The Grief Journey and the Afterlife: Jewish Pastoral Care for Bereavement

By Simcha Paull Raphael

"Simcha Paull Raphael is a skilled and compassionate guide to the terrain of grief. His elegant weaving of Jewish custom, psychological wisdom and visions of the afterlife provides an invaluable resource for anyone caring for Jewish mourners on their path from loss toward wholeness." --- Rabbi Dayle A. Friedman, author of Jewish Wisdom for Growing Older: Finding Your Grit and Grace Beyond Midlife

"This is a book that will be an invaluable resource, not only for pastoral counselors, but for all of us who are facing our mortality. In it, Simcha Paull Raphael unpacks the wisdom that is contained within the Jewish tradition of death and dying, and teaches us how these insights can bring health and healing in our time. This is a wise and a helpful book, and should be cherished." --- Rabbi Jack Riemer, editor of Jewish Reflections on Death

• Language: English
• Publisher: Albion-Andalus Books
• Release date: Mar 24, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311332103

Simcha Paull Raphael

Simcha Paull Raphael, Ph.D. is the Founding Director of the DA’AT Institute for Death Awareness, Advocacy and Training (www. daatinstitute.net). He is Adjunct Associate Professor in the Jewish Studies program of Temple University, and in private practice as a transpersonal psychotherapist and spiritual director in Philadelphia. Ordained by Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi as a Rabbinic Pastor, he has written extensively on death and afterlife, and is author of the groundbreaking Jewish Views of the Afterlife.

Book preview

The Grief Journey

and the Afterlife

Jewish Pastoral Care

for Bereavement

Jewish Life, Death, and Transition Series

Simcha Paull Raphael

Published by Albion-Andalus Books at Smashwords

Boulder, Colorado 2015

"The old shall be renewed,

and the new shall be made holy."

Rabbi Avraham Yitzhak Kook

Copyright © 2015 Simcha Paull Raphael

Published in conjunction with the Da’at Institute for Death Awareness, Advocacy and Training. Originally published as Grief and Bereavement in Jewish Pastoral Care, 2nd Edition- A Practical Handbook from Traditional & Contemporary Sources, 2013, edited by Rabbi Dayle A. Friedman, Jewish Lights Publishing, Woodstock, VT. www.jewishlights.com.

Appendix B, The Afterlife According to the Zohar was originally published as Afterlife: Medieval Judaism in Encyclopedia of the Bible and Its Reception, Vol. 1. Berlin: Vaerlag Walter de Gruyter, 2009.

This ebook may not be re-sold or given away. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system, except for brief passages in connection with a critical review, without permission in writing from the publisher:

Albion-Andalus, Inc.

P. O. Box 19852

Boulder, CO 80308

www.albionandalus.com

Design and layout by Albion-Andalus Books

Cover design by Daryl McCool

ISBN: 9781311332103

In memory of

Michelle Goodman, z"l

my friend and colleague at

The Benjamin Institute for

Community Education and Referral

Toronto, Ontario

Contents

Preface

Introduction

The Grief Journey: A Four-Fold Model

Phase One: The Initial Shock and Denial

Psychological Dimensions

Spiritual Dimensions

Phase Two: Facing the Painful Truth

Psychological Dimensions

Spiritual Dimensions

Phase Three: Putting the Pieces Together

Psychological Dimensions

Spiritual Dimensions

Phase Four: Affirming Life and Legacy

Psychological Dimensions

Spiritual Dimensions

Final Thoughts

Appendix A: Guidelines for Supporting Family and Friends in Times of Grief and Mourning

Appendix B: The Afterlife According to the Zohar

Notes and References

Glossary

Da’at Institute

Biography

Preface

My mother was ten years old when her father was tragically killed in a car accident. Overnight, my maternal grandmother, thirty-three years old at the time, became a widow with three young children, my mother the oldest. I can only imagine what this trauma was like for her family in 1933, long before single moms and widow-to-widow support groups were a normal part of society.

Growing up, I often heard my mother speak of her father. With a bittersweet sense of loss, she would share treasured memories of her father from her childhood and what her family life was like after his death. He was gone, but his life and the impact of his death were never forgotten.

Twenty-two years later, in 1955, my mother lost her mother as well. My grandmother was very dear to me as a child, and I recall missing her very much. But I also recall feeling a sense of her presence for many years to come after her death. And again, as she had done about her father, my mother spoke frequently of her mother. Remembering her life and grieving her loss were again intricately interwoven.

After working as a bereavement counselor and death awareness educator for over three decades, I have come to realize that the roots of my own philosophy of death and grief were learned almost by osmosis from my mother. Although I did not fully understand it at the time, as a child, I knew that death was simply a part of life. In our family, we spoke of the dead and remembered their lives and legacy. Death was not denied, nor was it glorified. Death was painful, but real. And in remembering the dead, not in a morbid sense, but lovingly, I learned that the connection between the living and the dead continued long after the death of the physical body.

It is this understanding of the human encounter with death and loss that underlies and informs this small book on Jewish pastoral care for grief and bereavement.

In writing about a Jewish approach to grief and bereavement, I endeavor to demonstrate that there are very effective ways of mourning the dead, honoring the grief one goes through, making use of traditional Jewish death practices and staying open to the ever-changing mystery of the interconnection between the world of the living and the world of the dead.

In the pages that follow, I present a model of the bereavement journey that shows the interconnection between the contemporary psychology of grief, traditional Jewish death rituals, and the little-known Jewish understanding of the afterlife journey of the soul. While much has been written on each of these topics, this book is perhaps unique in demonstrating the ways in which an understanding of both Jewish views of the afterlife and traditional Jewish grief rituals help mourners go through the process of bereavement and healing in the face of death and loss.

Much of the material for this book was originally published as a long article in Jewish Pastoral Care: A Practical Handbook from Traditional and Contemporary Sources, edited by Rabbi Dayle Friedman, a book written specifically for chaplains and those providing pastoral care to individuals and families. As a result, this book speaks directly to pastoral care professionals. However, the ideas contained herein are equally applicable for those working with the dying and bereaved, for anyone wishing to understand the spiritual