In The Lotus Of The Heart: The Essence Of Relationships

By Shubhraji

In the Lotus of the Heart: The Essence of Relationships

Through the practice of conscious relationship, we transform patterns that block love, allowing us to reconnect with our authentic self: our source of love, joy, and peace.--Publisher.

1. Self-actualization (Psychology) 2. Self-realization. 3. Self-esteem. 4. Interpersonal relations. 5. Man-woman relationships. 6. Self-help techniques. 7. Life skills.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Nov 2, 2014
• ISBN: 9780991257874

Book preview

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PART ONE

Uncovering the True Self

1

Seeking Treasure in the Lotus of the Heart

YOUR VISION WILL BECOME CLEAR ONLY WHEN YOU CAN LOOK INTO YOUR OWN HEART. WHO LOOKS OUTSIDE, DREAMS; WHO LOOKS INSIDE, AWAKES.

—Carl Jung

THE SEARCH FOR LOVE is fraught with difficulty, and more often than not true love turns out to be elusive. We are all familiar with the story of two lovers finally finding each other following an epic search, only to face other’s challenges due to differences in their personal circumstances or dreams. For example, the woman wants to settle down in a small town close to her family while the man dreams of living in Tokyo. He doesn’t always listen to her, or he’s not as assertive as she’d like him to be; she’s too emotional, or not emotional enough. There are countless variations on the scenario. A few lucky couples seem to sail happily through their lives enjoying loving, fulfilling relationships, but most people find that relationships are difficult and love presents constant challenges.

THE SOURCE OF TRUE LOVE

An Indian creation story explains why people have so much trouble finding lasting love. According to the story, God, after he finished creating the universe, wanted to give human beings the precious gift of love and happiness. But as their creator he also understood human psychology and knew people would take for granted anything they didn’t have to struggle to get. So he decided to hide his gift where they would have to work to find it.

God consulted with his helpers, asking for ideas about hiding places. One of them suggested the ocean floor; another proposed outer space. But God knew that humans, with their insatiable desire to conquer the external world, eventually would be able find his gift even in the depths of the ocean or the vastness of space. Finally someone suggested the most obvious place—the heart.

Immediately, God recognized the brilliance of this idea. People would scurry around searching for love everywhere in the external world; and their own hearts, at the center of their beings, would be the last place they would look. If, after searching the entire universe and still failing in their quest, they thought to look within themselves, they would find the source of love. With that discovery, they could build the kind of relationships they yearned for. And after working so hard to find it, they would deeply value the treasure of their own hearts.

As the story describes, the treasure we seek is always with us—in our own hearts. Once we understand this, we can stop frittering away our energy in a futile quest looking outside ourselves for happiness. When we come to know ourselves as the source of love, that love spills out to other people, and joy animates our relationships.

Verse I–ii-20 from the Kathopanishad identifies that source of love within our hearts as the atman, or the Self.

The atman that is subtler than the subtlest,

and greater than the greatest,

is seated in the cavity of the heart of each living being.

He who is free from willing and wishing,

with his mind and senses composed,

beholds the majesty of the Self

and becomes free from sorrow.²

This verse describes the essence of Vedanta—the source of love as the true self, which is the birthright of every human being, and the divine essence that needs nothing else to illuminate its existence. Different traditions use various terms to describe this essential aspect within the heart—the true self, the soul, the atman, Buddha nature, Christ consciousness, higher power—all of which identify the true self as the source of love. People who discover this treasure are released from searching and freed from sorrow. The great Indian spiritual teacher Ramana Maharshi tells us, Happiness is the very nature of the self; happiness and the self are not different. There is no happiness in any object in the world.³

But even though the object of our longing lies right within our own hearts, we are conditioned to look for it in the external world. Oblivious to our inner treasure, we search for love as if window-shopping for the right person who will bring us happiness, in the same way we look for the right fabric for our living room couch. Or we try to reupholster the people already in our lives so they better fit our image of who we think they should be. Regardless of our particular situation, our basic strategy is to look outward for love but ignore the foundation of our own beings.

A story from Vedanta writings, The Tenth Man, illustrates how such external focus is nothing new. In ancient India, ten young men from the same village were sent to study Vedanta in a guru’s home. After a few days, they knew that a festival was to be held in their village so they pleaded with their guru to allow them to go back. Because the village was a long distance from the guru’s home, he worried about their safety while traveling. But the most responsible student volunteered to lead the group and ensure their safe arrival, so the guru reluctantly agreed to let them go.

The group set off and eventually came to a river swollen by recent rains, which they had to cross to reach their village. The leader instructed them to hold hands and carefully wade across the river. Although the men tried their best to stay together, the raging current separated the group and swept them in different directions.

As they arrived on the other side of the river, the leader counted to make sure all ten students had made it safely across. To his dismay, he found only nine of them. Hoping he had made a mistake, he had the men line up and counted once more. Still, there were only nine. Every student double-checked by counting again, but they all confirmed the leader’s count.

In a panic the students, convinced that one of them had been swept away by the current, ran off in different directions looking for their lost friend. Meanwhile, the leader stood still, fighting back tears while thoughts of disaster raced through his mind. He pictured the student being dragged under the water by the strength of the current, struggling in vain to stay afloat. He imagined the man’s parents sobbing when they heard the news. He thought of how his guru had trusted him to make sure everyone remained safe. Finally no longer able to hold back his tears he began