Bleed Out Your Heart

By Maria Bernard

When you’ve been stripped of your soul, bleed out your heart...
Marly Michaels had it all, popularity, good looks, a promising future, and the perfect relationship... or so it seemed. In reality, that perfect relationship was a living nightmare.

With a methodical stripping away of her confidence, her volatile ex-fiancé nearly succeeds in destroying her. She has tried to escape in the past, but in the end, he always finds her.

In one last desperate attempt at freedom, Marly turns to her long-lost childhood friend, Carla, for help. She and her eccentric friends welcome Marly into their circle with open arms.

In the company of Goths, a segment of society shrouded in mystery and speculation, Marly finally finds sanctuary and Gray Forrester.

Gray is the mesmerizing singer for local Toronto band, These Bones. He is a man of many talents, including the ability to heal a wounded spirit. Inexplicably drawn to the sadness in Marly’s eyes, he finds himself compelled to help restore her soul. The trouble is, in order to do that he needs to remain emotionally detached... not an easy task for the gregarious Goth.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Maria Bernard
• Release date: Oct 1, 2015
• ISBN: 9780993806704

Maria Bernard

Maria Bernard is a Canadian author, residing in the Greater Toronto Area with her music-obsessed husband, and her adopted cat, Rex. Maria eats, sleeps and dreams with romance in mind. One day the idea to share the many stories and scenarios that swirl in her imagination became a reality. Her stories are heavy on the romance with a healthy dose of steam. Maria’s characters are creative, strong-willed, artistic individuals, unafraid to show their vulnerable sides. Hand in Glove is her first published full-length novel in the Stick Shift Lips Series. She has since written and published thirteen books and is currently working on a few upcoming projects. Besides writing, Maria enjoys listening to music and playing guitar with her husband. She also loves drawing, painting, and travelling.

Book preview

Chapter 1

I can’t thank you enough, Carla, Marly said, sitting across the booth from her eccentric Goth friend, whom she hadn’t seen since high school. Are you sure I won’t be putting you out?

Marly and Carla had practically grown up together. Being neighbours as little girls, they used to play all the time and became quite close.

As with most childhood friendships, though, they grew up and as a result, grew apart, with Marly being the petite redhead, blossoming into instant popularity amongst her peers while Carla, being awkward and on the plump side, veered toward the outer edges of the norm with her eccentric tastes and clothing.

Eventually, Carla turned into a full-fledged Goth and was therefore deemed as somewhat of an outcast. Marly, on the other hand, seemed to have it all with her outgoing personality, and classic good looks.

Yet despite all their differences, they remained secret friends, casting each other friendly gestures of acknowledgement that flew under the radar of their respective cliques.

Are you kidding? No way! You are more than welcome to stay with me as long as you need to. Whatever it takes to get you away from that asshole! Carla spat, shaking her head, frowning at the grotesque black eye on her friend’s otherwise flawless face.

It’s just... I figure he won’t be able to find me down here in the city. He wouldn’t think to look you up since he’s never met you. Besides, Derek hasn’t lived anywhere but the suburbs. At least, here I can disappear from his radar.

Carla frowned and her nostrils flared, causing her nose ring to jut out in a rather unflattering way. I’ve got a better idea, Carla said, obviously furious at her friend’s abuse at the hands of her so called fiancé. Call the fucking cops on his ass!

Marly sighed despondently. I did that already.

And? Carla huffed.

They arrested him, but then they let him go the next day. That’s when he did this, she said, pointing at her eye. He threatened me with worse if I called the cops again. Honestly, it wasn’t always like this.

Do you seriously expect me to believe that he never hurt you before?

Not like this, Marly said, averting her eyes from her perceptive friend. This was the first time Derek had dropped his guard and hit her in the face. In the past he had been very careful, leaving marks only where the outside world would not see them.

In fact, the black eye was what finally convinced Marly to leave him for good. Things were getting worse. He was becoming more and more violent. She had seriously started fearing for her life.

Marly, what happened to you? You used to be such a confident girl back in high school. So popular… Carla said, perplexed.

Truly, she had become a mere shadow of her former self. As it was, Marly barely made eye contact with her, she slumped in her seat, her posture was nowhere near what it used to be.

Carla subconsciously ran her fingers through her pink hair, barely containing her frustration with Marly’s situation. You were on the glee club for Pete’s sake! You were on the newspaper committee, the debating club, all those things that I could never understand wanting to be a part of, but you… you were all about team spirit and joining things. How could you of all people let this overbearing jackass run you down like this?

Marly could only shrug. She realized that Carla was disappointed in her, but she couldn’t possibly talk to her or anyone about the horrors that she’d endured at the hands of her seemingly strait-laced fiancé. She shuddered at the thought of what strong willed Carla would think if she knew of all the humiliating things that she’d experienced. No, she could never tell anyone. The black eye would have to speak for itself.

Chapter 2

Gray Forrester took a deep breath and followed it with a heavy sigh. Moments ago, the last of Jesse’s belongings had been packed up and placed into Falquen’s borrowed van.

Forlorn, Gray watched from the front porch of his semi-detached Victorian home as the last of his housemates, hopped excitedly into the passenger seat of a vehicle that would deliver him to his new residence.

In a final farewell, Jesse gave Gray a wistful wave. Gray nodded stoically as Darien drove away. Once again, he sighed despondently. First Darien moves out, now Jesse.

Darien, the handsome one, had recently moved into his newly restored home with his bride, Faith. Then, for no good reason except having declared that he wanted a place of his own, Jesse, the quiet one, up and bought Faith’s old house, leaving Gray, the gregarious, all alone in his now seemingly cavernous abode.

Ingrates, the lot of them! Gray couldn’t help but feel abandoned. When he first took ownership of the house, it was with great joy that he had rented out the spare bedrooms to his closest friends.

They’d had such good times here. There had been so many parties. Not wild parties, mind you, but lavish, decadent affairs. Gray loved people, loved being the centre of attention. Everyone knew it and there was no point in pretending otherwise.

Although small and a tad claustrophobic, the basement of his Victorian semi-detached house in Toronto’s lively downtown core, had been a perfect place for band practice. Together, they’d painstakingly soundproofed it, and despite the many bumps to the head from the low ceiling, it had been a creative if not cozy place for their band, These Bones, to jam.

Now band practise was being moved to Darien’s spacious new garage. Sadly, no doubt, no one would have reason to come over anymore. Least of all his own brother.

Falquen Forrester, the moody artistic one, and also Gray’s fraternal twin, was way too self-absorbed to visit. Well, perhaps not quite so self-absorbed, but understandably invested in his lovely new bride, Janie. For that reason alone, Gray could not find fault with his brother’s neglect. If he had a girl like Janie, he too would have a hard time leaving her side.

Finally, Jesse, the quiet one, who Gray hadn’t expected to ever leave him, had indeed moved out.

Now what? Who would he talk to? Did no one care that he would languish here all alone, abandoned, forgotten?

***

Excited? Darien asked, looking over at Jesse.

The soft-spoken Goth nodded humbly. Jesse was the last to leave Gray’s house. While he was looking forward to having his own space, he worried about abandoning Gray, his company-loving friend, and outspoken bandmate.

Come on, man. You’ve got your own place now. It’s all right to be a little less Goth for a moment and smile about it, Darien teased.

Jesse shrugged and tucked a strand of his inky black hair behind his ear. I am excited, he said pensively. But I worry about Gray. While I like the quiet, he rather hates it. How do you think he will get on, all alone?

Darien nodded with understanding. It was no secret that Gray Forrester hated being alone. The eccentric Goth loved being surrounded by his friends. Yes, living alone would be something completely foreign to Gray, and no doubt, the loneliness would be a great challenge for the gregarious Goth.

I understand what you’re saying, but he’ll survive. He’s got to. Things change. We can’t all live together in the same little house forever, even if Gray would love nothing better.

Tis true, Jesse agreed half-heartedly.

Chapter 3

Marly had been staying at Carla’s for a little over a week now, sleeping on the couch in the apartment she shared with her friend, Laura, when Carla finally lost her patience.

That’s it, I’ve had it with your incessant moping! Carla said, flopping down next to her on the couch, inadvertently startling Marly with her abrupt tone. Seriously, I can’t stand seeing you sitting here looking so pathetic.

Give her a break, Carla, Laura said sympathetically. She’s been through a lot.

Unlike Carla, who was quite plump and died her hair all sorts of shades, Laura was startlingly thin. The intricate bodice she was wearing over her body hugging outfit, accentuated her already tiny waist. She had long straight jet black hair and expressive dark eyes.

I have given her a break. I took her in, didn’t I? When she had no one else to turn to, Carla protested. "I just think she should have been able to shake this melancholy off by now. She’s not even Goth and she’s got us beat in the woe as me department."

I’m sorry, Carla. You’re right. Marly shrugged. I just don’t feel like going out tonight.

Tonight or any other night! Carla snapped.

Marly sighed at her clipped remark. Carla meant well enough, but her constant nagging for her to cheer up was getting a bit too much. She couldn’t really complain, though, since she’d been kind enough to take her in. In reality, she did need to go out soon and find a job. Eventually, she would like a place of her own too. Sleeping on the couch wasn’t exactly comfortable.

Hey, I know! Laura snapped her fingers, inspired, sitting in the chair across from them in her ultra tight black pencil skirt. Why don’t you come to the gym with me, Marly?

The gym? Is that your answer to everything? Carla asked sarcastically. You’re already as thin as a rake.

Hey, I happen to enjoy working out. You should try it sometime, Laura shot back.

Marly winced in anticipation of the next few colourful exchanges she’d become accustomed to with these two. Although the two women were obviously close, they each had strong opinions on things. Almost nightly, they’d find something to argue about. Thankfully, nothing ever came of it. They might go off in a huff one minute, and then be right back to being best friends the next.

I’ll go, Marly said, hoping to stave off the escalating argument. When both women turned their attention to her, she almost lost her nerve. I mean, I’ll give it a shot. What have I got to lose, right?

Great, we’ll go tomorrow morning before I start my shift, Laura said. Hey, I should get you into Gray’s class.

Carla snorted and rolled her eyes.

Oh, what do you know about it? He’s great at what he does. The women love him, Laura said, shooting Carla a challenging glare. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner.

Gray Forrester? Carla balked, slowly shaking her head.

Yes, the one and only, Laura confirmed adamantly. He’s got a waiting list to get into his class, though. I’ll have to pull some strings to get Marly in, but that shouldn’t be a problem since I do work there, Laura said with a conspiring smile.

I’m sorry, what are you talking about? Marly asked cautiously. Who’s Gray Forrester?

Gray is a friend of ours, Carla explained. A bit of a windbag if you ask me. But I guess that’s a good thing since he’s a singer in a band.

He’s a singer? In what band?

That’s right, a singer, for These Bones, a Goth band, Carla stated proudly, eyeing her as if daring Marly to comment.

Although Marly had never openly criticized Carla’s lifestyle choice, it was as if she was hoping she would. Was she looking for a fight or something? The very thought frustrated Marly to no end.

You should see him. You think I’m a freak. Wait until you get a load of this guy, Carla chortled, sitting there in her Alice in Wonderland inspired outfit, top hat and all.

I don’t think you’re a freak, Marly said, her voice falling on deaf ears.

Oh, come on, listen to you, Laura teased Carla with a sarcastic smile. Weren’t you just raving about how hot he was the other day?

He is hot. That’s not in question. But even you have to admit he’s a bit of a freak, Laura. Besides, I just don’t see how taking his class is going to do Marly any good. The girl practically jumps at her own shadow. He’ll scare the living daylights out of her.

Carla was right even if Marly hated to admit it. The truth was, she couldn’t even leave the apartment without looking over her shoulder every chance she got.

Why would he scare me? Marly asked in too quiet a voice.

Duh? Laura remarked, not having heard Marly’s barely audible question. The reason he’s so popular is because he’s really good at boosting his client’s confidence. You should see these women when they leave his class. They’re all smiles, and carrying on about how he’s helped them change their outlook on life. I’m not making this up. I witness it every day.

I don’t know, Carla said, unconvinced. Gray? Really?

Just look at how he brought Faith around. She couldn’t even look anyone in the eye before she took a few of his classes. Then there’s Janie. She’s afraid of everything yet she seems to adore Gray.

Who’s Faith? Who’s Janie?

You’d meet them for yourself if you’d just come out to the club and watch These Bones play tonight, Carla nagged her.

These Bones? Marly dared to ask.

Yes, Gray’s band, Laura explained. My brother, Jesse, plays drums.

Oh… and I guess it’s at a Goth club?

The Dark Circle, yes, of course, Carla said, looking at Marly like she was from outer space.

I don’t know. I don’t…

Yeah, yeah, I get it. Too weird for you. Fine, I’m done here, Carla huffed, getting up and stomping away.

Marly could only wince at Carla’s reaction. Somehow, she had offended her. Hopefully, Laura hadn’t misunderstood her hesitation as a dislike of all things Goth. The truth was, she really had no opinion either way. She simply didn’t feel like socializing just yet.

Laura leaned in and spoke softly. Don’t worry about her. She just cares too much sometimes.

Yes, I suppose. But sometimes I can’t help but think she’s angry with me for something.

Like what?

I don’t know. I guess it’s just always been like this with us, Marly said, shaking her head. Um, about that class. Do you really think it would help me to take it? Marly asked sheepishly. She really didn’t want to take the class, but she wanted to put forth an effort.

Well, it can’t hurt, and it’ll get you out of the apartment for a little while anyway, Laura said with an encouraging smile. In moments like these, the black clothing, piercings and tattoos all vanished and Marly only saw a kind friend offering a helping hand.

Thanks, Laura… Oh, hey?

Yes?

If I take the class, Gray doesn’t have to know about…

Your worthless ex-fiancé? Laura guessed.

Marly nodded, ashamed. The fewer people that knew of her past, the better.

No, but it might help for him to understand where you're coming from, Laura said.

I’d rather not talk about it. I just want to leave it all behind me, Marly explained.

Laura hesitated but smiled sympathetically. Don’t worry about it. Just take the class and hopefully it will help. Even if it’s just a distraction.

Thank you, Marly said pensively, hearing Carla stomping around in the background. Oh, bother, maybe she should go to the club tonight. Even if was just to show Carla that she had nothing against Goths.

Chapter 4

The moment they stepped through the cavernous club doors, Marly wished she hadn’t agreed to accompany Carla and Laura to The Dark Circle. Just the imagery alone was enough to cause her to shudder. The droning music, coming in a fast second. Yet Marly couldn’t deny that she had pleased Carla by coming along.

She had transformed from her sulky self into a beaming tour guide of sorts. She had even coached Marly on how to blend in a bit by wearing her only pair of black jeans and a t-shirt that Laura had been kind enough to lend her. But despite their efforts, it was plainly obvious that Marly, with her long, wispy, natural red hair, and makeup free face, was definitely not a frequent member of The Dark Circle Goth Club.

Even though Marly couldn’t stop looking over her shoulder as she had become accustomed to doing, she felt certain that while she was amongst this particular crowd, Derek would never find her.

Observing all the platform boots, leather, and vinyl unitards, Marly wondered what her controlling ex-fiancé would think of this place. A few people looked almost androgynous while others were difficult to describe. The vampire look was quite popular. Long black hair and high collared trench coats abounded.

A lot of women wore glamorous gowns of taffeta and velvet. Some of the outfits, though, she considered quite risqué. Marly had never seen so many bodices, vintage gowns, mesh shirts and crushed velvet dinner jackets in one place.

No, Derek would never come here. Of that she was sure.

So, what do you think? Carla asked, nudging Marly in the side. Cool digs, eh?

Uh yeah, it’s interesting all right, Marly said, having realized that Carla was giving her that familiar skeptical look.

What you need is to find yourself a real man, Carla said, scanning the joint, waving at a particularly interesting fellow with short spiky black hair, heavy black lined eyes, wearing a dog collar of all things.

That guy? Marly said, raising an eyebrow.

What’s wrong with Pete? Carla huffed. Too weird for you? At least, he wouldn’t knock you around like that no good, preppy ass fiancé of yours.

Carla? What the fuck? Laura gasped, looking at her like she’d grown a second head.

Realizing her fumble, Carla frowned. Shit, I’m sorry, Marly. That didn’t come out right, she said, seeing the hurt expression on Marly’s face.

Marly stood there dumbfounded. She’d