Little Green Men #1 - Better Homes and Aliens: Little Green Men, #1

By Nigel G. Mitchell

Saving the world was just the beginning... 

Jeffrey Foster thought saving the world from an alien invasion would be the high point of his life. Now he just wants to find a nice place in the Galaxy to settle down. But he's unaware that the Xenon Empire plans to send its deadliest warlord to destroy the Earth. Will Jeffrey turn his back on his home world? Or will he interrupt his favorite HoloVision show to save the day? And will he ever find alien food that won't make him gag?

"Little Green Men" is a three-part series of 20,000 words each, and is the second in the "Flying Saucers" trilogy. Fans of Douglas Adams, Monty Python, and "Red Dwarf" will appreciate this new series. Download the first part today!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Platypus Publishing
• Release date: Nov 22, 2015
• ISBN: 9781519990952

Nigel G. Mitchell

Nigel G. Mitchell was born in Brooklyn, NY. He earned a Bachelor's in English from Arizona State University in 1999. In addition to fiction, he is also a writer for the popular sci-fi blog, The Geek Twins. His work has been featured regularly in Slashfilm, Blastr, io9, CBR and Screenrant. His short stories have been published in Lost Worlds, 365 Tomorrows, and Black Hole Magazine. His latest novel is "Enter the Nexus." He currently lives in Phoenix, Arizona with his wife and three children.

Book preview

Chapter 1

AAYEE ZUKLUK stifled a yawn as he listened to the planet below begging for mercy. He always found the pleas right before he destroyed a planet so tiresome. He'd just as soon destroy Quadru right away, but the cries for help had to be broadcast over HoloVision as a warning to other rebellious planets of the Empire.

Aayee tapped a tentacle on the arm of his command chair as he heard the pleas of the planet's main political organization, the Republic of Nations Who Like To Work Together. Over his ship's sound system, the one known as Ambassador Merquai said, You must be mistaken, great and powerful Aayee. Our planet has been a loyal and valuable member of the Empire of Xenon for five hundred years. Our metal exports alone account for ten percent of the Empire's total supply. In addition, we are a peaceful people with many men, women, and children who serve the Emperor faithfully. To destroy us all now would be a great loss to the Empire as a whole. We beg you to spare us, and we will prove our worth.

Aayee glanced at the clock. He had to let the mercy cries go for at least fifteen minutes, and that fifteen minutes ended in three seconds, two, one.

At the fifteen minute mark, Aayee turned his eye-stalks towards the communications station. Open a channel to Quadru. Put me on all methods of distribution.

The robot at the station thrust out a fist. Its metallic voice rang hollow. Yes, Commander Aayee.

Aayee turned his attention back to the HoloVision, which showed the robed Ambassador Merquai floating at a podium in the Hall of Unity from the planet below. The Xenon Empire has heard your request, and it has been denied. Your planet has been identified as harboring a key installation for the Resistance. Therefore, under Article XXXII of the Imperial Charter of Xenon, all protection extended to the planet Quadru is hereby withdrawn and all life on the surface as well as surrounding moons shall be destroyed. Anything else you wish to say before the operation is carried out?

Merquai spewed bubbles from his thin lips. The Resistance? We know of no such installation on our world. I assure you, we are loyal to the Empire.

Aayee glanced down at the sheet carrying his orders in his hand. It says here that we received a communication from your planet approximately forty-two days ago lasting fifteen seconds, broadcast from your nation of Skatt, capital city Vleebop, containing the message (and I quote) 'Emperor Oi Sucks.' End quote.

Merquai turned to look at someone outside the view of the screen. Aayee could hear whispering before Merquai turned back to face him again. Commander, I assure you, we know of no such broadcast. Whoever sent that message did not represent our people. Please give us at least three days to locate the source of this message, and I promise you, we will bring the perpetrator to justice.

Aayee tossed his orders back onto the table next to his command chair. Sorry, no can do. The sentence has been pronounced, and it will be carried out. You are hereby terminated by the order of Emperor Oi, daughter of the Mighty House of Vay, almighty ruler of the known Galaxy, long may she reign, long may the Empire shine throughout the heavens, may the stars never set on its borders, may she live on for all eternity, none shall surpass her glory and beauty. Let's get this over with.

As he waved a tentacle to the robot, the ambassador threw his hands up. Wait, Commander Aayee, you cannot do this! You cannot destroy an entire planet because of one single message!

Aayee chuckled. I've destroyed planets for less. Terminate communications.

The HoloVision blinked over to a view of the blue planet the mothership Perpetual Agony orbited. Aayee could just barely make out the hundreds of other battleships of his fleet orbiting Quadru.

Aayee picked up his coffee mug before calling out. Activate all weapons. Target the planet and fire.

He sipped his coffee while watching his ships light up. Beams of energy lanced out into the darkness of space, crossing over the surface of the planet, leaving black scars in their wake. Within seconds, the world had been reduced to a blackened husk.

As its atmosphere began to fade to gray from the smoke and flames, Aayee smacked his lips. This coffee is excellent, Computer. Is it a new blend?

The ship's computer spoke up through the public address systems. Yes, Commander Aayee. We took the liberty of procuring a new supply from Four Moons. We hope it's to your liking, sir?

Aayee nodded as he took another sip. It is. Next time we get to port, we need to stock up. I'd also like some for my personal supply.

We will secure some as soon as possible, Commander.

Aayee set the cup down, and his huge green bulk oozed as he settled into his chair. "Well, that should do it. All ships cease fire. Make sure to send Eternal Misery to take out those moons. Anything else?"

The HoloVision showed one of his ships turning to fire its weapons on the three moons hanging in orbit while the Computer spoke again. We've received a new transmission from Central Control, Commander.

He made a face. Oh, what do they want now?

It is an urgent communication from the Supreme Commander requesting immediate contact.

Aayee rested his head on one tentacle and sighed before flailing another tentacle at the screen. All right, put it on. Let's see what they have to say.

The Supreme Commander appeared on the screen. His tentacle pointed in salute. Destruction and mayhem, Commander Aayee.

Aayee could only manage a light wave. Destruction and mayhem to you too, Supreme Commander.

How goes the operation at Quadru?

Aayee turned his eyes towards the screen showing the planet again. Uh, good. We finished destroying the surface, and we're just blowing up the moons right now.

Excellent. We knew we could rely on you, as always. That's why the Emperor herself requested I send you on a special assignment.

Aayee set down his coffee mug. What? Another one? Oh, come on. I just got through with this one. Now you want me on another?

Supreme Commander bowed his eye stalks towards him. I understand your frustration, Aayee. We are all aware of your impending retirement next week, and would not have brought this to you if it didn't require your special skills.

Aayee heaved a great sigh, but knew he didn't have a choice. He'd been hoping to go home and relax, maybe get a head start on his fishing. But