The Changing Face of Sex

By Wayne P. Anderson and Ph.D.

The Changing Face of Sex is a thorough study of the history of sex by a leading expert in the field of Human Sexuality education. Dr Wayne Anderson has been teaching Human Sexuality for over 50 years. This book chronicles the changes he has witnessed through his own observation and data he has collected from his students, with the 1960s being a critical point of change. Dr. Anderson also details fascinating historical facts about society's view and treatment of sexual matters beginning with Victorian era practice and laws. Written with wit and humor, in a language suitable for lay person and professional alike, everyone should read this book and be rewarded with a greater understanding and comfort with their own sexuality and sexual history.

• Language: English
• Publisher: eBookIt.com
• Release date: Apr 26, 2016
• ISBN: 9781936688319

Book preview

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INTRODUCTION

One professional track of my life has been studying sexuality in all its forms. I have observed sexual attitudes and behavioral patterns during the past 50 years from three major modes—as therapist, researcher and professor. Each of these has contributed to building an ongoing picture of how sexual behavior has been evolving in the United States.

I was born at the beginning of the great depression in 1929, into a world where women were confined more or less to the home. Few worked outside the home, and those who did were very limited in what they were allowed to do. Some taught until they married. Pregnant teachers were not allowed in the classroom; for some reason, some parents thought this would be exposing children to an indecency. Movies began to show some reality about sex in people’s lives, but that was stopped in 1934 with the introduction of the Hays office, a set of industry moral censorship guidelines that forbade the use of words such as pregnant, profanity, and showing two people in bed together.

Women were expected to be virgins upon marriage; if they were not, many states allowed that as a reason for annulment. World War II temporarily changed the work rules for women, but at the end of the war many of them found themselves back in the home. It wasn’t until the sexual revolution of the late 1960s that women were allowed into a large number of fields of work.

I was a member of the generation that expected marriage to last and considered illegitimacy a horror. Birth control information was illegal. In some states condoms had to be labeled, for prevention of disease only, as if when you used one with the intent to stop pregnancy, you were breaking the law. Homosexuals were still considered criminals or mentally ill or both, adultery was the one grounds for divorce in most states, and sex education was virtually nonexistent.

In the first chapter I give an overview of present day students’

attitudes toward sexuality. This is followed by a step back into history in chapter two in which I explore how anti-sexual the Victorian era of the late 1800s was and how this attitude put a straightjacket on women’s sexual behavior to the point that some believed that women were not sexually responsive and that decent women did not have orgasms. The next chapter on the tipping point explores what led up to the revolution of the late 1960s after which sexual behavior and attitudes were never the same.

The sexual revolution created a need for sex education, a topic that was not only just ignored by most universities, but also actively resisted regarding some topics in many universities including the University of Missouri-Columbia (UMC), where I have taught from 1963 to the present time, 2012.

In two chapters I explore my creation of a program to give students information about birth control and then a chapter on the development of a sex education course.

The second section explores developments in our understanding of love and bonding based on research on brain chemistry and love maps. We explore current college student attitudes toward sex differences based on observations they have made in my classes.

Changes in marriage and divorce are discussed and student reactions to marriage contracts explored. Women getting pregnant with the aid of modern science takes us into a realm that was once only treated in science fiction.

Because my first professional involvement in the world of sexuality was as a therapist, the third section of the book is about what I learned working with clients with sexual concerns. My first therapeutic endeavors were after I was made chair of a committee in 1966 that had the goal of eradicating homosexuality from the campus—a goal I eventually found I could not support.

I learned about the policies established in 1948 at UMC that banished homosexuals from the campus and made the Student Health Center and Counseling Services responsible for reporting homosexuals so they could be counseled out of the university. The university’s policies in this area led eventually to a U.S. Supreme Court decision against UMC.

At about this same time I began counseling rape victims who had also been in the closet because of the negative attitude that was taken toward someone who had been raped. The culture saw the violation of rape as something the victim had a part in causing.

The Sexual Revolution of 1968 was in full swing by the time I became aware that no one seemed to want to give the students information about birth control or problem pregnancies. As a result I undertook the role of sex educator and founded a group of students to visit dorms and Greek houses to provide birth control information.

As a supervisor of counselors in training I was also aware that, by and large, they handled the sex problems of their clients poorly. Many problems are the result of sexual ignorance. A graduate training program based on accurate information and successful treatment methods seemed the logical next move.

Several chapters are about the problems involved in developing training in the area and how these problems were solved, including my getting additional training at the Kinsey Institute and in workshops with Masters and Johnson.

In my work I typically have carried a small caseload, since I feel it is important that if I’m teaching students about therapeutic practices, I need to be doing therapy to keep up-to-date on what kinds of problems clients are having.

I was fortunate to have access for research to a pool of rapists in a maximum security ward in a nearby city enabling me to learn more about rapists and their behavior. Honor students and graduate students that I was teaching/supervising generated further information about the sex lives of students on campus.

With all of this background I felt comfortable in offering a graduate class on human sexuality in 1970. In 1971 I started teaching a small honors class. In 1973 I started teaching a large (growing from 180 students to 350) undergraduate class until my retirement in 1995. Following retirement for several years I continued to teach a summer course of 100 students and a fall honors course limited to 20 students that I continue to teach.

I have followed the changes in attitudes and behavior of college students using a number of methods. Some of the material in this book is based on reports I have received from students over the years about their observations on sex in their environment, including a chapter on their fantasies about sensuous encounters.

Two of my goals in writing this book are to give the general reader (1) a broad view of what accurate information has been gained recently in the sexual area and (2) what changes have happened in sexual attitudes and behavior during my work as a professor, researcher and therapist.

SECTION ONE - THE PANDORA’S BOX OF SEX IS PRIED OPEN

CHAPTER ONE

CURRENT SEXUAL ATTITUDES / BEHAVIOR

Student behavior today in 2011 is very different from student behavior when I started teaching a human sexuality course in 1969. Many changes had to take place in society’s attitudes before we reached the point I will be discussing in this chapter. The two chapters that follow will discuss sexual behavior and norms of the 20th century and explore the people and factors that caused the radical changes in behavior we have seen.

The sexual behavior of college students today has evolved into something very different from what we knew in the early 1960s and continues to evolve into a more open and on some levels more satisfying sex life for many.

One of the changes has been more students moving in the direction of hook-ups rather than dating. The exact meaning of hooking up seems to be purposely kept vague. It can mean anything from kissing and touching to oral sex or intercourse. For example, when a girl says, I hooked up with so-and-so last night, no one knows exactly what she did. Using the term protects the students’ reputation and makes them a player at the same time.

There appears to be several levels of hooking up. The most basic is that a couple meet at a party, are sexually attracted to each other and find a place to have sex. Other times it means making out without intercourse. At whatever level it takes place, it would have been shocking and in many cases illegal in an earlier generation.

In the honors course that I continue to teach for university juniors and seniors, I ask the students to record three observations a day for two weeks on sex in their environment. The instructions are open-ended in that they may report their observations on advertising, movies, books they’re reading, what is on TV, what they observe others doing or, if they wish, their own behavior.

Part of the goal of the assignment is to make them aware of how totally surrounded they are by sexual material; partly it is to make them more comfortable with discussing sex in class, and finally it is to keep me up-to-date on what in going on in an environment that I have little direct contact with. Without this feedback I would have scant knowledge of what their standards were or what students were doing sexually.

I have chosen some representative observations to show their reactions to what they are seeing and doing.

In many ways we are living in a sexual golden age. Instead of being vilified, promiscuity can be talked about and even joked about. People usually see homophobia as a problem, not homosexuality. We are exploring the connection between love and sex and realizing that, yes they are fantastic when put together, but they can also be enjoyed separately. Our increased discussion has resulted in some of the best and most satisfying sex humans have ever had. Sex is finally thought of and appreciated in and of itself.

(Male university student)

When talking with two of my guy friends, they shared some less-than-philosophical thoughts about sex. According to their experiences, there exist three types of girls in this world: those who hate giving blow jobs and almost always refuse to do it, those who don’t really enjoy it, but will put out when necessary, and finally, those who intrinsically enjoy giving head and will comply whenever asked.

(Female student)

You will note from that last quote that there is an assumption that all women will agree to have sex—they may just be a little choosy about how they do it. I find that women in my classes are more inclined to see problems with their present behavior.

The one observation I found from my log that best summarizes my feelings toward these issues is sex is the opiate of the masses. I wrote it in one of my more bitter moments, but I have later found it to be more hopeful than it really sounds. A reality that I could not help but face during these initial two weeks was that everyone of us needs sex or relates to sex, or at least in some way identifies with it. It was a little disheartening to realize that this was an essential part of me no matter how high my I.Q. or level of worldly success, and it made me no different from the bum on the corner or the plumber that fixes my toilet. The other thing to remember is that every animal requires this to continue existing, so it really can not be that bad a thing to share with everyone else. Like the need for food or water, the knowledge that no one is exempted from indulging in sex keeps us humble. Aside from all other life functions, it is the one thing that keeps us completely equal and truly human.

Men can be so pathetic when they want sex, like they’re a starving infant whining for milk.

My brother is talking about one of his best girly friends from high school who is a rigid Christian. She wants to be a virgin until she’s married, but according to my brother, she and her boyfriends do ‘everything but sex.’ This includes some stuff that is ‘gross’ (my brother’s words). It’s interesting to see how many people cling to the idea of being labeled a ‘technical’ virgin without thinking twice about the other acts they participate in, i.e.‘I’ll do anything but have vaginal sex.’

I find it completely remarkable that my roommates and I can talk so openly about our sex lives, yet when one roommate hears the other actually having sexual relations they are ‘grossed out.’ Where is the line? Talking about sex is ok but in practice it’s off limits?

I had a boy ask me at a bar if I was in a relationship, I told him yes. He said ok ’cause he didn’t want to chase tail that was taken. Is that all a bar is for?

My roommate just completed training to help lead a workshop given to freshman girls in sororities about alcohol and sexual safety. She thought the program overall was good, but she was concerned that girls might feel uncomfortable talking about birth control and planned parenthood and thought they should take that part out.

A friend was talking about how she’s only slept with virgins. She says she didn’t plan it, but she liked that they were virgins. It gave her three advantages.The first was that they were disease free.The second was that they didn’t have any weird moves that their last girlfriends liked. The third reason is that they were easy to train.

I think some people use alcohol as an excuse to get drunk and have sex with people they would be embarrassed to be seen with otherwise.

While sitting in Brady Commons today I overheard some guys talking a few tables over. One was explaining to the others that he just moved into his apartment and the bed he has is an old one a friend of his sold him cheap. The problem is the bed makes a horrible squeaking noise when he is having sex that distracts both him and his girlfriend. Immediately two guys suggested putting a pillow behind the headboard to help with the squeaking. Another suggested using rubber washers. I was entertained by the apparent familiarity the other guys had with the problem. I wonder if any of their ideas helped.

In the student reports I pick up clues that a double-standard of sexuality still exists to some extent. That is men are very happy to have sex available, but at the same time they don’t always have respect for women who are too generous with their sexual favors.

A concept ever prevalent in Greek Life is the so-called walk of shame, which takes place after a girl sleeps in a fraternity house and walks home the next morning. A lot of guys clap and holler at them, yelling things like ‘Shacker.’ I’ve never done a walk of shame, but I can imagine it being pretty humiliating for the girl.

I was in a line at Chipotle, and I couldn’t help but overhear what the two guys behind me were talking about. All I heard was guy #1 say, ‘He slept with her? What?’ Guy #2 responded with, ‘Yeah, he goes for quantity over quality.’ Then they both laughed.

Is this easy hooking up likely to change with maturity? For some people this is a definite yes, and many of the students in my classes are in semi-permanent relationships.

Being a senior, more and more people are in serious relationships these days.Have people gotten sick of sleeping around? Do they just want better sex with one partner? Or have they finally accepted that love and ‘having someone’ is worthwhile?

Today, my friend broke up with a freshman and his exact reason is he ‘didn’t want to miss out on anything.’ She said that’s what she ‘gets for trying to date a freshman boy.’ But then we agreed that after about two years, they begin maturation and are more willing to settle down with a girlfriend. It’s almost like it takes them the first two years to get it out of their system. Obviously there are exceptions on both ends of that theory, but as notorious college bachelors begin to pair of, you can’t help but notice.

Influences on sex

What is contributing to this behavior that not so many years ago we would have called promiscuity? A number of factors in our culture have made a big difference. I suspect the most important has been the fact that so many women are going on to college and planning careers and want to put off marriage and children to a later date. That means we no longer have the majority of young people married by the age of twenty or twenty-one. Here is how one of my women students framed it.

I talked with a friend from home today and found out someone we had known who was my age was married and pregnant with her second child. It struck me because at this point in my life I couldn’t imagine being in either circumstance this young. I thought about my friend again and then realized that if I grew up in a different time period or even part of the world it would be odd if I wasn’t married and having children by 20 and would be expected to around the age of 17 or 18 to work on a farm. Our standards of when we are supposed to start our sexual and marital lives have changed as we delay longer and long to go to college and start a career for ourselves first. I continued to think about standards for starting our sex life when we are older, and I think that may have had something to do with the sexual explosion from 1968 to 1972. Biologically our bodies have not changed, and they tell us we are ready to have sex younger than some of our parents would like. In this context it almost seems unnatural to bottle these sexual desires, and it is likely that this smothering of what our bodies are saying to us may lead to acting out in different ways.

Cell phones and computers also play a major role in shaping young peoples’ sexual behavior.

Sex has evolved with the new technology.For instance,the mass use of cell phones in our generation has completely altered the face of sex. Students our age send sexual text, arrange sexual rendezvous over the phone, and download porn to their cell phones. Not only have our lives become monopolized by cell phones, but so have our sex lives. I was checking my hotmail account and looked at the junk mail I had. Ninety percent of the emails I had received were adult hook up sites or penis enlargement cures. The Internet is hyper-saturated with adult material, and while I don’t mind it for the most part it has made getting my email increasingly irritating.

The social pressure for men to have sex with a variety of women is strong.This is pressure that has been on young men from the early years; but now with sex more readily available the feeling seems to be if you are a real man, you should be taking advantage of it.

"I live in a fraternity house. I was sitting on the second floor couch and one of my friends claimed he’s had sex with more than 90 women since he’s been in college. His comment reminded me a lot of the pecking order. I think he was trying to exert his sexual