Capture's Temperance

By BSM Stoneking

Temperance LaHeaven is a famous rock star with a horrific past and she’s found a disturbing way of coping with the memories that haunt her day and night.
When her old band falls apart, she joins an all-girl rock band, The Crimson Sinister Sisters. Temperance’s new bandmates seem to be exactly what she needs to get her life back in order, but her friends are in to something she’s never experienced; BDSM.
With a lot of persuasion, they convince Temperance to join them in an underground BDSM club, where she meets the gorgeous, blue-eyed Dom named Capture.
With one look, Capture instantly knows he must have Temperance kneeling at his feet.
Too bad Temperance is a strong-headed, independent woman; no man could ever own her.
When Temperance’s past comes back to haunt her, the dominant side of Capture flares high. He must help her realize, he’s the only one who can save her, not only from her past but also from herself.

Disclaimer: Capture's Temperance contains RACK edge play, which may bring overwhelming, alarming feelings, and may be too frightening for some readers. Although it is all FICTION, please keep in mind my character is a masochist, and no matter how much pain is inflicted on her, she always has the right to use her safeword.
This BDSM novel is for readers 18 and over, but this book is not for everyone!
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

• Language: English
• Publisher: BSM Stoneking
• Release date: Mar 8, 2016
• ISBN: 9781310624230

BSM Stoneking

I am the author of the series, The Vampires Ange De La Mort. A supernatural romance, erotica you can find available to any e-reader and in paperback through Amazon.Although my main focus is writing supernatural erotica, I also have a few erotic short stories available. These short stories were written to flood the reader with a feeling of lust and are begin called a, "2 finger, 1 hand read." You can find all three of these short stories on Amazon. They are call, Lena's Security, Lena's Security - Day 2, and Cumming With Amy. These three short stories are an Amazon exclusive and are free to Kindle Unlimited subscribers.The things I write maybe considered dirty, filthy, and may make you embarrassed to let your mamma know you're reading my kinda material. The things I write very from m/f to m/m, m/f/m, f/f, bi, vampire or werewolf sex, ext. You never know what's going to come from me so always expect the unexpected.

Book preview

Chapter 1

I got your favorite, Pandora. Double Caramel Frappuccino with whip cream.

Thanks, Zack. You even had them put the caramel shavings on top. You're the best, I said, wiping my finger across the whipped cream, and putting it in my mouth.

Back then, I thought this was the sweetest thing ever to be surprised with in the morning. If I knew then what I know now, I would have thrown that blistering hot Frappuccino in his face.

He quickly shook his shaggy blond hair out of his eyes and gave me a big smile. Be my girlfriend and I'll have your favorite drink ready for you every morning before your feet touch the floor.

This wasn’t an unusual comment from Zack. He, just like my other four bandmates, kept trying hard to get me to date one of them.

You know I don't date friends, Zack. If it didn't work out, I wouldn't want to lose you as a friend. My bandmates were my best friends. I couldn't lose any of them over something that could be prevented by simply not dating any of them.

You're too prude for me anyway, he said with a wink and a big grin. He tried to come across joking, but I knew he was half-serious.

I hadn’t had sex with anyone since high school. I lost my virginity when I was sixteen to a jock who had a checklist with his buddies to see who could sleep with the most girls. I was just another notch on his bedpost.

Eight years without sex, could I have declared myself a born-again virgin? Perhaps if I wasn’t using toys to satiate my needs.

That's right, I am too prude for you. What-cha gonna do with a prude when you have all these beautiful women who fawn over you anyway? It's not like you guys don't get laid, so why the four of you are so fixated on me, I'll never understand.

Someone wrapped their arms around me from behind, startling me to a jump.

None of them are you. J'Sun's soft, chocolate-brown arms around my waist and his smooth voice gave him away. None of them could compare to your beauty. Just look at all this long, dark, silky hair, he said, running his fingers through it.

It was usually pinned up on top of my head in a messy bun, because I couldn’t get it to do a thing in humid Florida weather. I just hadn't gotten that far that morning. I've never been a morning person. If it weren't for the fact we needed to set up and rehearse for an all-day spring break party, I would have still been asleep on my private tour bus. My bandmates shared a large tour bus with each other and I had one to myself. I like my privacy and as much as I loved my friends, it didn’t seem right sharing a bus with them being the only female in the band.

Don't forget those stunning green eyes, added Tony from his hiding place behind a large speaker, trying to conceal the doughnut he was eating.

Tony had been on a diet for the last month and couldn't figure out why he wasn't losing any weight. I wouldn't say Tony is fat, but he is bigger than the other three guys.

And that knockout body. Our Italian friend and bandmate, Giovanni, had to get his two cents in the conversation.

I stepped out of J'Sun's reach to get him to stop touching my hair. Can we not start this again. It's way too early to be justifying myself to y’all. Honestly, I think they just liked lusting over something they could never have.

Thankfully, they dropped it and went back to setting up the equipment.

Playing a gig for spring break in Florida was exactly how I expected it to be; crazy.

We took shifts with six other bands, keeping the crowd entertained with nonstop music. Only one of the other bands that played there that day was a big and well-known as my band, Dreamer’s Rage. Blaze St. Sebastian’s band, HOTKINK had been in the rock business as long as we had and I’d say his band is the only other one that really rocked the faces off those sunburnt, drunk, spring break partiers.

I recall that day being so hot, I just wasn't ready to start drinking yet, but the crowd kept shouting for us to do a shot with them. So, I would take shots of water out of a Vodka bottle between songs, and the guys would do real shots without me. I was the lead singer and I didn’t want to be trashed trying to sing. It would have been my luck that even though I was the one who wrote all the songs for our band, I would have forgotten the lyrics.

When nightfall came, I finally gave in, joining my bandmates and the crowd in some hard-liquor shots.

We'll be back in a couple hours y’all. One more shot before we go, I shouted into the microphone, before taking my second shot of Patron.

During each of our breaks, I kept noticing this beyond-gorgeous man staring at me. He had dirty blond hair that almost touched his shoulders, with small bleach blond highlights streaked through it. The layers in his hair made the long hair look very manly on him. The only thing he was wearing was a pair of water shorts; it gave me a great view of his deliciously-toned body. Every time I made eye contact with him, he would quickly look away and I’d catch a glimpse of a small hoop-earring in his left ear.

I'm not the slightest bit shy, so I thought if he won't approach me, I'll approach him.

Having fun? I asked, leaning against the tiki bar next to him.

I must have startled him because he jumped slightly before turning his stunning blue eyes my way. He flashed me the most amazing bright smile and asked, How could I not? The music's great. He took a moment to look me up and down in my bathing suit top and sarong. The view is great. I have no complaints.

I'm Pandora, I said, extending my hand. People knew me so well by my stage name, I never introduced myself with my real name, Temperance LaHeaven.

You need no introduction. I know who you are, he replied, taking my hand and bringing it to his lips. I'm Eli. He set my hand on the bar but didn’t let go.

Normally, I wouldn't let some complete stranger continue to hold my hand, but when my hand touched his lips, I swear I felt sparks. Every part of my body that hadn't been affected by a man in so long went tight.

Can I buy you a drink? Eli asked me, waving over the bar tender.

Piña colada. Even though the sun had gone down for the night, it was still unbelievably hot and I wanted something cold.

He ordered us each a piña colada, and two shots of Tequila Rose.

I've seen you doing shots all night, and you don't look the slightest bit drunk, he observed.

Up until the last two shots, I was pouring water, I told him honestly.

I can tell the rest of your band has been taking real shots. Looking into his eyes, I could tell even though he had been partying all day, he hadn't been drinking much.

Yeah. I'm not their mother. I'm not going to take their bottle away from them. Unless it starts to affect their playing. My guys drink so often it takes a lot of alcohol to affect them.

So, how many more sets are you playing tonight? he asked, letting go of my hand to move the drinks in front of me.

I’m only singin’ one more song tonight. I grabbed my shot. Blaze and I are surprising the crowd with a rock duet together.

Long day, he noted with a little disappointment in his voice. So, are you and Blaze a couple?

I laughed so hard I nearly snorted. No, definitely not, we’ve never been a couple or had a fling. We’re simply good friends. It’s not that Blaze isn’t sexy as fuck, it’s just…well, Blaze had a mysterious side to him I couldn’t figure out and after what I saw him do in the past with that caged girl on stage, I’m honestly not sure I want to.

Eli’s face lit up after hearing Blaze and I weren’t a couple. He held his shot up in the air and we said, Cheers, at the same time.

Zack came stumbling into our conversation, This guy bothering you, Pandora? he asked, slightly slurring his words.

Not at all. Go away, Zack, I told him assertively.

Zack gave Eli an if-looks-could-kill glare before leaving.

Looks like he may be close to being cut off, Eli said, watching Zack walk away.

Naah, he can still play. That's all that matters.

Eli and I talked until it was time for me to get back on stage. He was extremely easy to talk to and I wasn’t ready to leave the conversation.

I don't want to come off as a typical guy, but I have to ask. Would you want to come back to my place after the show?

My heart skipped a couple beats, unsure what to say. I really felt a strong connection with Eli, but I hadn't let myself get this close to a man in such a long time I was afraid of what my hormones were going to encourage me to do. The fact that there were hundreds of people around us was the only thing keeping me from doing all the naughty things to him that were running through my head.

Tell you what, he said, grabbing a pen and a bar napkin. You don't have to answer now. Think about it, and if you want to, here's my address. I live close to here. He handed me the napkin with his address written on it. Hopefully I'll see you later, he said before kissing me on the cheek.

Eli left me with thoughts racing through my head faster than a greyhound at a race track. The whole time I was singing, in the back of my mind, I kept thinking, should I or shouldn't I go? I really wanted to, but I had so many reservations about putting myself at risk of giving someone my heart. Really though, I didn't have to give him my heart. Maybe just a good roll in the bed and I would sneak out when he falls asleep.

After tearing everything down, and having plenty of time to think, I decided that I was going to Eli's. I had one of the band roadies give me a ride there so I wouldn't have to take my big, flashy tour bus into a housing development.

That was my first mistake. I didn't think about the fact I wouldn't have a getaway car after scoring the one thing I had in mind that night.

I can't say I'm not surprised you came, Eli said, opening the door with a look of amazement in his brightly lit blue eyes.

Even though I arrived without a bra or underwear on, I felt a little overdressed in my white summer dress compared to what he had on. He was in nothing but a pair of majorly ripped-up blue jeans. His hair was wet and slightly curling at the ends, and his body glistened like he’d just gotten out of the shower. With his hair tucked behind his ears, I was able to see he had three piercings in one ear - a small silver hoop earring in his earlobe and his cartilage was pierced twice, also with small hoop earrings. The other ear had a single piercing with a matching hoop earring in his earlobe. He looked so sexy I had to drop my head to keep from staring at him.

For the first time in a long, long time, I felt shy. I thought about turning and running away, but his smile sucked me in like a moth to a flame.

Please, come in, he said, stepping to the side, while leaning on his door. His place was very well-lit, and seemed so inviting. I just opened a bottle of wine. Would you like a glass?

Yes, please, I replied, finding it hard to keep my voice from wanting to crack. I was so nervous.

I took a seat on his large, white leather, wraparound sofa, while watching his every move as he filled a wine glass for me. His movements were flawless. Full of the grace of a dancer. A sexy, shirtless dancer.

Here you go. He handed me a half-full glass of wine and settled in to the sofa next to me. I really am surprised you came. I thought for sure the only chance I would get to see you again is to come to another one of your shows.

Still feeling very shy, I just smiled and took a sip of my wine.

I get the feeling you don't do this often, he said, observing the tension in my body.

No. This is the first time. I was trying hard to get myself to relax, but I knew he could tell how nervous I was, which only made me even more tense.

He tried hard to hide his look of amazement, but he wasn't doing a very good job. Even to me, it’s surprising to say it was my first time going to a complete stranger’s house for a one-night stand.

"Usually after the show, I hang out with my fans and drink. I have a bodyguard that stays with me the whole time to make sure no one slips anything in my drink. And at the end of the night, I always climb into my bed on the tour bus, alone."

It can't be from the lack of guys trying, he noted.

No, definitely not from the lack of guys trying, I agreed, smiling and feeling my shoulders starting to drop. My anxiety was finally starting to fade.

No bodyguard tonight, huh? he questioned with a very sexy smile.

No. No bodyguard. I answered with my own sexy smile.

He took a sip of his wine, locking those beautiful blue bedroom eyes to mine. He was quiet as his unblinking eyes stayed fixed on mine. The slightest smile played at his lips and I could tell his mind was full of wonder. Curiosity finally got the best of him and he asked, When's the last time you were with a man?

His very personal question caught me off guard. I took another drink of my wine, trying to decide if I wanted to be honest.

I'm sorry. That was a really personal question. You don't have to answer that, he said, looking like he hoped his big mouth hadn’t made me change my mind about coming.

It's been eight years since I've had sex. I was being honest and I had no idea why. It's not like I would ever see him again after that night. And oh, how little did I know how true that was.

The look of shock on his face made me giggle. Actually giggle. I don't giggle.

His smile grew big at my giggle and the light in the room made his eyes sparkle. He set his glass of wine down on the long coffee table as he expressed his shock. Wow, eight years! What's so different about tonight?

"I'm very attracted to you, and when you touched my hand. Well, let’s just say you had an effect on my lower body I haven't felt in a really long time."

How I could possibly be attractive to someone as beautiful, and famous as you, I certainly don’t understand, he said, not knowing how gorgeous he truly was. I'm really glad you came. He laid his smooth hand gently on my cheek and it grazed up and down my skin softly a couple times before it slid back into my hair.

His hand was so warm, I could feel his heat push down past my belly.

I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch, unaware he was leaning in to kiss me. When his lips touched mine, I didn't jump from the unexpected contact, or jerk away; I set my glass of wine down next to his, and leaned in closer to him. His other hand raised up so slowly to my face, I hadn’t felt a single movement from anywhere in his body, but his lips. He used his silk lips to part mine, dampening them with his tongue before he greeted his tongue to mine as if they had been together years before.

He cradled my face in his hands and kissed me like nothing I've ever felt before. The passion in his kiss felt like he knew it was our last night together. It was the kind of kiss a person should only feel with someone they're truly in love with. The kind of kiss you get before that person you love more than life itself makes love to you; and that's just what he did. He made love to me, touching me in all the right places, and raising my body in ways I believe no other man ever could.

My body was brought to life by him at full speed, filling the parts of my heart and soul I never knew I was missing and in a way I never knew was possible. He spent hours pleasuring me. Taking his sweet, affectionate time to make sure I climaxed many, many times before he let himself go. Our bodies absolved and melted around each other into one, stopping time.

It really was hours of unbroken time, making love to each other. I went planning on a hard, fast roll in the bed, and what I got was a memory I hold onto so tight when I think about it, sometimes I forget to breath. The memory sucks my breath away, like a dark, still night in a forbidden forest. When I picture that night, I can still feel the way his long, blond hair brushed against me as he trailed kisses down my body. It was as if he were tracing dozens of little feathers down my skin. A feeling that would tickle someone else, made me wet. I knew he would have me in his sheets even after I was long gone. I clearly remember the smell of his body wash on his soft skin, and the way his fresh mint breath felt against my neck. His breathing increased into deeper gasps, striving to keep ahold of his air with every moment he inched deeper inside of me.

He kneaded and parted room for his length inside of me. When he was fully seated deep inside, I could feel his hardness touching my every inner wall.

Our bodies were bound tight around each other in every way possible. In the end we fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms. I felt so safe in his embrace, so comfortable I didn't move until the light started to shine bright through his shades.

We took a shower together the next morning, and he insisted I let him wash me. Even with the romantic night before, I wasn't sure how comfortable I would be with that, but when his hands began massaging the shampoo into my hair, I gave in without another thought. It was so sensual letting someone wash every part of me, I could have stood in that warm shower water letting him wash every inch of me until the water ran cold.

After the glorious body-wash-massage he gave me, I returned the favor. He was already rock-hard from washing me, and when I began to run my soapy hands over him, his dick began to throb. It invited me to move to my knees and swallow his length into my watering mouth. His crown bounced against the back of my throat and he quickly jerked me to my feet. Our time maybe limited, so there is only one place I want to be. He lifted my back against the warm, smooth shower wall and with ease, he slipped his glistening shaft inside me, which led to another round of lovemaking. Our bodies slipped seductively around each other in a hot-wet-mess that made me cum, over and over. The water began to run cold before he finally peeked, diving over the edge into a warm oceanic pool, he moaned out my name as he nuzzled into my neck, letting his sweet cum dissolve inside of me.

It wasn't just sex for us. Like the night before, his touch and his devotion to my body was lovemaking at its finest.

His every move was so passionate, I couldn't help but to crumble to his touch. I thought, I'm falling in love with this man. Someone I've known for less than 24 hours, and I would give up everything to be with him. Everything, including my career. Our night and morning together meant that much to me.

He made me breakfast before taking me back to my tour bus - a custom-made omelet by a gorgeous man.

If I didn't have to work, I would spend the day with you until you had to get on stage, he said to me, pulling up to my tour bus.

What do you do? I asked, realizing we really didn't spend any time getting to know each other.

I'm a Marine Biologist.

Sexy and smart, I said, smiling at my cheesy complement.

He chuckled, then asked, How much longer will you be in Florida?

Tonight's my last night. My heart sank into my stomach with admission.

He looked how I felt, like neither of us wanted to ever be apart.

One more night together, he said, looking brokenhearted. Where do you go from here?

California, I explained, wishing I had a bigger gap in our tour date schedule. As willing as I was to give up my career for Eli, I couldn’t abandon my friends like that. "We'll be in California for two days then we're off to Texas.

When's your last tour date? he asked, no doubt hoping it was close to the end.

We still have two more months of nonstop traveling.

He looked down at his hand. Fiddling with the shifter, he tried to hide his disappointment.

I placed my hand on top of his and told him, I would love to come back here after our tour it finished. If that's okay.

His blue eyes sparkled as he looked back up at me. I would really like that. He gave me a soft kiss on the lips.

So, I'll see you tonight after work? I asked, placing my hand on his face to keep his lips within reach of mine.

Tonight. I'll meet you at the tiki bar again.

I kissed him, hoping to leave the same imprint on him he had left on me.

Tonight can't come soon enough, he said with his eyes still closed.

We kissed one more time before saying goodbye. How could I have known it would be our last?

Watching his car drive away was like watching someone you love walking out of your life. I wanted to chase after it telling him not to go. I held my feet hard to the ground, forcing myself not to move and reminding myself I would see him again later that night.

It wasn’t until after his car was completely out of my sight, I got onto my bus. I needed to change clothes and help set up the stage we would be using for that day’s spring break party.

The night before with Eli was perfect, and if I would have known what was going to happen next, I never would have left his house.

My entire world was turned upside down that morning. My life ruined, all because I spent one night with the perfect man.

Chapter 2

Pandora, Zack shouted outside of my bus.

I opened the door to see all four guys standing there in the same clothes they had on the night before. They looked drunk, or worse, with how red their eyes were.

Tony looked agitated. His hand was twitching at his side.

J'Sun and Giovanni looked like they were ready to run a mile - hyped up with some kind of energy.

Zack stepped up onto the bus and the other three followed. We know you stayed the night with some guy last night, he said, forcing me to step back into my bus.

What's wrong with y’all? An alarming feeling rushed through me like I was watching a horror movie. Something wasn’t right.

Yes, Pandora, what is wrong with us? Tony asked, raising his jittery hands in wonder.

The guys continued to push me deeper into my bus, blocking any way around them.

You have four guys here who know everything about you. You can come to us for anything, you have no secrets with us. We've wanted nothing but for you to give us a chance. Let one of us take you out on a date, prove to you you're meant to be with one of us. Yet you choose to sleep with some complete stranger, Zack said, pushing me against my closed bedroom door.

I don't have to explain myself to you. I was trying hard to stay calm, but I knew deep inside something terrible was about to happen. I told all four of you, I don't date friends. Were you guys up all night drinking?

Yes, and doing something else, Giovanni said with a twitchy smile. His lips quivered a few times like Tony’s hand was doing. We tried blow for the first time. We kinda like it. Helped us take our mind off you, after we heard one of the roadies dropped you off at some guy’s house. That is, until we saw that guy drop you off.

I couldn’t believe they did blow. The worst any of us had ever tired was pot. That was really stupid guys. You know that stuff is supposed to be addicting, I said, trying to push past them.

No more addicting then you are to us, said Zack. If you're going to give up your eight year purity to some complete stranger then you're going to give it up to us, too.

I will not, I said, shoving my nails into Zack's chest.

He didn't budge. Instead, he pressed himself harder into me against the closed bedroom door, reaching for the doorknob.

I tried to knee him in the groin but Tony knocked my knee down.

Zack slapped me hard in the face, knocking me to the ground, and at the same time, my door swung open. I fell flat on my back and the door bounced hard enough off the wall, it came back and smacked me in the head. I could taste blood from a cut on my lip Zack’s ring had caused. I struggled to stand, my head beginning to spin.

Get away from me! I shouted, trying to get around them. I needed to get out of there. Yet, no matter how much I tried, I knew I wasn't getting out. I was about to be attacked by four large, powerful guys, drunk and high on blow, with one thing in mind.

Zack pushed past me, moving directly behind me. He grabbed my arms and told J’Sun, Get her feet.

I kicked and flung my feet, screaming, Don't touch me! Get away from me!

Giovanni helped J'Sun grab my flailing feet and the three of them carried me into my room, tossing me onto my bed.

HELP! I shouted, and screamed at the top of my lungs.

Gag that bitch's mouth! Zack shouted.

Tony grabbed one of my pantyhose laying on the floor. The sight of him stretching it out to tie it around my mouth engraved an unforgettable picture in my head.

I continued to scream and struggle to get out of their grip. I was able to tilt my head enough to bite Zack, who was still holding onto my arms.

My bite was hard enough to draw blood. I felt his skin break under my bite and his blood started to mix with the blood on my lip. He let go of my arms and began slapping me in the face, one right after the other. I could feel the cut on my lip splitting open wider.

Tony reached for my rattled head to tie the pantyhose around my mouth.

GET AWAY FROM ME! HELP! HELP! I yelled over and over, before biting Tony as his hand came to my face. I bit him harder than I had Zack. I swear, I felt a piece of his skin catch between my teeth.

The other two let go of my legs as Tony started punching me in the face. Full forced punching me like a drugged-out coke-head beating someone for more drugs.

Kicking my legs again, I was able to nail Giovanni in the groin before kicking J'Sun in the face.

Fucking bitch! Giovanni shouted.

Tony stopped punching me only to begin ripping off my clothes.

I was losing momentum, and my vision was blurring from my eyes beginning to swell shut, but I continued to struggle and scream for help.

Zack and Tony began beating me together, to shut me up while Giovanni tied up my hands.

They beat me until I thought I was going to blackout. I couldn’t breathe with the blood filling inside my nose, clogging my airways and started draining down the back of my throat. Every time I tried to take a breath of air, Tony would punch me in the gut, giving me no chance to catch my breath.

My body went limp from them beating me, but my mind was still aware of what was happening.

I wish I had blacked out. I wish they would have beaten me until I stopped breathing. The memory of those four is tattooed into my mind. They re-appear night after night in my nightmares. I can't ever escape what they did to me.

There's one thing Zack said before raping me that replays in my head. Open up, Pandora. We all want in Pandora's box.

They took me one after the other, never pausing to stop until each one of them came inside of me.

The only person who hesitated before raping me was J'Sun.

I don't think I can do this guys, he said. I love her.

It didn't take much peer pressure to change his mind. If you love her, you’ll love this. One of the guys told him.

He raped me just as hard and guiltlessly as the other three.

I was barely aware of what was happening when the cops started to storm my bus.

Someone heard my screaming and yelling from outside and called the cops.

The cops tackled the guys, tasing, and beating them to the floor with their clubs, then handcuffed them.

A female cop called for a paramedic as she wrapped me in my blankets.

My hearing was muffled from the relentless punching they gave to my head, and my vision was completely gone. My eyes were swollen shut so tight, I feared I would never see again. I yelled, DON’T TOUCH ME! SOMEONE HELP ME!

The female cop said as calmly as she could, It's okay. I'm a cop. You're okay now. We're going to get you some help. The paramedics are on their way.

I cried and cried, rolling myself into a ball, wrapping my naked body tight in my blankets. The blood began to roll fast out of my nose and onto my blankets. I could tell I had some broken ribs. It was hard to breath, but even harder to stop crying.

Three days later, I woke in a hospital with my parents beside my hospital bed.

Marshall, she's waking up, my mom said to my dad.

Mom, I can't see! I can't see! I was panicking trying to look at them, but seeing nothing but total blackness.

Shhh, baby. You have two swollen black eyes. The swelling will go down soon,my dad said, taking my hand in his.

Pain rushed my fingers.

Careful, Marshall. She has broken fingers.

I began to cry, recalling everything that happened.

I'm going to get a nurse to give her some more painkillers, my dad said, shuffling quickly out of the room.

They gave me enough painkillers to knock me out for a few more days. The slits in my eyes were finally starting to open just enough so I could finally see when I woke the next time. I was terrified to see how the rest of my body looked after the beating I had took, so I refused to open them. I locked them shut tight until every visible sign of rape had faded from my body. The physical signs of rape may had left my body when I finally opened my eyes, but the mental image of them was and is etched into my mind.

Chapter 3

"It's been two years and I still have nightmares about what they did to me. I can't get the image out of my head. Every time I dream about it, it's so vivid, I always wake up in a cold sweat, screaming and scratching at my face to rip away the image. I've tried to kill myself a number of times, in a number of different ways. I've laid the gun tight against my head, pressing it hard into my temple. My finger shook with anticipation to pull the trigger. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to pull it. The harder I pressed it into my temple, the more my finger would shake, but never enough for me to lose control of that finger, and follow through. Some people can't pull the trigger because they think about their loved ones, and how much they will miss them, or the mess they'll be leaving behind from blowing off their head, but me, I felt nothing. I hadn't the slightest hint of guilt. I didn't really feel fear, that's not why I couldn't pull the trigger. My emotions and thoughts were completely numb. I didn't even have the pleasure of wet tears to shake me out of my numbness. If I didn't feel fear why couldn't I pull the trigger? I really don't know, but when I realized I would never pull that trigger, I put the gun away.

"I stared into the mirror at the imprint left behind from the gun, and kept tracing that round indent with my finger over and over. The grooves were deep in the side of my temple. I was pressing the gun so hard into my head it looked like I was trying to shove the gun straight through.

"I thought a guaranteed way to be done with it all since I couldn't pull the trigger was to just overdose with pills. I would never tell someone how to commit suicide, but let me just say if you're going to try killing yourself by taking too many pills you better make sure you take enough pills to never wake up. I didn't take enough pills. I will never try killing myself that way again. I was too scared to ask for help, too ashamed to let anyone know what I had done, and there was no way I was going to the hospital. I've heard what hospitals do to people who have taken too many pills, and where they put you once you've detoxed. So, I fought through it alone and on my own. My body wanted to sleep, but my head was rushing, telling me to get up, try to eat something, drink lots of water, and flush this out of my system. I told myself I have to pull through this without anyone knowing.

"I stood over the kitchen sink trying to eat a piece of bread. My body kept wobbling so hard my head would fall forward, bouncing off the faucet. I do wish someone could have been there to help catch my head. It connected with the faucet a few times, jerking me into an awake, upright position. Well, as awake as my drugged self could be.

"My mouth was dry like someone shoved a wad of cotton inside it, which made it really hard to swallow the bread. If I tried drinking water to help push the bread down, everything came back up into the kitchen sink. When you can't keep a single thing down including water, it's scary, and hard to find the will to keep trying. It got to the point where my body kept trying to help me get rid of the pills, but they were too far into my system, so when my body tried to help, I would gag on nothing but stomach acid and air.

"I recall stumbling around the house, bouncing into the walls, while my stomach muscles constantly kept contracting, trying to force me to throw up. I continued walking and walking, wanting to sit down, but not letting myself, because I knew the moment I sat down I was going to sleep, and I'm certain, the moment my head touched my pillow, I would not have woke up. When I finally laid down after staying awake for close to 20 hours, I slept a full 24 hour day away. The days after trying to over dose aren't any better. My entire body ached. Every muscle in my body was tight and sore. It’s like they were permanently constricted. My body hurt in a way I've never felt before, and my head felt like I had the worst hang over of my life. It wasn't until almost a week later that I felt 100 percent back to myself.

"Unfortunately, my lost identity, and overwhelming emotions, put me into another position of trying, yet again, to kill myself.

I couldn't pull the trigger on the gun, I will never try to O.D. on pills again. I thought, Hell, why not just slit my writs. I did try, but the pain I felt when the blade hit my wrist reminded me I'm alive for a reason. I still put the blade to my wrist when things feel unbearable, but not in an attempt to kill myself. That rush of pain from the blade and the first drop of blood I see takes my mind away from everything that happened to me that day. I lay back, letting the pain slowly dissipate. Once I feel no more pain, my mind is in a state of trance, and I finally feel at peace. So, I continue to cut myself when I can't regain control of my traveling mind, and my past is ripping away at my soul. As long as I can still cut myself I don't think I'll ever try to kill myself again. I'll just continue to find that trance when things are at the edge of the cliff of my own personal Hell, and watch as the blood rolls slowly from my wrist down my arm.

Temperance, I think you're finally ready to move on, my psychiatrist says to me.

What do you mean you think I'm finally ready to move on? I snap at her, sitting up so fast I’ve nearly slip off the sofa.

You've been coming to me for almost two years and this is the first you've been able to get through your entire story from beginning to end, she points out.

Loosing eye contact with her, I realize she's right. This is the first time I've been able to tell her the entire story of that day.

Temperance, I've been working on something new I would like to try on you. Something no one I personally know has ever tried. She leans forward in her chair, resting her elbows on her knees. Now, I've never tried this before, so there's no guarantying it will work, but I would like to try to hypnotize you into forgetting about that day. Would you like me to give it a try?

Are you kiddin' me?! I shout, coming off the sofa like someone just lit a fire under me. Why haven't we tried this sooner? I've been sufferin' for two years, and you coulda tried this on me! I'm beyond pissed right now.

How would she have liked moving back home to Georgia to live with her parents at the age of twenty four? Nearly two years later and I'm still there. How would she like living every day of her life with something like I have stuck in the back of my mind? It affects me every day of my life. It doesn’t matter if I’m asleep or awake, flashes of what those bastards did will never go away. I haven't lived life to its fullest in so long, I wouldn't know where to begin. I hide from the world, living in my parents’ basement. The only time I leave my hideaway from the world, is to get something to eat and the only time I leave the house is to come see my therapist. For so long I've wished I could just forget about what they did to me, and finally move forward with my life. Here she sits looking at me like I'm overreacting, and all I would really like to do is use her for a punching bag to get out all my built up pain and anger.

Please sit down, Temperance, she tells me very calmly, leaning back into her chair.

Fine, I’ll sit down, but I’m going to sit on my hands because they keep trying to ball into a fist, desperately wanting to punch her.

Now, like I said, I've never tried this before. There's no guarantying it will work. There's also the chance that you will always remember you were raped, and who did it. But the hope is you won't remember the details, which should help your nightmares go away, and help you to move forward with your life. There is one other possible side effect if this does work.

What's that? I ask through gritted teeth.

There's a chance you may not remember your night with Eli.

That thought has me moving my hands around my waist, hugging myself as I lean back into the sofa.

"We've talked about him and how even though you can't find him, you're very