Defiance: Rewritten, #4

By Morgan Bauman

Laenyn became a Keshaan to protect her family--even at the cost of someone else's. But six years later, the fearless eyes of the woman she put to death still burn in her memory.

The ruin spread by her choice to obey haunts her. War and vengeance chase her in the night.

Obedience left blood on her hands; only defiance will wash them clean.

 

In the world of Rewritten, information is hoarded. Any false move or lapse of judgment could have dreadful ramifications. Each character has their own lies to tell and secrets to keep, and the struggle to cooperate despite drastic differences in their own perceptions of their world and situation sends every one of them into danger.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Qol Press
• Release date: Jul 15, 2014
• ISBN: 9781501498862

Book preview

Dedication

For all those who dare to face the demons within themselves.

***

Acknowledgments

I wrote the first draft of Defiance immediately after finishing Evasion in 2004. Though Evasion took the most rewrites—narrowly—Defiance has taken the most twists and turns of any story I’ve written. The characters’ motivations and decisions varied greatly from draft to draft, and different characters survived each retelling, but I have finally found the story I wished to tell.

KickStarter made this book possible. In Evasion, I listed my backers in alphabetical order by first name. This time, I’ve opted to go in reverse alphabetical order, as I did in Veracity. Not every backer wished to be credited, so I have not included the names of those who preferred anonymity, but I appreciate each and every person who has supported me.

Without the following people, this book could not have been printed. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Paul Haggerty, Mike and Jan Herson, Kimberley, Keith Hall, Jenny D., Jennalee Bauman, Jack Vivace, Iris Hartshorn, Francesca Dorricott, Erin Lee, Egan Neuhengen, Danielle Lancellotti, Chloe Pritchett, Ashley Koenig, Amie, Amee, and Alexis Latshaw.

I am grateful to Susan Lau, who put together the incredible cover for this book. She was also the cover artist for Veracity as well as Evasion and was among the artists who worked with me on the interior art in Fallacy. I would also like to extend my heartfelt thanks to my friend, Rico, and my professional editor, Kelly. They were vital to the quality-checking of the final draft.

Thank you so much for your time and support. It means more to me than I can say.

- Morgan Bauman

[e-mail]

***

Introduction

The path of obedience favors those already in power. To pretend not to see—to look away from the truth—is to uphold injustices while flinching away from admitting their existence. Throughout history, orders have been given and obeyed.

But disobedience is not a path so easily taken. To make seemingly foolhardy choices that may risk the safety of loved ones in the name of strangers can be punishing. How much easier to bow your head and accept what you’ve been given if you can see that others are receiving far less?

You can turn a blind eye and pretend not to have seen—or you can stand up. No one should be ashamed of their strengths and natural advantages so long as they use these to help others.

But all choices have consequences. To fight back without thinking, to defy the status quo without consideration for the very people you mean to protect, acting only to sate your own guilt, can harm more than just yourself.

Never deny others their agency. We all have choices to make, and we are responsible for none but our own.

At this, the end of the road, I hope that all becomes clear.

- Morgan Bauman

[e-mail]

***

Chapter One

Laenyn knelt in front of the mirror. Several months had passed since they had come to Harris; the face in the mirror looked less gaunt than the one she’d seen reflected in puddles and pools. She’d left her hair undyed, but the habit of braiding it hadn’t left her, and the color still surprised her.

For months, they had evaded all thought of returning to bring Ky to justice. Laenyn’s old duties and promises still bound her, even if Ray could live without them. She knew the truth: running to Jauge to seek redemption through sleep had still been running. Escaping Ilonon, no matter how much sense it made, had still been running.

Laenyn had trained to be a Keshaan, to plunge headlong into danger without the promise of any reward greater than being permitted to survive for another day. She’d had training ground into her very bones, been forced to act as a practice target and as an executioner when all she wanted was to protect her mother and her family.

She had run for most of her life. Run from the truth of her actions and the truth of her own ability to make decisions. She’d pretended the Council was just, despite everything she saw with her own eyes, pretended that following orders justified her own actions.

She had been obedient, had molded herself to become the perfect granddaughter when she had seen Honorable Grandmother beat Mother for Laenyn’s own failings. She had seen no path other than obedience that would protect her family, no path other than obedience that would guard herself against punishments and the angry end of a rod.

{No more.}

Ray slept. The first hints of golden light had not yet appeared on the horizon, but Laenyn reached out to touch her dim reflection.

{I will fight back,} she told herself, staring deep into her own eyes. {I will take my revenge, and I will atone for my own misdeeds.}

She shut her eyes and cleared her mind. The grief and depression that had clouded her heart for so long seemed to fall like shadows before the fire of her promise. She felt uncluttered and unfettered.

She felt free.

{Ray will understand,} she thought. {The children will understand.} She opened her eyes and almost smiled. {Zry will understand best of all.}

In the months since taking up work as a menial laborer—as a janitor, of all things—she had known indignity. Having aspired to the highest position available to her in her homeland, a position higher than any that had been afforded to a Secondary in several generations, she loathed the condescending looks of others as she scrubbed floors. It had earned her a home for herself and her family; it had given her a chance to start over again. But Laenyn still practiced her energy-magic each night and each morning, meditating as she had for so many long years.

The children would still have a home while she left to tie up her loose ends, but they would be unguarded. To bring them along was reckless, even foolhardy. Better to leave them where Ky could steal them away? Or to keep them close at hand, where energy-magic could roast anyone who dared to lay a hand on them?

Looking into the mirror, Laenyn set her face to be as impassive and unemotional as stone even as her heart beat out a warring rhythm.

Maybe they needed a little defiance.

***

Chapter Two

Laenyn left the room she shared with Haven and Cyna and found Zry at the table, running his fingertips over a book composed of tactile dots. He’d been taking night classes to learn to read; Laenyn felt fortunate that Ray already knew English fluently enough that she didn’t have to study it.

Good morning, Laenyn said.

At the smell of cinnamon pancakes, Ray groaned, rousing herself.

Morning, Mom, Haven replied, grinning at her over the counter. Sleep well?

{No,} Laenyn thought, remembering the accusatory eyes that had watched her for so long. {I haven’t slept well in years.} Aloud, she replied, As always. She steeled herself. I have something to discuss with everyone over breakfast.

Chi should be up soon, Haven said. She stifled a yawn and accidentally splattered herself with batter. Oh, drat. I’ll change after we eat.

Laenyn walked over to the breakfast table and sat kitty-corner to Zry. The doorway to the boys’ room opened, and a mussy-haired Yo stretched as he entered the main room of their house. A small house, by Harris standards, but two bedrooms were sufficient for them, and they had no need of a bigger recreation room.

Chi’s totally worn out, Yo said. He’d taken to using English to help Zry learn it more quickly. I think he’ll be out of bed when he smells pancakes, though. Cyna still in the shower?

The day one of us gets first shower is the day she moves out, Haven confirmed.

He huffed. Always hogs the hot water.

I heard that, Cyna called from the bathroom, and Yo ducked his head. Don’t worry. I’ll eat you for dinner so you can enjoy your last day in Harris.

{It might be our last day in Harris for other reasons,} Laenyn mused. Even if she left the children in Delilah’s capable hands, she could not go alone into danger—where she went, Ray would always go.

Ray was just conscious enough to pick up on this, immediately snapping awake. [What are you talking about?] she demanded. [Did something happen?]

Laenyn had wanted to discuss it with their entire family at once, rather than letting Ray talk her out of it. That had led her to wake quietly and spend the first hour of the day meditating, but then Haven had decided to make Ray’s favorite food.

{I have something I want to propose to the group,} Laenyn replied. {Don’t concern yourself too much before learning what it is.}

Laenyn could feel Ray’s worry build despite her reassurance. Ray had a bad habit of fretting over things beyond her control; she’d adapted better to Harris than Laenyn ever could have managed on her own, but if anything happened to throw off her routine, it set her on edge at once.

[I don’t like it when you keep things from me,] Ray said.

{Everyone needs a private pocket for their thoughts,} Laenyn answered, thinking of Haven’s friend, Coinith. He’d said the same thing when he’d learned of their situation. {Except perhaps you,} she teased.

[You’re in a strange mood this morning,] Ray began, but then Cyna emerged from the bathroom, toweling her hair, just as Chi stumbled out of his bedroom.

If you’ll join me at the table, I have something to ask, Laenyn said, her chest turning hard like iron, her heart crystallizing and rattling in the heavy cage of her ribs. If she hadn’t been sitting, she might have stumbled.

Zry set aside his book and rested his hands on the table.

What’s the matter, Mom? Haven asked. She flipped a pancake, then slid it onto the stack with the others. I’ll just be a minute. I can listen from over here.

Cyna leaned against the counter, and Yo and Chi took their seats on the side of the table that let them keep their backs to the wall, as they always did.

Laenyn breathed. I want to go after Ky.

"You want to do what? Yo demanded, leaping to his feet. We’ve kept away from him for months—I don’t want to go hunting him down while he has an army at his back!"

Laenyn felt oddly grateful that he’d used Yra; it was the only language in which all of them held substantial fluency, and this was too serious a conversation to sacrifice in the name of language practice. She glanced away at Haven, who’d hissed sharply at the admission. But Haven waved a reddened hand at Laenyn, moving the frying pan to an unlit burner, and she refocused on Yo.

I have fully recovered from my coma, Laenyn said evenly. I have been honing my energy-magic.

You want to kill him, Cyna said. Her voice was almost nonchalant; she examined her nails when Laenyn looked up. Look, he’s not exactly my favorite person, either.

Killing Ky won’t bring back Wylwon, Haven said, her face pinched as she stuck a burnt finger in her mouth. You can’t just leave work and expect to come home to this house.

I believe that Mr. Davies will understand if I set the situation up in political terms, Laenyn replied. Mr. Davies was the mayor of Harris; she scrubbed his floors for a living, and he’d been understanding about her health problems as she’d begun work. How much could be credited to Coinith’s significant other, Laenyn wasn’t sure, but she didn’t believe that Mr. Davies would penalize her.

I agree with Mother, Chi said. Yo looked at him, brows knit with disbelief, and Chi shrugged. I’m tired of looking over my shoulder and worrying about when he’s going to come after us. Can you blame me?

Yo grimaced, sinking back into his seat and saying nothing.

What does Ray think is the best course? Zry asked.

[I don’t like it, but you might be right,] Ray said. [I’m more interested in taking out Octavia, personally.]

She agrees, Laenyn answered. She also offers Octavia as a potential target.

At this, Cyna grinned, her teeth suddenly sharper as she hung the towel on the back of her chair. Octavia, huh? she asked. Her eyes shifted between those of half a dozen animals before settling back into their human form. She settled herself on her chair as if it were her personal throne. I do owe my baby sister a few last words.

Enough! Haven said. She twisted off the burner so sharply that it squeaked. Enough, she repeated, covering her face. Look, I don’t think that this is a good idea. He could trap us. Octavia could eat us alive.

Alyz and Ypp are still at war, Yo added. We’d have to circle around to Phoenix if we wanted to cut a path to Ilonon.

Ray flinched in their mindspace, and Laenyn managed to suppress a groan. I have to make amends, she said. The eyes that had pursued her for so long flickered before her sudden surge of determination. I was meant to protect Ilonon.

I couldn’t care less about Ilonon. Cyna spat. She rocked her chair up onto its hind legs as her nostrils flared. And I don’t think that you care, either. You want revenge. She grinned with a mouth full of fangs. I want revenge. That doesn’t have to be complicated.

Haven carried over the platter of pancakes, setting one on the plate in front of each person at the table except herself as silence stretched throughout the room, crowding the corners.

Lady Laenyn, Zry said. I can understand your motives. I also agree that Ky and Octavia will do irreparable damage if left unchallenged. He drummed his fingers against the table, his mouth a thin line. But you are not responsible for their actions. You will not be to blame if they do, in fact, tear Qol apart.

I am responsible only for my own hand in this story, Laenyn said. She looked down at her scarred hands and closed her eyes. I have played more of a role than I would like to admit.

[What are you talking about, Laenyn?]

Laenyn steeled herself. When Ky ran his hands through my mind, he underestimated me. In his arrogance, he gave away more of himself than he intended. She opened her eyes.

Haven stood across the table, her face tight.

You know, Laenyn said, meeting her eyes. A little shock ran through her. How?

I put two and two together, Haven said, looking away. I—I didn’t want it to be true.

Didn’t want what to be true? Chi asked. His eyes darted back and forth between them.

Ky had a beloved daughter, Laenyn said. I saw her face in his mind’s eye when he struck.

[You never told me that!]

I murdered her.

Haven shut her eyes, and the rest of the table seemed to hold their breath.

Jauge’s beloved daughter, Haunobolon, Laenyn said. Her throat felt tight. The word beloved had no equal in Yra; she’d opted for English to express the notion. "A daughter she must have somehow raised with Ky. A young woman one year my senior who did not deserve to die." She found herself biting back tears.

That’s why Jauge tampered with your mind, Haven said. That’s why she wanted to erase you.

Laenyn nodded. I was a coward, she said. If I had fled Ilonon with Mother sooner—if I had dared to stand against my orders—none of this would ever have happened. The death of one innocent woman has led to the obliteration of much of the continent and the warfare strewn throughout what remains. She tightened her hands into fists. A woman I was ordered to stone to death.

[You—you didn’t.] Laenyn could feel Ray’s disbelief billow out from her half of their mind.

{You’ve known for a long time that I am a murderer,} Laenyn replied. {I did not want you to know the depth of my atrocity, but I must make amends.}

Killing her father isn’t exactly making amends, Cyna said, narrowing her eyes at Laenyn.

I want to fix what I have broken, Laenyn said. That is the plain truth of the matter.

Atonement rather than vengeance, Zry said, nodding to himself. Yes, that does suit you better. You have grieved deeply for your mistakes, my lady. I stand by what I said: you are not responsible for their actions.

I am, Laenyn said. And it’s time that I set things to rights. Her voice had gone hoarse; Haunobolon’s catlike eyes stared at her, as they always did. {She went honorably into death,} she remembered.

The memory appeared with ease. The pile of stones at Laenyn’s feet, heavy and smooth and meant to split skulls and splinter limbs. Jauge screaming incoherently with rage and horror, racing toward the front of the crowd.

And, most potent of all, Haunobolon herself. Just twenty, the spitting image of Jauge, with a proud and defiant tilt to her chin. She shone in the daylight, bright and confident and radiant. Laenyn knew that she was half Blue; Haunobolon’s hand still dripped with impossible blood. But Haunobolon did not invade her mind. She stood and faced death with dignity.

Laenyn felt the weight of the stone again in her hands, felt the unnatural calm and energy that flooded her arms with strength and a purpose she’d never wanted. She dealt with magic each day, but seeing the stone pulse as it left her hands flooded her with regret. She watched it arc through the air to crush Haunobolon’s sharp nose and blot out her defiant eyes and spill her brilliance in a blue and white spray against the ground just as Jauge burst free of the crowd.

Haunobolon lay crumpled and broken in death, entirely opposite her form in life.

Looking down at herself, Laenyn saw blue and white flecks of blood dotting her hands, her dress, even her feet. The phantom dots flickered as she tried to scrub them away, burying the stains beneath her skin. Looking up, she saw Jauge gaping at her.

‘You murdered her,’ Jauge’s eyes seemed to scream.

Self-loathing had boiled in Laenyn’s chest then.

It simmered there even half a decade later.

She opened her eyes again, trembling more than she would have cared to admit. I cannot revive her, she said. No one can bring the dead back to life. Her throat constricted too tightly to continue speaking. She swallowed hard. Jauge upended the Council in order to exact vengeance. If she had not, Octavia would not have risen to power so quickly.

She’s actually really sickly, Cyna said, picking nonexistent dirt out from beneath her nails. I doubt she’ll live another five years even if you leave her alone.

She may never have taken power at all, in that case, Laenyn said. "She took advantage of the turbulent times. She systematically destroyed the