RANT: Politics & Snark in the Age of Obama

By Diann Russell

In RANT, Diann Russell opens up with both barrels on Politics in the Age of Obama (both barrels, just like Joe Biden says we should!)

On Barack Obama:
"...the big news yesterday was that Barack Obama is Satan.

Or Satan is Barack Obama.

Or, Barack Obama is a Moroccan actor.

Or Trayvon Martin looks like Satan’s son.

I’m still not straight on it.

It’s a devilish knot to untie.

I mean, I know Obama thinks he’s royalty, but I doubt he had 'Prince of Darkness' in mind."

On Michelle Obama:
"Michelle Obama’s a busy single Mom.
Only, she’s not single. But she knows what it’s like because she’s just like single moms only she’s not single. But she can feel your pain. She knows your 'shtruggles' because she’s just like you only she’s nothing like you, but she knows how you’re feeling and what your days are like even though she has no idea how you’re feeling and what your days are like.
But she’s a busy single Mom just like you!!!!!"

On Joe Biden:
"Every time he opens his mouth, another unbelievably moronic statement rears its head like the creature from John Hurt’s belly in Alien. Meanwhile, we all stand there dumbfounded like Veronica Cartwright muttering, 'Oh, God. Oh, God!'”

On an NBA Player Coming out of the Closet:
"A basketball player named Jason Collins has 'come out of the closet' as a homosexual.
Hollywood, the Enslaved Press and Bill Clinton as tickled pink.

Sorry. Was that hate speech? Should I say differently tickled?

Meanwhile, across the fruited plain [again, I’m sorry. That was probably insensitive], the ninety million Americans without work expressed their delight at the news.

Not really.

Fact is, outside of Hollywood, the Enslaved Press and rapist Bill Clinton, nobody gives a damn."

On Gun Control
"Liberals take to the fainting couches at the very thought of gun owners.

'It is so tragic to see that these people do not mind the slaughter of children!!!'

Of course we do. That’s why we oppose abortion. And we don’t want to ban uterine curettes; or require universal background checks for the use of the cannula. We want to stop the killing of babies through the procedure of abortion. We want to make all medical facilities abortion free zones.

But, we will permit guns on the premises."

On Nancy Pelosi:
"I don’t foresee Nancy Pelosi calling it quits. Retirement isn’t in her future. She’s fixing to die right there where she’s planted herself.

And given the amount of botulinum toxin swimming laps in her veins, she may very well be impervious to natural death.

Holy water. A wooden stake. Maybe a large enough crucifix may get the job done."

On Liberal Democrats:
"Democrats are like arsonists who douse a home with gallons of gas, set it on fire, then blame the firemen for not being able to put it out in time to save it.

If Democrats were a fringe party in Washington with the blinding strength of a 15 watt bulb, perhaps we could all stand around and say, 'aren’t they cute the way they act like children?'

But the children are in charge.

And when Democrats are in charge, people die."

On Hollywood Celebrities:
"Celebrities travel in a tiny universe in which their every action, every sigh, every bodily function, is applauded and praised. They are an even more closed society than Japan in the nineteenth century. This echo-chamber known as Hollywood functions under the illusion that they matter. And because of this, they have the misguided notion that We the People should agree with whatever 'cause' they espouse – that their opinions have more weight and more purpose, because, well, they’re celebrities.
Never in the history of humankind has one tiny segment of our society thought so highly of itself."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Diann Russell
• Release date: May 13, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301782383

Diann Russell

Diann Russell holds an MFA in Playwriting from Carnegie Mellon School of Drama. She is the owner of the conservative website PatriotRetort.com. Diann's agitprop Photoshop images have appeared not only at PatriotRetort.com, but also American Thinker and National Review Online. She is a social media content contributor to Red Nation Rising. She lives in Central New York with her pitbull Mary of Bethany, her cats (don't mock) Buffy and Willow, and her Mossberg 12g.

Book preview

RANT: Politics & Snark in the Age of Obama

Diann Russell

Copyright 2013 Diann Russell

Smashwords Edition

Discover other titles by Diann Russell at Smashwords.com:

Under the Cloud

Sliding Home Feet First

Liberals Gone WILD!!! The Not-So-Silent Conquering of America

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Table Of Contents:

INTRODUCTION: Who's That Lady?

CHAPTER 1: The Fool on the Hill

CHAPTER 2: Michelle Mabelle

CHAPTER 3: Hey Joe Where You Goin' With That Shotgun in Your Hand?

CHAPTER 4: Liberal Democrats: Back in the USSR

CHAPTER 5: Don't Bring Me Down

CHAPTER 6: New York, New York

CHAPTER 7: I Read the News Today, Oh Boy

CHAPTER 8: Jenny's Got a Gun

CHAPTER 9: More Than a Feeling

CHAPTER 10: Video Killed the Radio Star

CHAPTER 11: It's the End of the World as We Know It

CHAPTER 12: It's Raining Men

CHAPTER 13: Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

CHAPTER 14: Don't Fence Me In

CHAPTER 15: Hurray for Hollywood

CHAPTER 16: People

EPILOGUE: The Long and Winding Road

Acknowledgments

About the Author

INTRODUCTION: Who’s That Lady?

In early January, 2013, I was offered the opportunity to have a daily column on a conservative blog a friend of mine recently purchased (the cleverly named "All the Right Snark). For four years, I had been a regular commenter on the brilliant website iOwntheWorld.com. Often my comments would turn into rants for which I would immediately apologize. These rants were usually met with replies of, Tell us how you really feel, Diann." It seemed only natural to give my column the name DIANNY RANTS.

In a three-part series I did early on (What’s Red All Over?) I made reference to having once been a liberal Democrat. Several folks had expressed an interest in the story of my transformation from Screaming Liberal to Staunch Conservative. At first I hesitated, because I loathe navel-gazing. However, after a while, I decided to go ahead and give it a whirl.

From Liberal Mushroom to Conservative Warrior

Part One: Please don’t call me a feminist - January 27, 2013

I was raised in a relatively conservative household. Then, I left for college in 1981 (need I say more?). Though, in 1984, the first time I was eligible to vote in a Presidential election, I did vote for Ronald Reagan. Then, I spent the next 20 years wandering in the wilderness of Liberalism.

My background is theater, which probably sums up why I became a liberal. Though, I would probably describe my 22-year-old self more as a mushroom than a Liberal. I tended to take on the flavor of whatever I was around. And I was around theater people. A lot of them are gay and AIDS was a huge issue when I first got out of college in 1985. Most of the people I was around believed that Ronald Reagan was this evil, foaming at the mouth monster who stood in the way of scientists discovering a cure for AIDS for no other reason than he was evil.

I was exposed to Liberalism every day. And, like the old saying goes, if you hang around a barbershop long enough, eventually, you’ll get a haircut.

By the 1988 election, I was speaking the party line. My ex-husband and I campaigned door-to-door for Michael Dukakis. I voted straight-ticket Democrat in the ’88 election and I had no earthly idea who else was running for what beyond the Presidential contest.

Like a trained seal, I began to repeat all the party talking points on women’s rights and gay rights. I actually thought the bumper sticker, Perfect World if Schools had Enough Money and the Military Had to Hold Bake Sales was downright genius. I bought into the whole Liberal feel-good ideology.

Abortion was the troubling thing. In January 1984, I joined a busload of students from my college who traveled to DC for the March For Life. I was vehemently pro-life. To me, it was a no-brainer. How could any sentient being condone the slaughter of children?

After my slide into Liberalism, I still couldn’t stomach the pro-abortion stand of the people around me. It sickened me the way they stood their ground on wholesale murder. I learned quickly that to speak up and disagree was not advisable. My being pro-life only made them all extremely angry.

By the early nineties, I was living in Chicago, working in the theater as a director and playwright, and I was completely surrounded by Liberals. Most of the women I spent time around preferred to be called womyn. They hated every Republican because Republicans were anti-womyn. (I know, some things never change).

In 1995, I was asked to write a play commemorating the 75th Anniversary of the Nineteenth Amendment (granting women … sorry, womyn … the right to vote).

As I began to research the Women Suffrage Movement, I discovered something that surprised me. The people who were most supportive of granting women the right to vote were Republican. It was Democrats in Congress that fought tirelessly to keep women (sorry, I did it again, womyn) from voting. Susan B. Anthony considered herself a Republican though, the only time she voted, she got tossed in jail.

During the course of researching for this musical (I made it a musical), a mustard seed of Conservatism was planted in me. These women who struggled for suffrage were strong, independent thinkers, and they were not man-hating women with a Y. Susan B., Lucy Stone, Elizabeth Blackwell, Carrie Chapman Catt, Elizabeth Cady Stanton. These were truly the women that I emulated.

But today’s feminists? Starhawk, Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem, and now Medea Benjamin and Code Pink. These weren’t the women that I looked up to or saw as role models. I found the modern-day feminists abrasive, hateful, bitter, angry. Women with a Y embarrassed me. Their wholesale support of abortion disgusted me. Their hatred for men seemed counter-productive. And one thing they sorely lacked seemed to be the ability to think for themselves. Modern-day feminists were steeped in group-think. And it bugged me.

Slowly, I stopped being a mushroom and began to think for myself.

Liberalism is a house of cards built on a foundation of feelings. Thinking, especially independent thinking, is not encouraged. Every argument, no matter what the issue, always boils down to feelings.

I understand that there is a second amendment, but I just feel that nobody needs an assault rifle.

I understand that marriage was originally between a man and a woman, but I just feel like it’s only fair that gays can get married too.

Think of the Obamacare debate. While we conservatives put forward well-reasoned arguments outlining how government control of healthcare will increase costs and limit availability of treatments, the Democrats orchestrated a victim parade – marching one sob story after another in front of the cameras. My mother died from cancer because she lost her insurance. Sob, sob, sob. Liberals pull at the heartstrings to evoke feelings. They have no reasoned arguments. All they have are feelings. Nothing more than feelings (and now that song will be stuck in your head the rest of the day, sorry).

Independent thinking. Rationally weighing evidence and coming to a conclusion. These are not tolerated by the Left. And this was exactly what was happening to me. I was beginning to look at Liberalism objectively, and I didn’t like what I saw.

What began for me in 1995 was not an instantaneous conversion to Conservatism. In 1996 I did vote for Bill Clinton (again). In 1998 when the Monica Lewinsky scandal hit, I watched those around me scoff at it. What difference does it make? Who cares? But in my mind, it mattered. It made a difference. What does it say about a man who would behave in such a despicable way? While the women with a Y were offering to give the President oral sex for keeping abortion legal, I was being pushed further and further away from Liberalism by their own disgusting words and actions.

But still, I was a Democrat. In 2000, I voted for Al Gore. I disliked him with a passion. I thought he was a blowhard and a buffoon, but so relentless were the attacks on George W. Bush as stupid, and a war-mongering cowboy, and on and on, the thought of voting Republican would be impossible. So I cast my vote for the buffoon.

I was never so glad that my guy lost as I was on September 11, 2001.

Part Two: 9/11, Coulter & Rush - January 28, 2013

September 11, 2001. I went home sick from work and was watching Fox News when the first Tower collapsed. Like everyone, I sat watching in horror as our country was attacked. To this day, talking about September 11, 2001 reduces me to tears.

When, later in the day, the news anchor announced that President Bush would be addressing the nation, I actually said to my friend, Thank God Gore isn’t President.

We didn’t need feelings; we needed action.

We didn’t need platitudes and a parade of victims; we needed leadership.

And Albert Gore would not have fit the bill. Not even a little.

For me, the image of George W. Bush standing on that fire truck beside the older fireman, speaking through that megaphone says more about the difference between Liberals and Conservatives than anything. Can you picture Al Gore doing that? Would he have spoken about America? Would his remarks be about the men and women down there, the heroes of 9/11? No. It would have been pull-at-the-heart-strings pap about how Gore felt about it. Then he would gotten back on Air Force One and done the sum total of NOTHING to take the fight to the monsters who would kill us.

I watched George Bush through that crisis and saw how he turned our gaze away from himself and to the hero firemen and rescue workers, to the victims and their families, to our brave men and women in the military. I admired him for that.

Independent thinking can be the death of Liberalism. Because, Liberalism’s ideology cannot withstand scrutiny. Once you start examining, not the words of the Liberal, but their actions – not their intentions, but the results of their policies – you begin to see that it’s all hat and no cattle. You start to see just how crass, self-serving and inappropriate Liberals are. And nothing made that more clear than the 2002 Wellstone Memorial.

Fall of 2002, Paul Wellstone, a Liberal Senator from Minnesota, is killed in a plane crash. The Democrats in MN and in DC turned his memorial service into a Liberal Beer Hall Putsch. I saw the news and was horrified. This is how Democrats behave?!

With each passing day the Democrat party was seemingly pushing me further and further out of the fold. My move back to Central New York in 2003 killed off any remaining remnants of Liberalism. And it’s all Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh’s fault.

For a short time, after I moved back to New York, I stayed at my parents’ house until I found a place to live. My Mom is a Dittohead. She listened to Rush Limbaugh every day, even tape-recording his shows so that she could listen to them again in the car when she did the shopping. It drove me nuts. Every day, from noon until three, Mom had that radio on. On weekends, they would play the cassettes of the shows she dutifully recorded during the week.

It made me crazy. I couldn’t stand the sound of his voice. I thought he was so arrogant. He was a blowhard. I hated him.

A month or so after I returned to New York, my parents needed to run some errands and they asked me to babysit the foster-baby they had. While the little boy napped, I sat down in the dining room and there beside my Mom’s place was the book Slander by Ann Coulter. I picked it up and started reading, fully intending to hate every single word.

Before I could finish Chapter 1, Liberals Unhinged, I knew, in my gut, knew that Ann Coulter was speaking the truth. And I was furious. I didn’t want her to be right. But she was.

I finished the book in a matter of hours. By the time I got to the end, nobody was more surprised than Dianny that I agreed with everything Ann Coulter said about Liberals from how they operate, what they believe and the tactics they use to destroy any intelligent argument against them.

I began to consider myself a conservative, but I still believed that I was a Democrat. Rush Limbaugh was the one who pushed me out of that thinking, but not his radio program. It was my Mom’s subscription to The Limbaugh Letter that made me realize that Rush, though he may sound like an arrogant blowhard, is actually pretty freaking smart.

It was through reading The Limbaugh Letter that I came to see that Liberalism and the Democrat Party are intertwined and symbiotic. If I wanted to be a Democrat, I had to be a Liberal, not because Rush said so, but because Democrats do not permit other ideologies to coexist with them. You either believe the Liberal Group Think, or get the hell out of the Democrat Party. I couldn’t be a Democrat anymore.

By November, 2004, the transformation was nearly complete. I walked into the voting booth and cast my vote to reelect Bush. I wasn’t 100% behind George W. Bush. There were things about him that I didn’t particularly agree with. However, I felt that his choices and decisions after the attack on September 11th were keeping us safe. I believed and still believe that George W. Bush is an honorable man and a patriot. And after Clinton and the stupid, silly, dishonest shenanigans he pulled in the White House, having an honorable man in the Oval Office was a breath of fresh air. It also helped that John Kerry was a fool and a bigger blowhard than Al Gore. That made pulling the lever for Bush all that much easier.

When the scales fall from your eyes and you begin to see Liberals for what they truly are – not what they claim to be, not what they intend to be, but who they really are – it is difficult to remain on the Liberal Plantation. And honestly, once you start thinking for yourself, Liberals would prefer you get the hell off their Plantation.

In 2006, I officially left the Democrat Plantation; I switched my party affiliation to Republican.

I consider myself more a Conservative than a Republican. The Establishment GOP, fearing being disliked by the media, by their Liberals colleagues, fearing being tarnished as extremists, have become Liberal Lite. Instead of realizing that reasoned, clear, articulate conservatism can work wonders on even the most stubborn Liberal, the Establishment GOP, in their panic, abandons Conservatism every time they are threatened. Which is exactly why we lost in 2008 and again in 2012. Fear of standing on principle is the Republican Party’s undoing.

There has never been a more vital time for Conservatives to stand up and become warriors than today. This nation is under attack, not just from Islamists outside, but from Liberals within. The conclusion, the end objective of Liberalism is the destruction of our Republic. And this is so clearly embodied in Barack Obama.

Obama didn’t spring fully formed, unique and singularly different from every other Democrat. He’s exactly what Liberalism is – socialist policies draped in the robe of feel-goodism. The difference between Obama and other Liberals is he doesn’t just show a little leg, but exposes the sickening socialistic underbelly of Liberalism. In Obama, all pretense has been stripped away.

Obama’s ego is so dangerously enormous, his self-love and self-importance far beyond anything we have ever witnessed in contemporary political circles. He interprets his 50+% reelection victory as a sweeping, mandate for more socialist, redistributionist policies.

But it isn’t just Obama that has misread this last election. The entire Liberal Establishment – from Congress to the Senate to the Mainstream Media – have overreached. And this can be Liberalism’s undoing. But only if we Conservatives step up, speak up, and stand on our principles.

While the feckless GOP trips all over themselves to appease Obama in much the same way Chamberlain appeased Hitler, we Conservatives need to rally together, stand together and fight off this Big Government Statist while we still have a nation to defend.

We don’t need feelings; we need action.

We don’t need to appeal to the media; we need to disregard them, go around them.

We don’t wring our hands and bemoan the lack of a voice in Washington; we become our own voice.

We have to stop caring what the mainstream media says about us, what the Liberals in Congress and in this White House say about us. All they have are words. We have principles.

When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them to another… well, you know the rest.

Conservatism is about We the People. And we are the People of the United States of America. And Freedom, as President Reagan once said, is never more than a generation away from extinction. We don’t pass it down in our blood. It is something we must fight for, something we must protect.

And it is well past time to fight.

~~~~~

CHAPTER 1: The Fool on the Hill

Barack Obama is a treasure-trove of material for anyone with a daily column. He is, to put it simply, a tree consisting of only low-hanging fruit. It is proof-positive that the Mainstream Press, or as I like to call them the Enslaved Press are in his back pocket. How could any self-respecting writer not want to dive with both feet into the bottomless lake of inanity that is the Obama persona.

Chris Matthews Has a Very Low Opinion of Lincoln - January 22, 2013

I didn’t watch the Inauguration. I’m not particularly interested in seeing the celebrity/Obama circle-jerk, the fawning media pinching themselves at the awesomeness of Michelle Obama’s wig, or listen to long-winded poems written by gay, Hispanic, lactose-intolerant poets. Besides, having to listen to Obama speak prompts such an unpleasant, visceral response in me, there aren’t enough Tums in the world to get me through it.

However, I did slog through the speech his writers composed for him.

I only have a couple ranty observations:

Equality at the expense of Liberty is not something to strive for

Obama doesn’t seem to understand our founding. He doesn’t seem to comprehend the Federal Government’s role in our nation. We the People are created equal. We are endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable rights, among which are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We the People do not look to the government to give us these rights. The government is not in the business of giving or endowing us with anything, let alone life, liberty or the pursuit of happiness.

Obama has it in his head that his role as President is to dabble in social engineering to make us equal. Because, in his eyes, we aren’t. He has to swoop in and make sure that women get paid as much as men, immigrants who sneak into the country illegally can become citizens, gay people can get married, and voting shouldn’t require much time or effort on the individual’s part. Because, hey, our greatest civic responsibility should be as easy as voting for the next American Idol. Or, in Obama’s case, the next American Idle.

Does anybody else find Obama’s idea of equality incredibly tiny?

Really? It’s the Government’s job to impose equality on people? I recommend Ann Coulter’s book Demonic for a simple, easy read comparing the French Revolution to the American Revolution. The French sought equality. And in the end, slaughtered countless people in an effort to impose its idea of equality on the French. We, the People of the United States of America sought Liberty. Oddly enough, there were no guillotines in our founding history.

Obama advocates the French Revolution ideals, not the ideals of the American Founding. Not surprising. He hates this country. He believes it is his divine right to fundamentally transform this nation. We’re unfair. We’re prejudiced. We cling to God and to our guns. He isn’t going to trumpet Liberty because Liberty, like a cross to a vampire, is abhorrent to Big Government. Equality, on the other hand, can be imposed. And Obama is all about imposing on the People.

In order to secure Limited Government and Liberty for the Individual, we need a bloated, centralized Federal Government to it.

Huh?

Spiffy, Jesse Jackson Jingoistic Alliteration aside, Seneca Falls, Selma and Stonewall were not examples of the Federal Government imposing equality on the people. Seneca Falls and Selma are prime examples of We the People bringing our petitions to the Government, exercising our liberty and standing up for individual freedom. Seneca Falls and Selma are prime examples of how, because of the way our system of Government is set up, We the People can petition our government and exercise our liberties. Civil Rights and Women Suffrage started with the Sovereign Individual petitioning the government. Neither started with the Government imposing on the Individual. These two examples that Obama gave prove him wrong. To be fair to Obama (and it’s all about fairness), I doubt he noticed, since he didn’t write the damn speech.

I don’t include Stonewall. Not because I do not believe that all people in the US should be able to live their lives freely. I do. However, drag queens rioting and beating up the police who raided the Stonewall gay bar in New York in 1969 wasn’t an example of We the People petitioning the government; it was more along the lines of the French Revolution. Well, they do call it Gay Paree.

Barack Obama sees the government as the source of our freedoms. That’s outrageous and runs counter to the Oath of Office he took just the day before his coronation. Barack Obama believes that it is not the Individual who is sovereign. He believes Government is sovereign. It is the solver of problems. The equality machine. The imposer of rights.

Obama is a teeny, tiny king. He sees himself as the beneficent Sovereign. The generous Provider. The loving, caring Parent who will keep our children safe. All that was missing from his idiotic speech was the use of the Royal We.

Who Died and Made You King? - February 14, 2013

George Washington referred to the President as a citizen to administer the executive government of the United States. (Washington’s Farewell Address)

A citizen.

To administer the executive government.

Of the United States.

In Congress, we have Citizen Legislators.

Washington, reminds us that the President is a Citizen Administrator.

When I read through Barack Obama’s Politburo State of the Union Speech, I was struck by how Barack Obama thinks of himself, not as a fellow citizen selected by the voters to act as administrator to the Executive Branch of Government, but as our ruler.

"But if Congress won’t act soon to protect future generations, I will. I will direct… [APPLAUSE] I will direct my cabinet to come up with executive actions we can take, now and in the future, to reduce pollution, prepare our communities for the consequences of climate change, and speed the transition to more sustainable sources of energy."

If Congress won’t act? The Citizen Administrator is declaring that if Congress won’t do what he wants, he will bypass the Citizen Legislators in Congress and dictate to the American People what will be done.

This is a Citizen Administrator?!

The Citizen who is elected to the office of the President of the United States takes an oath to protect and defend our Constitution. All of our Constitution – not just the bits and pieces he chooses to protect, not just for the specific identity or racial groups he prefers.

The entire Constitution.

This includes the Second Amendment.

In his Reichstag State of the Union Speech, Herr Obama figuratively banged his shoe as he declared that we must end gun violence. He prattled on about people who have been killed by crazies with guns. And then demanded that these victims deserve a vote.

A vote on what, Mein Führer Mr.