Interludes: Paradise Lot, #5

By R.E. Vance

The gods are gone. All of them. 

When the gods left, their last message to humanity was: "Thank you for believing in us, but it is not enough. We're leaving. Good luck." At first no one took them seriously. Until, that is, all the denizens of all the heavens and hells started showing up on people's doorsteps. 

Creatures that were once thought of as myth are now refugees striving to adapt to life on earth. Trouble is, after eons of living forever, they're not very good at being mortal. 

Paradise Lot: Interludes is two such stories, following the trials and tribulations of Other refugees as they do their best adjust to life in the GoneGod world. 

Good Enough: 

Aau, the jackal-guard, hates being mortal. 
Once he was part of RE the sun god’s elite team of warriors, but now he is forced to live in a slum called Paradise Lot. And what’s worse, Aau must live across the alley from a whining human child who smells of soiled diapers and tears. Aau misses who he was, misses his brother, but most of all misses having a life of purpose … And now that this child is screaming, Aau wonders what he can do to regain his former glory. 

Interludes: 

Not all the gods are gone. They left behind one of their own. 
Seems that Dionysus, the Greek god of revelry, partied a wee bit too hard the night before he was supposed to leave, and was accidently left behind. Alone and mortal on the lowest of all realms—Earth—Dionysus is forced to find meaning. But what meaning can there be for the god of joy and excess, debauchery and drama? Earth is bleak, boring and full of pain. Dionysus is beginning to think it was a mistake for the gods to leave without first ending all life. 
A mistake that Dionysus can fix. 

Paradise Lot is a new urban fantasy series by R.E. Vance that chronicles the adventures of the humans and 'Others' alike, as they struggle to navigate this strange, new post-apocalyptic godless world. 
 

The Cast: 

- The human Jean-Luc; 
- The angel Penemue; 
- The gorgon Medusa; 
- The fairy TinkerBelle; 
- The archangel Michael; 
- The succubus Astarte; 
- The poltergeist Judith; 
- The shade Bella... 

And introducing Aau, the jackal-guard and Dionysus, the former god of revelry!

As well as many, many more legendary characters from mythology, folklore and fairy tales. 

BE SURE TO CHECK OUT THE SPECIAL BONUS BEING OFFERED IN THE FRONT OF THE BOOK! 

• Language: English
• Publisher: R.E. Vance
• Release date: Mar 30, 2016
• ISBN: 9781524245689

Book preview

Find Out How Everyone Met:

OK—so we’re accumulating quite the cast. We have the angel Penemue, the succubus Astarte, the poltergeist Judith, the golden fairy TinkerBelle and the demigod of refuse CaCa, all living under one roof. But how did this come to pass? Well, I’m in the process of writing a series of short stories on how they all met. These stories will NEVER BE SOLD, but reserved for fans of the series.

CLICK HERE to STAY UPDATED and I’ll pass on everyone’s origin stories as they develop

The Premise:

The gods are gone. All of them.

Their last message to humanity was: Thank you for believing in us, but it is not enough. We're leaving. Good luck. At first no one took them seriously. Until, that is, all the denizens of all the heavens and hells started showing up on people's doorsteps.

Creatures that were once thought of as myth are now refugees striving to adapt to life on earth. Trouble is, after eons of living forever, they're not very good at being mortal.

Paradise Lot

Presents

Good Enough

Good Enough

Aau stands at the precipice of his kitchen window, staring across the alley. He is looking into the bedroom of a little boy who is no older than three mortal years, watching as the child scampers about.

Oh, how Aau despises the boy.

Before the gods left, Aau was part of the great half-jackal, half-man guardians that protected the Twelve Hours of Night. His dominion was that of the Fifth Hour, where he protected the great sun god RE, during his perilous journey into the underworld of night.

Aau and his brother, Tekemi, guarded the sun god, and never once in the centuries since the Egyptian gods created jackal guards, had he and his brother failed to fulfill their sacred duty.

Back then, his life meant something. He was the jackal guard to the gods, his name inspiring fear in any who dared challenge him.

But now he is castrated and pathetic. And what’s worse—he must live across from a child who smells of piss and feces. A child that shrieks day and night. A child too stupid to do anything but scamper about in meaningless play.

This is a worthless life, he thinks.

A terrible existence.

↔

It wasn’t always this bad. Sure the boy cried and he regularly smelled, but a human female was always quick to attend to him. But lately, things have gotten worse. Much, much worse.

The soft smell of rotting fecal matter emanates from the child’s unchanged diapers as he screams piercing shrills that would deafen a banshee. Back when Aau was a guardian, he sent unpleasant human souls to hell, but now his only recourse is to call the police.

The phone rings and a young woman’s voice answers. Paradise Lot Police Station, the voice says—there is a hiss and Aau knows that the voice at the other end of the phone is not that of a human, but rather a gorgon.

He explains that the smell and cries of the child across the alley is disturbing him. The gorgon official informs him that diapers are a natural part of a young human child’s life and that the child would soon grow out of the need for them. The same applies for his cries. How does she know? Aau wonders. She has never had a childhood with which to compare.

If his youth is the issue, then Aau would happily burn a little bit of time to mature the child. In fact, he’d gladly give up a year of his life if it meant not living with the smell. The gorgon spits out whatever earthly drink she is sipping and tells him that under no circumstances is he to burn time—especially to age a helpless, innocent child.

He protests a third time informing the gorgon that he could live with the cries, it was the smell that was insufferable. A third time he is denied, this time in an agitated tone where the gorgon informs him that just because he has the super-sensitive nose and ears of a jackal, most creatures—humans especially—do not. He would just have to learn to cope with it. If, the voice hisses, this proved to be difficult, he could always join the seminar, ‘Coping with Mortality’, which was held once a week at the Millennium Ho—

Aau slams down the phone. Stupid snake fiend. Back before the gods left, Aau would have trampled the scaly abomination under his heel, biting off her head with his more than ample incisors.

Fine, he thinks. I’ll find a way to cope. After all, when Moses brought forth the frogs and locusts, Aau pretended to be a statue for seven days and seven nights as he waited for them to depart. And when the same uppity prophet blotted out the sun, hiding his god from him, Aau howled at the moon—his cry serving a beacon to guide his god’s return.

Did he complain then? No, he just did what he had to do.

Aau puts out bowls of rose water and burns frankincense. Still, the smell of human feces wafts into his apartment. Why doesn’t the child’s guardian clean him? Certainly that would help.

He stuffs his nose with cotton dipped in pepper and still he can smell the sickly sweet odor of fermented milk piss. He looks across the way and sees the child sitting in front of a closed door, his little hand on the brass of the doorknob. The child is crying—again—this time his shrill cry carries with it desperation and pain.

The door opens and a man walks in—presumably the boy’s guardian. The human male picks up the child. Good, Aau thinks. Finally the child will be cleaned. But the human male does not clean the child, instead yelling at