Stork Talk: Delivering Strategies for Your Ideal Birth

By Cheryl Sheriff

The pregnancy and labour journey is exciting, scary and magical. Most importantly, you want the overall experience to be a positive one. But what would a positive hospital birth mean to you? Perhaps you’re unsure of how to prepare or what choices are available. Perhaps you’re considering the possibility of natural birth, but fear the reality of it may be too difficult. Perhaps you’ve experienced a previous birth that was less than ideal.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: May 10, 2015
• ISBN: 9780994305381

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My motivation for writing this book is to share my passion and knowledge of birth with women everywhere, particularly those of you planning a hospital birth. After more than 30 years as a midwife and doula and attending over 1000 hospital births, I understand the impact your baby’s birth has on you in the present and over the long term.

Since my midwifery training in Sydney in the 1970s, I have seen many changes in how we care for pregnant and labouring women, and how we help prepare them for their parenting journey. Previously babies were kept for long periods in ‘well baby’ nurseries and fathers didn’t have the opportunity of holding their babies until they were at home. Couples today have more opportunities to connect and care for their babies right from the moment of birth. This builds confidence in their own ability to care for their newborn. During pregnancy, we encourage women and their partners to talk and plan together, and not just follow the suggestions of their care providers. We can be thankful for so many changes.

Women are now speaking up and wanting to be active participants when it comes to their baby’s birth. This is how the ripple effect of change occurs. Most couples want to be part of the decision-making process, and be listened to and treated respectfully. And women are being supported in this by bodies such as the World Health Organization (WHO), which recently released its Prevention and elimination of disrespect and abuse during childbirth statement, which argues, ‘Every woman has the right to the highest attainable standard of health, including the right to dignified, respectful care during pregnancy and childbirth’.

Women want to participate in the process and not feel their baby’s birth is something that has just happened to them. Couples now realise birthing is not a time to go with the flow, cross your fingers and hope for the best!

I remember how privileged I felt witnessing my first birth all those years ago and just how powerful and unchanged those feeling are for me today. When I had the opportunity of giving birth to my own daughter, I remember feeling the transformation and love this experience brought me. I had witnessed and assisted so many births, yet there was nothing that prepared me for the emotion I felt giving birth to my own child.

Giving birth is not just any ordinary day in a woman’s life. Emotions connected with birth are stored in our long-term memory and can be recalled with clarity years later, whether positive or negative. It doesn’t seem to matter whether the birth was yesterday or thirty years ago, the whole experience comes flooding back. The moment of birth is the culmination of all the waiting, anticipation, struggle, intensity, fear, and mystery leading up to it. I don’t think I have ever attended a birth that wasn’t challenging in some way.

During labour, you will recognise your own physical, mental and emotional strength, and become acutely aware of your vulnerability as well. Your baby is just as profoundly affected by the experience.

This book is a guide to help you achieve the birth you want, even within a hospital setting, and to help you feel you do have some control over the choices you make. I hope that you will embrace this journey with excitement and expectation, and without fear. I also hope this book takes you to a place of confidence, culminating in the best possible birth for you, your partner and your baby.

You will build trust in your ability to manifest the experience that brings about a sense of fulfilment for you. Information and knowledge will assist you in developing the courage to let go of conditioned patterns and structures that might limit your ability to have your ideal birth.

If you want a natural, intervention-free birth in a hospital, you may be fighting against the odds, yet it is possible – it will just take planning, preparation, a strong desire and a carefully chosen support team. Caesarean sections are welcomed life-saving surgery at times and we are grateful this surgery is available when needed. However, the proportion of women giving birth by caesarean section has shown an upward trend in the past ten years. The overall caesarean rate has reached 32.3 per cent, according to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW) – and this is despite WHO recommending the rate not exceed 10 to 15 per cent.

I encourage you to do your own research about physiological birth – that is, a natural, intervention-free birth. A natural birth is powered by the innate human capacity of the woman and her baby, and begins spontaneously. It is more easily achieved when a woman has the opportunity of being undisturbed and her privacy is protected during the labour and birth process.

Use this book as your starting point, and then continue to educate yourself as much as you can with evidence-based information. Immerse yourself in positive birth stories (you’ll find many in these pages) and try not to listen to negative ones. You are the final decision-maker for your birth experience and how you want your birth to be – not hospital staff, midwives, obstetricians or doulas. They are there to guide and make recommendations, but the choices are ultimately yours. Research and knowledge will help you determine the decisions that feel right for you and your partner.

Scientific evidence suggests that the spontaneous onset of labour results from an alignment of the physiology of the mother and the baby, and allowing this to occur has beneficial health effects for them both. In a world where we tend to be over-committed with our time, scheduling commonly has a strong influence in all areas of our life. Approaching your baby’s birth in the same way may then seem natural. It takes a mind shift, knowledge and information to understand the various options you have, and the risks and benefits of the choices you make.

Birth is miraculous in its nature, and undeniably powerful, for everyone fortunate enough to either experience or witness this miracle. It is an important event and, for each birth, you only have one opportunity to experience it the way you wish to. It isn’t possible to go back and do it again if you aren’t happy with the process and outcome.

Guiding women to gain knowledge and confidence, and make informed and educated choices is why I have written this book. I hope by reading it you will find it easy to make the choices right for you, and feel confident and excited about your birth.

I want to thank the women who have invited me to share their pregnancy journey and the intimacy of their birth space. They have trusted me to be a positive presence, and also generously allowed me to share their stories with you in this book. I hope you enjoy it and gain a greater understanding of why the way we give birth matters.

What a mother experiences at the very transition from maiden to mother changes her. Gentle, natural birth unlocks something primal at our very core that makes mothering easier and families stronger … If parents would only realize that every single decision they make from conception onward influences the outcome of their birth, they could reclaim what they didn’t even know was lost.

—Kim Wildner, Mother’s Intention: How Belief Shapes Birth

Part I

Just as there is no warning for childbirth, there is no preparation for the sight of a first child… There should be a song for women to sing at this moment, or a prayer to recite. But perhaps there is none because there are no words strong enough to name the moment.

—Anita Diamant, The Red Tent

1

Every living being truly has a magical beginning.

–Deepak Chopra, Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives

‘Congratulations you’re having a baby!’ When you hear these words, in that moment, your whole world changes and time seems to stand still. You can likely remember exactly where you were and the emotion that washed over you. The news may have taken you by surprise or you may be one of the many women who waited a long time to hear those words. One thing is certain. You are about to board the roller-coaster ride of your life. One minute you will be riding the waves of excitement and anticipation, the next you will be freaking out. Elation, ecstasy and happiness are all predictable emotions – as are fear, doubt and anxiety. These extremes are normal. Everything is about to change.

You’re probably wondering what you need to do and where to start. You have this little person growing inside you and you want to give yourself and your baby the best possible beginning. If you’re reading this book, you probably want to give birth in a hospital but may have heard of others’ negative experiences. Maybe you are not sure how to have the birth you want – or even know what sort of birth you want. You want to have realistic expectations but also want to give yourself the best opportunity to have a positive birth. You may want to give birth naturally or with low levels of intervention, or you might be wondering why you wouldn’t just choose an epidural after arriving at the hospital. Pregnancy and birth can feel overwhelming, involving what seems to be a multitude of choices.

The 40-week roller-coaster ride of pregnancy will undoubtedly take you somewhere you haven’t been before. And then there will be a birth at the end of this very long ride. Birth is a huge event, and will probably be one of the most challenging experiences you will ever have. You wouldn’t run a marathon without training for it and birth is no different. Be prepared, be realistic and learn everything you can. This biological process will always involve some unpredictability so you can’t be completely in control of the outcome – that’s not what this book is about. However, you can be in control of many things during the process.

It is time to consider your options and make decisions – many of which will have consequences attached to them. Preparing and knowing where to start is often confusing, with birthing books and particularly the internet filled with unfiltered and sometimes inaccurate information. Some information may not even be relevant to you.

Then, of course, there are your family and friends (and the almost-strangers on the street) who will share and debrief their own births with you … whether or not you give permission. That rounded little belly seems to be all the permission anyone needs to overshare. Yes, you are in for some ride!

It’s time to work on some strategies that will help you identify and achieve your ideal birth.

Baby’s first trimester development

Week 5: The embryonic period begins and many major organs are forming such as the heart, as well as bones and muscles

Week 7: Arms and legs are forming and 100 new brain cells are growing per minute

Week 9: Toes are forming and your baby is about 20 millimetres long

Week 12: Fingernails and vocal cords are developing

Top three first trimester challenges

Even before you have confirmation you’re pregnant, you’ll likely have an idea something’s different, as your body goes through massive changes. With pregnancy come many new physical sensations – some subtle and others very obvious. Along with all the excitement of the first trimester come some challenges. I cover the top three here.

Nausea and vomiting

This is usually one of the first and often debilitating symptoms of pregnancy. It’s early days and you may be not wanting to share your news yet.

While a healthy diet is important, if you are suffering from morning sickness, it’s vital in the short term to eat what you can keep down. If you are taking supplements, take them when you feel at your best and with food. Sometimes this is right before bed, which will allow absorption to occur while you are sleeping.

Snack on dry crackers before getting out of bed in the morning. Eat small amounts frequently and stay hydrated. Sip fluids such as filtered water, ginger, tea or coconut water. Minimise odours while cooking and avoid fatty or spicy food – these can bring on or exacerbate the nausea.

Fatigue and body aches

This may be another one of your first signs of pregnancy. Levels of the hormone progesterone increase, causing fatigue that can feel overwhelming and come in waves during the day. Make sure you get enough sleep and schedule your exercise early in the day. Pelvic cramping may also be felt during the first trimester due to a stretching, growing uterus even in the first few weeks.

Constipation

This challenge is frequently caused by the effects of the hormone progesterone in early pregnancy. This hormone slows the transit of food through your digestive tract. Iron tablets to treat anaemia may also contribute to the problem. Include high-fibre foods and fruit and vegetables in your diet every day. Stay well hydrated and exercise regularly.

Overcoming early pregnancy fears

In this section, I cover some of the major issues concerning women in early pregnancy. Pregnancy risks are generally low, especially for healthy women today. If you tend to worry about things, you will no doubt be able to read or hear plenty of information that will fuel your worry. So many people are ready and willing to share their concerns and personal experience with you. It’s time to get the facts, stop worrying about the things you can’t control and focus on the ones you can.

Miscarriage

During the first few weeks of pregnancy, most women’s initial fear is often the question of whether they will remain pregnant. Most miscarriages are spontaneous and remain unexplained. Women can do very little to prevent them.

A miscarriage is when a baby is lost before 20 weeks gestation and/or is less than 400 grams in birth weight. About 80 per cent are early miscarriages (before 13 weeks) and 20 per cent are late miscarriages (between 13 and 20 weeks). According to a Cochrane Library Review, on average miscarriages affect 15 to 20 per cent of women and their families, and tend to be more common around the times that subsequent periods would have been due (4, 8, 12 and 16 weeks of pregnancy).

According to the American Pregnancy Association, an increase in maternal age can affect the chances of miscarriage. Women under the age of 35 have about a 15 per cent chance of miscarriage while women aged between 35 and 45 have a 20 to 35 per cent chance of miscarriage.

According to Science Daily, women who suffer from nausea and sickness in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy are almost 70 per cent less likely to miscarry, with a marked increasing trend of reducing odds with increasing severity of nausea. Keep in mind, however, that if you only experience mild nausea in the first trimester, this doesn’t mean anything is wrong with your baby.

Many pregnancies are lost before a woman even realises she has conceived. However, even very early loss can be devastating – the miscarriage is not only a loss of life, but also a loss of dreams and possibilities. Many women don’t announce their pregnancy until after the first trimester to avoid the possibility of sharing the news of miscarriage. However, the experience of miscarriage is something that needs to be discussed and brought out into the open. The emotional pain isn’t lessened by others being dismissive. A woman’s heartache at losing her baby is something that can remain fresh, even years later. I think lots of women – and men – are walking around feeling a real ache in their hearts about losing babies. The experience can be difficult to move on from. These women will often look at other people’s children who would have been the same age as their lost baby with a bittersweet grief and longing.

Seek professional counselling if you feel you are having difficulty coming to terms with your loss. Failed IVF attempts will also trigger similar emotions. After the 12th week of the pregnancy, a woman’s risk of miscarriage is very low and approximately 97 per cent of women who miscarry go on to give birth to a healthy baby with the subsequent pregnancy.

What you can control

Maintain healthy lifestyle choices and remain positive. Experts estimate 50 per cent of miscarriages occur due to chromosomal abnormalities occurring at the time of fertilisation and this can’t be prevented. For the other 50 per cent, no cause is usually found, which can bring up feelings of doubt about your body’s ability to grow a baby and anxiety that you may have done something wrong that contributed to the loss. Work through these feelings, and keep in mind the high chances of a positive subsequent pregnancy.

Birth defects

Birth defects are serious conditions that are changes to the structure of one or more parts of the body. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, birth defects affect 1 in every 33 babies born in the United States each year.

About 97 per cent of babies are born without a major birth defect such as spina bifida or Down syndrome.