The Pocket Book of Death

By Morgan Reilly, Tempest, Rob Denbleyker and 2 more

A laugh-out-loud miscellany of everything you ever wanted to know about death. From bizarre funeral practices and macabre urban myths to lucrative jobs in the death business. Accompanied by cartoons from the creators of the hit webcomic, ‘Cyanide & Happiness.’

There’s just something about the end that makes us want to run screaming back to the beginning…

Did you know that three American states still use the firing squad as a means of execution? Or that you can see Galileo’s preserved middle finger in Florence? How about the new trend of having your loved one’s ashes turned into a diamond? Loaded with funny and fascinating facts, The Pocket Book of Death is a jaw-dropping miscellany of macabre word origins, hysterical famous last words, bizarre death rituals, the last meals of death row inmates and more. This is a side of death you’ve never seen before.

Is your job killing you? Maybe it’s time to find the perfect career in the death business. Browse through the list to find the most lucrative jobs in the industry. A little paranoid perhaps? Then discover some of the deadliest jobs in the world or the tiniest animals that can kill you.

Accompanied by side-splitting cartoons from the creators of the hugely popular webcomic, ‘Cyanide & Happiness’, The Pocket Book of Death is so packed with info that it leaves no stone unturned…er, tombstone that is.

• Language: English
• Publisher: HarperCollins UK
• Release date: Feb 19, 2015
• ISBN: 9780007524716

Book preview

Introduction

What is it about death and dying that holds so many of us captivated? Researchers and psychologists can hand us dozens of explanations – fear of the unknown, the universality of death, compassion, empathy, sympathy, or maybe it’s just plain old morbid fascination.

It’s certainly prevalent in our modern art. After all, famed British artist Damien Hirst is one of the highest-paid living artists. His Natural History series which features dead animals preserved in formaldehyde (and occasionally sliced and diced) have sold for millions of dollars a piece.

And besides becoming an art exhibit, death has also become a massive tourist attraction. One of Moscow’s hottest tourist spots is the preserved body of Lenin in Red Square. Mao Zedong’s preserved corpse can be seen in Beijing. And let’s not forget Italy. You can get a glimpse of Galileo’s middle finger at the Institute and Museum of the History of Science in Florence. We kid you not.

Or maybe we are fascinated by that raw freedom in death. With no more people left to impress, it’s like a sudden release from all those social and cultural barriers. In 2002, a man in Germany named Karl-Friedrich Lentze sent a letter to officials requesting permission to be buried with his blow-up sex doll, as stipulated in his will. German officials performed a thorough investigation of the inflatable companion and deemed the components of said doll would not harm the environment, so Mr Lentze was given the go-ahead to spend eternity in the arms of his libidinous latex lover. And why not? He certainly wouldn’t be around to hear the gasps of shock or the family criticisms.

While writing The Pocket Book of Death, we tried to include a combination of real facts as well as the bizarre and funny practices and traditions that had us laughing out loud during our research. It’s a miscellany of death facts that is a combination of reality and hilarity, and we hope you find it as enlightening as we did. Please bear in my mind that any costs or numbers (such as life expectancies, number of deaths, etc.) obviously fluctuate with time. Most of the ones represented in the book are the most recent we could find on a subject. We included a list of recommended websites at the back of the book which could help should you need the most recent figures.

You know, maybe the fascination with death is something as simple as certainty. The only thing we’re guaranteed in life is death. Even Damien Hirst knows that. The original 14-foot tiger shark in his piece, The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living had to be replaced because it began to decay and change shape within its formaldehyde bath. And let’s be honest, the only reason that a blow-up sex doll can be used as a coffin companion is because it, too, won’t last for ever.

History of Death

‘They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist—’

General John Sedgwick

(his last words before being hit by a Confederate sharpshooter)

No Escaping the Black Death

It’s estimated that the Black Death killed around a third of Europe’s total population during the fourteenth century. That’s around 25 million people – and that’s only in Europe. It also devastated China and parts of Asia before it even reached the European continent.

The Black Death probably earned its name from the tell-tale red spots – which later turned black – that would appear on the skin of the infected. The spots were actually broken blood vessels under the skin which made it look like a black rash.

Thought you were safe from the plague? Think again. Although nowhere near as prevalent as it once was, the plague hasn’t been totally wiped out. Cases can still be found in some parts of the world. Watch out for those rats!

‘OH MY GOD…WOOFY! YOU HAVE IT TOO?!’

How to Tell You Were Probably a Goner …

Shivering

Vomiting

Headache

Intolerance to light

Back pain

Delirium

Giddiness

Swelling in the groin and armpits

CONNECT THE DOTS TO SEE WHAT THE BLACK DEATH WAS REALLY LIKE!

The Bloodiest Battles

It has long been argued that war is one of the most effective population stabilizers. Did you ever wonder how many American service members actually died during the big wars?

The US Department of Veterans Affairs gives us the lowdown.

The American Revolution

Total number killed in battle:

4,435

War of 1812

Total number killed in battle:

2,260

The Civil War

Total number of Union servicemen

killed in battle:

140,414

Total number of Confederate servicemen

killed in battle:

74,524

The Spanish–American War

Total number killed in battle:

385

World War I

Total number killed in battle:

53,402

World War II

Total number killed in battle:

291,557

Korean War

Total number killed in battle:

33,741

Vietnam War

Total number killed in battle:

47,424

Desert Shield/Desert Storm

Total number killed in battle:

147

The Global War on Terror claims more lives every day, so the number is constantly fluctuating. You can look at the website of the US Department of Veterans Affairs for the latest numbers.

A Very Eerie Coincidence?

A Peculiar Look at Presidential Departures

Of all the US presidents, three have actually kicked the bucket on none other than the Fourth of July. To be more specific, three of the first five US presidents died on July 4. Seems far-fetched? The chances of this are actually one in five million.

Thomas Jefferson died on 4 July 1826

John Adams died on the same day – 4 July 1826

James Monroe died on 4 July 1831

And if that’s not freaky enough, Thomas Jefferson died just before 1 pm on that fateful day. Adams died just a few hours later. His last reported words?

‘Jefferson still survives.’

Hmm, guess no one had the heart to break the news.

Most popular state for US presidents to breathe their last? Nope, not Washington DC. The Big Apple has hosted more presidential deaths than any other state.

Being President takes its toll – most survive an average of only 12.9 years after leaving office.

Eleven presidents have lived past 80.

Presidential Last Words

‘Please put out that light, James.’

Teddy Roosevelt

‘I have a terrific headache.’

Franklin Roosevelt

‘I want to go.

Reviews for The Pocket Book of Death

[cynical_ames · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This is a charming little book filled with funny anecdotes, quotes, illustrations and facts about the ultimate rite of passage we all experience. It's perfect for those quirky, weird people like myself who enjoys macabre humour, and has made me think hard about the way in which I (don't) want to die and what will (not) be done with my (hopefully) lifeless corpse.