How To Write an Awful Romance

By May Essex

You just KNOW you can do it...

If you have ever read a romance novel of any kind, you probably felt that you could easily write one, too.

Only, which kind? There is the historical romance, the fantasy romance, the regency, the futuristic, the shape-shifter and vampire romance, not to mention the very popular erotic novel, the inspirational romance, and of course the contemporary and suspense romance.

Which will suit you best, and will quickly make a lot of money? (And who could not do with a lot of money, let’s be honest?)

This book, short but full of substance and useful advice, will make the decision easy for you.

In addition, it contains a romance aptitude test to confirm that this genre is the right fit for you.

There are many real-life examples of awful romances that were nevertheless surprisingly popular and lucrative.

Who knows, you might even do better than awful. What have you got to lose? It is dead easy. Of course it is. I dare you. Come on!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mind Games Publications
• Release date: Feb 14, 2015
• ISBN: 9781507049624

Book preview

What you will find in this book

You Can Do It

Romance Aptitude Quiz

Erotic Romance

Historical Romance

Regency Romance

Romantic Suspense

Fantasy Romance

Futuristic Romance

Beastly Romance

Vampire Romance

Time Travel Romance

Young Adult Romance

Inspirational Romance

Male-male Romance

Genre Quiz

Length

Characters and Names

Your Title

Style

The Sex Scenes

What Makes your Book Awful

Getting it Published

Writing and Publication Quiz

Bonus Quiz: Guess the Book

Afterword

Legal Notice

You Can Do It

Chances are that you will not be able to produce a great romance at your first try. Even some of the acknowledged masters of the genre (mistresses sounds wrong somehow, but they are mostly women) admit that their first attempts were not as accomplished as they later became, with practice.

However, the only thing you need to produce and publish your first, probably awful, romance, is persistence, a computer and an internet connection. During the first promotion period, if you have chosen the title well, lots of people will download and hopefully read your work.

Once you have done that, there is nowhere to go but up, to better and greater things. Writing can be great fun if you don’t see it as a life-or-death matter, on which your whole future hinges.

Don’t expect your first book to make you rich, but you never know. It has worked out like that for some people. You might just be one of them, though the chances are against it.

Why Romance?

Romances are popular; they are fun, they entertain and cheer up the reader and make everything come out well in the end. 

The first rule, almost the only one that matters if you do this for money, is:

Give the reader what she wants.

The second rule:

As long as you can hold her interest and have some hot sex scenes, the average romance reader is extremely forgiving.

This can be re-stated as rule 2b:

You can get away with lack of plausibility, flat characters, clichés, totally bogus historic backdrops, BUT don’t ever bore the reader.

Note: There are men who read and even some who write romances, but the readership is predominantly female, so I will use the feminine pronoun throughout.

What does your reader want?  She wants the same, familiar things, only better. More and hotter sex, adventure, interesting characters, but not too strange, great difficulties, but with the happy ending guaranteed.

When readers claim they want originality and good research, they are not speaking for the great majority. While you do your research, a faster writer will have dictated or written a couple of additional books, and the average reader will never know the difference. So unless you actually enjoy the research part – strangely, some people do – just forget about it. 

True, a minority of romance readers know and appreciate high quality and well-researched background, but they alone are not going to make you rich. They are already being served by a number of highly accomplished writers, and it is very unlikely that they will ever get to see or read your first work. You need the masses to get popular first; with luck, along the way, the quality of your output will also rise. 

Look at the sales figures and prices

Reviews for How To Write an Awful Romance

[Angelina Schwarz · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

What the actual F? I guess this book fully lives up to the title. It is telling you how to write a really bad romance novel. I am not sure why anyone would want to write bad anything...but...well, this is a how-to. Honestly, if you are going to write a “bad” romance you don’t really need this book to tell you how. It will come naturally enough, lol. And if you want to write something worth bothering to read, this is not the book to get you there.