Better Than Her

By Erica Yang

Sydney Shieh is pitching at top form for the Central High Seabirds, but isn’t good enough. No matter how hard Sydney works, Rebecca Howard, star pitcher for the Seacrest High Jaguars, does better and looks effortless in the process. Sydney swears to take Rebecca down or learn her secrets.

Rebecca plays softball for fun, not competition. She doesn't believe in obsessive practice or softball camps or worrying too much about what other people think of her. But she keeps rising to Sydney's challenges.

Rebecca and Sydney can't leave each other alone, and their friends keep asking when they're going to admit what they really want. Even if their friends are right, how can they be together when they're out to defeat each other every step of the way?

• Language: English
• Publisher: JMS Books LLC
• Release date: Oct 4, 2015
• ISBN: 9781611528695

Erica Yang

Erica Yang is a queer writer of young adult fiction. For more information, please visit ericayangauthor.wordpress.com.

Book preview

Better Than Her

By Erica Yang

Published by Queerteen Press at Smashwords

An imprint of JMS Books LLC

Visit queerteen-press.com for more information.

Copyright 2015 Erica Yang

ISBN 9781611528695

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Cover Design: Written Ink Designs | written-ink.com

Image(s) used under a Standard Royalty-Free License.

All rights reserved.

WARNING: This book is not transferable. It is for your own personal use. If it is sold, shared, or given away, it is an infringement of the copyright of this work and violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are solely the product of the author’s imagination and/or are used fictitiously, though reference may be made to actual historical events or existing locations. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Published in the United States of America. Queerteen Press is an imprint of JMS Books LLC.

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For the Rainbow Girls.

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Better Than Her

By Erica Yang

Chapter 1: When Your Best Isn’t Good Enough

Sydney Shieh’s last pitch of the game traveled exactly where she wanted it to—low over the outside corner of the plate. It would have taken an impossibly angled swing to hit that thing, and the tip of Megan Mancuso’s bat scooped up a chunk of dirt as she tried for it. A mist of dry earth sprayed in front of her, and she ended her follow-through looking more like a golfer than a batter.

Rubbing her palm against her pants, Sydney took a deep breath before walking off the mound. Her shoulders hurt where she’d been tensing them. She’d never struck out Megan Mancuso before. That girl seemed able to take Sydney deep no matter where she put the ball.

Sydney! Sydney! Sydney!

The lone voice cheering made Sydney cringe. That would be her girlfriend, Kayla, who knew how hard Sydney had worked to perfect the pitch that had taken Megan down, and who probably also knew that the three hits Sydney had allowed during the game were her fewest ever, and that this was the first time she’d pitched an entire game without walking anyone. Her pitch count had stayed low enough that the coach had kept her in every inning, and she knew that if she glanced toward where the relief pitchers sat, she’d see awed envy on every face.

That had undoubtedly been the best game she’d ever pitched, but now wasn’t the time for triumph. No one besides Kayla was cheering for Sydney and her team, the Central High Seabirds, because they weren’t winning. They didn’t have much chance of making up the difference in the last half inning of the game.

The opposing team, the Seacrest High Jaguars, had scored two runs off the three hits Sydney had allowed. Rebecca Howard, their pitcher, had allowed no hits at all. At this point, the Jaguars’ two-run lead looked insurmountable.

Even as Sydney made her way to the dugout, Rebecca was taking her place, ready to outshine her that key little bit more.

Sydney was too worked up to sit down. The adrenaline of pushing herself to a higher level than she’d pitched before surged through her body, but her heart ached with disappointment.

The crowd jumped to its feet for Rebecca—except Kayla, who was still shouting for Sydney. Glancing toward her beaming girlfriend, Sydney felt a flash of embarrassment. Kayla wore one of Sydney’s old jerseys and a Seabirds hat she’d made herself with puff paint. Her freckled cheeks and pinkish tan, the long blonde ponytail flowing through the back of the hat—they looked as cute as everything else about her. Sydney knew she ought to be happy to be with this girl and to have Kayla’s earnest, enthusiastic support.

Instead, Sydney couldn’t help feeling that, no matter how many stats Kayla could rattle off, she didn’t really get it. What did a personal achievement matter when her team was still going to lose? Sydney had pitched well, but Rebecca Howard had pitched better. That was the hard truth of the game.

Sydney leaned her lower body against the chain-link fence that separated the dugout from the field. She wound her fingers through the metal at waist height and watched Rebecca.

She was much smaller than Sydney, but more obviously muscular. Her dark skin glistened as she moved, that slight evidence of sweat the only sign she’d had to make any effort at all during the game. Even under the hot Florida sun, she looked cool, unfazed, barely squinting as she faced down the Seabirds’ star batter, Alyssa Tang. She’d shaved a J into the short hair on the side of her head. Sydney might have scorned that display of team spirit in someone else, but, at this moment, Rebecca seemed like the very soul of her team.

She flared her nostrils, then wound up for her first pitch of the inning. Sydney couldn’t help whistling under her breath at the way Rebecca exploded off the pitching rubber. She couldn’t have been much over five feet, but her stride during the windmill was as long as Sydney’s, if not longer, her back toe dragging in a straight line as her body traveled forward. It was textbook-perfect and powerful—Sydney wouldn’t have been surprised if the pitch Rebecca released was pushing seventy miles per hour—but the way Rebecca moved was also beautiful. She looked like a dancer as well as an athlete.

I think I hate her, Sydney muttered.

As if stunned by the grace of it all, Alyssa Tang struck out looking, not even taking a swing.

The game was over after that. The remaining Seabirds, demoralized by Alyssa’s easy defeat, put up little fight. In a matter of minutes, Rebecca sat them both down, sealing the glory of her no-hitter.

The Seabirds trudged onto the field to congratulate the Jaguars. Sydney didn’t usually struggle to display good sportsmanship, but she found herself wanting to withdraw from Rebecca’s outstretched hand. When they did touch, the spot where they’d made brief contact tingled, as if Rebecca had left behind a mark of her superiority.

Returning to the dugout, Sydney’s teammates packed up their gear in near-silence. Alyssa, who usually wouldn’t stop telling stupid jokes even when they earned her punishment laps around the diamond, said nothing. Sydney resumed her spot against the chain-link fence, watching as Rebecca stepped into the arms of a pretty girl with purple hair and an eyebrow ring. Even the way she kissed her girlfriend was cool and unusually collected. She dipped her head to bestow that kiss as if it was a high honor, and the purple-haired girl visibly preened as she received it.

An arm wound around Sydney’s waist from behind, accompanied by a high-pitched shriek of excitement. Sydney sighed heavily.

Hey, Kayla.

Babe, you were awesome. That new pitch broke exactly the way you practiced it. Your pitch count stayed low. Such a high percentage of your pitches were strikes! If you want to stay in for more innings, that’s the way to do it!

Sydney faced her. Kayla was waving her smart phone, which she’d used to track Sydney’s pitches and calculate all kinds of stats about them. Kayla loved math and computer science even more than she loved softball, and she’d built an app for herself that could figure out stats nobody cared about but her.

The sweet-natured excitement on her face made Sydney feel a little guilty. Kayla saw only success. Sydney’s failures didn’t seem to exist to her. Sydney gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Thanks.

Kayla nudged her. "You sound so bummed! I know you guys lost, but that doesn’t take away from how you pitched. You were amazing!"

Rebecca Howard was at least three times more amazing. Sydney pushed away from Kayla. She needed to be free to move her arms and legs. She was still on edge, flying high at the same time she felt bereft.

You shouldn’t compare yourself to her. You pitched a personal best.

"Kayla, she led her team to victory. My best wasn’t good enough."

It was good enough for me.

Sydney knew she was supposed to smile at that. She was supposed to appreciate having a person in her life like Kayla, who, no matter what happened, was always undeniably on her side. She ought to have pulled Kayla close and accepted her view of the world, the way she would have when they were first together.

Instead, Sydney turned to take another look at Rebecca Howard. Some of Rebecca’s teammates had lifted her onto their shoulders, and were parading her toward the pitcher’s mound. The purple-haired girl, abandoned for the moment, was trying to edge her way into the crowd, but Rebecca’s reflected glory wasn’t enough to grant her admission to this moment of intense team pride. Rebecca was grinning with one side of her mouth, as though she was too cool to put her whole face into celebrating her accomplishment.

Their gazes met across the field. Sydney flinched, spinning quickly to focus on Kayla. Her girlfriend was watching Rebecca, too, her lips pressed into an uncharacteristically sour expression. More guilt flickered through Sydney.

She’s just ridiculously good is all, Sydney explained, knowing there was something hollow in her voice.

What she’d said was true, but it didn’t really explain why Sydney couldn’t take comfort from Kayla’s openhearted admiration. She could just imagine what was going through Kayla’s head: Don’t you love me anymore? Sydney bit her lip. She did, or at least she wanted to. Kayla was adorable and adoring.

Sydney reached for Kayla and pressed an apologetic kiss to the top of her girlfriend’s head. I’m sorry, she murmured. I’m in a bad mood.

You can’t win a game by yourself, Kayla said.

Rebecca Howard can, Sydney thought, but she knew better than to say that out loud.

Shifting their position so she and Kayla stood side by side, Sydney waved goodbye to Alyssa and the rest of her teammates. We’re going to take off, she said, with a head gesture that included Kayla.

Kayla stiffened. We can hang out with the team, she muttered. It’s fine.

But it wouldn’t be. The team would gather around a big table at Sally’s Diner, order lots of fries and milkshakes, and moan about how thoroughly Rebecca Howard had owned them. Sydney wouldn’t be able to resist launching into a long analysis of the many ways Rebecca had outdone her, and Kayla would get upset with her for putting herself down. Then they’d have a fight in the car on the way home, and Sydney would feel like she couldn’t drop Kayla off until they’d made up and then made out to prove that stuff was okay between them.

It was exhausting just thinking about it. All Sydney wanted was to be by herself so she could go over what she’d done right and what she’d done wrong. She wanted to see whether she could get more extension in her windup, and whether she could glean any of the secrets to Rebecca’s incredible power. She didn’t have it in her to celebrate the way she’d pitched, though she knew Kayla wanted her to. She wouldn’t get any relief from her sense of failure until she’d figured out how to improve for her next start.

Reassuring Kayla now would mean Sydney could go home sooner. She squeezed her girlfriend tighter against her side. I just want to be with you, she said.

Well…okay.

Kayla wasn’t nearly as reluctant as she sounded, though. Sydney knew she worried that the team would resent the time Sydney spent with her, so she bent over backward to suggest ways of hanging out with the team. Really, she liked having Sydney to herself. Kayla’s insecurity about how the team saw her was yet another thing Sydney didn’t feel like dealing with right now.

She stretched her right arm, feeling the burn in well-used muscles.

Another glance at the baseball diamond found Rebecca being hugged by two well-dressed adults who had to be her parents, the purple-haired girl still lingering nearby. Bitterness choked Sydney’s throat. Not only did Rebecca Howard have the talent and ability that Sydney wanted, she also had parents who actually showed up at her games.

See you guys around. Sydney pulled Kayla toward her car.

Kayla had been impressed by Sydney’s red Mazda 3 the first time she’d seen it, and she still loved going for rides in it. Sydney, however, couldn’t look at the car without seeing it as yet another way her parents had thrown money at her. They acted as if buying her things made it okay that neither of them could give her five minutes of their time. It would have been nice if they’d been at the game today. The field wasn’t far from the house, and this game had been one of the last of the season.

You okay? Kayla asked.

Sydney took a deep breath and did her best to put her parents out of her mind. Trying to be.

Kayla snuggled closer. I’ll help.

The promise in her voice should have been exciting. Sydney tried to respond with the right smile. The game wouldn’t leave her thoughts.

I’ve been doing this wrong, she told Kayla. I’ve been coming up with all these personal stats, but it’s not myself I should be trying to beat. I need to focus on what it’s going to take to pitch better than Rebecca Howard.

Kayla sighed. Babe. Forget Rebecca Howard. It’s just you and me now.

Sydney unlocked her car. Right, she said. She knew she wouldn’t forget being defeated by Rebecca Howard, though. Not for a second.

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Chapter 2: Throwing Error

Rebecca Howard dreamed of one day going to a game at Fenway Park in Boston, but, for now, Tropicana Field in St. Petersburg, Florida, would do. Besides, since the Red Sox were visiting today to play the Tampa Bay Rays, this was a rare chance to be in the same place as the bullpen she worshipped. She winced at the bright yellow logo above the entrance to the stadium and at the words, Welcome Rays Fans, but figured she couldn’t be mistaken for one. Standing tall in her Koji Uehara jersey, Rebecca ignored the sideways scowls she got from people trumpeting support for Red Sox enemy, David Price.

Beside her, Nathan Ornelas squeezed her hand and grinned. His round, tan cheeks took on an appealing crinkle when he did that. Excited?

She smiled back. Totally.

Rebecca liked going out with Nathan. He understood that she wasn’t interested in being anybody’s girlfriend, didn’t ask creepy questions about her dates with girls, and knew how to chill out and have a good time. Unfortunately, she hadn’t met many other guys who could manage all three of those things.

She’d had a ton of fun geeking out