Shabbat (2nd Edition): The Family Guide to Preparing for and Celebrating the Sabbath

By Ron Wolfson

Celebrate the joy of “making Shabbat” each week in your home—with rituals, prayers, blessings, food, and song.

This expanded, easy-to-use edition of the classic spiritual sourcebook offers updated information, more ideas, and new resources for every aspect of the holy day.

An inspiring how-to guide to every aspect of Shabbat, including:

• History and meaning
• How to prepare
• Rituals, prayers, and blessings (step-by-step)
• The Sabbath day
• Havdalah
• Songs and prayers in English, Hebrew, and Yiddish (with clear transliterations)
• Recipes for traditional and modern foods to spice up the Shabbat menu
• Family activities to enhance the experience

Enriched by real-life voices sharing practical suggestions and advice, this creative resource helps us to reacquaint ourselves with time-tested traditions and discover old and new ways to celebrate Shabbat, including biblically-inspired songs and games, Shabbat-related crafts, and more family-tested ideas.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Turner Publishing Company
• Release date: Apr 19, 2012
• ISBN: 9781580236294

Ron Wolfson

Dr. Ron Wolfson, visionary educator and inspirational speaker, is Fingerhut Professor of Education at American Jewish University in Los Angeles and a cofounder of Synagogue 3000. He is author of Relational Judaism: Using the Power of Relationships to Transform the Jewish Community; The Seven Questions You're Asked in Heaven: Reviewing and Renewing Your Life on Earth; Be Like God: God's To-Do List for Kids; God's To-Do List: 103 Ways to Be an Angel and Do God's Work on Earth; Hanukkah, Passover and Shabbat, all Federation of Jewish Men's Clubs Art of Jewish Living family guides to spiritual celebrations; The Spirituality of Welcoming: How to Transform Your Congregation into a Sacred Community; A Time to Mourn, a Time to Comfort: A Guide to Jewish Bereavement and Comfort; and, with Rabbi Lawrence A. Hoffman, What You Will See Inside a Synagogue (all Jewish Lights), a book for children ages 6 and up. He contributed to May God Remember: Memory and Memorializing in Judaism—Yizkor, Who by Fire, Who by Water—Un'taneh Tokef, All These Vows—Kol Nidre, and We Have Sinned: Sin and Confession in Judaism—Ashamnu and Al Chet (all Jewish Lights). Dr. Ron Wolfson is available to speak on the following topics: Building Good Tents: Envisioning the Synagogue of the Future God's To-Do List The Seven Questions You're Asked in Heaven Blessings and Kisses: The Power of the Jewish Family A Time to Mourn, a Time to Comfort Click here to contact the author.

Book preview

1

The Art of Shabbat

For people who have never been exposed to this before, it’s very hard for someone to whom this is very common and ordinary to understand how really foreign this was. You know it’s yours, but it’s like the Zulus would come in and say: Now you have to do this tribal rite. You know you’re really a Zulu and this is what you have to do to become a Zulu and you’d say: Well, I know, I guess I’m a Zulu but I don’t know—this has no meaning to me and I have no connection to this whatsoever.

ELAINE ALBERT

On Making Shabbes

In Jewish English, the common phrase is make Shabbes. It seems logical enough: one person asks another, Who’s making Shabbes this week: you or your in-laws? Immediately it conjures up images of cooking, cleaning, shopping, and organizing. A whole progression of labor is involved in the creation of the day of rest. The idea of making Shabbes is a practical concept. It reflects a pragmatic social reality: in order to celebrate a day of rest, someone has to do a lot of work.

The idea of making Shabbes is really biblical. The Torah commands the Jewish people to Guard Shabbat—making Shabbat throughout their generations (Exodus 31:17). From the beginning, a Jewish vision of rest had little to do with a recreational use of leisure time. Starting with the beginning of the Torah, rest was defined as a process of RE-CREATION. God spent six days creating. Then the Torah says, …. God made Shabbat and God rested. The word for rest here is , vayinafash. It is a form of the word nefesh, which means soul. When God rests, the world has soul. When we are commanded to imitate God (living up to the image in which we were created), the expectation is that our rest, too, will be soulful. Creating that kind of rest is something at which we must work.

Scientists define work as something that burns calories. Their view is rational: labor is anything that uses energy. Something at rest uses no energy. When the Rabbis of the Talmud looked for a definition of work, they viewed it differently. They connected work to creation. Work was changing the natural (created) world. Rest was leaving that world unchanged—allowing it to change us. Mordecai Kaplan explained it this way: An artist cannot be continually wielding his brush. He must stop at times in his painting to freshen his vision of the object, the meaning of which he wishes to express on his canvas…. The Shabbat represents those moments when we pause in our brushwork to renew our vision of this object. Having done so, we take ourselves to our painting with clarified vision and renewed energy. Expanding on the same theme, Abraham Joshua Heschel said: Six days a week we wrestle with the world, wringing profit from the earth; on the Sabbath we especially care for the seed of eternity planted in our soul. Six days a week we seek to dominate the world; on the seventh day we try to dominate the self.

Shabbat is something we make. Hallot are bought. Meals are prepared. Tables are set. Children are herded to the table. We stand. We sit. Prayers are said. Rituals are performed. The execution of a Shabbat is the coordination of a myriad of small details and the application of a series of diverse skills. Yet, the physical making of Shabbes is only the foundation on which we create Shabbat. The connection between a white tablecloth, the moisture collecting on the outside of a silver Kiddush cup filled with cold wine, the buildup of wax drippings on the candlesticks—and the seed of eternity—is at once both profoundly tangible and wonderfully mythic. The real world of Shabbat is made up of tablecloths stained with repeated use, family jokes that are so well known that just a look triggers a laugh, hugs, and the feel and taste of warm hallah. It is this real-world Shabbat that bonds couples closer together, that creates significant family moments, that roots Jewish identity. These are the payoffs, the rewards of devoting a day to dominate the self.

The Talmudic rabbis had a very simple principle: if you really want to know how something is to be practiced, go and look at what Jews really do. In crafting a book on how to make Shabbes, we decided to do just that. We went to several Jewish homes and asked people about their Shabbat experiences. We learned many things, and all of them have helped to shape this work:

•  Shabbat is an art form. Every family creates its own Shabbat. While candles, Kiddush, and hallah were part of every Shabbat celebration (along with lots of other common elements), every family we visited had a very different Shabbat experience. The art of making Shabbat means finding your own way of using the traditional tools and practices to compose your own picture of the Shabbat ritual.

•  Shabbat is an evolving creation. Families change the way they celebrate Shabbat. New practices are often discovered and integrated. Eventually, children grow into and out of stages and needs, and families evolve through changing rhythms of expression. Also, there seems to be a spontaneous and subtle process of constant change that simply marks growth.

•  You can start a Shabbat experience by doing just one or two things. Surprisingly, most of the families we interviewed did not come from strong experiences of Shabbat. Most had to develop their own sense of Shabbat and establish their own mode of practice. Usually they began by adopting just one or two practices as their weekly ritual. Slowly, these families learned about and considered other options, evolving their own particular Shabbat practice.

•  The modern American experience has added to Shabbat. Wonderful new practices have been created because of our lifestyles. Consider the practices of phoning a child at college every Friday afternoon to give him the traditional parental blessing, or baking three months’ worth of hallah and filling the extra freezer.

•  Shabbat is a long-term investment. Not every single Shabbat is a great experience. Some weeks, celebrating Shabbat is a strain. Sometimes the experiences are less than ideal. Yet, wherever we found Shabbat taken seriously, it had a profound effect. Every family we visited told us stories of individually difficult Shabbatot, and all talked of the significant impact of the Shabbat experience on their home. Nevertheless, celebrating Shabbat seems to add up. This was an ongoing message. It is the sum total of Shabbatot that makes an impact.

Sally and Robert Shafton

When you spend Shabbat with the Shaftons, you know that you are going to spend some time studying Torah. Their friend Sandy Goodglick warned us, They sometimes even give you homework—something you have to study before you come. When dinner is over and the food has been cleared away from Bob and Sally’s Shabbat table, the Hertz Humashim and other Torah commentaries are taken out, and a serious discussion of the weekly Torah portion begins. This happens every Shabbat—even when the children aren’t visiting, even when there is no company, even when it is just the two of them.

Sally and Bob are a couple whose children have grown up and left home. Today they are active members of the Jewish community, heavily involved in both the life of their synagogue and several Jewish organizations. But theirs is a story of transformation and evolution. Shabbat was something they discovered when their children were young—and it has remained an important element in their lives.

BOB: The word which comes to both of our minds when we think of Shabbat is yawn. Not because it is boring, but because the real sense of rest comes to me every time we say the blessing over the wine. We get to about "attah" and I yawn. It used to be something I was embarrassed about, but now I know it’s true. That it is really greeting the Sabbath Queen. I mean—she’s beautiful, and I yawn.

SALLY: When the kids were too young to do much else except the blessings, we wrote a little original family song, which was sung to the tune of Old McDonald: Shabbes candles we love you (E-I-E-I-O).

BOB: And we would go around and tickle the kids and tackle the kids and end up rolling on the ground….

SALLY: It was just a physical kind of happiness, and the littlest one would always end up on the bottom of the heap, screaming her head off. It got pretty raucous—dancing around the Shabbat lights. That and the berakhot was the extent of our Shabbat.

SALLY: I started looking at the parashah [weekly Torah portion] on Tuesday or Wednesday, not understanding a thing that I was reading, because it was new to me. I would try to find one simple concept that I thought would appeal to the family, and then I would take one child in my room and the other two were closed out. That way we created a mystique because the other two couldn’t wait for their turn. They would come in with me and we would read part of the Torah portion, and I would lead them to that one concept that I thought would appeal. That child became responsible to come to the Shabbat table and lead the Shabbat discussion.

BOB: It wasn’t always idyllic. At various stages, the kids were not always anxious to participate. We didn’t make it you must be there, you must prepare, but we let them know we were going to be there and that those who wanted to participate were most welcome. The other problem we had was that our extended family did not always want to participate, and that was a disappointment.

SALLY: One of the joys was that I saved the things that the children wrote about the parashah, and when a kid would be preparing for Shabbat, she would always ask to look at what the other had written last year about that parashah. I would show them and they would come to the table and say, She was all wrong last year. That is not what it says.

SALLY: Now it is wonderful. Bob has a very busy schedule—we both have a very busy schedule—and during the week, we are lucky if there is one night at home. Friday night is always at home, no matter what, for the two of us. Although many of our family complain that the kids are gone—it’s just the two of us and we’re all alone—honestly, it’s pretty nice. We look forward to that quiet Friday night together. Just the two of us. We still look at the parashah, and the two of us will often discuss it together.

BOB: Friday night is a nice quiet time. I was kidding about the yawning. It is a time that should be of peace, and calmness, and some introspection—some community, obviously, but also some introspection. We usually each have an individual prayer that we say aloud for the family, wherever they may be. No matter who’s around this table, they’re all a part of what went into this.

Suzan, Dinah, Tovah, Mindle, and Irwin Weingarten

The Weingarten family is a series of wonderful combinations. Suzan and her now nine-year-old daughter Dinah converted to Judaism. Since her marriage to Irwin, two other children have been born: Mindle, age fourteen months, and Tovah, who is eight weeks old. This is a truly blended family. As a convert, Suzan approaches Jewish practice with a sense of discovery and wonder at these elements added to her life. She has gained a profound understanding of Jewish ritual, achieved through careful and consistent study. As a new family they find that Shabbat provides a medium for experimentation and exploration. It is a weekly time block that seems full of opportunities to further develop their sense of family. The juggling of two infants adds even more flavor to this celebration. While their practice is underscored by real commitment, there is a playful joy in the way that Suzan, Dinah, Tovah, Mindle, and Irwin create Shabbat.

SUZAN: It is a really nice moment when you yell, Turn the TV off. It’s candlelighting time! It’s a real nice feeling because it gets quiet. I don’t know what it will be like in the next few years, but it’s really a nice time, and I look forward to the quiet of the evening.

IRWIN: What’s really nice, I think, is that it is the culmination of our week. Physically, it is really different. I walk into the house, the table is set beautifully, and Dinah is usually dressed in a nice dress. Sometimes Dinah and I walk to shul. It gives us a chance to unwind and to talk. We come back, and it’s just a completely different feeling in this household than on any other night. You know that there are not going to be any phone calls coming in about business. It’s time to get shut off. So it’s a pretty nice feeling when you walk in the house.

SUZAN: After lighting the candles, we sit down and wait fifteen minutes for Irwin to find the page in the siddur (prayerbook).

DINAH: He never looks it up in advance.

SUZAN: He knows it by heart, but he always has to find the page. He always gets the book, and he never remembers the page. He’ll flip pages, and we watch and get kind of impatient, saying, Come on. You gotta remember the page.

DINAH: He usually says the first part, and then I say the berakhah over the wine.

IRWIN: Right! We’re slowly weaning myself off the Kiddush. I think in another half year or so, Dinah will be able to say the whole thing. She knows a little bit of the beginning and all of it after that.

DINAH: Because we do it at school [a Jewish day school].

IRWIN: So maybe my responsibilities will come to just a directorship soon. And it will be passed down.

SUZAN: Dinah and I converted about three years before Irwin and I got married. The first year, I had never been invited to a Friday night. I didn’t know what they were. After I converted, I think I had dinner with Irwin’s family one night, and so I got to see what it was about. Then I ended up getting a job at a Jewish institution. That’s where my training really began. The place actually locked up in the afternoon, or a good two or three hours before Shabbes was going to start. I used to go for my boss, or my boss would go for me, and get the hallah in the morning. I always knew when it was time to go home and prepare a meal, and that was when I started to realize that you had to plan things ahead of time. When I got into making cholent,* I knew I had to start making it at 6:30 in the morning before I left for work. I had to have it all ready and started and the meal planned—even if it was just for Dinah and me. And that was one of my favorite things: making cholent.

DINAH: I don’t like cholent.

SUZAN: I used to make it all the time because I thought it was so neat to make something the day before so you didn’t have to do anything the next day. I enjoyed that.

SUZAN: When I had Mindle, I had everything packed in my suitcase, and I went into labor or whatever and was in the hospital for Shabbes. We had portable candlesticks and the candles.

IRWIN: In Glendale Adventist Hospital we did a little Kiddush, Suzan and I, with Mindle, because it was Friday night.

Ariel, Emil, Jeremiah, Wendy, and Asher Kelman

We classified the Kelman family as our traditional family—traditional in the sense that the father is still the spokesperson for the family and directs the family ritual, and traditional in the sense that the Kelman Shabbat experience is an expression of family continuity and not something that was adopted or significantly redefined by this generation. Yet, we were uncomfortable labeling the Kelman family as a traditional family (even though they would clearly identify with that image). While the elements of their Shabbat Seder are traditional, and while the role definition is also traditional, there is an element of insight, flexibility, and questioning that impressed us. Our final thought was that the Kelman family is indeed a traditional family, but our preconception of traditional was far too narrow.

The other overriding element in their Shabbat is the energy that comes from three boys: Ariel (eleven), Jeremiah (nine), and Emil (seven).

EMIL: I like doing the blessing over the bread. I try to say it with my dad.

ARIEL: My mother always makes special food. Chicken, sometimes soup, usually rice, and sometimes we even have artichokes, which I like. After that we usually have a special dessert. We also have bread, which is hallah.

JEREMIAH: My father always tells my brothers to bring the kipahs and then tells us to settle down.

ASHER: When I was young, of course, there were fewer things to do. We didn’t have computers. I don’t think that when we grew up we had television for most of the time. Many, many less distractions. I think that to have Shabbat today, one needs to have a real discipline, a commitment. One of my views of Shabbat is that this is a time in which I have made a commitment together with Wendy that we are going to spend valuable, rich time with our children. We know that if we don’t do this, the children will miss out on one of the richest parts of Judaism.

WENDY: I like following all the traditions that have been followed for many years, and feeling that our family is keeping these traditions, and that my husband and I have taught our children how to follow these traditions and to keep our religion and those traditions alive.

EMIL: I always have homework, and I am afraid that I won’t get it done because I have Shabbat.

ARIEL: While we’re eating, my Dad talks about things. Sometimes he tells us about a lot of Jewish questions, like about Pharaoh and stuff. In the middle we enjoy our food. I like the food that my Mom makes. I especially like cow tongue.

EMIL: I love Shabbat. It’s fun. Sometimes I get afraid that I’ll do everything wrong when I am doing the blessings, the prayers, I mean….

JEREMIAH: My favorite thing, I like food. That’s the best part. It’s better than listening to all these prayers that you don’t understand.

ASHER: My favorite thing is just sitting down and, when Wendy is not realizing it, just lowering my head and seeing the candles next to her, and that, to me, is having my family around me. It is very warm, and I feel that this family is playing a role, a private, magical role, being in a chain and keeping the tradition going.

Wilma Brooks and Judi Stauss

Wilma

Reviews for Shabbat (2nd Edition)

[bostonian71 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Useful and understandable beginner's guide to the Friday night Shabbat service at home. This is definitely geared towards novices, but does have some interesting quotes and facts, and the interviews with several families are warm and funny (if too short).