Funny Stories for Kids: Family Wars Episode I: The Forced Dinner

By Tyler Shaw and Russell Sanders

[For those of you who downloaded this before 12/18/15: We apologize for the mixup on book content. The problem is now corrected! Please download again and enjoy the hilarity.]

In a galaxy ravaged by tyranny, planets are destroyed at the push of a button and empires are brought down by farm boys and scoundrels. Dark Zader was one of the most powerful men in the galaxy, but when he threw his emperor down a shaft, he found himself without a job.

Living with his kids and down on his luck, he finds that he only has one solution, beg for his old job back from the very emperor he thought he'd killed.

Read as this family of rebel scum scrambles to prepare a dinner fit for an emperor in the most ridiculous culinary experience ever.

Double the excitement.
Triple the laughs.
Paintbrush illustrations.

This is...
Family Wars Episode I: The Forced Dinner

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dead Duck Media
• Release date: Dec 17, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311236173

Book preview

Funny Stories for Kids

Family Wars Episode I:

The Forced Dinner

Starring Dark Zader

Written by:

Tyler Shaw

&

Russell Sanders

Rights

Thank you for downloading this ebook. It is licensed for your personal use but may not be altered or redistributed. Thank you and enjoy!

© 2015 Dweezel and Pallie eBooks

© 2019 Dead Duck Media

All Rights Reserved.

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Acknowledgments

Cover art:

Andrea Piera Laguzzi

https://www.facebook.com/Andrealaguzziillustration/

Editorial Assistance:

Charlie Ward, author of Frotwoot’s Faerie Tales and Zoey Nova

Millie

Lisa

Opening Crawl

Some time ago, out among the stars...

FAMILY WARS

Episode I:

The Forced Dinner

It is a strange time for the galaxy. Lord Zader,

once an evil and ruthless villain, has turned to good and is living with his family, the heroes responsible for destroying the Cosmic Empire's second DOOM SPHERE.

Zader, trying to settle into a normal life, races

home grumpily from his first day as a

server at a juice stand...

Chapter 1

Unemployment Strikes Back

Dark Zader, the (formerly) evil Lord of the Gith, disembarked from his space fighter and began to walk slowly up to the front door to his daughter's house. The house was positively suburban, with green aluminum siding, a white picket fence, a small hut in the front yard, perfect for a large furry animal to live in, and several space vehicles parked in the back and on the front lawn.

Zader, who was tall, wore all black, had a menacing metal helmet and may have been more machine than man, locked up his military space fighter with a beep and slowly trudged up the steps to the front door, letting himself inside.

The house was decorated in an ancient style, with painted sheetrock walls instead of the more usual solid metal, wooden doors with doorknobs instead of ones that slid automatically into the wall, and a large fireplace in the living room. Zader hated the house, it wasn’t spacey enough, and too colorful, he thought, but he had moved here to be closer to his son and daughter. So far this part had worked well.

If only everything in my life were working so well, Zader thought.

We got another letter from the homeowner’s association, said Neia, Zader’s daughter and the princess leader of a band of freedom fighters who warred against the evil Cosmic Empire. She was in the kitchen and apparently hadn’t heard Zader walk through the door, she would have greeted Zader if she had. It’s their final warning. You’ve got to get that trash hauled away or they’re going to charge us a big fine.

You mean my baby? said John Solar, who was a space smuggler as well as Neia’s husband. Zader scowled inside his mask as he continued walking. He hated Solar. He was far too much of a scoundrel for Zader’s baby girl.

We’ve already had this conversation, said John. "I told them that if they’ve got a problem with the Bizarre Buzzard, John’s run-down freighter spaceship, they can take it up with the business end of my blaster."

It looks terrible, complained Neia, and it gets such bad space mileage. It’s just not economical. We should sell it and get a nice mini-spaceship.

Zader had heard this inane conversation before. John was a fool. If only he’d just get in that ship and fly away, hopefully into a sun or an explosive.

Her and I have been through a lot together, said John. This baby’s blown up two Doom Spheres.

It only blew up one and you weren’t even there! shouted Neia.

Nuke, move over, said Zader to his son as he stepped into the living room.

Nuke, who was also Neia’s twin, was a war hero and Meti Knight (meaning he had special magic), but he had really let himself go. He felt like he’d peaked and was now living the adolescent life that he never got to have. In a perfect illustration of this, he was currently sitting on the couch watching holo TV in his underwear and eating Admiral Snackbar’s Cereal.

Nah… not moving, said Nuke in his adolescent voice, flipping his messy blonde hair to the side, but not looking up.

Zader lifted his hand and shoved Nuke forcefully off the couch using his Gith magic.