Save Or Sacrifice

By Comicality

Coming out of the closet in high school can be a difficult time for some. Cory remembers going through it himself a year or two ago. That's why he's become such a dedicated member of the gay student alliance and their after school meetings. When a shy and nervous boy named Ben enters for the first time to start his journey towards coming out himself, the two become fast friends and lean on one other for support. But...when an extremely cute guy named Chandler steps into the picture, Cory may end up making a mistake that will cost him everything. What will he save? What will he sacrifice? And just how far can a friendship stretch?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Comicality
• Release date: Jun 13, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310247224

Comicality

After over two decades of practice, I've truly become addicted to the writing process itself. Both as entertainment for others, and as a personal therapy for myself. Character is a huge focus of mine, as they are the most important part of any story, in my opinion. I want readers to care about the characters they read about, and create a bond with them that lasts long after the story is over. That's everything to me.The gay stories I write cover a variety of themes, but are mostly about that very 'first' overpowering experience of love, and the awkward, yet exciting, feelings that come with it. It's more than just nostalgia. I want it to be a raw and realistic return to what it was like to truly discover what we all want most in life. The love and acceptance of someone we find truly special. I want people to become a part of story. And enjoy the ride. Pitfalls, frustrations, and all. That's what it's all about, right?I certainly hope you enjoy reading these stories as much as I enjoyed writing them, and be sure to look for some of my other works at http://www.imagine-magazine.org/store/comicality/ if you want to see more. You will always get a full emotional and heartfelt effort from me, each and every single time. I can promise you that. And there is always more to come. Have fun!I think I'll just let the writing speak for itself from here on out.Feel free to write me anytime at [e-mail] and let me know what you think.

Book preview

Save Or Sacrifice

By Comicality

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2014, Comicality

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The first day that I saw him walk in to that room, I couldn't help but to notice that he was shaking from head to toe. Visibly terrified at the idea of actually being 'out' in a room full of his peers.

I had seen that reaction in so many pale white froshman faces before. No matter how serious our after school gay pride club was about offering nothing scarier than friendship and promising the utmost discretion for the students who were just starting out, there were always kids who looked as though they were about to rattle themselves to pieces right in front of us. Freaking out, shaky hands, almost ready to lose their lunch. Some of these kids took weeks of social deprogramming and reassurance before we could even get them to talk to the rest of us. Even longer before we could get them to stop looking over their shoulders, just to see if anyone was going to burst in like the SWAT team on a drug raid. And then, there was the 'exit' strategy. It was the weirdest thing in the world to me. I mean, when it came to leaving the classroom at the end of our meetings, I've seen boys do everything short of digging a tunnel under the building or climbing out of a third story window. All just to prevent someone from seeing them leave with the rest of us. I've seen them wear hats, or hoods, or make huge detours through maze like passages down to the back door of the school. I always thought it sad that these beautiful boys and girls put themselves through such torture...just to be themselves. Where's the comfort in being so uncomfortable?

In the beginning, most students...the boys especially...treated the club like a secret society of snake handlers. Completely horrified if anyone from the club spoke to them in the halls during school hours. Even just to say hello. It just doesn't make sense to live like that anymore. Why? What's so wrong with it? Why should they be so worried? Afraid of being caught trying to love somebody we shouldn't. Sigh...the heterosexual kids have no idea how easy they have it sometimes in comparison.

I have had my sexual awakening already. A number of times, actually. My first being an older boy who took a liking to me after I came to visit him at his place of work. Maybe I made a pest of myself, but I had a little 'hunch' about him. Turns out that I was right. Hehehe! I still don't have much of a problem getting more. No boyfriend or love of my life just yet, but I get my fair share of practice, if you know what I mean. These days, the newest kids in our group look kind of silly to me, doing everything that they can to avoid being seen for what's really inside of them. But I suppose that I was just as scared as they were at one time, so I know what they're going through. I remember living with that constant fear of getting discovered or being exposed. So I try never to pressure them or force them to express themselves before they feel ready. I try to not even notice, because I know that they'll come out in their own time. I want to help, but it's their life and their decision in the end. We know all about that paralyzing fear because we all had to walk through that same classroom door for the first time, nauseous at the thought of having our deepest secret scattered to the four winds for everyone to judge and laugh at. And believe me, the day that Ben walked into our room for the first time, I could tell that he wasn't going to be any different.

I'm not really the 'living out loud', rainbow T-shirt, kind of guy. But I don't hide. I wouldn't mind telling the truth to anyone who asked me about my sexuality. But you'd be surprised how many people never do. Speculate, assume, fear, joke around, spread rumors about...but they never just come out and ask. I think the embarrassment of inquiring about it is almost as nerve-wracking as my anxiety about telling them. I'm 18 years old, but after the last two years with this group, I've come to really understand what it is that we're trying to do here. And it makes me realize that I'm not alone. I never was.

It feels really good. I actually have a place where I can go and say, Hi, my name is Cory, and I'm gay. without cringing. Without whispering it under my breath. Without trembling with the horror of imagining the whole world collapsing in on me and swallowing me whole for my terrible sin against nature itself. It wasn't that type of environment. I was finally among people who understood what it was like to be different. We were all friends here after all. We were all going through a lot of the same troubles and dealing with the same confusion as everyone else was. Maybe there really is strength in numbers. Or maybe...the numbers just help us find the strength in ourselves.

Our counselor, Mr. Harris, was a man in his mid-forties, and worked in the Liberal Arts department. A gay man himself, I think he began to see a certain confidence in me these recent days. I think I saw a new confidence in me too. Maybe it was all the sex I was getting, hehehe! But he usually trusted me with welcoming many of the new boys to the group. He knew that my sense of humor and easy conversation could warm them up to the rest of us over time. That's probably why he thought I would make a good partner for Ben that first day. Mr. Harris would sometimes pair us off to talk to the new members and break them into the whole idea of being able to just relax, breathe easy, and get used to having their sexual feelings be 'normal'. Mr. Harris kept the faith in knowing that I would be able to calm Ben down before he fainted from the stress of being on display in front of the rest of the class. I'm sure there was also a tricky part of his method that was based on the fact that a blond haired, dark green eyed, cutie such as myself might catch his eye. Hehehe! But I'm much too modest to say that officially. Not out loud, anyway. Let's just say that I provide a certain distraction for the new boys. I suppose it comes in handy.

Ben was a decent looking kid. He was a year younger than me, with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. Pretty cute, actually. He had the whole boy next door look down to a tee. He wasn't really a 'dork' or anything, but something about him seemed so...I don't know...sheltered to me. So innocent. So naive. His eyes were always wide open with this curious look that made him appear to be absorbing every detail that the world possibly could give him for the first time. The same way a five year old stares at a caterpillar crawling by on a tree branch, shuffling up so close that he's practically touching it with his nose. Hehehe, that was kind of cute too.

Ben had this offbeat personality that was so sweet and trusting that you were always trying to be 'careful' of what you said around him for fear of damaging his fragile beauty by mistake. He was the kind of boy that you looked at and you just knew that he was a straight 'A' student with a clean bedroom, who loved his mother dearly, and had all of his chores done and his teeth brushed before bedtime. Some days, he was so adorable that I half expected him to be secretly carrying a teddy bear around with him in his backpack. He was quick to blush, quick to giggle, and seemed 'awkward' uttering even the most domestic of curse words. But it was so charming the way he pulled it off. I became addicted to his pretty little 'glow', and we just got this friendly vibe going in the first fifteen minutes of meeting him.

Hi. I'm Cory. I said, shaking his hand. His grip was so soft. So frail in every aspect of its contact except for the fact that it was trembling almost violently, despite his attempts to contain himself. God, was he ever nervous.

...Hey. He whispered. I'm...Ben. I practically had to read his lips to understand what he was saying. He was super quiet and almost abnormally shy at first, but after an hour of me trying to make him smile, I think he started to loosen up a bit more. It was like trying to coax a bunny out of a rabbit hole with a carrot...hehehe, but like everything else about him, I found it sort of cute.

He asked me what we were supposed to do there, and I basically described it to him in detail. We did what normal kids did. We played some games, maybe read through some current events on gay culture, had parties once in a while...but most of all, we just talked to one another. Sometimes as a group, sometimes in pairs, and sometimes it was just an open home room where we got to be ourselves without having to fear being ridiculed or made to be an outcast. Out of all the gay related stuff that we did, it was the everyday teenager activities that made us feel the most accepted. Every little thing we did didn't have to be gay related. That was beside the point. It would ultimately just be another degree of separation from the rest of the world. The best part was that we could joke and make a gay comment here or there in front of each other and we didn't have to restrain it anymore. It was sooooo much fun. And by the third week, Ben had predictably gone through all of the stages that a lot of us went through when becoming a part of a gay pride family...

#1 - Denial. Where everyone, again...especially the boys...tries to convince us, and themselves, that they made some kind of mistake by coming here. That they thought they were gay, but maybe they're just going through a phase or something. They pull away from us, refusing to give in to the idea of being gay. Never wanting to finally say, This is who I am...and it's never going to go away. The most we can ask from them at this point is for them to sit in a corner quietly, too stubborn to participate just yet, and give us a chance. Just for kicks, you know? We try to find a healthy balance between 'leaving them alone' and 'making them feel welcome'. It isn't easy. They try really hard to think of an excuse, ANY excuse, to leave us and never come back. But they almost always do. And once we get them through that first stage, the others become increasingly easier to take.

#2 - Acceptance. The painful stage. This is when they finally give up the excuses and decide to just give things a try. But that decision doesn't come without some severe growing pains. It really does hurt. That fairy tale life of the white picket fence, the grandkids, and the family dinners on the holidays, begins to vanish right in front of your eyes. Those dreams can be rebuilt to perfection later, of course...but to a teenager...it feels like that fantasy life is gone forever. They're afraid to commit to it. Afraid to let down their parents, to lose their friends, to be looked down upon by their community. It can be a depressing time. So they come to the meetings irregularly. Often, but not always. And they're still nervous. Still scared. Still paranoid. But they're beginning to enjoy themselves and get curious about experiencing who they are. It's a slow process, but it begins to work, little by little, every single day that they spend with us. Even if they don't want US to know that.

#3 - Release. The dam bursts! The acceptance is there, and all of those feelings that hey had been swallowing down for so long and bottling up in the pit of their stomach...it comes rushing to the surface. All of a sudden, something inside of them just shouts out 'I'm GAY, and they know it! And it's OK!!!' At that point, they begin to explode. They release every hot gay thought they've ever had. Every fear, every tension, every lustful desire, that they've ever had. Every homosexual impulse that they've experienced since the age of ten...all at once. Sometimes they just babble on for hours and hours with no end in sight. SO happy to finally talk about it with somebody who will listen and relate. You can literally feel the abundance of energy and excitement bubbling up inside of them. The enthusiasm bursts, uncontrollably, out of every pore. Even the boys who started off quiet and stubborn in the beginning, give in to the hysteria eventually. Hell, they usually turn out to be even happier than the ones who accepted it sooner while they were still fighting the feelings in their own hearts. This stage can be really fun to watch from afar, but beware giving them your home phone number! Once they get their engines started, you are going to end up losing a LOT more sleep than you ever could have imagined during this period.

#4 - Horniness! Blessed horniness!

Once they've learned to let down the mask and get rid of the guilt...the 'hunt' begins. The more normal it feels to be gay, the hornier they get. They start off by talking to boys that they were too scared to approach before. They feel ok, wanting to have sex with other boys. But they have a LOT of lost time to make up for, and they WANT IT!!! They don't want to hold it in anymore. You have to be careful, because they will screw anything that looks even remotely 'fuckable' to them. Next thing you know, they're gushing over every tight ass in a pair of pants like a Bieber fan with a teen dream magazine. It's a reckless phase, and one that we've learned to watch over. You can't force your opinions on them, but this is the time when you worry the most about them being careful. Physically, of course...protection is always an issue. But the emotional consequences of having your first few homosexual encounters being ones of trauma and pain can send them right back to stage one in a hurry. So it's always best to encourage them to be happy..but watch over them so they don't go overboard with it all.

And then....#5 - Freedom.

That's exactly what it