The Archimage Wars: Sorceress of Atlantis

By Philip Blood

The story of The Archimage Wars is an urban fantasy series. The story begins in current time, on Earth, but don't let the time or place fool you! Truth is stranger than fiction and the truth about Earth and what it really going on will confound and amuse you!
Join the lead character, Nick, as he continues his crazy adventure, now heading for the fabled fantasy world called Atlantis as he takes you on a diabolical journey the next of the Ten Worlds. Nick must not only survive, but he must relearn to use the magic he has forgotten if he is to survive the Ascension Quest, and unravel plots so twisted and deep you would need an Albus Sorceress to help you find your way through! Fortunately, you will have one to help you figure it all out.
On this journey you will discover things that are hidden in all of Earth's history, wars, religions, famous people, movies, books, legends and myths, and while doing so, uncover the truth about our universe! It is not what you think. This novel series will take you on a quest across many strange fantasy worlds, not the least odd of which is Earth. The worlds range from almost Tolkien fantasy settings, to modern day technology, and everything in between!
If you liked Zelazny's Amber series, Butcher's Harry Dresden series, and Farmer's Riverworld series, you should like my The Archimage Wars series.
Nick will continue his tale in Diabolical Book 2, Sorceress of Atlantis, in August of 2016, do you dare find out more of the truth?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Philip Blood
• Release date: Aug 1, 2016
• ISBN: 9781310417320

Philip Blood

Philip Blood is a published author currently living in the Los Angeles suburbs. He is an avid scuba diver, a voracious reader of sci-fi and fantasy, a tabletop gamer (from way back), and a computer game junkie with MMOs being the top of his list.Mr. Blood recently finished the third and final novel in his Zone series, this one called Brethren of the Ark and will soon publish book 9 in his urban fantasy series, The Archimage Wars: Warlok of Sheol. Book 1 through 8 are all available now with just one more to come to finish the series. Book 10 will be finished by the end of 2020. In addition, he works on creating Audio Plays for his novels, with five already available and more to come!He also recently went back to his very first fantasy epic series, Cathexis, and did a deep re-write, fixing may of the writing issues of a young author (he wrote it 30 years ago) while leaving the story intact. All four books have been re-written and are now available in ebooks or print versions.Finally, Mr. Blood has begun outlining a new, more traditional, fantasy epic, which he will start writing in 2021. The series is called, Kingdoms of Magic.

Book preview

The Archimage Wars:

Diabolical Book 2

Sorceress of Atlantis

by

Philip Blood

EDITION 3.00

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PUBLISHED BY:

Philip Blood

The Archimage Wars: Sorceress of Atlantis

Copyright © 2016 by Philip Blood

All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in, or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any short quotes of other Authors, Movies, Writers or Composers works are within the bounds of the Fair Use Act.

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License Notes:

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

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Dedication:

This book is dedicated to Fiona Irwin, my first girlfriend, a girl who I have not seen, or spoken to, since I was twelve years old. It is also dedicated to my wife, Marianne, who has stood by me through the many years, and I love her dearly. One holds a place in my memory, and the other my heart. Both are dear to me in different ways. When you read this novel, you will understand why I have dedicated this to two quite different women.

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Other novels by Philip Blood

SINGLE NOVELS

Dragon Slayer’s Incorporated

SERIES:

NexLord (3) zONE (3)

Dark Prophecies The End and the Beginning

Black Chains Pirate Code

Grim Realities Brethren of the Ark

The Archimage Wars (10) Cathexis (4)

Wizard of Abal Necromancer’s Dagger

Sorceress of Atlantis Conspirator’s Coin

Demon of Annwn Sorcerer’s Ring

Seeress of Yaochi Desecrator’s Sword

Necromancer of Irkalla

Huntress of Tartarus Kingdoms of magic (Forthcoming)

Divinity of Elysium Weapon of Destiny (Forthcoming 2021)

Magus of Nibiru Black Wizardry (Forthcoming 2021)

Warlock of Sheol Doomed Crusade (Forthcoming 2022)

Sibyl of Terra Witch’s Curse (Forthcoming 2022)

The story so far…

My name is Nicholas Albus, I see you have come to hear the next part of this story, good show, who knew you are that brave! Maybe you’re a mage? Anyway, I’m going to bring you up to speed on what happened so far. If, however, you remember everything already, feel free to skip to Chapter One. As for me, I don’t remember much, but I recall this part.

I woke up recently on a stone slab in the ancient Egyptian ruins of Karnak, having forgotten every damn thing about my personal history. I do not even know my name, but I can speak many languages and know how the world works, at least Earth, but we will get to the other Worlds.

Some smelly, rank, and very ugly little dude named Pox was there, he is a strange servant of mine who died protecting my wounded body and then became a ghost, and then he changed to a phantom later, allowing the little shit to manifest when I call and a few other times.

I then went to England, hoping to reach an old friend Pox told me about, a girl named Fiona Albus. On the way there, I stopped at Stonehenge where Hydan Friare appeared out of nothing, coming through one of the stone arches.

It turns out he is a wizard and Fiona is a sorceress and they told me I am a wizard as well, just one without a clue.

Fiona is my girlfriend, though she seems way out of my league.

They told me about the Houses, which are what they call the mages from the ten Worlds with intelligent species on them. Hydan and I had some gehdrin tracking us… werewolves, and then we got attacked by necrosouls, which are dead bodies with human souls put back inside by a Necromancer.

We fled to Mexico, via mage travel, which uses a pentagram drawn in flames to transport you between stone to stone, to somewhere else on the planet.

We Five Point traveled to some old Mayan ruins, where we planned to use a portal to transfer to another World, one called Abal, hopefully to find my parents. Hydan thought they might help me recover my lost memories. Before we could depart, we ran into a Tarvos House sorceress named Myrka, coming to Earth from the World called Annwn. She uses a power called the derkaz. According to Hydan, this is some fell power that warps your mind, making you arrogant, destructive, and callous about other lives.

She is tracking some evil bastard called The Dragon, one of the ten Archimages, the rulers of the ten Worlds. I learned that The Dragon broke the Archimage accords and got voted out, which also means his people are slated for extinction. The Dragon escaped and has been wreaking havoc on the other Houses in the meantime, stealing their secrets, torturing their mages, murdering innocents, you know, pretty much raising hell and becoming the evilest and most hunted creature on all the Worlds!

Worse yet, it seems he wants to find me for some unknown reason.

In the end, I went to Abal with Hydan and Myrka, only to pick up another mage named Toji when I inadvertently saved his life. Now he owes me a life debt and swore to follow my orders for about a year and a half.

While on Abal, I learned about how I am also a member of House Albus and how my father is an Albus mage called The White Knight. Merlin, the Archimage of Abal, told me that The White Knight is the famous Lancelot of legend. And yes, the Archimage of Abal is Merlin of Earth mythology. My mother, The White Enchantress, is the fabled Guinevere of those same legends. Both Lancelot and Guinevere are Albus Seconds, and it is taboo for any two mages of the same Tier to mate, let alone two of the same House, yet they have done so, and I am their bastard offspring.

Now, because of this (and the whole Dragon thing), I was being hunted as an illegal child of a forbidden union. When two mages of the same Tier mate, their child is called a Bastard and instead of being of the next Tier down in power, they are at the same level as their parents, which makes me a Second of House Albus, albeit an illegal bastard.

Before leaving Abal, I had taken part in a battle on Mystical Island with Medrod and his wife, Morgain, again, better known in Earth legends as Mordred and Morgana. Not only that, but The Dragon crashed the party. It seems I stole something from the Dark One, or maybe some information, before I lost my memory. Now, the only Archimage evil enough to be thrown out of the Ring of Ten, wants to know where it is, or who I had told, or if I have written it down, or where I hid it, or who knows what? I know I just want him to quit trying to capture me! Being hunted by an evil Ex-Archimage is not really a party list you want to be on.

I am planning on seeking out my parents on the World called Atlantis once I am done on Earth. I have a lot of questions for both my parents and some things to decide once we are together, like why my mother lied to me about Merlin supposedly being my father!

However, before I go seeking my parents, I want to learn more about Atlantis and what House Albus has been up to here on Earth for the past few centuries.

I also need to track down my friend Toji, who stole Excalibur from me after the battle at Mystical Island, after I did away with Mordred. Without a ‘by your leave’ Toji absconded with my borrowed Actuality blade and headed for Earth, breaking his oath to serve me. I want an explanation for his betrayal.

Which brings us to this moment in time and the Sorceress of Atlantis…

Chapter One

But, I'm leavin' on a jet plane

Don't know when I'll be back again

Oh babe, I hate to go

-John Denver

If there is one thing I hate, it is being woken up early, particularly by a wrinkly skinned little bastard with a bad case of body odor. The rancid runt is rocking me back and forth by the upper arm for all he is worth.

Wait a minute, is this déjà vu?

Master, awaken! the deep and raspy voice hissed into my ear.

I cracked a crusty eyelid, expecting to find myself lying on some stone slab in a tomb in Egypt, which goes to show you should never try to anticipate anything when dealing with Pox.

I could not be in a more different place than an Egyptian tomb; I am flying in a semi-comfortable reclined seat on a Boeing 747, in first class, mind you.

Next to me, in what had been an empty seat on the flight, is Pox, my little fugly friend, the phantom. He is just as frightful as the last time I had scarred my psyche beholding his hideousness. The grinning grotesque gorilla is a hunchback who, if he stood upright, will not top five feet tall. He has a face so wrinkled it looks like crumpled cellophane. From the middle of that mass of crisscrossing wrinkles is a nose which protrudes out so far it could put out your eye. He has skin the shade of charred flesh, a hump, which would have made Igor proud, and breath which can kill at five paces!

His breath nearly did me in right then when he exclaimed, You have to get out of here, Master; he is coming!

His breath is like a green cloud of noxious fumes.

Talking to Pox always gives me a headache but, unlike the first time we had met, I now know that, bizarre as this sounds, I am a wizard. Yeah, you heard right, though not like any fictional wizard I have read about. From what I understand, Pox has been my servant since back before my mind got zapped with some dark spell which took my memory and landed me in a lengthy coma. Pox died while protecting my wounded and sleeping body during the twenty-four years I was out of it.

After his death, his spirit decided to stick around as a ghost to try and protect my defenseless body. Eventually, his ghost convinced a sorceress to get him changed into a phantom, which allows him to occasionally manifest in this physical and, yet disgusting body. Of course, he can only manifest out of the Ether when no other mage is nearby affecting reality and generally only when I called him.

Knowing all this, I tried to react calmly, Pox, calm down and tell me who is coming.

He has found you again, Master, the Hentan Hunter, you must depart this contrivance!

Much to my stomach's discomfort, I leaned closer to the obnoxious ogre, so I do not wake the other sleeping passengers. I tried to speak reasonably, which is a real effort, coming from me, Pox, it’s not a contrivance, it’s an airplane. If Stewart Hentan is onboard, he would have tried to kill me a few hours ago!

He is not on board this craft, Master, not yet.

Excellent, then you go find some hole filled with mouthwash and pull the entrance in after you while I call the Stewardess for a drink and some aspirin.

But, Master, he comes!

Now I am getting pissed, Look, Pox, if he's not on this plane already, then I have nothing to worry about until we land in Bolivia! Look, the only reason I am on this airplane in the first place is because you brought me a message from Fiona about this professor who knows about Atlantis. So, let me get there, in peace!

I’m sorry, Master, but you must get off this craft immediately! Pox stated, his misshapen head nodding like he is making sense, which he most certainly is not.

I massaged my temples, searching for calm, and replied, Look, Pox, we are doing around 560 miles an hour and we are at about 35,000 feet. A bird can’t get to this plane, let alone a human. Besides, I don't seem to have brought my Halo jump equipment, so unless you know of a way off a 747 in mid-flight, then...

That is when an emergency door at the left wing of the airplane blew outwards, causing explosive decompression throughout the cabin.

Things went from warm and snugly to frigidly insane faster than Pox can fart his name. It is like someone connected a gigantic vacuum and set it to mega suck; everything not tied down in this plane is getting pulled toward the new black hole back in coach.

Thank Merlin I still have my seatbelt fastened. In the crazy howl of a sideways tornado, I saw three of my fellow first-class passengers tumbling sideways through the cabin. Two of them clipped the opening between first and second class on the way out, making a sickening crunch sound, and the third poor soul, amazingly, flew right through, though I doubt their moment of safety lasted more than another second or two.

Of course, bodies are not the only thing flying; every loose item in First Class is headed aft. I can hear people screaming over the howl of the wind, which is amazing since the sound of the tornado and crashing objects is nearly deafening.

Alarms are blaring and those little damn yellow cups, with their thin clear tubing, ejected from above every seat on the plane, only to be whipped into a frenzy by the escaping air, adding to the surreal scene of madness. I held my breath and did not even try to reach for those flailing masks.

The plane tilted, going into a steep dive. I am not sure if this is due to damage, or if the pilots are attempting to get us down to breathable air.

It is also damned cold! When you see something like this in the movies, you do not really think about the cold, but the temperature outside drops about three degrees Fahrenheit, per 1000 feet you go up. At thirty thousand feet that's a big drop. To me, it feels like we instantly entered in a meat locker set on freeze-your-buttocks-solid.

I glanced to my right, but Pox is gone; I am not sure if he got sucked out with the other trash, or if he just dematerialized. The tornado is getting down to mere hurricane force, so I finally reached up to the ceiling and nabbed one of those ridiculous yellow objects which are shaped more like an ice-cream cup than a breathing mask. I took a few needed breaths as I looked around.

Things are starting to settle down, though there is still an awful sound of the wind and various screams coming from the coach section. I tested the air without the yellow cup, and it is now breathable. The plane is angled downwards so steeply it is causing one of the drink carts to come crashing down the aisle. That heavy missile took out some poor sap who had managed to hold on to a seat back even though he had been unbelted.

Then the plane started to level out and the temperature went up to freaking cold instead of hell frozen over.

That is when I saw Stewart Hentan step into the opening to First Class. I seriously doubt he has a ticket for a First-Class passenger; he is more of a First-Class asshole.

At last, we meet again, Sivaeral! Now I will be the Hunter who brought down The Dragon’s pet! he called out.

That again. Bollocks! You have one little major battle to stop a Dokkalfar plot to take over a World, which involves The Dragon, and now everyone thinks you have something to do with the Master of Evil. Jiminy Cricket, just because I stole something from The Dragon, some time ago, which, by-the-way, I cannot recall, now he wants to find me! Because of this, my head has now become a celebrity trophy which every Hunter wants to admire on their mantel. They must figure if The Dragon wants me alive, then they want me dead, even though the only reason the Dark One wants me alive is to torture me into revealing the location of whatever I stole. Little does he know I have not got a clue as to what that might be. I had lost my memory awhile back to some dark mind eating spell. Now these Hunters want to make a name for themselves by ending my line!

The moment I returned to Earth from Abal I got ambushed by three Hunters. I escaped, but a second team of mages chased me across two continents. The only way I had shaken them was to have Hydan and Myrka blaze a false trail so I could have some peace and do a little research into Atlantis. In fact, this is the reason that I am on this commercial flight instead of Five Point traveling; I do not want to risk a Spirit Bridge to communicate with Hydan or Myrka so they can open a Traveling Star. These damn mage Hunters might zero in on our magic communication and then they will track me down and I will soon be hip deep in murdering mages. Or, they might have hijacked us if we had used a Traveling Star, though with the number of mages moving around on Earth I doubt they could have picked us out of the bunch. But as it turns out, traveling by normal means is a waste of time, a fat lot of good it did me, Stewart seems to have found me anyway and he is the worst of the lot.

All this went through my head in an instant and then I noticed the tornado of air reducing to a buffeting wind, so I decided that I really should not stay buckled into my seat with a knife-toting mage maniac loose in the cabin. I unbuckled my seat belt and then stepped into the aisle to face my pursuer.

You are a murdering rat bastard, Stewart! I snarled as I turned to face him.

He shrugged a big shoulder, Mundanes, bah, they are worthless.

Stewart has not changed since the last time I had seen him casually mowing down tourists with an UZI at the Temple of Karnack in Luxor, Egypt, a few months ago.

He spoke smugly, I told you there is nowhere you can hide from me! But now I have an even greater reason to end your line! You have become the second most wanted mage on the Ten Worlds.

I shook my head sadly and replied, You know, if you want my autograph so badly, you could have just waited at the god damned airport terminal with the rest of my fanboys!

Stewart started to reply, but then his eyes took in the stylized spider Glyph which adorns my left cheek. Of course, Stewart has the Hentan House Glyph on his left cheek, a dagger thrust through a heart.

At the sight of my new Glyph, which has changed from the Nautilus Glyph he last saw on my cheek, he exclaimed, I have heard rumor of this! What fell magic have you used to change your Glyph?

A Glyph is imposed on all known mages by their House Archimage and cannot, normally, be changed or hidden from another mage.

What, you can't change your spots, moron? I snapped.

But his little mind is working the problem, You cannot change your House Glyph, no mage can do that, not unless you are an Archimage!

You’re right, I am an Archimage! I lied, and now I'm really pissed, too! I let you go last time, but I'm no longer in the mood for charity! If you make me come over there, I’m going to mount your head on a spike. Begone, little Second! I am bluffing, of course, I am a bastard Second.

He took a step back, but then his brow furrowed as his little pea brain came up with another thought and he muttered, Unless... then he spoke louder, unless you were mistaken about your House! If you believed you were of House Sivaeral and then learned you are really of House Albus, then your Glyph could change and...

You know, I don't really care to sit around in a disintegrating aircraft and discuss my family heritage with a murdering retard! I growled, starting to get even more angry. Once again Stewart has murdered a whole mass of innocent people, just to try to end me... not that he cares about the mundanes he kills. To him they are like ants.

Well, I have faced other mages like him now, insane megalomaniacs with too much power for their own good, who go about callously slaughtering innocents, like my little Ziny. I am no longer a scared amnesiac without a clue, nowadays I am more of an angry amnesiac with half a clue, well, a quarter of a clue, OK, so I barely know shit. Sure, I still do not know Jack about my past, but I have dealt with an insane, returned from the dead, Sivaeral Second wizard, named Medrod and, in the process, I freed an entire planet from Medrod and his wife, Morgain and their misguided attempts to cause a Civil War to conquer Abal. I put Medrod down like the sick puppy he was, so I am damned if I am going to bow down to this Hunter, even if he is also a Second of House Hentan!

Stewart took a step toward me and demanded, Are you still too cowardly to tell me your name?

Me, afraid, of you? I scoffed, acting, of course, I am quite concerned. I am Nicholas Albus, Second of my House! If you want to dance, let's dance, asshole!

I pulled out my big Bowie Knife, which is a magically imbued relic that my friends have taught me how to construct. I have been working on it daily, reinforcing the magic which will help keep it real in the face of another mage, like this Hentan.

Stewart’s expression looks a little more thoughtful this time as he pulled out his own knife. I have declared myself a Second and this puts me on his level of wizarding power. Nor do I seem all that impressed with his credentials as the most famous Hentan Hunter.

He backed into the area between the two cabins, where there is slightly more room to maneuver. I followed him in, warily, my knife held ready in a knife fighter’s grip, the blade coming out from the little finger side of my hand. I am putting up a brave front and, so far, I have him a little worried, but inside I know I am in serious trouble. Stewart is a famous knife fighter, a Hunter of other mages, with many kills.

In practice with my mother and friends, I learned I am barely a beginner at knife fighting. The only time I do well is when I go on pure muscle memory and let my subconscious control my moves. Somewhere in the past, I had known how to fight before someone like K-K-K-Ken took a steam roller through my brain and ironed out all my memories.

I circled, putting my back to the exit door of the plane while attempting to think of options. Any overt attack I attempt with magic, assuming I can even manage one, will be stopped by his subconscious protections. I must think of something else, something his conscious mind must deal with and yet an attack he has not anticipated.

So far, my mind is as blank as a wallflower attempting to ask the school beauty to dance. Then I thought about the door behind me. If I can get it open and then force Stewart to fall out of the plane... but then I thought, how in the hell did he get on this plane in the first place? Can this bastard fly? If that is the case, what good will it do to throw him outside again?

Then Stewart removed most of my options by lunging for me with his knife. The good news is, my mind is on other things, so my subconscious reacted, and I managed to sidestep his thrust. I punched the rat bastard in the face using a nice jab of my left fist. I wish I had cut his damned face off, but my knife hand is on the far side as I turned to avoid his thrust.

However, my punch did make him stagger back and that, coupled with the downward tilt of the plane’s nose, caused him to end up in the doorway leading to First Class.

You will pay for that! he bellowed, red blood flowing from a broken nose.

I can see by his startled expression that few of his opponents have ever managed to hurt Stewart during a fight, likely because he usually preys on lower Tier mages who he can dominate with his powers over reality. However, instead of pressing my advantage, I used his moment of surprise to dart through the other opening into the coach section. On my way past Stewart, I barked, I will pay? What, are you try to kill me more now?

Then I made it past him, and I ran up the aisle. Behind me I heard Stewart yell, You coward!

I ignored his name calling and searched the devastated cabin, looking for an advantage. On my right, where there used to be an escape leading out onto the left wing, there is now a large hole in the side of the plane where the wind is howling past furiously. Three rows of seats tore right out and, likely, they and their passengers were sucked out the opening. There are other people missing as well, likely sucked out because they had not been secured by their seat belt.

I looked out the hole when I got there and became momentarily dumbfounded. Currently parked out on the big wing of the 747 there is a small jet. This is clearly impossible, which is why I am doing my impersonation of a fish out of water, my mouth kind of hanging open.

There’s something you don’t see every day, I muttered.

Of course, Stewart’s magic is holding it there! As a Second mage of his House, he has plenty of power to hold reality to his will if he remains close enough to this small plane. I guess he is doing something about the air flowing past.

Then I spotted Stewart coming down the aisle and I must make a decision. That other plane seems to be the only way out of here. It is that or fight Stewart to a conclusion. So, without another option, I decided to steal his plane. I jumped over the missing floor where the seats had been, and my leap took me out through the opening in the side of the 747 to where I thought I would land on the wing.

Well, there I go thinking again, that is going to get me killed one of these days, maybe today. Whatever Stewart has done to keep himself and his plane from being affected by air moving past at hundreds of miles per hour, it does not apply to me.

The moment my body cleared the opening, I felt like the world's biggest fly swatter slapped me silly.

The 747 is much lower down, currently flying at around 10,000 feet above sea level. It is also going far slower than we had been traveling before the decompression. The pilots are trying to save the aircraft, but it is still going a couple of hundred miles an hour, at least.

I tumbled in the air like a leaf in front of a wind blower on full blast. Fortunately, I missed hitting the tail wing.

Holy shit! I yelled, falling through the air toward the distant ground below. This is it; my number is up; I am a goner. In a couple minutes, I am going to be doing my best impression of a strawberry covered pancake when I splattered on the ground below.

Of course, maybe I can believe I am really light like Hydan did on Abal! Then I can just float down to the ground softly! So, I spent a good minute attempting to believe that, but I did not buy it anymore than I had when I had hit the ground in Ouroboros. It is fine and dandy for these mages to tell me that all I must do is believe something is real and, if it is close enough to me, what I believe will affect reality. However, this requires me to have no doubt, what-so-ever, about what I believe. No doubt? You might as well change my name to Thomas.

I am doomed and it is all Pox's fault! I had been having a perfectly good dream about Fiona; she had been dressed in a silky garment, which mostly was not there, and I had been all debonair and smooth with no sign of drool or stumbling words. Then Pox started shaking me and the next thing I know I have jumped out of a perfectly good, well, maybe not perfectly good, but functioning, at some level, aircraft!

Then the thought of Pox made me suddenly cry out, Pox, you godless gnome, get your ass out here!

Pox solidified in the air next to me, falling face down in a perfect posture of a parachutist before they pulled the cord. Well, perfect posture if you are not some kind of twisted hunchback crossed with gruesome goblin.

You called, Master? Pox called out over the wind in a conversational voice. Then I noticed the little fart has on a pair of goggles!

I'm falling to my death, do something! I yelled over the wind.

Just make yourself lighter, Master, he suggested.

I snarled at him, Sorry, I must have had too much to eat. Do you have any other ideas?

He pondered that and I looked down, which was a mistake. The ground is coming swiftly. After a couple seconds, I demanded, Well?

Nothing comes to mind, Master, he replied almost cheerily.

I tried to reach out and grab the little shit, but he is just too far away. My grasping hands and kicking feet cannot get any traction in the air, however, it did make me look like a clown on ice trying to run while going nowhere.

May I fetch you a beverage to help lubricate your imagination? Pox asked, ignoring my swiping hands still trying to grab him.

I snarled and continued my attempts at mayhem, but then something he said got through and my arms and legs slowed as I yelled, You can bring me things?

Certainly, what beverage would you like? Pox asked.

Bring me a parachute! I bellowed over the wind.

Is that one of those Earth drinks, like a flaming volcano, or a screwdriver? he asked.

I am getting very red and the ground is getting extremely near.

No, you idiot, it's not a drink, it is a device people strap on so they can jump out of airplanes and float to the ground without killing themselves!

He looks surprised. What will the mundanes think of next? Sometimes their lack of useful magic makes them quite ingenious.

Fetch me a parachute! I screamed.

Pox nodded and disintegrated, leaving streams of particles which had been Pox going upwards in the air.

I do not want to look down, but I did. I am starting to see detail on the ground below me and this does not bode well for my continued health.

Pox reconstituted in the air next to me and, low and behold, he has a parachute in his grubby claws. I grabbed it like a starving dog going after a treat and started struggling into the straps. As soon as I got them on, I immediately yanked the ripcord and then looked down.

I am nearly on the ground and still headed down faster than an atheist running out of a synagogue.

The parachute just barely deployed before I struck the hard ground and I felt bones breaking and excruciating pain.

Chapter Two

Do you believe like I believe,

Do you believe in magic?

-Shaun Cassidy

Everything went black, though I did not lose consciousness; the truth is, no one feeling this much pain throughout their body can be unconscious. In fact, I wish fervently that I will pass out. Unfortunately, there are no gods up there listening, at least, none who listen to me. So, I finally lifted my head, which lifted my face out of the six-inch hole it created, on impact, in the black mud. I found myself staring at the pink cheeks of a pig’s big ass. Then I heard other snorts of swine around me. I lowered my head back into the mud imprint of my face and just tried to pretend I am not dying.

I spent a few minutes lying there, trying as hard as I can to believe that multiple bones in my body are not broken, even though they really are. I am sure there are several compound fractures which, folks, means the bone is sticking out through the skin. Eventually, I must have gone into shock, which helped. The pain subsided enough so my brain finally believed I am all right and then I did return to normal. I am still working on the whole self-delusion aspect of magic. Things you believe are true, are then really true, but deep down don’t you know you are trying to believe in something which isn’t true? At that point, the whole magic thing does not work at all!

I got up slowly, the front of my body covered in mud, blood, and pig dung. I am smack dabbed in the middle of a large pig pen shared by about eight dim-witted animals; I make it nine. Landing here like Wile E. Coyote falling off a cliff is my own idiotic fault; I just do not completely believe in my powers as a wizard. It is pure luck that I missed hitting the pigs in my less than prestigious plunge!

After I took off my parachute harness, I finally noticed the two farm hands who are standing nearby, staring at the