The Metal Menace: Part 1: A Novella

By J. H. Drake

"The Feller." That's what the people call him. He's felled hundreds with his big blaster strapped to his back, blowing away the forces of Evil for his mercenary ways. All for... food? Really? Well, that was his way of life, at least until he managed to blow himself up in a bit of a freak accident with a giant metal elephant. Long story. Now, however, the Raider King, aka Evil Extraordinaire, or His Worshipedness, wishes to use this opportunity of a Hero's fortunate death to finally get his hands on that secret thing located in the bowels of a town called Hope, known by many as the last “Bastion of the Wastes.” A thing of status. A thing so rare, and that he wants so desperately, he will do anything in his power to get it, but won't tell anyone about it because he is so very evil. Because that's what evil does. He read it in a book once. All of this while “The Feller” looks for a way back home to Hope, to protect it, sure, whatever. More important than that, however, is the real reason: to receive his pay for what has become his most important mission yet...

• Language: English
• Publisher: J. H. Drake
• Release date: Aug 27, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310263200

J. H. Drake

I'm just a guy in my twenties from a small town in New York, who grew up drinking on Star Wars and other science fiction and fantasy works. I have many, many interests, ranging from woodworking to wishing I could read science fiction and fantasy all day long until my eyeballs dried up, to writing, but I've picked just two of those things so far that I consider part of my life's work, sadly.I've concluded that the quota of smiles around the world is severely lacking, so I have decided to up the ante as much as I can with my style. In simple words, I like to have humor in my stories and plots. The reasons behind this are not quite as flippant. I've never been healthy. Books have helped me to feel a little bit better while growing up, even if for just an afternoon at a time as I occasionally stared out a window and dreamed of what I could do if I could fly to the stars and explore a whole new galaxy, instead of being cooped up with a temperature. Books with more humor in them always made me feel a little bit better, so I've decided to do the same: to make at least some stories that will make others laugh, and maybe help a few who need a pick-me-up along the way."The Metal Menace" series is my first of many that are roiling around in my head. I think it's plot is a bit... off the beaten path, even for me, but that only has to be a good thing. I've laughed my butt off while writing it at times, so that has to count for something, right? Even my mother, whose great love concerns Christian Romance, likes these books. That has to say something, though what that something is even I don't wish to ponder for too long. Regardless, all you need to know is that I even got her hooked, when I'd thought only horse-drawn carts and distant, pure romance would get her to smile. These are nothing like that.So if I can warp the universe like this, read my stuff, damn it!

Book preview

The Metal Menace: Part 1: A Novella

By J.H. Drake

Copyright 2015 J.H. Drake

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Cover by J.H. Drake

Table of Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

About the author

Connect with J.H. Drake

Other Works by J.H. Drake

To mom. Adorable creatures abound in this one.

Prologue

1.25 days before the current motion of events...

It was what? A glass shattered, and a fine wine that had taken years to procure dribbled down the polished wooden table. The King could not have currently cared less.

The- the Pachadermal Overworld Xterminator, Mark One was destroyed, your Highness.

That's 'Your Worshipedness', to you, Tinklepaugh.

Yes, Your Worshipedness.

The King sneered, though the man on the other line obviously could not have seen it. Now, tell me exactly what happened to my prize machine.

The man on the other line, a commander in the King's Royal Army, did as he was bid, describing every last detail that had been reported to him. Apparently, the siege of the town-fortress that went by the positively laughable name of Hope had not been going well. Several platoons had been wiped out after they had thrown themselves – both literally and figuratively – onto its walls, but the town had not budged. Apparently they had themselves a hero, some nobody going by the name of 'The Feller', who led suicide missions that never became suicidal, thus allowing the town's pitiful forces to remain victorious. It was yet another place that refused the King's benevolent rule, but this time, the defenders actually had some power to back them up.

That was when the King decided to up the stakes. He was tired of losing men, and his chief engineer had just developed his latest and greatest creation yet, one Pachadermal Overworld Xterminator. It was still not up to par to the beasts, but then, the King was not a taskmaster. He did not expect a clanker to be better than a military machine from days past. No, he was a simple man who took pleasure from simple things, and a rumbling, cannon-toting tank shaped like an ancient beast, right down to the prosthetic trunk and tusks that promised destruction to all who would stand in its way, was just up his alley. Send the machine in, and bam! Problem solved. Or destroyed, if one wished to be un-poetic about it.

Except it wasn't.

"...and it was all going so well, with the running and the screaming, until... he came." Tinklepaugh's voice took on a whisper at the last words.

The King frowned. He knew by now what 'he' his commander was referring to. It could only be one man.

And what did this 'Feller' do?

He... climbed on board, as the POX's camera feed reports, along with one of the skiff pilots that led the assault, and... blew it up.

With him and the pilot still inside?

We... we don't know sir.

Broken glass ground further into his fist as the King did everything he could to reign in his temper. Sighing, he looked around at the table set before him. It was filled with only the finest of foods, baked cakes, dipped apples, candies of all shapes and sizes, only the best. Yet, something was missing. Something... almost mythical. Legendary, even. His thoughts carried him higher for a moment, to that one thing he wanted, because he wanted it, and it served only to make his temper finally burst.

Flinging the table over one-handed, he scattered the pastries and the servants attending him, making them cower in the cold metal room. The engines of his moving fortress rumbled, but they were as nothing compared to his voice as he spoke into the communicator.

And you don't even know that!? he bellowed. Useless!

"B-but Your Worshipedness, surely they must have been destroyed. When its drives went critical, the Xterminator created