Super Hot Jokes For Cool Kids!

By Michael O'Mara

"Did you hear the joke about the oak tree?
It's acorny one."

With over 400 hand-picked jokes in this mega collection, there's plenty to inspire and delight any young comedian. Puns, knock-knock and doctor-doctor jokes abound - but rest assured it's not all corny. Bring out your ghoulish side with a collection of spooky jokes or be blown out of this world by a collection of hilarious astronaut antics. Your friends and family will cry with laughter!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael O'Mara
• Release date: Jul 25, 2014
• ISBN: 9781780553443

Book preview

Giggles

When the astronaut returned from an expedition to the Moon, he was asked what the food was like on the trip. The food was good, he said. But the place lacked atmosphere.

What do you get if you cross an astronaut with a hot drink?

Gravi-tea.

At school one day, Billy’s parents were proud to hear that their son would make a great astronaut.

Is it because Billy does so well in science class? they asked.

No, replied the teacher. It’s because he always has his head in the clouds.

What game do spacemen like to play during their orbits through space?

Astro-nauts and crosses.

What do you get if you cross a wizard with an astronaut?

A flying sorcerer.

What do you call a spaceman who thinks he’s a squirrel?

An astro-nut.

Why are astronauts so good at subtraction lessons in school?

Because they’re always preparing to count down.

Mother: Do you think my daughter would make a good astronaut?

Teacher: Well, she is always staring into space.

Where do space monks live?

In a Moon-astery.

What do you get if you cross a spaceman with a donkey?

An ass-tronaut.

What food do astronauts like best?

Nuclear fission and chips.

Why do astronauts never eat after take-off?

Because they have just had a big launch.

Why did the out-of-work astronaut bang his head against the wall?

Because he wanted to see stars.

How do you know when an astronaut is homesick?

She moons about all over the place.

What did the astronaut find cooking in his frying pan?

An Unidentified Frying Object.

How did the dumb astronaut plan to become the first person to land on the Sun?

He was going to travel at night.

What do you get if you travel in a spaceship with a toad?

Star Warts.

Where do astronauts keep their sandwiches?

In their launch boxes.

What do astronauts take when they suffer from travel sickness in space?

Planet-cetamol.

Did you hear about the astronaut who saw a cake floating in space?

It was a Bun-identified Flying Object.

What music do astronauts like to listen to in deep space?

Rock-et ’n’ Roll.

Why did people avoid the angry astronaut?

They were afraid he might blast off.

Did you hear about the man who was captured by extra-terrestrial teddy bears?

He had a close encounter of the furred kind.

What starts working only when it has been fired?

A rocket.

What do astronauts wear at weddings?

Space-suits.

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get?

Missile-toe.

Why was the astronaut too afraid to travel into outer space?

Because he suffered from atmos-fear.

Why did the bottles of tomato ketchup go up in a rocket?

Because they wanted to be flying sauces.

Where does Luke Skywalker go for Italian food?

To Jabba the Pizza Hut.

What is an astronaut’s favourite boardgame?

Moon-opoly.

Did you hear about the astronaut who stayed up all night to work out what happened to the Sun after it set?

It suddenly dawned on him.

Which space hero spends a lot of time in the toilet?

Flush Gordon.

Why don’t astronauts keep their jobs very long?

Because as soon as they’re ready to start, they’re fired.

What is the quickest way to get a baby astronaut to sleep?

Rock-et.

Darth Vader: Luke Skywalker, I know what you are getting for your birthday.

Luke: How do you know?

Darth Vader: I felt your presence.

Where do astronauts get permits to land their spaceships?

At parking meteors.

What do astronauts like to spread on their toast?

Mars-malade.

What sweets do astronauts like to eat?

Martian-mallows.

Which Star Wars character likes to play music?

Luke Sky-walkman.

Why couldn’t the rich astronaut buy a planet?

Because it cost the Earth.

What did the space monster say to the alien when it spotted two astronauts in a space buggy?

Yum... meals on wheels.

Where do martians go to celebrate after they are married?

On their honeyearth.

What was the martian’s favourite sweets?

Mars Bars.

What do you call a martian spaceship that drips water?

A crying saucer.

Why was the two-headed alien top of the class at school?

Because two heads are better than one.

What was the first thing ET’s mother said when he arrived home?

Where on Earth have you been?

What’s slimey, green and highly dangerous?

An alien with a bazuka.

I have 5 eyes, 3 ears and a yellow nose. What am I?

Very ugly!

What is the best thing to do if you come across a green alien?

Put it in a warm place until it’s ripe.

What is a martian’s normal eyesight?

20-20-20-20.

Why did the space monster think the martian was envious?

Because it was green.

What do alien pilots learn at night school?

How to navigate through black holes.

Why are humans so keen to hire aliens to help tend their gardens?

Because they have green fingers.

What do martian children do on Halloween?

Go from crater to crater dressed as humans.

What happened when the alien ate uranium?

He got a-tomic ache.

What game do space monsters play with rockets that have been launched into the universe?

Shuttle-cocks.

What lights do martians use to see into black holes?

Sate-llites.

What do you call a ketchup bottle hurtling through space?

A flying sauce-er.

Why do aliens never starve in space?

Because they always know where to find a Mars, a Galaxy and a Milky Way.

What do you call a fat martian?

An extra-cholesterol.

What do you give an alien suffering from a headache?

Paraceta-Moons.

What do you call a martian dog?

A Moon-grel.

What game do martian children play on lunar craters?

Mars-bles.

Why was the football manager so eager to talk to the alien?

Because it knew where all the shooting stars were.

What is green, hot, and goes round and round?

A martian in a tumble dryer.

What fireworks