Mortal Consumption

By David M. Bachman

"So, my sweet, what happens next?" Raina Fallamhain has yet again found herself being thrown into the violent world of vampire politics, granted a title of royalty that she neither wants nor can she escape. Having lost so much already, Raina is on a path toward vampiric self-destruction while simultaneously trying to save everyone else around her from following her into oblivion. It is only when she has finally hit rock-bottom, just when she has caught her first glimmer of hope for recovery, that she is literally dragged away from her current life. Trapped by an enemy she never expected to meet, but one she has somehow always known, Raina suddenly finds herself in a position where her own future, as well as that of someone else, is dependent not only upon the skills of her loved ones but also her own will to survive. "Mortal Consumption" is the second in the final trilogy of the Raina series.

• Language: English
• Publisher: David M. Bachman
• Release date: Oct 23, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311743862

David M. Bachman

Born in the Midwest, and an avid writer since the age of 13, David M. Bachman's works of fiction span over 25 years. His first published work, "When Raindrops Come Crashing," marked the start of his foray into publishing in December 2000. Since then, he has written a number of other fiction novels and short stories, including the carefully-crafted "Raina Fallamhain" series that has involved well over a full decade of composition and over nine full-length novels. He currently resides in the East Valley area of Phoenix, AZ, where many of his recent stories are based.

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Mortal Consumption

By David M. Bachman

Copyright 2015 David M. Bachman

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading this free ebook. Although this is a free book, it remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be reproduced, copied and distributed for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy at Smashwords.com, where they can also discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

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Chapter One

Waking up alone was something with which Raina had become all too familiar over the years, particularly in the years before she had become a vampire. Usually, it was just more practical to sleep alone. The nightmares that plagued her since her Change could sometimes actually place a partner in her bed at risk, as she sometimes could flail and kick with an injurious amount of force. Though she had never done so herself (yet), she knew of others that had bitten someone in their sleep. When she had been married, she and her husband both had slept separately more often than not in the last few months. Not solely because of the risks, but that had been on the list of reasons.

Now that she was a widow, only sharing her home with another couple who had a room of their own, the question of whether or not to sleep alone never really came up. Sure, being a Countess now, there were lots of opportunities to find someone new, but she declined them. She chose solitude. She didn't like it, but it was safer for everyone that way. Besides … it had only been a little over a week since her husband, Keith Fallamhain, had committed suicide. She wasn't exactly looking to put herself right back on the market right away, if ever again.

It was because of this, and because she had gone to bed alone, that it was quite a shock to find that she was not alone when she awoke. In fact, she was sandwiched snugly between two people: Raymond and Katarina Fallamhain, her Commoner vampire servants, better known as Ray and Kat. She hadn't spoken with them at all since the night that Keith had gone rogue, nearly beaten Ray to death, bitten two large chunks out of Kat's forearm, and then put his own gun under his chin before pulling the trigger. It wasn't that she blamed either of them at all for what happened. Rather, it was because she still blamed herself, and she hadn't known what to say to either of them in the wake of that.

She had actually been on her way to visit them in the hospital when she had nearly been abducted, along with Duchess Serenity and her servants, Sara and Faith, and that had resulted in a lot of bloodshed and the death of another rogue vampire. Raina had deliberately gone out of her way to avoid speaking to them or even being anywhere near them since then. She was a magnet for chaos and death. Ray and Kat were good people. They deserved better.

And yet, there they were now, snuggled up and soundly asleep on either side of her on top of the comforter, having invited themselves into her bed at some point during the day to sleep with her. She supposed it was their way of showing sympathy for her loss, or letting her know that they held no animosity toward her. Also, being that she had been having an affair with Ray prior to Keith's suicide, and Kat was bizarrely infatuated with Raina in spite of knowing this, she wondered if this was their gentle lead-in to proposing some kind of weird threesome relationship, or at least a simple threesome in bed. She wasn't ready for either of those things. However innocent or deviant as their intentions might have been, Raina slowly and carefully extracted herself from between them and crawled off the bed, briefly visiting the bathroom before heading downstairs. It was still daylight outside, rather early in the evening. The married couple in her bed were sleeping in a little later than normal. She wasn't sure if they had stayed up late into the morning, or if one of them had awoken the other and suggested that they both creep into Raina's bed. She didn't really want to know. She just wanted to get away. She just wanted to be alone.

She padded barefoot into the kitchen and began the process of making some coffee for herself, somewhat enjoying the relative emptiness of her home. Duchess Serenity was now the head of Raina's bloodline, her House of Tranquility having absorbed the House of Fallamhain in a peaceful takeover when Raina had surrendered herself and her vampiric family to the Elder of the International Vampiric Council (IVC). Serenity's own bloodline had almost entirely been destroyed during a violent attack upon her residence by armed men. Now, Serenity was in the process of rebuilding her base of power. Likewise, she was now overseeing the rebuilding of her house in Sedona, or at least having it remodeled for possible resale. She had left the previous night, taking along her surviving consort, Lord Derek, and their servants, Sara and Faith. Miles Fallamhain, Raina's only surviving bloodspawn and the only other vampire of the Fallamhain race in the world besides herself, had returned to staying at his home in Mesa with Svetlana, his sweetheart and Raina's longtime friend.

And then there were Simon and Jasmine Fallamhain, still also technically her servants, at least for the time being. She had promised that she would release them officially from her bloodline so that Simon could move back to his beloved British homeland, with the hopes of making Jasmine his bride soon thereafter. She had only wanted to wait until she could find another trustworthy bloodline willing to take them in first, rather than just setting them loose. As free agents, Jasmine and especially Simon would be walking targets for Raina's enemies. She wanted to be sure that they would be safe and protected. The bloodline she had chosen for this was one that she thought was ideal, at least as far as keeping them safe. However, when she had told Simon whose bloodline it was to whom they would be given, he had been horrified, even outraged. She hoped that he would someday forgive her for her decision, that he would someday understand why she had decided to give them to Grand Duke Connor Wright. Who better to keep them safe than the virtual king of all vampires worldwide, who also happened to call the United Kingdom his homeland?

Simon was upset, and understandably so. One of the Grand Duke's consorts, Duchess Rachel, had quite recently been exposed as an extremely sadistic torturer of Sara and Faith, two free-agent Commoners whom she hadn't even deemed worthy of officially claiming as her own servants. She had abused them physically, emotionally, and even sexually to some degree, inspired by the similar atrocities committed by Grand Duchess Duvessa Fallamhain,who had been Raina's predecessor and Maker-by-descent – her vampy grandmother, as Raina sometimes bitterly joked. Rachel had been publicly exposed and shamed, and was supposedly under much tighter control by the Grand Duke now. Raina and Connor had come to a tentative agreement as to how best to deal with her. It was only because of this latter fact, and why she had very specifically demanded that Rachel be kept away from them, that Raina had agreed to give Simon and Jasmine to Connor, and only to Connor. He would keep them safe. He would treat them with respect and kindness. He would give them a better chance at a happily ever after life than Raina could have ever offered them. But Simon was still upset, still worried that Duchess Rachel might be a threat. No, Rachel would not be a problem for them. The only true problem, the only real threat to their safety, was Raina and the path of bloodshed she always left in her wake as she went through life. Compared to Raina, Duchess Rachel was harmless.

While Simon was upset, Jasmine was just saddened. Jazz, or Jazzy as she was also sometimes known, loved Simon dearly. She wanted to be with him no matter what. But she also didn't want to leave Raina, her friend for so many years, especially after Keith's death. She cared. She worried. She wanted to help. But Raina was determined to get them both away from herself. Raina hoped that a distance of several thousand miles would be enough to keep them safe from the drama and violence that always seemed to follow her, though she suspected even that might not be enough. If only she could have just moved to another planet entirely…

She realized after a while that she had been standing in front of the sink for a couple of minutes now, doing nothing more than holding an empty tea kettle and staring into the brushed stainless sink basin. She had been zoning out. She had been doing that a lot these days, almost constantly now, after having witnessed her husband's suicide. She had always been prone to daydreaming, even more so when she was tired. This wasn't just daydreaming, though. This was more intense, more like she was losing little bits of time, as if her memory was beginning to fail her – mini-blackouts, one of the first serious warning signs of bloodlust.

She was tired. She was hungry. She was thirsty. She hadn't tasted blood in days, not since she had torn out the throat of a rogue known as CeeVee and drank his life down. And she was losing weight, not that she had much to spare. It wouldn't be long, at this rate, before she finally slipped into full-on bloodlust, just as Keith had done. She would go rogue. She would cease to exist as a sane person. She would devolve into a mindless, horrible creature of violence. Then she would be put down like a rabid dog, killed by whomever had the courage and opportunity to euthanize her with a bullet or blade. And then it would be over. It would finally be over at last.

Steadily, Raina was pushing herself closer and closer towards bloodlust by neglecting her body's needs, an almost deliberate effort to steer herself towards her own destruction. It wasn't suicide. She had vowed not to do that as part of her negotiation with Serenity when she'd surrendered the House of Fallamhain. Instead of taking her own life swiftly and easily by putting a shot through her own head, falling upon her own sword, or taking a swan dive off of a high place, Raina would simply let nature take its course. She wouldn't cause herself to die. She just wasn't going to fight the inevitable anymore. She just didn't have the will for it anymore. She was just tired of it all, so very tired. She was just putting forth the minimal effort, just making token gestures to make it appear that she still cared, to keep Serenity from suspecting that she had truly given up. If Serenity knew the truth, then she would step in. She would force Raina to stay alive. And that would be even more miserable than simply allowing herself to fade into nothing.

Instead of making coffee with her French press, Raina put away the tea pot and headed downstairs to the lowest level. She stepped behind the bar, grabbed a tumbler, dropped a couple of ice cubes into it from the freezer, and poured a highball of spiced rum into it. She had once favored absinthe, but these days, rum was more practical. It didn't require any preparation. It didn't cost a lot. And even though her metabolism as a Fallamhain vampire was high enough to make it more difficult for her to get drunk, she could still get thoroughly wrecked with straight liquor. The alcohol numbed her physically and emotionally. It dulled the pain of everything. It made her not give a damn. Blood worked better, of course, much better. But blood would also keep her alive longer.

With the large spiced rum bottle in one hand and her filled tumbler in the other, she trudged around the bar to take a seat on the other side at the far right end, nearest the sliding glass patio door that held back the glare of the early evening's sun with tint film and heavy curtains. Next to the patio door was a locked upright glass display case, inside which were several swords and one pistol. The weapons had all once belonged to vampires who were now deceased. Duke Sebastian Fallamhain, one of Raina's two Makers. Grand Duchess Duvessa Fallamhain, Sebastian's Maker and Raina's predecessor. Countess Wilhelmina von Reichenbach, formerly Elizabeth Fallamhain, Duvessa's daughter, whom Raina had slain in a duel. Duke Marco Fallamhain, Raina's first bloodspawn and consort. Samantha Fallamhain, Raina's second bloodspawn and consort, whom had killed Marco. And the most recent item, a Ruger SR1911 pistol, which had once belonged to Keith Fallamhain, Raina's last bloodspawn and husband. She had quietly requested that the Scottsdale Police Department return it to her, along with Keith's other personal effects. She had added the gun to the display case just last night, immediately after Serenity had left, because she knew that Serenity would not have approved of its display. Raina needed to see it, needed that physical reminder, just as she had needed the others. She needed to keep the deaths of these people fresh and alive in her mind. They would remind her of the mistakes she had made, which would hopefully lead her to make better choices in the future … though her future seemed awfully bleak and brief, if things went the way she intended for them to go.

Raina sat, drank, stared at the weapons, and remembered. She recalled all too clearly the duels she had fought, the lives she had taken, and the loved ones she had lost. She drank, and drank, and then drank some more, until she had numbed herself to a point at which she no longer cared. And then she drank some more, until she made herself sick. She rushed into the half-bath, vomited in the sink, rinsed her mouth out, and then wearily made her way over toward the patio door, sliding it open and stepping out onto the patio without closing the door behind her.

The glare of the setting sun was hot, but her Fallamhain body was nearly as resistant to ultraviolet light as that of a fair-skinned human being. Instead of causing her flesh to redden and blister with severe burns, she just felt really warm. The triple-digit heat of the late day added to the effect, an almost suffocating heat. And the concrete surface of the patio was still so hot that it was actually burning the soles of her feet, causing her to make quick, clumsy steps like a drunk chicken.

Instead of walking back inside, she staggered over to the gazebo that shaded the jacuzzi next to the large in-ground swimming pool. She walked up the cedar steps, flipped the insulated cover out of the way, and then stepped down into the water of the hot tub. Of course, this did nothing to make her feel any cooler. She didn't care. She just wanted to relax. Like her overindulgence in alcohol, the jets of the hot tub would help her to unwind, to uncoil that tight knot of tension that always lingered in her gut. She eased herself into the hot tub while still wearing what little clothing she had on, not caring if it ruined the material of her silk camisole. She was rich. She could buy another. Whatever. She sat down, lifted her hair to keep it out of the water, leaned back in the reclining chair-like formation in the far side of the hot tub, and closed her eyes as she let her head rest upon the edge of the jacuzzi and let her hair hang over the edge.

She breathed in the hot, chemical-laden scent of the hot tub's waters, hugged herself under the water, and thought back to the last time she had sat in it. She had stayed indoors for the whole past week, remaining inside the Fallamhain Estate almost without exception. For the first few days, she'd had a perfect excuse: her knee, which had been partially destroyed by a bullet from CeeVee, and which had limited her mobility for a few days while it healed. She had only left once, just to attend the very private late-night funeral for Keith, where she had seen his coffin being buried alongside the concrete-sealed graves of Brenna and Samantha, which she'd noticed had yet again been vandalized with hateful words spray-painted upon their grave markers.

Everyone had left her alone most of the time after that, partly out of respect for her request to be allowed to grieve privately, and partly because she made herself so inaccessible to everyone by keeping herself locked in her bedroom or office most of the time. In her drunkenness the night before, she had forgotten to lock her bedroom door, hence she had awoken to find Ray and Kat in bed with her. She would not make that mistake again. In fact, she would see about replacing the lock on the bedroom door with a keyed one. Again, she didn't resent the couple; she just didn't want them to be close to her, knowing that it would only lead to their deaths.

Raina didn't remember nodding off. She only became aware of it when she felt someone slapping her cheeks repeatedly, more and more firmly as they called her name. She realized that she had been hauled out of the hot tub, carried indoors, and laid out upon the cool tile floor, which felt like ice against her backside. Her heart was racing wildly, yet she felt completely exhausted and sore from head to toe. As her eyes blinked and struggled to focus, she saw that both Ray and Kat were kneeling over her, with Kat slapping her cheeks firmly to try to rouse her. Raina turned away, rolled onto her side, and struggled not to surrender to the wave of nausea that overtook her. She finally retched, but nothing came up from her empty stomach.

Raina, can you hear me? Ray called to her worriedly. Can you understand what I'm saying? Please, just say something.

Something, Raina said weakly. She spasmed with a half-retch, then rolled onto her back again, feeling beads of a cold, clammy sweat covering her body from head to toe. What … what are you doing? Why am I on the floor?

You fell asleep in the hot tub, Kat told her. How long were in you in there?

I dunno. I didn't look at a clock, she replied, reaching up to wipe the sweat from her face as it began to drip into her eyes. It was close to sunset. Why? What time is it now?

Around seven o'clock, I think, Ray replied. You were probably in there for at least half an hour. Between the hot tub, the booze, and the sun, it's a wonder you didn't drown or cook to death.

She was trying to kill herself again, Kat said, looking down at her with a sad frown. Raina squinted at her, trying to meet her gaze unsuccessfully. You need to stop doing this, Raina. Please. We're here for you. We both love you. We don't want to see you die.

If you don't want to see, she grumbled, then don't watch. Just leave me alone.

If you kill yourself, then Serenity's going to be pissed. She'll take it out on everyone else, Ray reminded her. This isn't just about you. I know you're sad, but killing yourself isn't going to solve anything. It's just going to make things worse for everyone.

Raina rolled over onto her side, then onto her stomach, getting up on her hands and knees. The room spun, and she actually tried to dig her fingers into the floor to keep herself from flying away as she protested weakly, I wasn't trying to kill myself.

You're a vampire, and you sat outside in a hot tub during daylight hours until you passed out! How is that not suicidal?

I had a few drinks, and I made a stupid mistake. Okay? That's all it was, she insisted, actually trying to crawl away from them. I got drunk and did something dumb, all right? Get off my case!

Kat grabbed her carefully but firmly from aside, pulling Raina into her own lap. She held her bared wrist in front of Raina's face, pressing it up against her lips. You need blood. Take mine.

No! She turned her face aside, pushing Kat's arm away. I'm fine, dammit! I'm just a little hung over, that's all. Leave me alone, both of you. Please.

We're just trying to help you, Ray said softly.

I don't want your help! I just want you two to leave me alone! I just want you both to stay away from me!

Kat continued to try to press her wrist to Raina's mouth, struggling against her. Please, Raina. Don't be dumb about this. Just take a little bit. You'll feel better.

I don't want to feel better! I just wanna be left alone! Raina cried, feeling her throat tighten with emotion as Kat actually began to overpower her. Raina was actually weaker than her now, even though Kat was absolutely tiny in size compared to her. She was seriously in bad shape. Please don't make me hurt you.

Then hurt me. I don't care, Kat said, forcing her wrist against Raina's lips again. Just drink. Take what you need. Let me help you.

No! Piss off! she tried to yell, though her protest was muffled by the pale, slender, soft wrist being shoved into her mouth.

She felt her teeth scratch across the flesh as Kat twisted her wrist back and forth, deliberately cutting herself upon Raina's fangs. The taste of blood soon came, subtle but sharp. Raina couldn't resist anymore. Her instincts forced her to submit and obey. She opened her mouth, bit down, and laid her teeth mildly into Kat's flesh – deeper than a polite or sensual bite, but nothing as savage as what Keith had done to her a week beforehand. She felt Kat tense up against her from the pain of it, but the petite Commoner embraced her tightly, even lovingly from behind. Raina was soaked from head to toe in hot tub water and sweat, her hair a wet and tangled mess that she could feel soaking the material of the T-shirt and thin little shorts that Kat wore. Ray's hands were clamped down around her ankles, holding her in place, just in case she might decide to try to kick her way out of the hold.

Technically, since she was the Countess and these two were her servants, she could have ordered them to stop and leave her alone. But Serenity had likely put them up to this, having ordered them to make sure that she stayed safe – partly from outside threats, but mostly from herself. The Duchess outranked her, so her orders trumped Raina's. Already, she was coming to hate this change in leadership roles.

Indeed, the blood made her feel much better. Raina pushed Kat's wrist away the very instant she felt the wound beginning to gel over, forming that sticky protective clot-like layer as vampires' wounds did, and she tried to move away from her. Kat clung to her tightly, though, stroking her fingers through her hair and smoothing back the somewhat curly strands that had fallen into Raina's face. She could sense that Kat loved her, truly loved her, as did Ray, who sat close nearby now, having released her ankles after Raina had submitted to the forced feeding. But the fact that Kat loved her was, in and of itself, a very strange thing, and an even stranger feeling. As she sat there in Kat's arms, feeling the effects of her blood as it gave her a warm, numbing, comforting, and intimately arousing buzz, she tried to make sense of it.

As a Fallamhain vampire, like those of the High Court race, Raina sensed others' emotions within herself as if they were her own. It was confusing at times, separating her own emotions from others'. And while she had grown skilled enough at it to be able to sense the difference between truths and lies, she still had a hard time understanding the specifics of what people felt. She couldn't actually read their minds. It wasn't true telepathy. She only got vague ideas about others' intentions and thoughts, working to try to understand what their emotions implied rather than what their actual thoughts specifically stated. And it was still all too easy at times to confuse others' feelings with her own, and vice versa. But not in this particular moment, at least.

From Kat, she felt affection, attraction, and a strong sense of obligation, a very deep need. It felt like love, or at least that was as close to the emotion as she had ever sensed from her – Kat was definitely one strange girl – but it was very, very different than anything she had felt from Ray or Svetlana or anyone else. It almost felt as though the emotion was half-complete, like something indescribable was missing from it. Perhaps Kat really was just infatuated with Raina, not as genuinely in love with her as she had once insisted she was. But she didn't quite understand that fact because she was still confused about the whole thing. Kat wasn't a lesbian, of course – she was married to Ray and very, very much in love with him – and although she had been intimate with more than a couple of other females in her time, Kat had never dated any of them. Having been born and raised in Russia until coming to the United States at around the age of twelve, Kat had a lot of culturally-related guilt issues about intimate girl-girl interactions. While Svetlana didn't date women simply because the idea just didn't appeal to her – sex, sure, but not dating, and definitely not romantic love – Kat had never done so because she'd always felt that it was too taboo. She had always been reluctant to even admit some of the things she had done with other females, much less discuss them in detail.

But Kat had latched onto Raina, and very strongly so. Before, she had respected and liked Raina, but she had actually feared her, thinking that Raina was the type of vampire that relished killing others just for the sake of killing. However, after watching Raina interrogate and then brutally kill a rogue vampire, stabbing and drinking her to death for remorselessly confessing to molesting and killing a young girl, something had really clicked into place for Kat. She had suddenly begun to see Raina as some sort of almighty defender, someone that would stand up for others who could not protect themselves. And because of Kat's tragic and violent history – forced into the Change by rape, then hunted for years by homicidal religious zealots – she had found that perceived trait about Raina to not only be appealing, but somehow personally attractive. Raina feared that Faith, Serenity's servant, was attracted to her for similar reasons, although Faith's motivations were much darker and more disturbing than even those held by Kat.

Kat had latched onto Ray much in the same way. He had once been her human day courier before accidentally being infected with her blood while defending her from a violent attack. Kat's love for Ray was logical, aside from her history, because Ray was a handsome and just a really nice guy. Her attraction to him seemed so conventional, so natural … so normal. Her supposed love for Raina, however, was weird because it had a lot more to do with Kat's need to feel protected than it had to do with Raina as an individual. Kat was so reluctant to admit to her bisexuality, actually ashamed of it, that she was apparently finding strange reasons to justify her occasional attraction to other women. She couldn't entirely blame Kat for feeling conflicted. Raina was reluctant to embrace her own orientation, but that was largely because she was only attracted to certain females, and only for emotional and situational reasons, rather than lusting for women the same way she was drawn so strongly to handsome men.

Raina's senses and thinking had cleared, her pulse had slowed to a much more relaxed rate, and her body temperature had begun to lessen to a much more normal level. She was still feverishly hot, of course, but that was the norm for vampires because of their hyperactive metabolism. Licking her lips, she looked to Ray, who had taken her hand and was stroking her fingers idly, affectionately. He, too, loved Raina. But now, even more than before, his feelings for her were strongly intertwined with guilt. Ray and her had been cheating upon their spouses. Polyamorism – basically, the intimate loving of more than one person at once – was only safe and practical when there was trust and respect, not secrecy and deceit. Vampires didn't always do monogamy well, although there were a few exceptions like Simon and Jasmine. But the general rule was, as long as everyone was honest and open with everything, it was all good. Raina hadn't been honest, nor had she been open about her sexual goings-on with Ray, even declining to discuss them with her best friend. Likewise, Ray had kept quiet about it, mostly at Raina's request. They both had been raised in a monogamous culture, so the guilt of accepting another lover was automatic, especially since both of them were already married. But the guilt that led them to keep their joining a secret also led to more guilt for being dishonest to their loved ones, which in turn led to even worse feelings.

Well, now the secret was out. Kat had figured things out on her own. Had she not been so attracted to Raina, she might not have otherwise approved. But for now, Kat was okay with it, if not delighted by the idea. Keith had apparently never learned about the affair. He'd gone to his grave without knowing of his wife's dishonesty, which would forever torment Raina. And because Raina had later confessed it all to Serenity, now everyone else knew. So, with everyone's cards on the table, at least there was no more confusion, but there was definitely a lot of awkwardness remaining. Ray had never been in this sort of an open relationship before. And Raina still felt uneasy about loving another woman's husband, especially since that woman also seemed to love her, too. It was all just too weird. And it was yet another reason why Raina wanted to get away. She just couldn't handle it, not now, not yet, perhaps not ever.

She pulled away, thanked Kat softly for the gift of her blood, apologized for being so difficult, and informed them that she needed to take a shower. She dragged herself to her feet, slightly unsteady from her moderate blood-drunkenness, and began to make her way upstairs. Kat and Ray both quietly followed her up to the top floor, with Kat licking around her wrist's wound to clean it.

Raina tried to shut the door in Kat's face as she stepped into the master bedroom, not caring that it was rude. Kat stopped the door with a firmly extended arm, pushing her way inside. Raina glared at her for a few moments, then shook her head and threw up her hands in surrender with a sigh, deciding it wasn't worth arguing. Apparently, she could not be trusted to be left alone at all now, even to take a shower. Ray politely turned his back as Raina hastily grabbed a few items of clothing and began to disrobe. Kat just stood there with her arms folded under her small breasts and stared, not lustfully, but with a strange smirk of admiration. Raina stood in the bathroom doorway, wearing only a pair of thong underwear. She raised an eyebrow at the cute little Russian, who had begun to follow her that way.

I don't need any help taking a shower, she told Kat. And I'm not going to drown myself. Okay? You don't need to follow me inside.

Kat moved closer, putting her hands upon Raina's hips. I know.

What are you doing? she asked, leaning back sharply to avoid the incoming kiss.

Kat shrugged as she genuinely replied, I don't know. I've never seen you naked before. You have such a beautiful body. And I just … I wanted to touch you.

Thanks, but … I'm not in the mood. Okay? It's nothing personal. I just don't want that, she told her flatly. She tried to push Kat away gently by her shoulders. Please, don't make this awkward. I'm flattered. Really, I am. But I need my space. You're a good friend. I'd prefer we just keep it that way.

But … I love you, she said softly, laying her hands upon Raina's wrists and stroking her fingers gently up her forearms. Ray and I both love you. We both care about you. And we both want you to feel better.

Sex won't make me feel better, Raina said quickly, quickly realizing how much of a lie that was. She corrected herself: Kinky threesome sex won't make me feel better about myself as a person. Again, it's nothing against either of you. I'm just not in the mood.

Kat's hands glided up Raina's arms to her shoulders, then began to move down. Maybe just with me?

Raina caught her wrists, moving her hands away before they could get to anything that might feel good enough to change her mind. She could sense it as clearly as she could see it. Kat was taking this personally, acting as if Raina was rejecting her entirely. She wasn't. Raina liked her. She could even admit that the attraction was mutual, although Kat's personality was still somewhat alien to Raina. And she was very, very sure that she loved Ray. Practically, she had no reason to decline, no reason to say no.

But she just wasn't ready for it. It was still too soon. She still missed Keith. The emotional wound of his loss was still terribly raw, barely even gelled over. She still felt awful over what Keith had done to Ray and Kat, blaming herself for having overlooked the warning signs, for having failed to provide better care for her bloodspawn and lover. She couldn't just cast that aside on a whim, just pretend that it was all okay now. Nothing was okay. Raina had ruined everything, her bloodline so wrecked that Serenity, of all people, had needed to step in and take control of it.

Raina wasn't a pessimist; she was a realist. She was fully aware of her own history, her own tendencies, and her own faults. She knew exactly how she would act in certain situations, and she knew what sort of results to expect. Kat apparently thought that this was a great idea, that it all made perfect sense. Ray was apparently willing to go along with it, though he was still discretely keeping his back turned to avoid facing Raina's semi-nudity in Kat's presence. But Raina knew that this would only go badly, and for so many reasons. Most of her reasons were because of what she knew about herself. The other reasons were because of what she knew of others, and how they would react to it.

Raina was a Fallamhain vampire, a hybrid cross between a High Court and a Commoner with some traits that made her still seem almost human. Though they were still irritants, things like garlic, silver, and sunlight were not necessarily lethal or seriously harmful, not like they were to other vampiric races. Outwardly, she looked like a High Court vampire, and she had once been Grand Duchess after inheriting the title from Duvessa. She had stepped down, tried to remain outside of the IVC for a while, but she had recently been dragged back in by Serenity. Now she was a Countess. Either way, she was royalty. She was held to certain standards, many of which were absurd.

One of those standards was the expectation that she should never treat vampires of other races as true equals, that she should never lower herself to their level, because they were beneath her. Having sex with Commoner or Sabertooth vampires was deemed to be acceptable, even if it was abusive in nature, but only just so long as it was physical gratification and nothing more. Actually being in love with someone of a lesser race, carrying on an honest relationship with anyone other than another Fallamhain or High Court vampire, was strictly taboo. That implied that one saw them as an equal. It was seen as disgraceful, even treacherous. If they found out – and they would, inevitably – then others would strongly protest. They would even seek to kill her, or scheme to have her killed. Though they may have thought themselves to be more civilized and advanced than humans, too many High Court vampires had attitudes so elitist and blatantly racist that they made Neo-Nazis and the Ku Klux Klan seem tolerant and open-minded.

I can't, Raina told Kat after a pause. "You know I can't. The IVC