The Best of Reform Judaism Magazine: Audacious Hospitality

By Reform Judaism Magazine

Reform Judaism Magazine is the official voice of the Union for Reform Judaism, linking the institutions and affiliates of Reform Judaism with every Reform Jew. This collection, the first in a series, features articles carefully selected by the magazine’s editors on “audacious hospitality,” the notion that communities should not only be welcoming and inclusive, but actively reaching out to engage new people in Jewish life. Reform Judaism has long been at the forefront of such audacious hospitality, and the articles in the collection show this in action, examining the welcoming of interfaith families and Jews by choice, Jews of colors, Jews with disabilities, and members of the LGBTQ community, as well as deep inter-religious and interdenominational connections. The collection also looks at building relationships with community members at oneg Shabbat and online. Authors include Rick Jacobs, Sue Fishkoff, Laura Geller, Allison Fine, and many more.

• Language: English
• Publisher: URJ Books and Music
• Release date: May 21, 2014
• ISBN: 9780807413630

Book preview

Preface

Rick Jacobs

The Jewish people is here today because those who came before us were audacious. By that I mean courageous, fearless, and bold.

Genesis teaches us to practice audacious hospitality. On a blisteringly hot day, Abraham runs after three desert wanderers, insisting they come inside for nourishment. What makes his act so memorable is not waiting for the wanderers to knock on his door; instead, he goes out to meet them where they are and invites them in.

Some months ago, I arrived early at one of our URJ congregations to speak on a Friday night. In the lobby, a woman wearing a nametag looked at me and barked, What do you want? I answered, I want to be in a congregation filled with warmth and welcome. She looked at me, her expression communicating, Boy, do you have the wrong place! Then she looked over her shoulder at the easel in the entryway, which held a picture of a guy who looked a lot like me. Are you him? she asked. I nodded yes. With suddenly discovered warmth, she said, Well, why didn’t you say so?

That’s not audacious hospitality.

To be sure, many of our congregations do an outstanding job of welcoming, but many do not. Here’s a simple thing you can do: Take every member of your board, every staff and team member, everyone who might come early one Friday night, and give them a run-through on the power of being Abraham and Sarah.

That’s just the beginning. Audacious hospitality isn’t just a temporary act of kindness so people don’t feel excluded. It’s an ongoing invitation to be part of community–and a way to spiritually transform ourselves in the process. Audacious hospitality is a two-way street where synagogue and stranger need each other, where we not only teach newcomers, but they teach us.

The paradigm for this audacity arose decades ago, when then UAHC President Rabbi Alexander Schindler overturned all previous Jewish communal assumptions about interfaith families by insisting that we draw them close in all aspects of Jewish life. Nowadays, as a result, thousands of interfaith families are enriching our congregational lives, and thousands of children are being raised with meaningful Jewish commitments.

In today’s Jewish world, where many more Jews are outside than inside, we must practice such audacious hospitality with the LGBTQ community, multi-racial Jews, Jews with disabilities, and Gen X and the millennials—including all those who do not identify as part of the religious community. All of them have much to teach us.

Only by being inclusive can we be strong. Only by being open can we be whole.

Rabbi Rick Jacobs is president of the Union for Reform Judaism.

What Your Oneg Says about You

Sue Fishkoff

In April 2009, Claire¹ became a member of a Reform congregation in New York City. A few months later, she went to Friday night services on her own. She enjoyed the worship, the rabbi’s remarks, the music. Everything was fine until she headed to the social hall for the oneg Shabbat, the buffet table laden with snacks and refreshments that is customary after Kabbalat Shabbat services. I poured myself some juice and, scanning the room for a familiar face or two, saw only clusters of congregants socializing with others they already knew, she says. Standing alone amid strangers, the sense of community I’d felt earlier in the evening evaporated and my wallflower tendencies kicked in. After a few awkward minutes, she slipped out the front door and headed home.

Larry Kaufman, past president of Temple Sholom in Chicago, experienced much the same thing more than three decades ago. He was in his twenties and living in a new city when his father died. Finding a congregation nearby, he started attending weekly services to say kaddish.

"I went virtually every Shabbat to the same synagogue for 11 months, and in those 11 months I was wished ‘Shabbat Shalom’ every week by the rabbi and the rebbetzin [rabbi’s wife], and never once by anyone else," he recalls. Needless to say, the experience left him cold. He did not join that congregation.

Such stories are all too common, says Kathy Kahn, former Union for Reform Judaism membership specialist. While most Reform congregations hold Friday night onegs, Kahn observes that the most beautiful oneg with the most delicious food can turn into an excruciating experience if no one extends a friendly hand to a newcomer or draws him or her into the conversation.

"Even our most welcoming congregations often fall down at the oneg," she says.

Four years ago, she reports, the Union for Reform Judaism asked volunteers to visit Reform synagogues in Cleveland, Seattle, Boca Raton, and Springfield, Massachusetts and assess how warmly they were received. The observers reported that although they were usually greeted as they entered the synagogue, that welcome did not carry over to what many of them called the "dreaded oneg."

"All the hellos and handshakes disappeared at the oneg, Kahn reports. It’s like walking into a high school cafeteria where you don’t know anyone. I don’t think most adults ever outgrow that iconic experience, that fear—will anyone sit with me?"

Recruitment & Retention

One of the biggest challenges facing Reform synagogues is recruiting and retaining members. Only 44% of American Jews currently belong to a synagogue. Moreover, half of the Jews living in any given city were born elsewhere. Therefore, the chances are that anyone visiting your temple is doing so for the first time. What will newcomers experience when they arrive at your synagogue? Kahn asks. "Does someone sit with them? Most important of all, do they stand alone at the oneg, or do members engage them in conversation?"

In many ways, says Rabbi Aaron D. Panken, who teaches Rabbinic and Second Temple Literature at Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion in New York, "the oneg is the congregation’s welcome mat, an integral part of