You look awfully like the Queen: Wit and Wisdom from the House of Windsor

By Thomas Blaikie

For fans of the ‘Windsors’ and ‘Now we are Sixty’: a beautifully illustrated collection of amusing and affectionate stories from inside the royal family.

Arriving at the theatre, the Queen and the Queen Mother appeared to be having words. ‘Who do you think you are?’ demanded the Queen Mother. ‘The Queen, Mummy, the Queen.’

About twenty years ago the Guardian first published two camp anecdotes about the Queen Mother. Readers reeled to see stories actually printed in a national newspaper that until then had had only an underground existence in certain circles. After that, tales about the royal family became respectable; they were also, quite rightly, believed. Taken as a whole they reflect the contradictory roles we like royalty to fulfil: unworldly and impossibly regal or engagingly domesticated and just like us, or camp, worldly and outrageous.

In this affectionate tribute Thomas Blaikie has gathered together a compendium of stories, many of them never published before, which provide access to a unique world. How exactly does a Queen react when she finds her footmen draped in her jewels? What does she do to amuse herself as she whiles away the hours sitting for her portrait? And how did the Duchess of Windsor and the Queen Mother really get on? This beautifully illustrated book answers these questions and poses many more in its celebration of the diverse personalities of the House of Windsor.

• Language: English
• Publisher: HarperCollins UK
• Release date: Feb 17, 2011
• ISBN: 9780007396221

Thomas Blaikie

Thomas Blaikie is a writer and English teacher. He reviews for the ‘Spectator’ and the ‘Yorkshire Post’.

Book preview

Gracious Me

At a Tuesday audience Tony Blair raised the subject of what he called ‘the Golden Jubilee’. ‘My Golden Jubilee,’ the Queen gently corrected.

On a 1990s State Visit to the Caribbean, the Queen stopped off at the Cayman Islands, which is a tax-haven where every hotel is of unimaginable luxury. At the press reception she said, ‘I’m so glad we’ve got the Yacht with us this time [referring to the Royal Yacht Britannia]. I seem to remember the last time we came here we had to stay in a guest house.’

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An escort commander allowed his horse to block the crowd’s view of the Queen once too often. From inside the carriage, the Queen said, ‘Actually, Captain, I think it’s me they’ve come to see.’

The French government gave a dinner at the Louvre for the Queen during her State Visit of the early 1950s. As they munched their hors d’oeuvres, the Queen revealed that she had never visited the museum before. ‘So,’ somebody said, ‘you’ve never seen the Mona Lisa.’ The Queen admitted that she had not. The next thing anyone knew, the picture was brought into the dining room and left propped up on a chair for the Queen to study at her leisure.

Lady Elwyn Jones hosted a reception for the Pearly Kings and Queens at the House of Lords in the 1970s. One of the Pearly Queens arrived late and rather confused. She approached Lady Elwyn Jones. ‘The bus was terrible,’ she sighed. ‘I’m over eighty. I can’t get into my costume any more but I’ve brought these dolls instead…’ She held up a miniature Pearly King and Queen, slipping her arm around the person standing next to Lady Elwyn Jones. ‘I supposed I’ve missed the Queen Mother. But, perhaps, Lady Elwyn Jones, you could give her these when you next see her.’ ‘Why don’t you give them to her yourself?’ said Lady Elwyn Jones, indicating the person the elderly Pearly Queen was inadvertently hugging. It was the Queen Mother. ‘Oh my gawd,’ exclaimed the old lady, and sank almost to the floor in an arthritic curtsy. ‘No, no,’ said the Queen Mother, ‘you must get up at once. We Queens of East and West have always been equals.’

The Queen’s French is the best of any woman in England, as crisp and neat as her clothing. In 1999, she was subject to a hoax telephone call from a Canadian broadcaster posing as the prime minister of Canada. She behaved impeccably, observing every constitutional nicety, and when the hoaxer suggested that they speak in French she was quite unfazed. ‘Bon, allez,’ she rapped out in triumph.

In 1958 the practice of presenting debutantes at Court was finally dropped. It was really too absurdly snobbish and outdated. But Princess Margaret took a different view. ‘We had to put a stop to it,’ she said. ‘Every tart in London was getting in.’

During the war the Queen Mother got wind that none of the treasures had been evacuated from Apsley House, the London home of the Duke of Wellington. She informed the then duchess, ‘I’m coming round at eleven with a van to take them to Frogmore.’ At eleven sharp a van drew up, the King and Queen appeared and Her Majesty marched around the rooms, picking out all the valuable items and making a list in pencil.

In Venice in 1984, the Queen Mother remained utterly serene and unflappable as her launch began to take in water. In fact, her lady-in-waiting had the greatest difficulty in getting her out before it sank entirely.

Peter Ustinov recalls the extraordinary graciousness of the Queen Mother in the face of some nasty students at Dundee University. She picked up the strips of loo paper they had thrown at her and returned them, saying, ‘Are these yours? Did you mean to leave them there? Wouldn’t you like them back?’

Late in the day at the Cheltenham Races, it is not unusual for quite a few people to be blind drunk, and once somebody in the company of the Queen Mother was very far gone. ‘I have the most marvellous friends,’ she said

Reviews for You look awfully like the Queen

[friendlydragonspouse · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Not a lot of wit, and little wisdom. Was hoping to be pleasantly surprised, but instead found what passes for wit among Spectator contributors.

[heptonj · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A delightful book, it confirms what I always knew - Her majesty has a great sense of humour together with a bit of innocent mischief