Searching Civilization

By Jennifer Ott

After leaving an abusive relationship, Andy Daniels heads back to Las Vegas to reunite with Earl, the love of her life, only to find him gone. Devastated from losing him, she realizes life holds for her several choices, return to her burnt-out hippie days at Berkley, succumb to society’s expectations and settle down with a suitable companion, or hold onto her faith in love and wait for her lost love to return. Andy chooses the latter.

To her friends, Andy’s clinging to love seems futile and even a little pathetic, yet no one seems to be able to deter her. As the years pass, Andy’s love grows past her love for Earl. She learns to appreciate the love of friendship, coworkers, neighbors and everyone who crosses her path, but mostly she learns to love herself. Her love grows to such epic levels that she simply cannot help become a magnet and attract what she desires most of all—the love she lost so many years ago.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jennifer Ott
• Release date: Apr 18, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310065040

Jennifer Ott

After graduating college with a degree in fashion design and fine arts, I moved to New York City where I studied screen writing with the Gotham Writer's group and attended NYU part-time studying filmmaking and acting. Learning how to write screenplays taught me how to write tight storylines and acting helped master dialog. Living in New York City, inflicted with credit card debt, impassioned me to write my first non-fiction satire, Ooh Baby Compound Me which compares the credit card industry to fraternity hazing. Bad dating experiences inspired Wild Horses and eventually after much research - Love and Handicapping. My book, The Tourist reflects the dreamer's plight in an overly commercial and corporate world which many can relate. Saying Goodbye, What the World Doesn't Know, I can only say was channeled by from an unknown source. I became consumed by a real-life love story and felt compelled to write. The repressed eighth grade journalist arose and I dug deep into uncovering a hidden love story. The same force encouraged The Insurrectionist - a story so powerful and intense, it had to be told. After writing The Insurrection I needed something light and fun was desperately needed - One with the Wind. Throughout the years, I have learned stories are a dime a dozen, characters can blend into one and the same dialog can be repeated in many different ways, but the best writing comes from what we are most passionate. If the story compels the writer to near madness, it is a story that must be written.

Book preview

Searching Civilization

Jennifer Ott

Copyright © 2014 Jennifer Ott

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Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

About the Author

Edge of Civilization

Chapter 1

Suburban House, Las Vegas 2012

A warm, dusty desert breeze lofted through a window, and circulated in a ceiling fan cooling four women in their sixties. Candles struggled to stay lit in the wafting air. Jasmine incense smoke spiraled. The women sat facing each other on satin decorative pillows in quiet, curled-leg lotus position.

A peroxide-blonde woman rested her tanned, well-manicured fingers on her lap. Close your eyes. Take in a deep inhalation of bright white light, she said with a peaceful smile, yet her Botox-laced face did not move.

An earthy looking woman's eyes fluttered as she breathed. She grinned as her shoulders drooped and relaxed into a slumped position.

With your exhalation all your negative thoughts and energies are dispelled, the blonde woman instructed with a soft voice, her eyes still tightly closed as she focused on her breathing.

A robust woman with black-dyed hair, dressed in a paisley tunic exhaled with force and purpose as if actually expelling demons from deep inside her soul.

Gooooood, the blonde woman sighed, breathing. Now imagine your greatest desire. It could be the health of you and your family, or luck at the craps table. She lifted her eyelids and stared at a casually dressed, brown-haired woman. Or love.

Seated comfortably in lotus, sixty-four-year-old Andy Daniels smiled feeling a well of joy fill her heart. Her meditations had been the same for the past forty years. She focused all her energy on love. At times, she struggled, constantly questioning the existence of love. Was it something real or fantasy? Was it something the human mind concocted so not to walk this life alone, or was it something the heart beat? After all these years, the answers were still not clear, but she felt it regardless and it was joyous.

An intense energy gripped Andy. Her body melted away from her consciousness and her mind emptied. She had the sensation of floating through a long white tunnel to the darkness of the universe. The only light that illuminated the darkness was a beam of light shining from her soul. Another white radiance drifted toward her and united with her own. A surge shocked her body. Her eyes flung open seeing her friends blissfully enjoying their peaceful meditation.

Andy grasped her heart and breathed deeply. The energy was so strong she couldn't continue to sit, so she left the group and headed to the patio. Outside she stalked around potted blooming cacti plants trying to settle herself.

The blonde woman drifted to the patio and rested her hand on Andy's shoulder. Everything alright?

I dunno, Alisha, Andy sighed and glanced at her best friend of several decades. She gripped her chest. Something happened. I can't explain it. It just shook my entire being. Andy choked back a few tears forming.

Sit down. Can I get you some tea? Alisha asked.

Water, Andy said as she collapsed in a wicker chair and took a few calming breaths.

While Alisha went off to fetch her water, Andy gazed upward and noticed white contrails of passing planes line the bright blue sky. She always wondered upon the contrails and the plane's destination. Every day someone is going somewhere and here I sit—in the same place the last forty years. She lowered her head and twisted an opal ring on her finger. I've had my chance to go places. I could have seen the world. I chose this destiny. No regrets.

Alisha returned with a glass of ice water with a wedge of lemon. Are you sure you're okay?

Andy nodded, sipping. Yes. The full moon's energy is mighty strong this time. I've always sensed it before, but whew, today is a doozy.

Alisha patted Andy on the shoulder. As long as you're okay.

I'm fine. Andy reclined in her seat and appreciated the warm draft. Go back to the others and the meditation. I'll just relax here.

When Alisha went back to her meditation, Andy rocked in the patio chair trying to find some meaning to her meditative experience. She'd had many encounters while meditating—some negative, which brought about waves of tears and others, which exploded her entire being with bliss, yet nothing matched what she'd felt today. The intensity was so real.

Soon a bell rang in the room where the others continued their meditation. Andy heard movement and murmured voices of her friends. Where's Andy? she heard her dark-haired friend Regina ask.

She's out on the patio, Alisha replied. The meditation was a little too much for her today.

The earthy woman Louise rose from her pillow and strode quickly to the patio. She peeked around the corner to check on Andy. Your aura is so huge. It is glowing pink. It's a beautiful salmon pink, Louise gushed.

What does that mean? Andy asked.

Oh, dear, Andy. It means you have a tremendous amount of trust and faith in other people. You work very hard to help others, Louise set her hand on Andy's shoulder, at the expense of your own well-being.

My well-being is just fine, Andy replied.

So what happened? Regina asked slouching in the seat next to Andy.

I saw this bright light and my whole body froze, Andy explained.

Are you sure it wasn't a stroke? Regina questioned.

Regina, stop, Alisha scolded as she served tea to her guests. Andy didn't have a stroke.

Regina took a cup of tea and a sip. Well, she's seeing lights, having paralyzing sensations and well, she's not a spring chicken anymore.

Andy stood from her seat. On that note, I gotta be getting home. I have to work tonight.

You are going to work tonight after having a stroke? Regina questioned.

I did not have a stroke, Andy said.

Louise placed her hands on Andy's arms. Well, the moon's energies have you frazzled. You should probably rest tonight.

The only thing frazzling me is you guys, Andy said.

Relax and stick around for a little while. I'm gonna grill up some quinoa burgers, Alisha said.

I can't, Andy said.

Are you crazy? Regina questioned and shook her head. It's the full moon. The city's going to be insane tonight.

Andy looked at Regina. You know I can't do that.

Forty years. When are you going to put it to rest? One night is not going to change your destiny. If it hasn't in all these years, it's not going to happen—ever, Regina said.

The bluntness of Regina's statement stung Andy. She hated the truth, or at least everyone else's truth. She never doubted her own, never questioned her life choice, and didn't appreciate when others did. I can't take that chance. You know that. You all know that. Andy said. I'll put it to rest when you guys are sprinkling my ashes over the Mohave.

We just want you to be happy, Alisha said trying to restore peace after the meditation. Regina's right. Full moon, Las Vegas—not a good mix.

I've worked during full moons before and survived. I'll survive tonight, Andy said. She grabbed her purse and slung it over her shoulder.

You better come to our barbecue tomorrow, Alisha said.

Of course. Andy nodded heading for the door.

Wait up, Regina called and followed Andy. Sorry. You're my friend. We all want you to be happy.

I know, Andy replied. Everyone wants me to be happy with a husband, children and grandchildren but perhaps that's not me. It's never been me. I'm sixty-four now, when will you all realize?

Regina gazed at Andy knowingly. It's your life.

Andy nodded and glanced away from Regina. Maybe, but unfortunately my life just didn't work out the way I wanted. Everyone has their own fate. She got into her car and looked at Regina through the open window. Life offers other happiness as well. She started the car and pulled out of Alisha's driveway leaving Regina to fall out of view

Heading toward the countryside, Andy reflected on happiness and its meaning. Everyone wanted her to be happy, yet she always was ... well, most of the time. Her friends and colleagues had the inclination that since she didn't share their same lifestyle she was missing out on something. Sure, I never had a wedding, never had the joys of motherhood, but is that the requirement for a woman to be happy? Was I missing out?

Miles outside of Las Vegas, Andy parked on a driveway next to a green and yellow taxicab. Before going inside, she admired the scenery—wide open desert with only a few sparse houses. Her neighbors, Herb and Mirna, lived a quarter mile down the road, a sweet couple always inviting her over for dinner. There were Dennis and Martha further down the road. They kept mostly to themselves and that was fine with Andy.

Andy entered her adobe home cooled by the fans with mosaic marble floor she had laid down herself. Despite the desert exterior, inside Andy's home was decorated like a tropical paradise with ferns, palms and flowers. Random Eastern statues were placed next to photographs of a life Andy once lived and openly desired to return to.

Laying her keys in a bowl next to the door, Andy proceeded into the kitchen where the table was set for two despite the fact she rarely had guests. On occasion, Alisha or Regina would visit for lunch or drinks, but most often Andy drove to the city to visit friends.

A solitary life was what Andy had chosen despite her very active lifestyle. She loved coming home to her sanctuary patio where she could admire the stars. Everything ... well, most things ... were as she wished. This was her happiness.

Undressing, she gave herself a discouraged glanced in the mirror. When did I get old? When did I get this belly? Maybe it is too late. Andy showered quickly and dressed in a pair of pressed khakis and woven shirt. She fixed her dyed-brown hair into a loose bun and applied cold cream to the wrinkles trying to form around her eyes. The only makeup she used was a scant amount of mascara and eyeliner.

Heading into the kitchen, she dumped a handful of granola bars and a couple of bottles of water into her purse. Giving a fleeting glance to her home, she grabbed her keys on the way out. She unlocked her green and yellow taxi and sat behind the wheel organizing herself for the night.

She set a bottle of water next her in the cup holder, counted out change for fares and readied her logbook. Clenching the steering wheel, a chill ran through her body. Hair on arms stood straight. Shit, she muttered. Maybe Regina's right. Maybe I should stay home tonight. Maybe I did have a minor stroke. Don't be a fool, Daniels. It's just a night like all others.

Turning on the ignition, Jackson Browne played from her IPod. She pulled into reverse and headed back to the city singing along to Doctor My Eyes in between swigs from her water bottle. She rested her arm on the open window and she saw the skyline of Las Vegas come into view.

Andy knew Las Vegas as she did her best friends. She was aware of all her secrets and vices and still loved her anyway. Driving along the freeway, seeing the odd skyline of Las Vegas come into view, Andy adjusted her sunglasses and smiled.

Her radio receiver buzzed. She picked up and answered. Yes Ivan. Have something for me?

Yeah, doll, I have a pickup at Karen Court apartments, a Russian male voice said through static interference.

Andy hesitated.

Are you there, sweetheart? You can you make it, can't you? Ivan asked.

Yeah. Yeah. I got it, Andy muttered and placed the receiver on its dashboard holder. She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel. Shit.

Chapter 2

Highway 15, Nevada Desert 1973

Speeding along the desert freeway in her 1969 sage-colored Pontiac Firebird, twenty-four-year-old Andy spun the dial on the radio until she landed on Jackson Browne's Doctor My Eyes. She sang along crying to the lyrics. She paused to take a drag on her cigarette and a swig of beer. Her wild mane of long brown hair spun like a pinwheel in the wind and her round, amber-tinted sunglasses sat crooked on her nose.

She wiped her face seeing the cityscape of Las Vegas in the distance. She was almost home. Will he want to see me? Will he hate me? What if he's found another lover? Andy took another gulp of beer to keep from thinking, but it was no use. Her mind whirled from one bad decision to another. Is it possible for me to be more of a fuck-up?

Pressing her foot harder on the gas pedal, she picked up speed believing if she arrived at her destination a few minutes sooner; it would change her entire destiny. No matter how much she hoped and prayed, her fate was sealed and she was the one who had destroyed it. If only I were stronger. If only I had fought back.

Andy turned into Karen Court Apartments and parked outside a deck access apartment building. She gazed up to the second story doors moments from seeing him again. There was no time for hesitation.

She rushed up the steps to the balcony walkway and banged on the door of apartment 2D. Earl! Earl! It's me, Andy! No one came to the door. Andy continued to pound. Earl! It's me! I'm back!

A sexy blonde woman wrapped in a sheet opened the door. She stared at the disaster of a woman standing at her door—mangled hair, tear-stained face, and rumpled Jefferson Airplane t-shirt. Can I help you?

Andy's heart beat with rage and jealousy and her mind focused with determination. I'm here for Earl, Andy replied with her hands clenched in white-knuckled fists.

There's no Earl here, replied the woman.

Andy peeked inside what used to be her apartment and spied a naked man standing in the bedroom doorway. Oh.

Alisha, everything okay? the naked man called out.

Alisha nodded. Yeah, Stan.

Oh, God. I'm sorry. My mistake, Andy said.

When Alisha slowly closed the door on her, Andy stood absent of thought and suddenly the self-condemnation began. What a loser. What an ass. Drove all this fucking way to make an absolute fool of myself. She had driven all the way from San Diego, leaving behind a life she had vowed never to return to. Shit. Damn it, Earl.

Her attention shifted to the manager's office. She tried to gather herself as much as possible by smoothing her hair, wiping her face and straightening her shirt. She breathed deeply and strode with purpose to the office.

Seated behind a messy desk with a fan blowing fluttering papers, the manager glared at her when she entered. Miss Daniels, are you here to pay your final rent check?

What? No. I'm looking for Earl, she said.

Gone. The manager lit a cigar. Gone without paying rent.

What do you mean gone? Andy questioned.

Gone. Left. Went away. Good God doll, do you speak English? the manager asked.

Andy bit her lip. You've seen him then?

The manager sat forward in his seat and studied Andy's appearance. Yeah, just before he dodged without paying rent. Your lease stipulated you needed to give at least one month's notice before vacating. He reclined and stretched his arms behind his head. His sweat-stained pits stared at Andy. Look, it's not for me to wonder on the lifestyles of my tenants. If you two had a lover's quarrel, that's no business of mine. I only care about the rent.

Sorry. I'm sorry. She dug in her purse for her checkbook. You don't happen to know where he went?

Doll, he left without notice and didn't leave a forwarding address. He sat forward and tapped ashes from his cigar into a tray. When a guy disappears without leaving a forwarding address, he doesn't want to be found by a hysterical ex.

Andy sniffed and wiped snot from her nose. I am not hysterical. She poised her pen to write her check, trying as best she could to hold back