Bad Taste Tales

By Rod Seeber

Imagine a world where peculiar is normal and normal is perhaps even stranger? Imagine a world where the dark arts are the creed of life. Then imagine your self trapped within this world with no escape ... ever. Beware Beware, it's not for children I say, Beware Beware, the horror to come forth this day, twisted thoughts and saddened dreams, All designed to make you scream Beware Beware, for you should enter only if you truly dare! Will you be able to read all ten of these modern day horror stories and keep your sanity? Let's get the ball rolling with the battle axe tale of THE BARBARIAN : He never settles for second best and he's in a bad mood! For just a little extra fun we then have on offering PULP TORRENT : Will Wallis pay the ultimate price for having eyes on another woman? How will the government really punish him for an illegal torrent file download? Don't forget to check out THE SWAP OPTION : Did you know that reincarnation is now a capitol punishment! Especially if you don't like insects! Next in line is WARTS AND ALL : The disturbing story of teenage peer group pressure, so exactly how will Bobby and Jane deal with their horrible friends? You may not wish to find out! Sadly next is JACK UGLY : Who's crippled body is constantly at odds with the world around him and his "J" obsessed parents. The burning question is what will Jack do when the meteors strike, will he help? Can he help? Does he want to help? Then, just to wet your appetite a little more we have BIRD SHIT : Finally we have the rare opportunity to find out just what goes on in the mind of our feathered friends, be careful though. It may not be quite what you expected? Of course it would be remiss of me not to mention ROSES ARE RED : Just how does Herbert manage to win that Best Rose Award, year after year ... after year? I dare you to find out! Do you like SPEWING GUM : Well perhaps you might just change your mind after reading this little horror story? Have you ever you played TRUTH OR DARE : Perhaps you played this innocent game with your siblings when you were younger? I sincerely hope it went better for you than it does for Hope and Faith. In the post apocalyptic world after the Mega Wars you may acquire a taste for some tantalizing CANNIBAL SOUP : If you do, remember to get a strong front door, it's a very popular meal amongst the starving and you just never know who is gonna come knocking for a taste! Please do enjoy this bizarre array of Sci-Fi and Contemporarily based Horror Stories that are happily written with Bad Taste in mind. After all what else would you call such sick and twisted bunch of warped tales designed to keep you up a night, yep we think you are going to enjoy these BAD TASTE TALES!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rod Seeber
• Release date: Nov 24, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310394713

Rod Seeber

...Well its taken a long while to do these ebooks (Arthritis has slowed me down these days) but I get there in the end, so it's all good. I do not claim to be a great author but I do think I write an interesting storyline so have a gander and grab a sample read. If you happen to enjoy it consider grabbing the whole ebook. My favorite ebook is Bad Taste Tales which comprises ten different Sci Fi Horror based tales of which some can also be purchased separately. The law of averages suggests you will like at least a couple! Another amusing set of tales is Funny Beer Stories and as you may have guessed it involves what happens after you have downed a few! So here's your chance to take the "Pepsi Challenge" and read an ebook instead of looking at something like The Pop Art Van on YouTube or planing your Double Denim for the weekend ... ALSO WORTH NOTING >> All of these stories within offered ebooks are to be written as Screenplays by me. They are of course my original work and therefore copyright.

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Bad Taste Tales

By Rod Seeber

Smashwords Edition

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Published By


Rod Seeber on Smashwords

Copyright 2016 by Rod Seeber

Smashwords Edition License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

The Barbarian

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Pulp Torrent

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Swap Option

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Warts and All

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Jack Ugly

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Jack Ugly .. First Intermission

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Jack Ugly .. Second Intermission

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Bird Shit

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Roses are Red

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Spewing Gum

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Truth or Dare

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Cannibal Soup

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The Barbarian

Choose your battles wisely or your battles will choose you

Edging further forwards with every devastating counterstrike the barbarian warrior sensed a fatal opportunity would soon present its self. His instincts were promptly proved correct as foolishly his next opponent maneuvered in far too close for safety. Allowing for a retaliating vertical strike of the barbarian’s sword directly upwards into his foolhardy attackers chin. The powerfully rising blade violently penetrated through the tongue then continued on to tear open the exposed brain with such force that both bloodied eyes instantly popped out of their sockets! Death for defeated was instant as the victorious warrior placed his right foot on his opponent’s chest to pull the sword back through the weakened skull to split it half. With sword now released his foe fell to the ground in a tangled pool of mashed up blood, bone and mutilated brain! Aware another deadly encounter was fast approaching from behind, the barbarian swiftly swung around a horizontal sword defensively raised to shoulder height. The resulting impact with the sharpened blade sliced through the unsuspecting attacker’s neck with such might that the severed head instantly separated from the lifeless torso!

Slumping downwards the decapitated torso defiantly pumped out five more bursts of blood until the oxygen starved heart finally stopped beating. Approaching from beyond the slumped over torso arrived a new challenger’s charge! With just enough time to grab a nearby battle-axe the barbarian was now armed with two lethal weapons! Prepared for the fight, first came a defensive block of the sword followed on by the telling blow of a battle-axe to his assailant’s ribs. A strike so powerful that four ribs were thoroughly decimated whilst the axe head continued its journey to penetrate the lung then delve deeply into the heart! Death was only moments away as next the aggrieved barbarian bit off his would be attackers nose then spitefully spat it out to the sky! Unexpectedly, the marauding warrior was then forcefully impacted from the rear by yet another challenger who would skillfully use their shield to send the off guard barbarian warrior to the ground! With battle axe and sword remaining in his possession and situated in a low down position the barbarian proceeded to swing his axe sideways into the standing opponents unprotected knee joint.

Suffering extensive shattered bone and cartilage damage the destroyed kneecap forced an off balance challenger to stagger sideways directly onto the barbarians upwards thrusting sword aimed at the groin region. Overwhelming, the immense pain forced the defeated attacker to release both shield and sword as blood flowed freely out from his mouth and all other orifices! To further confirm the kill, the battle-axe now entered the skull with such power it dug deep into the ground underneath! Enraged he could be attacked with such surprise the infuriated barbarian would seek to take the offensive as next he turned his full attention to a new opponent approaching on horseback. Instinctively came the devastating insertion of his long steel blade deep into the horse’s exposed neck. A lethal action followed up by a vicious sword swing slicing deeply into both front legs. Mortally wounded the horse was taken down as was its hapless rider who at this point was firmly trapped under his fallen horse. Displaying his lust for blood the battle hardened barbarian quickly moved in for a devastating kill! Then, with one skillfully executed precision cut to the jugular vein, it was over!

Alerted to archers closing in on him the barbarian warrior would take cover behind the blood soaked body of the dead horse. Numerous thudding sounds indicated an onslaught of arrows repeatedly impacting his dead equine safety barrier. Aware of an escalating dilemma the barbarian knew he must ultimately charge or be outflanked! Finally sensing a lull in the arrow’s barrage the barbarian warrior quickly determined the archers were currently reloading and that now was the optimum time to make his charge! Without fear or hesitation the barbarian swiftly rose to his feet surging forwards to confront the danger! Unexpected, this counter attack would fluster the archers to such a point the upper hand was instantly achieved. Inconceivably this charging warrior would suddenly emerge from within their unsettled ranks. Bloodthirsty, his sword and battle-axe violently swung to any and all directions, inflicting a number of telling wounds! All designed to bring an enemy’s life to a brutal end! Within two minutes of destructive rage the barbarian warrior had managed to kill another five of his foes! Badly injured, three more hastily retreated into the woods in sheer terror.

In the belief he was temporarily out of danger the barbarian momentarily let down his guard as suddenly from below a surviving archer stabbed deeply into his thigh muscle with a long dagger. Suffering shock more than injury the barbarian warrior instinctively backhanded the archer with all his might. Stunned, the archer’s sight was temporarily blurred. Then just as vision returned he was greeted by two eye gouging thumbs of an enraged barbarian warrior! The luckless archer’s exploding eyeballs were pushed so far back into the skull it was impossible to know there had ever been a pupil in there at all? Vengeful, the warrior now strategically placed his foot on the disabled archer’s neck then grabbed a tuff of hair with such strength that part of the scalp detached its self from the bleeding skull! A leverage move that would ultimately break the archers neck in the process.

Confidently surveying the collective results of his victorious slaughter spree. The triumphant barbarian soon concluded not one of his many challengers possessed neither the strength nor the skills required to match his brutal prowess. Suddenly, adjoining a proud war cry from a hill up above came the sight of an equally well-proportioned individual wielding two raised battle-axes up high! At last a true contest the barbarian announced to his new combatant. Challenge accepted, the two powerful fighters ran directly to the deadly confrontation in full knowledge only one would walk away on this bloodied day. At the moment of impact sharp blows were traded and minor injuries sustained. A fierce fight to the death had begun! His rival’s sharpened battle-axes struck down on the defending barbarian’s shield only to be repelled by equal force! Swiftly the barbarian warrior’s sword swung back in retaliation, clipping his challenger’s ear to instantly draw blood. Surprised by the close call two battle-axes were defiantly raised in unison attempting to strike down the final deathblow on the barbarian warrior. However this bold move would ultimately leave the torso exposed and vulnerable to attack!

With his shield defensively positioned the warrior barbarian punched forwards with all his strength to halt the axes fall then skillfully wielded his sword forwards into his enemy’s unprotected heart! Abruptly, the fight was over as slowly the barbarian withdrew his blood stained sword then spitefully rammed it sideways into the dying opponents ear! Vindictively he exerted unrelenting pressure until the sword finally exited out the other ear! Next he would place his knee to the fractured face whilst pulling back hard on the sword to slice the head wide open at the front. Looking down at the defeated lifeless body of his only worthy opponent a bemused Barbarian openly questioned Why do they always attack on the day I give up smoking? It’s a bad idea!

Pulp Torrent

What happens when an investigator discovers the dark side of the web?

Don’t worry everybody does it! Torrents are for everyone remarked Tamsin.

Well I still think it’s wrong and what about all those reports I read about the government cracking down on the folk doing it? asked Wallis

Really? You still actually believe everything you read on the Internet, surely by now you know those stupid rumors are just circulated to warn people off getting stuff for free. There is no way it’s true! And with that a giggling Tamsin hastily leaves the room in a display of contempt! The cautious Wallis had by now also risen to his feet, demonstrating his uncertainty. You can never be too careful he thought to himself as he prepared to meet the day. Besides I’m still not quite sure what it’s all about?

Wallis is not a complete slouch when it comes to doing things online. His blog LoveCheats.Nyc is up to five thousand followers on any given day and if his Facebook page is anything to go by he has many more fans than that! Yep Wallis is a busy boy when it comes to letting the world know about his life plus all the ups and downs of being a Private Investigator in New York City. Ah The Big Apple, so many secrets and to think people actually pay me to uncover them! Although even Wallis has to admit there are only so many cheating on me cases he can handle each week. Sure, Wallis gets to go to all the clubs and keep track on these so called secret rendezvous but like anything it becomes boring after a while. It sure does make his blog an interesting read though (Of course all names have been changed to protect the innocent) What a joke, if only I could get something to really sink my teeth into! Oh well gotta pay the bills somehow, maybe I’ll write a tell all book one day and cash in

Tamsin still remembers the day they met and how she noticed Wallis was the only sober man in the club at 3.am. It’s what initially attracted her to him. After all what kind of man refuses the vast array of drunken girls spontaneously throwing themselves at his feet. All in the hope of a quick physical encounter in the toilets! Repeatedly, they were simply told thanks but no thanks then politely brushed away. Tamsin felt damn sure this guy had something extra no one else in the club could identify? She was correct, Wallis was actually able to separate work from play and then keep it that way. Perhaps it was just good timing or Wallis’s need to blend into the scene a little more, but when Tamsin approached him asking Would you like to talk Even though there was no verbal reply his warm silent smile came across as an an open invitation for Tamsin to share a conversation. Then as they say, the rest is history! That was three years ago now and since then they have never really had a bad argument or disagreement.

Tamsin is just a little more daring than Wallis and even though he has all the juicy bits to write about, she considers herself to be his juiciest bit. It’s plain bad luck that he can’t write about her erotic escapades as an on call Bondage Mistress to some of the City’s most upstanding citizens. The thing is, once you start to openly share the Deputy Mayors secret nappy wearing fetish. You can most likely probably expect a revenge bullet in the head in the very near future. Seems folk in high places sure don’t not like anyone guessing what really happens in their private life, not even accidently. No, you can’t even hint at who is leading a double life in this town and expect to live a long life. They will all happily kill you if it means their dirty little secret remains that way. A dirty little secret! Although occasionally half way through doing the wild thing with Wallis Tamsin bursts out laughing loudly while sharing a couple vague snippets of her day’s crazy adventures. More often than not Wallis is none too keen to hear about someone shoving uncooked baked beans up their ass!

On the other hand Wallis regularly enjoys sharing all the latest conspiracy theories with Tamsin. He knows she is open to hearing his many varied wayward thoughts. After all anything he can come up with seems quite tame compared to her real life stories! Regardless, it’s always a little fun for them to ponder all the things he sometimes hears about while on the job. You would be surprised what you hear sitting at a bar or standing in the shadows quietly watching unfaithful lovers in action. Lately the favorite topic of choice has been The Dark Web and all the secrets it holds? Is there really another world online out there somewhere? Do all these stories about Dark Web users really need to end with someone dying rather than giving up a vital piece of information? Wallis kind of really digs it when he gets to follow an unfaithful sun starved geek, because the nearby conversations are always intriguing and thought provoking. Heck he’s even rekindled his interest in the President Kennedy Assassination. Yep most probably the Cia

However it’s the secretly overheard conversations about the mysterious online dark world that really get Wallis edging just a little closer to hear the full story. Totally distracted, he has even lost the occasional target he was supposedly keeping tabs on in the past. Such is his fascination with all things Dark Web. Apparently Wallis really is willing to lose a day’s pay if the conversation he is ear’s dropping on is better value! The thing is lately the same topic keeps propping up. The Wrong Movie, a dangerous movie. More than once Wallis has listened in on a conversation about some twisted new movie that is fast becoming the talk of all the geeks in town. It is said this strange mystical underworld movie has the power to enter an unsuspecting viewer’s brain. Then export all the hidden secrets of a lifetime back into the entity known as the Dark Web. But what really bugs Wallis is that he never gets to actually hear what happens to the victims of this torrid experience? Do they live afterwards or do they ……?

Perhaps the most annoying aspect to this ongoing mystery is that just when he forgets about it for a day or two he gets wind of it all over again. Lately Wallis is starting to wonder if somehow it is being arranged for him to gain access to all this Geeks Only knowledge? After all no one he knows has ever mentioned it. Then each time he does they all just laugh at him and sarcastically ask if he is now drinking on the job! Maybe it’s the term he uses? Dark Web Torrent Movie. Surely he can’t be the only one in his circle of friends that is aware of this dire term? From all unconfirmed accounts this seems to be a hideous experience for a mounting number of unsuspecting participants. No way, watching an illegally downloaded movie can’t kill you? Can it? Perhaps it’s just human nature to be so curious about something so odd like this. After all it really does sound like it has come straight from a weird science fiction horror story!

Suddenly the silence is broken as the phone rings out extra loud! Wallis says to himself Thank God I got rid of that Hank Williams, Your Cheatin Heart ring tone Yep, no doubt about it, the opening track to Pulp Fiction is way cooler! It’s a real call to action tune with that pumping extra fast guitar sound. Then just as he goes to pick it up the thought enters his mind I hope it’s not another whiny gay guy complaining about his cheating lover Wallis has nothing against the Gays heck let em all get married then be as miserable as the rest of us has always been his motto However it just seems every time he follows one of these sex craved cheaters into a bar he is gonna get hit on. As flattering as it is, there always the predictably awkward reaction to the moment he rejects his would be lover’s advances. All too often some of these horny fuckers just don’t give up, even when abruptly told Look I’m not gay, I’m here for something else A fact that only seems to enrage some folk Well fuck off back to the straight club ya fucking cockteaser The thing is Wallis always charges an extra ten to fifteen percent for these uncomfortable jobs. It goes a long way to paying the rent! So each and every gay job is begrudgingly accepted. Besides when you got a girl like Tamsin with tits to next Tuesday you don’t need anything else!

Hello, this is Love Cheat Investigations how can I help you? he confidently announces

I think I need your help? declares a mysterious women’s voice

Sure, what’s up

I think my girl is cheating on me

The first thought that comes into Wallis’s mind is Oh no not another fucking Lesbian case. These are much harder because some clubs simply wont let me in

Hey lady, you do realize I can’t follow her into a Lesbian Bar inquires Wallis

No No No, I am sure that bitch is cheating with a guy, it’s really starting to eat away at me!

Wallis takes a deep breath and silently rejoices in the fact this may not be as difficult as first considered. This could even be a good story for his blog? After all doesn’t everyone love reading about some hot swinging lesbo action a smiling Wallis grins to himself.

Sure I can help, it’s what I do and I do it well

The next five or so minutes see’s Wallis desperately trying to write down all the intricate details. So he can do the best job for this noticeably jealous sounding lady. An angry lady, possibly more concerned about her partners sexual choice rather than the fact she is being unfaithful? Some assignments can be over in just a few brief hours and some take a bit longer. It all depends on the circumstances? Wallis always prefers the quick cases where a few photos of the unfaithful cheater see’s him swiftly paid for his time and efforts. Although every now and then he gets a complicated case that can go for a few days, possibly even a week! These are the assignments that really remind him of what his chosen profession is all about. Gratefully there just might be a complex mystery and it’s up to him to solve it! If he’s lucky it may be something other than another cheater doing the dirty on somebody. Occasionally it may be a simple heartfelt question needing an honest answer! But only if he’s really lucky it seems. Simple fact is today’s fast society seems all too happy to fuck around behind someone’s back! Skeptically he ponders ……Just human nature I guess?

Armed with all the essential juicy bits of the case Wallis gently rubs Tamsin’s sweet pussy for just a few teasing moments then confidently insists Do wait up for me For some reason he always gets extra horny when working on a Lesbian case and a smiling Tamsin knows it Hurry back honey I’m here waiting she whispers in a sensual teasing voice as he exits the apartment. Standard procedure is to first identify the client’s target of suspicion. Then follow until a definitive moment of proof can be captured on film. A deep kiss is normally considered adequate evidence. Not an embrace and not a peck on the check. Past experience has taught Wallis these moments can actually be quite innocent as two old friends reacquaint themselves after a long hiatus. For proof positive it must be an obvious open mouth lustful meeting of two wandering wet tongues! Wallis sometimes wonders if he should be working in the porn industry when contemplating just how many moments of desire he has covertly captured on film to later be presented as evidence!

Occasionally if