Willakaville: Cataclysmic Chronicles of Caustic Calamity

By Bald Guy

Will Larry escape the mesmerizing virtual world he is in?
Who is the new and mysterious girl in school?
What in the world is a weresnail?

Find all the answers in this next great book for kids. Full of wonderful short stories that will delight any child (or adult). Read the next series book to find out how Larry makes his way through the cyberspace labyrinth. See who the new girl is and what she knows. Witness the horror of the diabolical weresnails. More weirdness, wackiness, and whimsy await you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bald Guy
• Release date: May 5, 2016
• ISBN: 9781517470371

Bald Guy

Mathew Heinecke is an emerging author of children's books. He enjoys making up wacky science fiction stories and poems for his children. His Willakaville series books have put these in print for others to enjoy with the goal of tackling the many different issues children will face. (He wants to ensure he is using the full spectrum of his imagination)As a graduate from the University of Utah with a Bachelor's of Science degree in Mechanical Engineering, he has worked for many years as a mechanical engineer in both the aerospace and transportation industries. This coincides with his passion for learning about new technologies and innovations. (He really wants to be a galactic space fighter)Mathew grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah where he enjoyed visiting the nearby Rocky Mountains and the colorful landscapes of southern Utah. As a child, he played several sports such as; football, soccer, rugby, basketball, snowboarding, skiing, hiking, fishing mountain biking, golf and tennis. Now he just plays a little golf and tennis (and has a small protrusion of his belly to show for it) He continues to enjoy sports and time outdoors with his wife, children and friends.Some of Mathew's hobbies include: illustration, painting, t-shirt and logo design, gardening, and movies. (He likes to keep busy) His favorite movies are Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings.

Book preview

Willakaville

Cataclysmic Chronicles of Caustic Calamity

by Bald Guy

Text Copyright © 2015 Bald Guy

All Rights Reserved

Dedicated to laughter, nonsense, and silliness.

Warning!

This book has tons of crazy stories. Read at your own risk. Bald Guy and Willakaville shall not be held responsible for any of the following:

Falling asleep while reading

Feeling sad from a sad story

Thinking you’re invincible

Having extreme anger at a villain

Enduring lack of sleep due to compulsive reading

Doing dumb things that are not related to anything

Meeting mean people doing mean things

Encountering catastrophic weather

Having smelly feet

Enduring laughter bellyaches

Doing things you should not be doing

Having an overactive imagination

Contemplating your navel

Receiving paper cuts, or other stuff.

Seriously, I welcome any and all feedback, questions, suggestions, comments, jokes, recipes, and whatever else.

Thank you,

Bald Guy

[e-mail]

Contents

TEBAHPLA

STOP COMPLAINING

CONNECTING THE DOTS

LAZY LARRY

I WANT

AGENT JELLYFISH

LIGHTS OUT

POWER HUNGRY

CARE FREE

THEY GET

Tebahpla

It was late, and Nicole was waiting for her parents to come home. It was the first time they had allowed her to stay alone. Now twelve, she was old enough. At first, she enjoyed her newfound freedom, with nobody to tell her what to do. However, as it became later in the night, she came to be more lonely and afraid. Staring out the back window, she searched for any signs of danger.

The stars helped to take her mind away from all the fearful, invading thoughts. She caught a glimpse of a blue light streaming across the sky. It was growing bigger and bigger, which meant it was getting closer and closer. Bracing herself for impact, she saw it disappear in a flash of light, expanding in waves across the entire town.

Wondering if anyone else had seen it, she ran outside to look. It seemed that no one noticed, at least not anyone in her neighborhood. Feeling even more alone and scared, Nicole went back inside, locked all the doors, and watched late-night television until she fell asleep.

The next morning, she came downstairs to eat breakfast. Good morning, Mother, she said cheerfully upon entering the kitchen. Her mother was preparing her favorite meal, pancakes.

Good ningmor, sweety pie, said her mother.

Nicole turned her head sideways and thought, Ningmor. Mother must not be awake yet.

What dink fo cakepans do you want?

Dink fo cakepans? said Nicole, laughing aloud.

Yes, said her mother, Dink fo cakepans. Big, malls, catty kits? What dink fo?

Mom, said Nicole sternly this time, why are you talking like that?

Klie what? her dad, walking in, said.

Nicole was becoming annoyed. Alright, you guys konk ti off. What? I neam tops it?

Both her parents looked at her with fear in their eyes.

Nicole became scared and uttered, Mom, Add, I’m scerad.

Nobody could speak properly; every few words came out all mixed up. It took them the entire morning to figure out what each other was saying. They called their friends and neighbors and found everyone else had the same problem.

The texn day all eth opelpe ouloc ont stunderand thaw chea saw aysing. Oh, sorry. I forgot to translate. Over time, three separate languages emerged. The town divided into three groups based on these languages. It was sad, but necessary, and especially hard on families that could not understand each other. They tried to learn the other languages, without luck. It was as if their brains reprogrammed themselves to understand only one.

A few people had the ability to understand all three. They became translators and coordinated discussions among the leaders of each group.

The first group spoke very fast, with their sentences sounding like one word. For example, trextoloblasegingnthotiloptigonedslectirathilobufrognixtriagolon meant I think I will try to spread peanut butter on my face. They called themselves the Quoxigonicalasticingshun (everyone just called them the Quox to make it easy.) Curiously, all the Quox ended up being quite tall and had black hair and brown eyes.

The second group was just the opposite. They spoke very slowly and needed to make many small sounds in order to mean only one word. So, Grap…blod…sig…har…ot…anl said Hello. They were named the Slow and Long Talkers (or Slowies, for short) since they took forever to say one sentence. Those in this group strangely all had blue eyes and blond hair, and were short.

The third group spoke everything backwards. Ti si emit tahw? was What time is it? Their name, the Reversers, was an easy choice. They consisted of everyone else who was not tall with black hair and brown eyes, or not short with blond hair and blue eyes.

It became very confusing for anyone from outside Willakaville. The town had to set up interpreter stations along each entrance. Conversations between different groups were difficult, especially between the Quox and the Slowies. The Quox would quickly become impatient with the Slowies and most exchanges did not finish.

The three groups became more and more separated over time. People had made new friends, as they preferred to be with those who spoke the same language. Each group became very exclusive. The Quox thought they were better since they spoke so fast and knew such long, fancy words. The Slowies were offended and refused to speak to any Quox. The Reversers did not want to cause trouble and tried to remain neutral.

Things got so bad that they created separate schools, separate parks, separate stores, and even