Because You Love Me

By L.N. Chandler

When introverted student Lilyana Quinn first met sexy, alluring and determined CEO Jaxon Storm, it ignited a spark that eventually led to a passionate, sensual relationship that irrevocably changed their lives. Intrigued yet somewhat frightened by the intensity of her feelings and Jaxon’s determined nature, Lily struggles to open her heart to him. Determined to make her his, Jaxon is gently relentless.
As Lily falls deeper in love with the irresistible CEO, their relationship flourishes. She’s on the brink of having more happiness than she ever imagined. With a limitless future ahead of them, they face challenges that threaten to break them apart. Lily wrestles with demons from her turbulent past as she explores her newfound love. And Jaxon, desperate to protect the woman who is his life, struggles to find balance with his controlling tendencies and his need to protect her.
As they find their strength together, secrets, lies, and malice conspire to make Lily’s deepest fears a reality.

• Language: English
• Publisher: L.N. Chandler
• Release date: Apr 18, 2016
• ISBN: 9781310487569

L.N. Chandler

I live in Lattimore, N.C with my husband, two children, and adorable lab Abu. As an East Carolina University business major, creative writing was my favorite class. After my first book, "Sanctuary in St. John" I was addicted to writing romantic fiction. I love creating characters my readers can connect with.In addition to writing, I enjoy long walks, music, and spending time at the beach.

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BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME

Written by L.N. Chandler

Copyright © 2016 L.N. Chandler

This book is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America. Any reproduction or other unauthorized use of the material or artwork herein is prohibited.

This book is a work of fiction. Any resemblance in persons, living or dead, places, events, or locales is coincidental. All characters in this work are fictional and are produced from the author’s imagination.

Cover art is designed by the author.

This book is dedicated to the best sisters ever, Tammy and Kim.

Love you both.

Prologue

May 26, 2006

"You okay, Lily?" Stacey asks as we sit in my driveway. He turns off the headlights but leaves the engine running.

It still seems strange that he’s driving--as are Tucker and Nate. Ben will get his license in July while I have to wait till September.

Of course, it won’t matter much to me. I’m sure my father will not provide me a car. I wouldn’t want him too any way. It would just give him something else to punish me with.

Pushing the thought away, I answer Stacey. Yeah…my father’s just been in a bad mood lately. I dread going in.

That’s not entirely true, but there’s no way I can tell him what really goes on in my house behind closed doors. I desperately wish I could, but my father doesn’t make idle threats.

I suffer in silence.

The abuse has been worse lately. Maybe because the anniversary of my mother’s death is approaching (he’s always worse on that day) or maybe his hatred of me is growing. Either way, getting out of the car and going inside is the last thing I want to do.

"Why don’t you call him from my house and tell him you’re staying over?"

There’s nothing I would love more, but there’s no way my father would allow it. Not the way he’s been acting lately. Tonight is the first night in weeks he’s given me permission to go out in the evening.

Since he never does anything just because it makes me happy, I’m sure there will be a price for the few hours of freedom I have experienced--which is one of the reasons I’m so hesitant to go inside. He’ll have found a way to make me sorry I went.

Add that to the fact summer break officially started today, and it’s no wonder I’m terrified at the thought of walking through my front door. The beatings are so much worse in the summer when he knows he can keep me locked inside the house where no one can see me.

"Thanks, but I better not ask." Still, I hesitate to get out.

"Are you sure? I can get my mom to call." He senses my hesitancy and is trying to give me an out. It will only make things worse.

"I’m sure." I open the door..

The strangest feeling assails me. Turning back to him, I’m suddenly terrified of walking inside and facing my father.

I desperately want to tell him the atrocities of my life since the death of my mother. The urge to confide in the young man I consider my brother is almost overwhelming. But I can’t. Instead, in a manner I have perfected, I smile as if nothing is wrong.

"Talk to you tomorrow?"

He nods, but his smile is a little sad and doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Or maybe it’s my imagination since I’m feeling so unsettled.

"Call me if you need me, Lily. Any time…for anything. Okay?"

Oh Stacey! How I wish I could.

Before I do something my father will make sure I regret, I mutter a quick Okay and get out of the car.

Swallowing around the inexplicable nerves and fear that have exponentially grown since pulling into my driveway, I walk to the door.

Before opening it, I look back at Stacey one more time. He hasn’t moved. After another forced smile and a quick wave, I open the door and step inside.

It isn’t even closed behind me before his angry voice bellows as he walks towards me from the den.

"Where the hell have you been?"

He’s standing close enough for me to smell the whiskey. He’s drunk. Really drunk.

And that’s never good for me.

"I’ve been with Sta--"

"Fucking that Killinger boy again! I know where you’ve been you whore! You go out with the likes of him and come into MY house! He grabs me by my hair, pulling hard enough to make tears fill my eyes. You wanna act like whore. Fine. I’ll punish you like a whore."

He hits me in the stomach, knocking the breath out of me. I would be doubled over in pain if he didn’t have me by the hair.

"You gave me permission to go, Father." It’s futile to try to reason with him, but I have to try.

"Don’t you dare sass me you ungrateful, heathen bitch!"

He slaps me hard across the face. Immediately the copper taste of blood fills my mouth. If he’s hitting in the face, it’s worse than I thought. He’ll be brutal.

"I provide the food you eat! Slap. I provide the clothes you wear! Punch. I provide the fucking roof over your head! Punch. And what do I get in return?"

He grips my neck at the top, under my chin, his thumb and fingers squeeze my jawbone. He backs me against the door, squeezing hard enough to lift me off my feet.

"I get a fucking, ungrateful whore who fucks everything walking."

His face is red as anger takes over.

Terror fills me. I’ve seen him angry, but never quite like this.

He’s gripping me so tightly he’s cutting off my air. Just when I’m certain he’s not going to let go and this is how I will die, he releases a strangled yell of hatred and tosses me to the floor as if I’m nothing more than a rag doll.

As I fall, my head hits the corner of the wall, making me see stars.

Before I have a chance to recover, he’s kicking me. He isn’t careful and has no particular aim. He kicks and kicks.

I do the best I can to protect my face, but it leaves my arms and every other part of my body vulnerable to his vicious assault.

He stops kicking and is suddenly on top of me, straddling me.

He jerks my arms away from my face. I cry out in pain. My wrists are sore from all the kicking they absorbed.

He doesn’t care. My pain is of no consequence to him.

Holding my battered wrists in a vise grip above my head, he once again takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger. Dizziness makes me nauseated.

"You are a disgrace to the Quinn name."

Slap.

"You don’t deserve to live."

Slap.

"You are pathetic."

Slap.

"Nothing but a whore."

Slap.

"Nobody loves you."

Slap.

"Nobody ever will."

Slap.

"You will never be good enough for anyone."

Slap. Slap. Slap.

Over and over again he slaps my face. I feel it swelling. I lose track of the horrible things he says to me.

It doesn’t matter. Darkness is pulling at me as the light comes and goes. If the darkness takes me, it won’t hurt any more. I desperately want the darkness.

When it comes again, I fall into it, embracing it as if I’ll never let it go.

It’s quiet. In the darkness, there is no yelling, no hitting, and no pain. I love it here and never want to be anywhere else.

Because here he can’t hurt me. Neither his words nor his fists can reach me here.

"Lily?"

I think I hear my name, but the darkness is supposed to be quiet. I don’t want to hear anything.

"Lily? Can you hear me?"

It sounds like Stacey’s voice. But he shouldn’t be here in the darkness. It’s only for people like me.

"You’re scaring me, Lily. Please. Open your eyes. Please, Lily."

He’s crying. I don’t want him to cry. Why is he here? Maybe I can come out of the darkness just long enough to send him away.

I try to open my eyes, but it hurts my face. I groan in pain.

"It’s okay. You’re hurt. I’m going to pick you up and take you to my house."

Hurt? His house? Everything is jumbled. I feel myself being lifted and once again groan in pain.

My whole body hurts.

"Shhh...I’m sorry. I know it hurts. I’ve got you, Lily. You’re going to be okay."

As he carries me to...wherever, I try hard to remember what happened.

We met Ben, Tucker and Nate for pizza. We wanted to go to a movie but Stacey can’t drive after 9:00, so we skipped it. He brought me home.

"I’m sorry I left you, Lily. I knew something was wrong. This is why you didn’t want to go in."

Flashes of us sitting in my driveway play through my mind. I remember getting out and walking to my front door. A final wave to Stacey. In my mind, I open the door and remember the rest.

Shudders shake my body. I begin crying. I must fall asleep. I’ve no idea how long or how far he carries me.

When he finally lays me down gently, he brushes my hair back from my face.

"It’s going to be okay, Lily. I promise.

I start crying again because I know he’s wrong. It’s not going to be okay. Ever.

Chapter 1

Graduation Day dawns bright and clear. The birds sing around me as my feet carry me along the path they have memorized over the last two days. But their music isn’t melodic anymore...just noise. It brings me no joy. Nothing does. All my joy was taken away when I sent the man I love away three days ago.

Five days ago, we woke up in Charleston and made slow, sweet love. We had breakfast together and made love again. Everything was wonderful. We were happy together.

The pain takes my breath away.

Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about it.

Repeating it like a mantra does little to keep the memories at bay.

I miss him. More than I ever imagined possible. It’s as if he took part of me with him when he walked out. The most important part: my heart.

Today should be a happy day. I’m graduating at the top of my class from the University of South Carolina. I’m giving a speech about reaching goals and following dreams and heading into a future bright with promise.

How can I do that now? My goals, my hopes and my dreams have all faded. They don’t matter now. Without him, nothing matters.

The apartment complex where I’ve lived with my roommate and best girl friend, Kenzi, comes into view. I slow down, dreading the thought of going back into the apartment.

The boxes are stacked everywhere. They close in on me, suffocating me with their significance. This should be an exciting new beginning. We’re moving to Charleston tomorrow. Both of us will be starting careers in our chosen fields.

Only days ago, I was excited that my move would put me in the same city as Jaxon. Now, the thought of seeing him in passing, with another woman on his arm, nauseates me and makes me weep.

Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, I bend at the waist, trying to catch my breath--not from the running, but from the pain.

Niles stops not far behind me.

Are you okay, Ms. Quinn? He sounds winded. I’m sure running with someone has never been part of his job description.

When he showed up the day after Jaxon and I broke up, I tried to send him away--Blake too. He was insistent. So was Jaxon--even though his insistence came through Tucker--his cousin and my life-long friend. It was an easily won battle for Jaxon. I simply didn’t have the energy to argue.

Yes, Niles. I’m fine. The word rolls off my lips before I realize it.

Remembering how much Jaxon hated me saying the word fine has tears threatening again. Before Niles can see them, I run up the stairs and into the apartment.

Fortunately, Kenzi isn’t up yet so I make it safely to my bedroom, where I lay across the bed and stare up at the ceiling.

She’s tried several times to talk to me about what happened. I know it hurts her that I won’t, but I can’t. I’m barely holding it together as it is. I’m not ready to talk about it--not yet. She’s worried about me-they all are.

Honestly, I’m worried about me too. I’ve never felt anything as devastating as life without Jaxon.

I’ve tried to put on my happy face. It worked for the many years I used it when hiding the abuse my father inflicted. It’s not working now. This pain is too great to be hidden.

I try to eat because I know my body needs nourishment. I try to sleep, but seeing him in my dreams only makes the pain worse.

I cry--and when I think there couldn’t possibly be any more tears, I cry some more.

Guilt gnaws at me. Kenzi and I should have spent the week dancing and celebrating. Instead, I’m weepy and withdrawn, preferring my own company to anyone else’s.

She and my brothers have tried to penetrate the wall I’ve erected, but I simply can’t allow it. If I do, I will fall apart.

Turning my head, I look over to where the dress I chose to wear for graduation hangs next to the gown that will cover it. It’s the dress Jaxon bought me to wear to dinner with his parents. It’s a form of self-torture to wear it, but I need a good memory to carry with me today.

Maybe remembering my time with him and his family will get me through. They were very welcoming and sweet. I felt a special connection with them.

My thoughts turn to Julia, his sister. She was so sweet to come help me do my hair for my interview. I wonder if she knows. It makes me sad to think we probably won’t see each other again. I think we could have become friends.

Lily? Kenzi knocks on my door.

Brushing the tears quickly from my eyes, I sit up.

Yeah, Kenz. Come on in.

She opens the door and walks in, coming over to sit down beside me. She narrows her eyes at me and frowns.

"You’ve already been running and you’ve been crying again. Come on, Lily...talk to me. Please. It’s not good for you to keep it all inside."

Kenzi-- A knock at the door interrupts me. Who could that be? And how did they get past Niles and Eric?

She pales. I know what she’s thinking. My father.

Maybe you should call Niles before we go to the door.

Okay. Picking up my phone, I place the call.

He answers on the first ring.

It’s okay, Ms. Quinn. We’ve cleared the visitor. It’s just a delivery.

Oh. Okay. Thanks. To Kenzi I say, He said it’s a delivery.

She jumps up and I follow her to the door. When she opens it, she comes face to face with an enormous bouquet of lilies. Before the delivery man says anything, I know who they’re from.

Delivery for Ms. Lilyana Quinn.

It’s as if I’ve been struck mute. My feet won’t work and I can’t speak. Kenzi comes to the rescue, takes the flowers and tips the guy. She takes them over to the one table we have that isn’t completely covered with boxes and sits them down.

They’re beautiful, Lily. He knows lilies are your favorite. But how on earth did he find them in so many colors?

I’ve no idea. They’re beautiful.

I’ve never seen lilies so deep and rich in color. They’re breathtaking and their sweet fragrance is already filling the room. Kenzi walks over to me and takes my hand.

Come on. There’s a card.

I let her pull me behind her. When we stop in front of them, she looks at me expectantly. With trembling fingers, I take the card and open it.

Congratulations on your graduation.

Good luck with your speech.

I’ve no doubt you’ll do fantastic.

Love, Jaxon

Tears fill my eyes and cascade down my cheeks. He sent flowers. How incredibly sweet.

For the millionth time I find myself wondering how he’s been. I’m certain my brothers have talked to him, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to ask. I don’t feel I have a right to after the way I ended things.

I wonder if he’s as miserable as me…if he wishes we had handled things differently...wishes I had handled things differently. I do...with every fiber of my being I wish I could go back and redo Tuesday evening.

Kenzi takes the card from my hand and reads it.

When she finishes, she looks at me. You okay?

I shake my head as the levy holding my tears breaks. She wraps her arms around me and the words pour forth. It’s as if the burden of holding them inside has become too much to bear.

I tell her about his betrayal with Jake and how he didn’t tell me about Kingley but told the guys. She listens without interruption as the details of our argument pour out.

When I get to the part where I told him to leave, it’s as if my heart is breaking all over again. I’ve no idea how or when we moved to the sofa, but when I finally surface from my torrent of tears, that’s where we are.

What am I going to do Kenzi? I don’t think I can live without him.

How did that happen so quickly? We only met six months ago and I avoided him like the plague. Until two weeks ago.

You love him.

She doesn’t mean it as a question. She wants me to admit it to her. Since I’ve denied it for so long, I don’t blame her.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I do.

Pretty sure? She lifts a mocking eyebrow at me.

"If I really loved him, how could I have sent him away like that Kenz? Why didn’t I know it till he was no longer in my life? If you fall in love with someone, don’t you know it immediately? All I did was make excuses for why I couldn’t be in love with him. I didn’t want to be. And that seems messed up."

Saying it out loud didn’t help. If anything, it only made me more confused--as well as making me sound ridiculous.

Oh, honey. She tucks a stray hair behind my ear. Sometimes we don’t realize we love someone until we push them away. You sent him away because you’re scared. Not just of loving him, but of all the changes a relationship with him is bringing to your well-controlled, fully thought-out plan. You didn’t plan on Jaxon. You avoided him for six months because he wasn’t part of your plan. But you can’t plan falling in love, Lily. It just happens—like it did with you and Jaxon.

But we only just met. We--

You didn’t just meet. If you can’t be honest with me, be honest with yourself. You started falling for him the second you laid eyes on him at that open house. Just because you avoided him and argued with him for months doesn’t change the fact that your relationship started then.

She’s right. I’ve thought so much about the first night we met—calling myself a fool for waiting so long to take a chance on him. What if I’ve blown it? The thought has tears forming again.

I messed up Kenzi. What if I can’t make it right? What if I drove him away for good?

She squeezes my hand.

Lily, couples argue. It’s part of getting to know each other and part of loving each other. You just can’t push him away every time he upsets you or disagrees with you. Think about why he went to meet Jake. You see it as a betrayal, but was it really? She doesn’t give me a chance to answer. He went to see Jake because he wanted you to be safe. He didn’t want you to go to Jake and risk further injury.

He would have seen the cast, Kenzi. I argue.

But he wouldn’t have seen the bruising on your stomach. He wouldn’t have known about the bruised ribs. Would you have told him about those?

It’s hard not to cower under her unwavering stare. Apparently Jaxon isn’t the only one who knows me well.

I don’t know….probably not.

So can you really blame him for telling Jake so he would know and not make your injuries worse? Again, she doesn’t give me a chance to respond. Think about this. If it had been Stacey and you knew he was hurt, but that he didn’t want to tell me so we could go water skiing this weekend, would you tell me?

Of course I would.

My answer is automatic. Only when Kenzi lifts and eyebrow at me do I realize what I’ve done.

Oh my god I whisper. She’s right. I would have done for Stacey exactly what Jaxon did for me. And Stacey never would have accused me of betraying him. Never.

Lily, I don’t want to hurt you, but as your best friend, I’m going to be honest. You are an amazing person. I admire you so much. You have a strength that is...Herculean. She waves her hand dramatically, drawing a reluctant smile from me. The people that are lucky enough to scale the wall around you are the luckiest people alive because you love with your whole heart. You are loyal and so very protective. You would put yourself in danger to protect the people you love. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for me, Stacey, Tucker, Ben or Nate. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for Jaxon. And we love you for that. But what you need to realize, sweetie, is that we feel the exact same way about you. So does Jaxon.

She pauses but I know she isn’t finished so I sit quietly.

I think part of the reason you want so much to protect us is because after your mother died, there was no one to protect you. The one person you should have been able to count on turned against you and betrayed you in the worst possible, most horrific, unimaginable way. But rather than letting the abuse destroy you, you became the exact opposite of him. You are everything he isn’t. She takes my hand in hers, But somewhere along the way, you convinced yourself you aren’t worthy of being loved. You’ve kept yourself closed off to everyone except me…and now Jaxon.

I love my brothers.

But you loved them before the abuse started and couldn’t make yourself unlove them. A smile tugs at my lips—nobody creates new words like Kenzi. I’m easy to love—not only because I’m me. She winks. But also because I’m not threatening in any way. Ahhh…now I see where she’s going. Jaxon isn’t quite so easy. He isn’t threatening, but you see him as a threat. Not because you think he would physically hurt you, but because you know he wants to protect you. Letting him protect you means you have to give up some of the control you wrap around you like an iron curtain. What you see as bullying and controlling, I see as him protecting someone he loves and trying his hardest to make sure she isn’t hurt. He’s no different than you when it comes to protecting someone he loves. You have to let him, Lily.

I don’t know how.

The last person that was supposed to protect me ended up being a monster. Trusting someone else after my childhood isn’t easy.

I know it’s hard for you to trust him. You’ve been trying, but if you want this to work between you guys, you have to try harder. Try to understand how he feels--how all of us feel. There is nothing we wouldn’t do to protect you. That’s all Jaxon was trying to do. Surely you see that.

I’m beginning to. I think I knew I was overreacting, but couldn’t seem to stop it. I was so angry at how he showed up at the mall and acted like he did. Then, when I went running, I realized I had fallen in love with him. It terrified me...it still does.

I think it’s supposed to. She laughs softly. The fear won’t last forever...the love will.

You sure seem to know an awful lot about this falling in love thing. I nudge her gently with my knee.

We’re both falling at the same time.

Maybe. I’m learning too…that’s a story for another time. She blushes as she smiles. I’m as amused by it now as I was the first time I saw it--Kenzi blushing is a novelty. We have a few hours yet before we have to leave. What’re you going to do?

I’ve no idea. I don’t even know when I’ll see him again. He may not want to talk to me.

The bottom of my stomach falls away at the thought of Jaxon not wanting to talk to me. I couldn’t blame him though--and that’s what makes it so scary.

Don’t be ridiculous. Of course he wants to talk to you. He’s been driving Tucker and Stacey crazy. And you’ll see him today. The question is will you see him before graduation or at graduation?

See him? He’s here? In Columbia?

He never left, Lily.

My heart is pounding inside my chest. He never left. Hope springs to life inside me.

I want to see him. I need to see him.

He’s at The Wynshore? She nods and I stand. I’ll be back in plenty of time to get ready. I lean down and hug her. Thanks, Kenzi.

She waves me off. Go. I’ll be here and will help you get ready when you get back.

Running into my bedroom, I grab my purse and phone. Niles is waiting outside when I open the door.

May I take you somewhere, Ms. Quinn?

Yes. The Wynshore, please. My nervousness comes through in my voice but calms when Niles smiles.

Right away, Ms. Quinn.

As we walk to the car, it dawns on me that just because Jaxon has a room at The Wynshore, he may not actually be there.

Um...Niles?

Yes?

Do you....um...do you know if Jaxon is there? I mean, I know he has a room, but do you know if he’s there now or if he’s out?

It feels awkward asking Niles about him. But who else am I going to ask?

He smiles, not appearing the least bit awkward. I spoke with him earlier, Ms. Quinn. He said he would be there working till he left for your graduation ceremony.

Oh. That’s good. Niles opens the door for me as Blake appears and gets in behind the wheel. Thanks Niles.

He nods and smiles. My pleasure, Ms. Quinn.

As Blake drives to The Wynshore my mind and heart race. What will I say? What will he say? What if he’s busy? Maybe this is a bad time if he’s working. What if he’s not alone?

Stop it! I scold myself. Asking what if questions the whole way there is not going to help me. Figuring out what I’m going to say would be a more productive use of my time. Different scenarios race through my mind.

Before I know it, Niles has stopped in front of the hotel and is opening my door.

Taking a deep breath, I step out.

Thanks.

My palms are sweating. I wipe them on my pants and realize I never changed out of my running clothes. And I never took a shower. What was I thinking? I haven’t seen him in days and I show up looking like this?

I groan inwardly. Great. This is just great.

You could be wearing a brown sack, Ms. Quinn and he’d be thrilled to see you Niles says quietly.

I give him a surprised look. How did he know what I was thinking? I’m used to Jaxon doing that, but Niles? No. Not at all.

Shall we? He tilts his head to the entry way.

Rather than answer, I nod and begin walking to the entrance with Niles close behind me. The elevator doors open as soon as I press the button.

The butterflies in my stomach are flying at warp speed. By the time it stops and the doors open, I feel like I’m about to hyperventilate. Niles steps forward and holds the door, waiting for me to pass through. After a deep steadying breath, I do.

Assuming Jaxon is in the same suite he was in last time, I walk to that door. I look at Niles. He nods.

Lifting my hand, I knock. The sound echoes in the quiet hallway. I wipe my sweaty palms again and fervently wish I had at least showered first.

Then the door opens and all thoughts leave my mind.

Jaxon is standing before me looking as devastatingly handsome as always. He’s wearing a blue dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the top two buttons undone. His gray slacks hang loosely on his lean hips. His feet are bare.

My eyes drink in the sight of him. It’s all I can do not to launch myself into his arms.

Lilyana. He breathes my name as if he can’t really believe it’s me.

Hey. For some strange reason, I suddenly feel shy. I...um...sorry I didn’t call. I hope it’s okay...

He’s just staring at me. It’s a little unnerving.

Of course it’s okay. I’m just surprised, that’s all.

May I come in?

Of course. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. He opens the door further and steps aside to let me pass. The door closes behind me and I turn. Can I get you something to drink?

He seems nervous, which is completely out of character for him.

No thanks. As I stand there, I take a closer look at him. He looks exhausted. You look tired.

I haven’t been sleeping much. You look tired too. And you’ve lost weight. He walks over to me, stopping just out of my reach.

I haven’t been sleeping much either.

Then, because I can’t hold it inside any longer, I say what I came to say.

I’ve missed you, Jaxon…really missed you. I’m so sorry. I never should have made you leave the other night. I told myself making you leave was the right thing to do because we’re too different and because I wasn’t right for you. But that’s not true. I made you leave because I’m scared of everything that’s happening between us--of how you make me feel. And I know we’re different, but I think I have to be right for you because I’m not right without you and I’ll never be right for anybody else.

At some point I started crying in the middle of my ill-prepared speech. I don’t realize it until he’s standing before me, close enough to wipe my tears.

Damn straight you’re not right for anyone else.

Somehow, I manage a brief laugh. He smiles and everything inside me settles. I know that smile.

I’ve missed you too, baby.

He kisses my forehead and wraps his arms around me. Oh how I’ve missed these arms. For several minutes, we stand holding onto each other. I never want to let him go again.

The last few days have been hell. I don’t care about being scared any more. I love him. That’s all that matters right now. Everything else can wait.

My head rests on his chest and the steady beat of his heart fills me with a peace and contentment I haven’t felt since before I made him leave. The thought makes me tighten my hold. My casted arm protests, but having him in my arms makes the discomfort easy to ignore.

I can’t believe you’re really here he whispers and kisses my hair.

I’m sorry it took me so long.

It doesn’t matter. You’re here now. That’s all I care about.

Me too.

We stand in silence for a few more minutes. As much as I’d love to stay like this, we need to talk--at least a little.

Reluctantly, I step back and taking his hand, walk over to the sofa. Once we’re both seated, I tuck my leg underneath me and turn so I’m facing him.

When the abuse first started, everything around me was out of control. My mom had just died and my father went from loving me to...not. I was so young and so scared. It took me a while to find a way to cope with it. I eventually learned to control my anger, my fear, my tears, and my pain. Control became essential to my survival. When I found out you had talked to Jake about my injuries and kept information from me, I panicked. Kenzi made me realize you weren’t trying to take control away from me, but taking control to protect me. I’m sorry I overreacted. I know there are things we need to talk about, but I want you to know, I want us to work, Jaxon--more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I can’t tell you I won’t overreact again because I probably will. But if you give me another chance, I promise I won’t ever send you away again.

He pulls me into his lap and gently wipes away tears I hadn’t realized were falling again.

Please don’t cry. You’ll never run out of chances, Lilyana. I love you. I’m sorry, too. You’ve told me how you feel about being bullied and controlled. I swear that’s not what I was trying to do.

I know. I caress his handsome face.

There’s nothing I won’t do to protect you. I never want to be without you again. The last few days have been absolute hell. I never want to feel that way again.

Me either. I brush the hair back from his brow. I love you, Jaxon.

The most beautiful smile lights his face and everything within me sighs with happiness. His lips capture mine in a kiss of love and forgiveness.

I’ve missed kissing him...I’ve missed everything about him.

We finally surface for air and I rest my head against his.

I couldn’t believe it when Kenzi said you were still in town. I’m so glad you didn’t leave.

He half snorts half laughs. There was no way I was leaving...not the way things were between us. Not until I had a chance to talk to you. I tried, but your brothers and Kenzi insisted you needed time and made sure I gave it to you. I was talking to you today--even if I had to kick their asses to do it.

I’m glad it didn’t come to that. He kisses my forehead.

Me too.

In their defense, they were just looking out for me. I was...a mess.

He tightens his arms around me. I know. They told me. It killed me to know you were hurting so badly and I couldn’t be there. That I was the reason you were so upset.

That’s not true. I push back and look up at him. I told you to leave, Jaxon. I’ve no one to blame but myself.

He places a finger over my lips to stop my words. I’m not blameless in this, Lilyana. I knew how you felt about me keeping from things from you and did it anyway. Even if I thought I was doing it for the right reasons, I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry.

No more apologizing, okay? We both have regrets. We can’t change what happened, but we can move past it, can’t we?

It’s impossible to keep the nervousness from coming through.

Of course we can, baby. He smoothes my hair back from my face and kisses me softly. You’re not getting rid of me that easily he teases.

I smile. Surprisingly, I don’t want to be rid of you.

He laughs and hugs me tightly. I know we still have a lot to talk about, but we need to get you graduated first.

I know. Kenzi’s waiting for me. I should probably get back.

I’ll take you. We’ll grab a bite to eat on our way. You’re too thin. He frowns as he looks at me.

I’m not too thin, Jaxon. And you’re still working. Niles can take me back.

He’s shaking his head before I finish. I haven’t seen you in days. I’m not about to let you out of my sight so soon. You’re stuck with me.

Since there’s no one else I’d rather be stuck with, I smile. Okay. Let’s go.

We enjoy a delicious lunch. It surprises me how quickly my appetite returns with Jaxon at my side. I had reduced my daily intake of food to maybe a protein bar each day--if I could manage that. I tried, but food just had no appeal. Nothing did.

Shaking off the memory, I focus on the beautiful man across from me. He’s quickly becoming the center of my world--if he isn’t already. Any doubt of that was removed the moment I sent him away.

Loving him may not always be easy, but it’s easier than being without him--that much I know for sure.

What are you thinking?

He refills my wine glass. A quick glance at my watch shows I have time to enjoy it. And him.

That even if loving you isn’t always easy for me, it’s easier than being without you.

He quirks his eyebrow. Are you insinuating I’m hard to love?

No! My voice is louder than I intended. That’s not at all what I mean. Lowering my voice, I try again. It’s not that you’re hard to love. It’s that it’s hard for me to love someone.

You love your brothers. And Kenzi. You make that look easy.

His tone is gentle.

What I feel for you is different from what I feel for them.

Since this isn’t something I’m sure I even understand it’s hard to explain. Allowing my heart to lead me, the words somehow come.

"Yes, I love them, but I’m not in love with them. I love them but when I’m away from them, I don’t find myself counting the minutes till I’ll see them again. And when I get mad at them and tell them to get the hell out of my apartment, I’m not devastated when they leave. The corners of his lips turn up in a small smile. Loving you is…more, Jaxon. I love them like you love Julia and Brady. I love you as if my next breath depends on it. Taking a deep breath I plunge on. But, even though that’s how I feel, I’m not sure I know how to carry those feelings out. I’ve never had the example you’ve had with your parents. I don’t have anyone to model a relationship after. What if--"

We’re not playing what if, he interrupts gently. I may have had an example in my parents, but that doesn’t mean I know how to be in love either. It’s new to both of us. We’ll make mistakes but we’ll figure it out together.

He stands and walks around to me holding out his hand. I take it and stand with him. He tucks my hair behind my ear and tips my head back so I’m looking up at him.

"Loving you is more…it’s everything, Lily."

Standing in the crowded restaurant, he kisses me. In the arms of this wonderful man, my world realigns and everything is once again right.

Chapter 2

The speeches have been given. The degrees have been conferred. We are waiting for the words that will send our caps flying into the air, signaling the end of our collegiate careers. When they finally come, I wave my cap in the air and make a beeline for Kenzi.

Squealing and doing her happy dance, she wraps me in a hug.

We did it! We really, really did it!

Having no choice but to join in her celebration, we dance and hug like idiots among the other celebrating graduates.

Yes, we did! I can’t believe it’s finally over!!

Woo hoo! I’m so ready for what comes next! She releases me and glances over my shoulder. And I certainly hope those two are a big part of what comes next for each of us. She winks and nudges me.

I turn around and see Jaxon and Stacey walking toward us, followed by Tucker, Ben, Nate, Stacey’s parents, and to my utter surprise, Tucker’s, Nate’s and Ben’s parents as well.

Before I can process their presence, Jaxon wraps his arms around me and kisses me.

Congratulations, baby! You look beautiful. Your speech was fantastic. I’m so proud of you, Lilyana.

I don’t have a chance to respond before he’s kissing me again, breaking it only when Tucker interrupts.

Let her go, man. The rest of us want to congratulate her too!

Laughing at Jaxon’s obvious attempt to irritate his cousin by holding onto