Crimson Mercury Part 4: Realization

By Kathrine Kautzman

Felix is gone! Felix left me here on Earth and went with most of the rest of the aliens on a trip back to his home planet. Now I'm stuck here with his brother, Wolfgang, pregnant and in need of the alien touch and blood. Felix is gone forever! No, he's not gone forever, (only two years while he goes all the way to his planet and back) but it feels like it. I don't know how I'm going to survive this without him. I don't know how I'm going to deal with Wolfgang. This next two years is going to be the worst two years of my life, if I live that long. I'm not really sure I want to live without him. I know I don't want to be stuck here with Wolfgang as a constant reminder of what I've lost. Felix and I have been through so much together but this just may break me.
Look for book 5 on sale winter of 2016

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kathrine Kautzman
• Release date: Nov 16, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311546531

Kathrine Kautzman

I love science fiction, I love romance and I love a good story. I was having trouble finding good, clean entertainment so I decided to write my own. I also love cows, the color yellow and Jesus.

Book preview

Part IV: Realization

By Kathrine Kautzman

Prologue

Where’s Amnon?

I gave him back to you, my sister said.

No, you didn’t, I informed her.

Yes, she said. I tried to calm him but he fussed out of my arms. He crawled over to you when Felix was hugging Wolfgang.

No he didn’t! I started to panic. Where did he go after that?

I don’t know, Sid, she said. He was at your feet and I thought you saw him so we left.

You just left him there in the saucer bay? I yelled.

I am certain he is fine, Felix assured me as he began dragging me back to the saucer bay. Jason and Livy followed.

Amnon, Felix began calling when we got out there. The rest of us began calling and searching but to no avail.

He’s not here, Felix, I spoke with worry. Where is he?

Elon, this is Felix, he spoke into his armband.

This is Elon. What do you need, Felix?

Can you locate Amnon on the ship?

He does not have an armband, Felix. Have you lost him again?

There was a miscommunication, Felix explained. He was in the saucer bay ten minutes ago. I am sure he has not gone far.

I will send some men down there to help you look for him but in seven minutes we will have to go to final lockdown sequence.

I understand, Felix said.

What does that mean, Felix? What happens in seven minutes? Will he be in danger?

No, but we all have things we have to do during final lockdown.

We’d better find him then, I was even more freaked out now.

Some guards and pilots joined us in our search.

Look under everything and behind everything, Felix ordered. If he decided to take a nap he will be almost impossible to locate.

Felix, I found him, a voice said on Felix’s armband. I breathed a sigh of relief and then I realized whose voice it was.

Wolfgang! I yelled into my armband. What is he doing with you?

I heard Elon order the search, he said. I hoped he was not here but I figured I would take a look. He was sleeping in one of the landing gear holds.

How did he get in there? I asked.

The question is how do we get him back here? Felix said.

I will bring him back, Wolfgang said.

No, you won’t, Elon interrupted. It is two minutes until final lockdown. There is no way you can get that saucer in and out of here in less than two minutes.

How am I going to get my child? Felix asked with panic in his voice which made me panic.

I don’t know, Felix, but it’s too late for the saucer.

I have to get my baby! I yelled at Elon. We can’t leave him here!

One minute until final lockdown, a voice spoke in the background.

Felix, what are we going to do?

Elon, you have to let me in, Wolfgang said.

I can’t, he said. Once final lockdown starts nothing goes in or out of this ship.

Then I will stay, Wolfgang said. Let me in.

Okay, Wolfgang, Elon said. Open the door, he ordered.

It has been locked, someone said. I can’t get it open in time.

No! I said.

You have to try! Wolfgang yelled.

It is too late, the alien said.

Wolfgang, move the saucer away from the engine exhaust, Elon said. You’re too close.

Stations for final lockdown, the voice said. Locomotion will begin in one hour.

What are we going to do? I pleaded. We can’t leave him here.

Can I take a suit outside? Felix asked Elon.

I suppose, he said. As long as you stay away from the engine exhaust. This ship will be taking off in less than sixty minutes. If you’re going to do it, do it now!

Wolfgang, meet me outside space lock 3, Felix ordered then took my hand and began running. Everyone followed.

What are you going to do, Felix? I asked.

I am going to go get him and bring him back.

Are you nuts? Jason said.

Is that possible? I asked. Is it safe?

Yes and yes, he said. I would not do it if it was not safe but we have to do it fast. The longer we wait the more energy the ship creates. Wolfgang needs to be a certain distance away when we take off.

So we don’t really have an hour do we? I asked but I didn’t want to know.

Fortunately, the saucer moves quickly so it does not cut that much into the hour.

We arrived at space lock 3 and there were people already there waiting for us. They gave Felix an alien space suit and he threw it on. It took a few minutes to get everything put on just right. It didn’t help that we were in a hurry. Then they hooked a tube to the suit, gave Felix a smaller suit for Amnon and then Felix went into the airlock.

I love you, Felix. I told him. Be careful…and hurry!

They pushed some buttons and I think the door behind Felix was supposed to open but it didn’t. They pushed the buttons again and nothing happened.

What’s wrong? I asked.

It appears that the suit is not holding air, a technician said. Get him out of there.

The airlock opened up and Felix came out.

What is wrong? he asked.

There is a hole in the back of the suit, another tech said. Get him another suit!

They all have holes in them, another tech said as he pieced through a cabinet of suits. They look intentional.

Jim’s people, Jason said. They must have done it when we took back the Chameleon.

Why haven’t they been fixed? I asked.

We did not know this was a problem until now but you cannot fix a space suit anyway, a tech said. Once the fabric has been compromised it will never work again.

What are we going to do? I said in a panic.

What is taking so long? I heard Wolfgang say.

The small suits, Jason said. Amnon’s suit is fine. They didn’t touch the small suits. He had opened a cabinet of undisturbed small suits.

I cannot fit in one of those, Felix said. I am too tall.

I can, I said. I’ll go get him.

No, Felix demanded. I will not let you risk your life.

Felix, I said. I can do this. I can’t leave my baby here to never see again. You have to let me do this.

But, Sid, he said. I do not want you be in danger.

I have to go, Felix. We have no other choice. There really wasn’t time to argue.

How much time do we have? he asked.

Twenty one minutes.

Okay, Sid, he said. Please hurry.

I was abruptly bombarded with technicians dressing me in a strange alien suit. They had it locked together almost instantly. They hooked up the tube, handed me a small suit for Amnon and put me in the airlock. It was eerily quiet in the suit when the door between me and everyone else closed.

We are filling the suit now, a calm unfamiliar voice spoke into my ear. The suit is functioning properly. Remove the tube by pushing the silver button above it. I pushed the button and I was disconnected. You are ready to go. We are opening the air lock.

I looked back at Felix who was pinned to the door and a feeling of dread overwhelmed me. I’m never going to see him again.

I love you, Sid, his beautiful voice spoke calmly into my ear.

I love you, Felix, I told him as my eyes began to fill with tears. I went to wipe them off but I couldn’t touch my face as my body began floating away from him. I love you, Felix, I cried.

I know, he said. His voice cracked. He knew it too; I wasn’t going to make it back. I will always love you, Sid.

I will always love you, Felix, I said again. I wanted to remember this, my last view of him but my eyes were so wet it was hard to see anything. I was finally outside the Chameleon; Felix getting smaller and smaller, further and further away. Then, without warning, a force wrapped around my waist and pulled me away from the Chameleon. I was then in the bottom of the saucer, the hole below me closed and I immediately fell to the ground. The cockpit opened above me and Wolfgang hurried down with Amnon in his arms.

Wolfgang, you have nine minutes before I will have to order you away, I heard Elon’s voice in my ear.

No problem, he replied. Do not take off your suit, Sid. I will put Amnon in his suit.

He laid the suit down and opened just the top of it then he tried to wrap Amnon in it but Amnon wouldn’t let go of Wolfgang.

Amnon! he was getting frustrated. You have to let me go.

Amnon, I said but he didn’t know it was me; my voice was coming from a speaker not from me. Please hold still, Amnon. You have to let go of him.

Wolfgang struggled but he couldn’t get Amnon in the suit.

Five minutes, Wolfgang, Elon said.

I know! Wolfgang yelled scaring Amnon.

I couldn’t sit back and watch any longer so I undid the hands of my suit and then undid my helmet. The first thing I did was wipe the tears off my face then I reached for Amnon.

Amnon, I said. It’s okay, just hold still. He seemed to be comforted by actually seeing me speak to him instead of just hearing a voice. I was then able to take him from Wolfgang and Wolfgang was able to put the suit around him. Amnon got a little freaked out when we put the helmet on but when he heard my voice in his ear he calmed down. We got him locked in then it was my turn to put my suit back on. We got my helmet on fine but were having trouble with the hands. My hands were shaking so much I couldn’t control anything. It didn’t help that I had Elon in my ear constantly reminding me how little time I had.

Sid, Wolfgang said. Let me do it. I submitted to him and he quickly got my hands locked in place, my air tube on and Amnon tethered to me. Almost done.

Thirty seconds to abort the mission, Elon said, as Wolfgang quickly disappeared into the cockpit and sealed himself in.

Your suits are filling, Wolfgang said. Functioning properly.

Open the saucer, I heard Felix finally speak; he had been quiet the whole time.

I cannot yet, Wolfgang said. They are not ready.

Ten seconds, Elon said.

Open the saucer! Felix demanded.

Eight.

Push the button on your suits to disconnect, Wolfgang told me.

I pushed the button on my suit and disconnected then I went to find Amnon’s button.

Five.

I couldn’t find it. He had been crawling and it was folded over under him.

Open the saucer! Felix yelled again.

Three.

Sid? Wolfgang anxiously asked.

I couldn’t find it.

Two, One. Wolfgang get out of there right now! Elon commanded.

I’ve almost got it, I said.

It’s too late, he said. Get out now before you get killed!

No! I pleaded.

No! Felix yelled.

Now! Elon commanded.

I felt the saucer quickly move.

No! I screamed. Felix!

Sid, was all he said.

Felix?

Sid, his voice was full of disappointment.

Three, two, one, a voice spoke. We have locomotion. We are on our way home. We will be out of the solar system in twenty seven hours.

Felix, I began to cry. I love you.

I love you so much, Sid. Do not ever forget that.

I will always love you, Felix.

I know, Sid. I will come back, Sid. I will come back as soon as I can.

I’ll be here waiting for you, Felix; as long as it takes. I love you.

Make sure Amnon knows how much I love him.

I will. My face was wet with tears that I couldn’t wipe away.

Make sure our other child, his voice cracked, knows how much I loved her.

You think it’s a girl? I asked.

I hope, he said. Sid, I do not know how I am going to live without you… and my children.

You will remember how. I know you can do it. You can do anything you put your mind to, Felix.

That is what I love about you. You have always believed in me.

I still believe in you, Felix. I know you’ll find a way back here. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if you were able to convince them to turn that ship around and come right back.

I hope you are right. I am going to miss you so much, Sid.

I’ll miss you more, Felix.

I love… ,Sid.

Felix, you’re breaking up. Why is he breaking up already?

They are moving out of range, facing the wrong direction, Wolfgang interjected. The engines on the Chameleon are interfering with the transmission and I cannot keep up.

I love you, Felix.

I… , Sid. I … come back.

I love you, Felix.

Nothing.

Felix, I love you.

Nothing.

Felix?

Nothing.

Felix was gone

Year 1

Chapter 1 – The Worst Day Ever

Sid, I heard a familiar Australian accent. Sid, hey, are you ever going to come out of there?

I opened my eyes and lifted my head. Abby’s head was peaking up into the bottom of the open flying saucer door.

What are you doing here? I asked.

Actually, that’s the question for you isn’t it, she pointed out and it stung. I flopped my head back down and wanted to sink into despair. "Sid why don’t you come out so we can get you out of that bizarre space suit. You look like an alien with big black eyes.

I am an alien, I said, on my own planet.

No you’re not, she said, although Alabama is a very strange place. Your parents are here, and your grandfather. Your aunt is on her way.

Where am I and why are you here?

We’re at your home, she said. We came when we heard. Amnon wants his mommy.

Where’s Amnon? I sat up.

Wolfgang has him. He was a little freaked out about the space suit but Wolfgang managed to calm him down. Those two are like peas in a pod. They love each other so much.

I know. Their love for each other is why I was not with my love right now. If Felix’s irritating, annoying, self-centered, egotistical brother Wolfgang hadn’t kidnapped my child I would be with my perfect, beautiful, purple-eyed, alien husband Felix right now but no, Felix was gone and I was still here. This is all Wolfgang’s fault! Where is he?

Suddenly, I had to get out of this suit. Suddenly, I felt the urge to speak to Wolfgang. I took off the hands, then I popped off my helmet then ripped off the rest of the suit and jumped down out of the saucer. I spotted him just outside the back door of the house with my family holding Amnon so peacefully. He didn’t deserve to be so peaceful.

Wolfgang! I screamed then I stormed him not knowing what I was going to do when I reached him but knowing I wanted to hurt him. He quickly passed Amnon to my mom giving me the green light to hurt him in any way I could. This is all your fault! I screamed then I lifted a fist and hit him in the gut. He didn’t flinch so I did it again. It felt good so I hit him again and again and again. I just wanted to hurt him like he hurt me so I just hit him and hit him and hit him. This is your fault! I just screamed over and over as I just kept hitting him. He didn’t budge. It was as if he felt like he deserved it. He did deserve it.

Sid, that’s enough! My dad said as he tried to stop me.

No! I said. It will never be enough! I went back to hitting Wolfgang.

Sid! Stop! Dad said. This isn’t his fault.

Rolf grabbed me and pulled me away from Wolfgang.

Let me go! I yelled.

Calm down, Sid, Rolf spoke softly into my ear. Hurting Wolfgang will not bring him back.

No, but it makes me feel better! I struggled to get away from him.

Sid, please stop, my mother begged.

He’s gone! I screamed. Felix is gone and I’m never going to see him again! I began crying. He’s gone forever!

It’s not forever, Abby said. I’m sure he’ll do everything in his power to come back as soon as he can.

In two years! I yelled. It might as well be forever.

Two years isn’t very long, Sid, Mom tried to comfort me. It will fly by.

No, it won’t! I yelled and I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I just wanted to be alone and cry. The love of my life had just set off on a trip across the universe to his planet in an alien mother ship without me. I just wanted to die. I pulled myself away from Rolf, stormed into the house and into the living room just to get away from all those people. I was so lost. What was I supposed to do now?

No! I heard Wolfgang yell. I will not do it! I didn’t hear whoever was speaking to him so I looked back through the window to see what was happening. Abby was arguing with Wolfgang who looked extremely angry and upset. I am ordering you to do it! Wolfgang yelled. I will not touch her! I do not want to touch her!

She’ll die without it, Wolfgang! Abby yelled at him.

That is why I am ordering Rolf to do it! End of discussion! Wolfgang then stormed off to his saucer. A few moments later the saucer came to life and flew away. Now Wolfgang was gone too and I was happy to see him go. I’ve never been happier to see him leave. He was the reason for my misery. He was always the reason for my misery. My misery. Felix was gone. Gone forever. The love of my life was gone forever. I wanted to die. Why couldn’t I just die?

I spotted a wedding picture of me and Felix so I picked it up to look at it. Seeing him hurt so much I felt like I was having a heart attack. Why did I have to marry an alien from a planet a billion miles away? Why did he have to strand me here pregnant on Earth without him? I was so angry. Why? I screamed as I threw the picture across the room. I watched it smash into the fireplace mantle and I wanted to die. Why? I screamed again as I fell to the ground in agony. I could do nothing but weep.

Chapter 2 – 2 Months Down, 22 Miserable Months to Go

Sid, My Aunt Kathy softly spoke to me as I lay there on the bathroom floor. Hey, Sid. How are you feeling today? Grandpa tells me you haven’t left the bathroom for a week.

I left last week, I told her. My water cup was starting to taste bad so I got a new one.

You don’t look healthy, Sid. We’re worried about you. You need to eat. You look like skin and bones.

I can’t eat. I’ll just throw it up.

Not if you take one of the morning sickness pills your friend Abby left you.

I don’t want to eat.

It doesn’t really matter what you want, Sid, she sounded frustrated. You need to eat for the baby.

I don’t want a baby.

Grandpa tells me you haven’t let Rolf near you to give you your alien blood shot either. I know you’re upset, Sid, but slowly killing yourself is not the answer.

Actually, it’s been going much faster than I expected, I told her. I didn’t think I would be this weak for at least four months.

No, Sid, Abby tells me you’ll be dead before then. But don’t worry, Sid, we won’t let that happen. As soon as you’re weak enough Rolf will be in here with your shot.

I’ll be sure to lock the door then.

Kathy sighed. Amnon misses his mommy. That hurt. You’re being very selfish, Sid.

I’m surprised he’s even noticed me gone. He has Wolfgang. Who else does he need?

Wolfgang left, Sid, and he hasn’t been back. Your parents have been taking care of Amnon. I hope you’re not taking out your anger on him. He’s not to blame for this.

I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to blame Amnon but it was his fault. I tried to blame Wolfgang. If I couldn’t blame Amnon I wanted to blame someone.

It’s no one’s fault, Sid. Please don’t blame Wolfgang either.

I didn’t want to talk anymore. I just wanted to look at the water damage on the baseboards behind the toilet some more. I had spent the last four weeks examining the wall paper on the wall behind the toilet. It was orange with old timey bicycle pictures printed on it. There were bicycles with one big wheel and one small wheel and bicycles with two of the same sized wheels and bicycles with baskets. There was even a unicycle or two. I had never noticed the unicycle before.

She left me alone. I just wanted to be alone.

As I looked for more unicycles I began drifting off to sleep. I was just about out when Amnon came crawling into the bathroom. When he saw me he immediately smiled and came over to me. He was so beautiful and he was starting to look more like Felix except for his eyes; Amnon had my human eyes. I missed Felix’s beautiful clear purple eyes with the black vertical slit and the grey spot on the left corner of his left eye. I missed looking into those beautiful eyes and seeing someone who loved me so much. Amnon looked like his father in so many other ways. Even though he was only about a year old he had the same dark hair and the same sharp facial features of his father and the other aliens; just looking at him made me sad.

Amnon decided he was going to take a nap with me. He lay down in front of me and cuddled up against me. His touch actually made me feel better. He worked his way under my arm and proceeded to go to sleep. He was so sweet and beautiful. I tried not to be angry with him but I couldn’t help myself. It was his fault. Just thinking about my situation again made the tears begin again. When was the heartache ever going to go away? Not before the physical pain I guessed.

I started feeling the morning sickness just a week after Felix was gone. Abby offered me some of her pills since I had brought nothing with me but I refused to take them. They were hers. I would be depriving her of a child. I could deal with the morning sickness.

Then three weeks after Felix was gone Rolf came to give me my monthly alien blood injection to keep my cancer away but I told him to save his blood for his wife. The alien blood was the cure to cancer and I was dependent on it to keep my cancer away. I needed it to live but I wasn’t sure I wanted to live. He told me the cancer would return immediately and I would start to feel it in about three weeks. He was right. Three weeks later, I began to feel like I had a fever. What little food I was keeping down, I could no longer keep down. I got sick of running from my bed to the toilet so four weeks ago I decided to just live on the bathroom floor. I have everything I need here; a sink for water and a toilet for whatever comes out of me, which isn’t much these days.

My stomach is bulging now and since I am anorexic looking, it’s obvious I’m pregnant. I suppose at eighteen weeks it should be obvious by now. I didn’t let Rolf near me when he came because I didn’t want him to try to touch me. The human/alien touch, we recently discovered, was the key to successful human/alien breeding and while I was pregnant I needed to be touched by an alien or I would die. The touch was divine; it was healing, serene, sensual, and created such a deep spiritual connection. I didn’t want any of them to touch me. I knew it would just make me miss Felix even more and I really didn’t know if I could handle missing him more than I already did.

I really do just want to die. I’ve been without him before but I can’t take it this time. This time it’s more than I can handle. If they want me to live they are going to have to treat me after I’m too weak to fight it. There is no thought that is enough to keep me going. I know he could be back in two years. If I live that long, great; if I don’t, oh well.

***

Sid, you look like a skeleton with greasy hair, Wolfgang said in what I thought was a dream.

So? was all I could say back.

He picked me up off the bathroom floor and carried me downstairs out to my bed on the sun porch where it was hot. He took my hand and held it tight.

Get away from me! I said as I tried to pull my hand out of his. Just let me die.

I cannot do that, Sid.

Why not? You said you wouldn’t touch me. Why are you here now?

Sapphira came over to me and injected me in the arm with a silver syringe. The pain woke me.

I weakly opened my eyes and saw Wolfgang sitting over me. His resemblance to his brother Felix was a torture to me. His hair was dark just like Felix’s, his violet eyes reminded me of Felix’s, his German accent reminded me of Felix’s, and he had the same pointy chin and pointy chevron shaped eyebrows. The most noticeable difference between the two of them, besides their personalities, was that Felix’s face was longer than Wolfgang’s; just like Felix was taller than Wolfgang. Wolfgang was still tall and skinny like all the aliens, Felix was just taller. From the back I could hardly tell them apart. Seeing Wolfgang was going to be the worst part of Felix being gone.

Sapphira was putting a silver disc on my stomach. I hadn’t been dreaming.

Get away from me! I yelled with all my strength then I tried again to pull my hand out of his but I could hardly move.

I am sorry, Wolfgang mocked. Speak up. I cannot hear you.

Let go of me! I yelled at him in my head.

No, he spoke back to me in my head.

I hate you!

I do not care.

I began to feel the nausea from the cancer treatment. I’m gonna be sick, I said. Sapphira put a bucket on the floor next to my head and I started to shiver.

Get her a blanket, Wolfgang said. She left and came back a minute later with a blanket. Wolfgang spread it over me and then began touching my face.

Stop touching me! I know how to block it now, I thought at him.

You may know how to block it but you are too weak to do it, he thought back at me. He was right. I tried to put up my guard but I couldn’t concentrate on it.

For some reason, which I will never understand, Wolfgang and I have always been able to communicate telepathically. It sometimes occurs between married aliens after years of marriage when they are in the heat of passion so telepathy is not unheard of with the aliens. Felix and I had already telepathically communicated a few times but the telepathy is so much stronger between me and his brother. I hate it.

My stomach began hurting and I was feeling like I was going to hurl. The pain got worse and I felt like I was going to die. Wolfgang softly touched his fingers across my cheek and then across my forehead. It was the only relief I felt from the pain. I didn’t want it but I appreciated the small relief from the pain he provided.

The pain in my stomach was too much so I rolled over the side of the bed and hurled my guts out. Wolfgang held my hair out of the way. The cold clammy sensation then began as I fell back on the bed.

Sapphira scanned me again. She needs more blood.

Take mine, Wolfgang said.

I’ve already taken yours, she said. I will take it from me this time. After she ejects the next group of cancer cells I will give her some formulated nourishment. She should be able to hold it down then. She then put a tube in her arm and connected the other end to my arm. Her silver blood then began flowing into my arm.

She also needs the morning sickness pill, Wolfgang said.

I’m on it, she said. If you continue to touch her, she may be stable within 48 hours.

Stop touching me! I told him.

Stop being so stubborn! he said back to me as he picked up my hand and started rubbing it. It was so soothing I almost forgot how much I hurt. As he touched my arm and my hand I concentrated on the feeling. I became so relaxed. I had almost forgotten what it meant to feel good.

***

It was dark out when the pain in my stomach woke me. I put my head over the side of the bed and hurled. I flopped back on the bed and listened for the ringing in my ears. Sapphira came over to me and scanned me again with her armband then injected me with another silver syringe.

Who’s blood is that? I thought to her but she didn’t respond because she didn’t hear me. She just kept on doing her thing then she pulled out a blue syringe and injected me with it. Immediately a cool sensation went through me, next she injected me with a green syringe. I closed my eyes and then waited for the sleep to come.

It is Ithrem’s blood. Wolfgang spoke in my head. You should not need more for another week. I then felt him take my hand again and begin rubbing it.

That feels good. Thank you.

No problem, Sid.

Chapter 3 – Still 22 Months until Felix Returns

Amnon was sleeping next to me and the sun was bright when I woke. I wasn’t in any pain and I didn’t feel nauseated. In fact I almost felt