age eleven, and enough scars to make a street fighter feel like a wuss, he slowly discovers a dark past that no one wanted him to remember. He never imagined there were people out there who were different. He also never imagined he was one of them.
As Faithen becomes stronger and faster, he must discover a way to adapt to these new abilities and rein in his increasing animalistic tendencies. Watchers are everywhere, and someone wants what he has become. Things are not what they seem, and Faithen must learn to control the power within him before that power can take control of him.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael Corso
• Release date: May 29, 2016
• ISBN: 9781310669606

Michael Corso

I am a writer continuously learning and evolving, one who loves movies, superheroes, cartoons, and long dramatic pauses, but not in a soap opera way. You can read my stuff if you like. You just might be entertained. Or you might hate it. Who knows? Only one way to find out.

Book preview

OTHER WORK BY MICHAEL CORSO

SHORT STORIES

A Rift in Time’s Regard

The Age of Earth and Water

Under the Willow Tree

Below the Surface

BOOKS

The Adventures of James Squirrel

Copyright © 2016 by Michael Corso

Source material for cover image courtesy of Shutterstock.com

All rights reserved. Published by Michael Corso through Smashwords.

This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to others. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

If you would like to contact Michael, please write him on Twitter @7MichaelCorso or on his blog, www.MichaeloftheBooks.wordpress.com

To God & my mother, for with them I have nothing to fear.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Other Work by Michael Corso

Copyright

Dedication

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

Chapter 49

Acknowledgements

About the Author

1

After tracing the scars on my chest for the fifth time, a blast of thunder ripped through the night, and I finally began to fall asleep. There was something strangely calming about a thunderstorm. Perhaps it overrode the distant roar in my mind, an echo of what lived in my forgotten past. Maybe it was a friendly reminder there were worse things out there than me. Whatever the reason, I was glad for the storm and breathed deeply as it lulled me to sleep.

It was only about an hour later when I awoke to whimpering. On the bed next to me, a tightly crumpled ball of white sheets shook in the darkness. I didn’t need light to know Sodder was crying. He couldn’t handle it, remembering all the sleepless nights curled up in his mother’s arms under a pouring sky.

The top of his head stuck out from the wad of taut sheets.

Sod, I whispered. Come over.

Trembling terribly, Sodder’s childlike form emerged from the covers. He took a few steps to my bed before almost collapsing. I reached out and pulled him under the covers with me. Sodder nestled against my body. He felt so fragile. I gently crossed my arms over his torso.

It’s okay, I whispered. I’m here. Nothing’s going to hurt you.

Another jolt of thunder roared through the room. Lightning lit up the room to reveal Cal lying on the next bed over, his eyes bloodshot and focused on us.

Just don’t think about it, I said. It’ll be over soon.

Morning came to a clear sky and the events of last night drained from existence. Sodder was still wrapped in my arms. I carefully nudged myself free, not wanting to wake him.

In the nightstand was a clear yellow bottle with no label. I took two white capsules from its contents and stuck the bottle in my pants draped over the chair. Then I went to the bathroom and swallowed the pills with a drink of water.

When I left the bathroom, Cal was awake, watching me. He knew what I was doing in there. It was the same way every morning, only this time I hoped to avoid detection. Cal’s eyes were still tinted with veins of red. Dark circles lined his eyes. With his sleek sandy hair a mess of bed head, it looked like he’d stuck his finger in a light socket.

You still takin’ those pills, he whispered matter-of-factly.

I sat down on the edge of his bed. He shrank back from my bare torso. He never admitted it, but my scars really disturbed him. Maybe it was because he had some of his own.

You know I have to, I responded quietly.

Cal looked only at my face, my one scar-free zone. Do you?

His response made me wonder. But then I remembered what happened if I didn’t.

Cal turned over and saw Sodder sleeping, motionless and quiet. I’m glad he has you, he said. Last night…I would’ve helped him, but…I couldn’t. I can’t. He reminds me too much of myself. I’m not strong like you are.

I was never strong until a few months ago, I replied.

Cal almost grinned. I’m not talkin’ about your freakish growth spurt. I mean I’m not strong enough to deal with his pain. Not like you.

Is that bad? I’m not a jar full of cookies.

Cal laughed. You got that right, he whispered as he pushed me off the bed. Now go put a shirt on, you deformed gorilla.

2

Sodder made no mention of last night while getting dressed or even in the breakfast line. We sat at our usual table in the back of the room; I liked it because of its view of the orphanage’s garden. The sun poured in through the floor-to-ceiling pane of glass. Sodder plopped down in a seat and stuffed half a biscuit in his mouth. If asked, he would surely have attested that last night was just a bad dream, not something real. When it came to bad memories, Sodder claimed amnesia. One thing we had in common, except mine was real. I had no memory before age eleven.

So what’s on the agenda today? Cal asked, taking a bite of cereal.

Today was Saturday, which, at Madison Home for Boys, meant all the good little kids did homework while the less caring type played games.

I’ve got a landscaping appointment at one, I said. It’ll probably take the rest of the day. We could hang out in the park ‘til then.

Hell yeah! Sodder shouted a little too loud. Anything to get out of this place. Get away from the admins. He glanced over to the staff table, where a group of fifteen or so adults sat sequestered in a room of children.

Normally no one was allowed to leave the property unless accompanied by one of the staff or a state registered volunteer. No one…except me. Perks of being feared by almost everyone. They pretty much indulged me in whatever I wanted.

It was how I got a private room for just me, Sodder and Cal. It was also how the three of us were the only boys in the orphanage who went to Northwest Pennsylvania Academy, the most exclusive private school in Erie.

While it was a privilege to get whatever we wanted, it made the rest of the guys hate or resent us. Add on to me being the only kid who made money at a weekend job, and it separated us from the rest of the boys like lepers at a pool party.

Where’s the job? Cal asked.

Wesleyville, I answered mournfully. I just hope it’s not someone from school.

All the kids attending Northwest Penn came from Wesleyville, a suburb of Erie. It would have been more aptly named Wealthyville. There was nothing but huge houses with perfectly manicured lawns that would put a model’s bikini line to shame.

What about Alice? Sodder said. She lives in Wesleyville.

How do you know about Alice? Cal asked. She’s three years ahead of you.

Sodder shot me a mischievous look. Faithen couldn’t stop saying her name in his sleep a few nights ago.

Dweeb, shut up! I said as I threw a wedge of orange at his face. My heart rate doubled at the suddenness of her name being brought up. Alice started at Northwest Penn a few weeks into the new year. She had a wild look about her. I fell for her immediately. It was animalistic, but I dared not approach her.

So, Alice huh, Cal said, taking another bite of cereal.

Yeah. It doesn’t matter though. She never notices me.

Cal puffed. She’s the only one. After you grew like freakin’ King Kong all the girls can’t stay away from you. It’s like someone turned on the ‘must have you’ switch or something. I’ve never seen anything like it.

Yeah right, Cal! Sodder interjected. Before Faith became the main stop at chick central you were always crawling with girls. You look like all the pretty boys from the magazines in waiting rooms. Why don’t you model a scarf or speedo or something? You know you might even have a girlfriend if you weren’t so closed off.

I’m not interested in any of them, Cal said with a scowl. They only like me because of my looks. They don’t care anything about me. Just like all the fosters. His expression turned sour. Everyone just thinks of me as a trophy. Something to show off. His head sank.

Oh yes, Cal, I said with mock dreaminess. You’re so gorgeous. I must have you!

Sodder clutched his hands to the side of his face, Cal, your eyes are like pools of starlight and your hair is a waterfall.

We both sprang onto him like ninjas. Hey! Hey! Get off me you mongrels. He laughed. No! Don’t tickle me! Ha ha ha! Cal was severely ticklish. He hated it, but the best way to bring him out of a bad mood was to make him laugh. The skirmish came to an end when a swift elbow to the gut sent me tumbling back into my chair. Sodder was easily tossed off afterwards.

Half the room was staring at us, but who gave a crap.

Rubbing his ribs, Cal mumbled, Jerks.

Sodder and I smiled with joy. Come on Cal, you love us, Sodder retorted.

Yeah, like the plague, he said out of a half grin.

Anyway, back to Faith and his unrequited love, Sodder directed.

Yeah, Cal cracked. Too bad the only one you crush on is immune to your animalistic charms.

After breakfast we hung out in the common room for a bit. We would have gone directly back to our room, but there was no TV there.

After childishly watching thirty minutes of Saturday morning cartoons, we headed back to our room to change clothes. On the way out I grabbed a Frisbee. It may have been pathetic, but Frisbee was about as sporty as any of us ever got.

We tried to sneak out and avoid the administrators. Of course when you don’t want to be bothered is the first time someone stops you. This time it was Dalton, Madison’s youth counselor and my personal psycho-anal-yst. I mainly called him that because he’s a real pain in the butt. A phony, fat know-nothing.

Hello boys. Where are we off to? He asked, catching us at the side door, his eyes drifting to the disk in my hand.

To the park for a couple of hours, Cal said smiling, like they were best friends. Dalton eyeballed Cal like he secretly loathed him.

Before I go to work, I added.

Dalton lingered on Cal before tuning to me. Yes, George called to make sure you would be ready. He has a job of his own today, so he will be dropping you off on site and picking you back up when you are finished for the day.

George was my boss at Pathview. Oh. ‘Kay. It was odd for George to leave me alone at a work site. Maybe everyone was starting to loosen up a bit. I mean, I would be eighteen in two months. Freedom!

Dalton pursed his lips, fighting some inner compulsion. Have you taken your medicine this morning? He appeared relieved just to get the words out.

I stared him down. Yes. First thing.

Ah, good. His expression relaxed. Just remember to take another dose in a couple hours. Thanks a lot, Mom. Well, have fun now. Come back in time for lunch. We’re having a grill out today remember! He shouted the last part as we ran out the door.

Okay, I responded as I jumped the last step to the sidewalk.

Dalton was left holding the door. Take care of them, Faithen, Dalton added nervously. He hated that the rules didn’t apply to me.

After we were out of sight, Cal turned to me, scowling. Ugh. That Dalton. Makes me sick. He’s so condescending. Just the way he looks at you.

My eyes rolled in their sockets. Try spilling your guts to him once every two weeks for six years.

Cal grimaced like he smelled a dead animal. I don’t know how you do it.

Try to just ignore him. It helps.

"I don’t know why they still make you take his stupid therapy sessions. Sodder hit those last words with hard sarcasm. You’re getting better. I can tell. You’re not nearly as closed off. You laugh more and even make jokes now. You stare at Alice from across the lunchroom. I even saw your face turn red when Randy Conner pushed you into Dalton at the Easter party. It all started right after you became Hulk-sized. You’re becoming more…human."

Sodder chuckled, but I didn’t. The day of the Easter party, I had gotten angry, a very bad thing for me. Once I noticed my anger, two extra pills quickly found their way into my mouth. I had already begun to feel the heat and the horrible crushing weight like a ton of bricks.

The fact that emotions were surfacing was not a sign I was getting better. The meds kept me closed off. The more placid I was, the safer I was. I was becoming something, but human? I wasn’t so sure.

Dalton is a dingus, I said, but I still have to go. It’s for the best.

That ended the conversation. Cal gave me a sideways glance. He understood more than Sodder did. While he would never say it, Cal knew the meds were wearing off.

When we arrived at the park the mood instantly lightened. It was hard to be serious at the park. Babies crawled on picnic blankets, preschool kids slipped down the kiddie slide, dogs chased squirrels and played catch with their owners, birds gathered twigs for their nests. It was peaceful.

Race you to the tree! Sodder challenged as he darted off toward the mossy, mammoth tree on the far left corner of the park. Cal and I made chase. It was a useless cause of course. Cal passed Sodder and I passed Cal to claim the win. The guys stood panting at the tree while I shrugged. Never learn, do you?

Sodder neatly stuck out his tongue. I’ll beat you with the Frisbee, he said as he ripped it from my hand.

Spreading out in a triangle, we started tossing the plastic disc. After about the fourth pass, Sodder asked, Hey Faith, you reckon George might get me a job too?

The words Sodder and work did not go together. I don’t know. Why do you want to work? I said as I threw the disk to him.

To make money, of course, he said like it was obvious.

Yeah right! exclaimed Cal. You just want to work there ‘cause Faithen does.

Sodder flushed. All he could come up with in response was, Nuh-uh.

Plus, you’re only fourteen, Cal added. You can’t work until you’re sixteen, genius. Although in your case they might be willing to reintroduce child labor into the workforce. Cal switched it up and passed the Frisbee back to Sodder, but he wasn’t expecting it.

Ow! Sodder yelled as the disc bounced off his forehead.

Cal laughed hysterically. Sorry, man. I tried to avoid it but your head was just too big a target.

Stomping his feet into the earth, Sodder retrieved the disc. Aiming for Cal, he threw the Frisbee hard, but the disc caught the breeze, sending it high over his head. I turned to notice the projectile making a straight line towards a man sitting on a park bench thirty feet away. With the daily newspaper blocking his view, he was totally oblivious to his predicament.

Then something happened. My muscles felt electrified and something flicked on in the deepest part of my mind. There was a rush of noise like a jet soaring past my head. I blinked hard against the crash of sound. Wind ripped around me. My eyes opened, and I found myself planted directly in front of the man, the rogue disc clutched tightly in my fist.

The man lowered his paper, at first seeming pleased, but then only blankly amused. Nice catch, he complimented. My body was frozen, every muscle tensed like tripwires. I dared not move. The man gave a creepy smirk. Tell your friend to be more careful next time.

Okay, I think I said.

The business-dressed man folded up his paper and grabbed his briefcase propped next to his feet. He stood and walked away without a word, as if he were on a daily stroll. He may have even whistled.

Still coursing with adrenaline, I inched my arms down in small intervals to see if I had control of my movement. Vaguely satisfied, I turned slowly and walked back to my friends, trying not to move anything nonessential. Anybody who saw me probably thought I was psycho.

Sodder and Cal stared wide-eyed like they had just seen Superman fly overhead. I glanced at them nervously.

Let’s go. I walked briskly to the crosswalk. The guys followed close behind like groupies to a rock star.

How’d you… Sodder started.

Not now, I cut him off. Wait ‘til we get back to our room. I don’t feel safe out here.

What do you mean? Did that guy say something? Cal asked.

"No. Not him. I don’t think I’m safe to be out here right now."

But what does that…

Just walk. Come on.

Back at Madison a troop of girl scouts were selling cookies to the head administrator, Ms. Oliver. A considerably stout woman, she wouldn’t think twice about ordering a load of them. Beaming at all the goodies, she said, I’ll take two boxes of each…for the boys of course. A box or two was doomed to go missing.

One of the older girls smiled at Cal, but he ignored her. Our destination was the third floor behind the closed door of our shared bedroom. Cal shut the door behind us. At first I couldn’t face them. I stared at the bed, contemplating what just happened. Sodder and Cal’s eyes bore into the back of my head. I could feel it. Suddenly I felt sick.

It’s all right, Faith, Cal said encouragingly. We’re your friends.

When I finally turned around, I was shocked. Cal was grinning with his mouth half open. Sodder was ecstatic, eyes sparkling like he found buried treasure.

SO…COOL! Sodder shouted.

Cool? I struggled. I was scared!

You were scared? Cal inquired.

I shook my head at how they could not see that.

See, Sodder pointed, I told you he’s getting better.

Cal threw up his hands. Well, whatever. Main thing is Faithen’s fine. You’re fine, aren’t you?

I don’t know. I feel weird…like a freak show.

Cal sat down on the bed. More importantly, how did you do that?

3

I couldn’t describe it. A moment of panic. A rush of energy. Next thing I knew the disc was in my hand. Actually, my arm was starting to cramp. As I rubbed my tensed muscles, I found the disc still clutched in my grip, although it was no longer in the shape of a circle. Half was crumpled like a piece of paper, my knuckles wrapped around the hard molded plastic.

Weirded out, I dropped the lump of plastic, kicking it under the bed. I don’t even remember moving. What happened?

Sodder jumped in. You were like a blur, like The Flash or something.

I chuckled halfheartedly, still shaken. Huh. The Flash?

Yeah, like a freakin’ superhero, Sodder added.

No, I snapped. I’m no superhero. I’m a danger zone. Always have been. Now I just can’t control it anymore. Maybe Dalton should up my prescription.

No! Cal barked forcefully. I don’t trust him. Plus I don’t like you taking that stuff. It eats my insides. Your brain is just starting to break out of prison, now you want thicker bars?

But I could be dangerous, I tried to reason.

Or not. You got it together pretty quick in the park.

That time.

Just promise you won’t mention this to Dalton, Cal implored. For now, at least.

Look, I protested. I know you’re trying to help, but if I’m doing crazy stuff against my will, then that’s a real problem. I’ve got to do something.

Cal didn’t respond at first. He stared me down. I know how strong you are, he whispered like there were eavesdroppers.

What do you mean? Cal was being so bold. It made me worry.

You don’t know this, he began apprehensively, but I’ve taken one of your pills before.

My jaw dropped. What? What were you thinking?

He grinned in a sad sort of way. I didn’t know then what it did exactly. It was stupid, I’ll admit. I thought it just dulled your emotions. Let’s face it; you’re not the only one with issues. But I didn’t know what else it did. He stopped for a moment, looking at the ground. Remember last Thanksgiving?

Sodder gasped. Dude, you almost died! They had to send you to the hospital.

Cal continued. First I vomited five hours straight until all I could do was dry heave. My fever was over a hundred and six. The Docs thought I might slip into a coma. My whole body felt on fire, but icy at the same time. Then I slept for two days. When I woke up I was completely blind for twelve hours. It felt like a hatchet had split my skull. My eyesight came back, but the headaches lasted for a week. I still get them every now and then, he said, rubbing his temple. The staff thought it was a super bug. Docs were dumbfounded. They couldn’t find any cause for my symptoms. But I knew exactly what it was. He looked hard into my eyes. That was from one pill. One.

You take two every four hours, Sodder breathed, and three before bed.

Just think how lethal your meds are now, Cal’s expression turned grave. And you want something stronger? Don’t you realize how strong you must be? You should be dead, but instead you’re growing taller and stronger than any seventeen-year-old should and doing things no person can.

I cast him a solemn glare. "Which is why I must keep taking them. Cal meant well, so I couldn’t argue anymore. But if you don’t want me asking for new meds, then I won’t."

While Sodder had not actually taken a side in the conversation, he and Cal both seemed placated. The seriousness melted away, and Cal straightened his golden brown hair, pulling it behind his ears.

But back to the Frisbee thing, he said, a smile crossing his face. That was pretty cool.

Yeah, it was! Sodder shouted, jumping up and down on the bed.

I grinned and shook my head. At the same time, hidden deep within my mind, a dark red fire grew larger.

4

An hour later I was getting ready for work. I laughed internally as Sodder flexed his scrawny muscles in front of the mirror. My permanently dirt and grass stained landscaping clothes lay on the bed. Pulling off my shirt and pants I heard a discomforting groan from Cal behind me. I turned around, but Cal was nose deep into his copy of Lord of the Rings, skimming it way too fast.

When I first moved in with the guys, I was apprehensive about undressing in front of them. My scar collection was impressive and gruesome. Some were barely noticeable. Others were deep and rope-like. Some were discolored and textured. But really, the mysterious ones didn’t bother me as much. It was the short, deep stab wounds, the small round bullet holes, the slashes I imagined coming from a knife, and the parallel marks which uncannily reminding me of animal claws that disturbed me. There was even a large glossy burn scar on my right lower back.

First time Sodder saw me undressed he jumped back so hard he crashed into the wall, leaving a perfect indention of his shoulder blade. But he got over the sight of my body quickly. Cal, on the other hand was completely freaked out. It was nothing short of a nervous breakdown. He had to be isolated for days and took a few therapy sessions with Dalton.

We never talked about it afterwards. Over the years I thought he had grown more accustomed to my scars, but apparently not.

It was ten ‘til one and I slipped on my sleeveless undershirt, followed by a blue short sleeve button-up. Then I slid on my work jeans.

All right, guys. I’m going, I announced. Don’t forget to go grab a burger or something. Not often they grill for us.

What about you? Sodder pointed out.

I’ll pick something up on the way out, I stated. See you later.

See you, Faith. Sodder enthusiastically bolted up on the bed like a rod, getting tangled in the sheets.

See you, Cal replied casually.

Just as I exited, there was a fumbling noise inside the room right before something hit the floor with a thump.

Ow! Sodder complained.

I told you not to twist the sheet around your leg, Cal said. Why does this stuff always happen to you?

George was waiting for me in the parking lot. Jogging over to the old work truck, I scarfed down a titanic bite of my second burger. They were hot, causing me to chew with my mouth open. I opened the door with my burger-free hand and shut it as I crammed the last hunk of meat and bread into my mouth.

Hungry aye, Faithen? George poked.

The corner of my mouth pulled up. I downed one before I even hit the door.

A smile lit his leathered face. His ragged sun-bleached hair made the fifty-something man look harder than he truly was. A botanist by nature, he was devoted to all types of plant life. It wouldn’t have surprised me if he bled chlorophyll.

Even though he was my employer, I had grown to think of him as an eccentric uncle. I felt comfortable around him. George was easy to talk to no matter what the subject.

George revved the old truck to life and pulled out of the parking lot.

Looking behind to see what all was in the flatbed, I saw soil, mulch, curbing bricks, some lilies, red, yellow and purple iris’s, a variety of tulips, and a few holly bushes.

So, just a quick border and planter fix-up? I inquired.

Yeah, they ordered the small spring blooming collection, in the front yard I think. They’ll give you the details when you get there.

All paid for?

For the plants, supplies and delivery. You know how to figure up the worked hours.

What’s your cut on this one? I flipped an eyebrow in his direction.

Oh no. I wouldn’t take a cut this time. You’re doing all the work. You keep the hourly.

About that. Why exactly am I doing this one by myself.

Well, George explained, fact is, they requested you personally. First time since I opened I’ve ever had a specific worker asked for. I figured they must’ve known you. The girl was very insistent. George cracked a smile. She was pretty cute too.

Girl? Great! One of the girlfriends of some jock jerk-off? There were plenty of sporty guys’ girlfriends who had been fawning over me since my weird animal attraction started. Last time I had an encounter with some jock boys, I got a fist to the gut. It stuck in my head because I almost lost control that day. My eyes went cloudy, and I had thrown one boy into the lockers before I came to my senses.

Thinking back on it, my heart raced. The feeling of being challenged made my blood boil. I could feel adrenaline in my veins, taste it even. Suddenly, I wanted to fight! The thrill of it made my limbs tingle. I could see the whole group of jerks standing around me in my mind. From the dark pool of forgotten memories came a rumbling growl.

The chilling sound brought me back