Destiny

By Jennifer Gibson

Jessie is determined not to let her hearing loss hold her back. She aims her sights even higher as she ventures in a new direction. With a Black Belt on the horizon, and so close to achieving it, she is unaware of the danger closing in on her. Until one day, everything suddenly changes and she finds herself standing on the precipice of life. Will she be strong enough to hold on or will she succumb to the darkness that surrounds her?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Black Opal Books
• Release date: Jul 16, 2013
• ISBN: 9781626940437

Book preview

Jessie's journey began in Sway and Compass. As we continue to follow her in Destiny, she stumbles across a revelation that could change everything and finds herself standing on the precipice of life.

Jessie is determined not to let her hearing loss hold her back. She aims her sights even higher as she ventures in a new direction. With a Black Belt on the horizon, and so close to achieving it, she is unaware of the danger closing in on her. Will she be strong enough to hold on or will she succumb to the darkness that surrounds her?

INCLUDES BONUS SHORT STORY ~ HAPPY HOLIDAYS...or is it?

KUDOS FOR DESTINY

Destiny by Jennifer Gibson is heart-breakingly touching. As I mentioned in my review of Compass, book 2 in the series, it is hard to be a teenager and even harder to be a hard-of-hearing teenager...I was appalled, simply appalled, at one scene that absolutely broke my heart. In this scene, Jessie is dreaming and she spies a young girl crying. The girl turns out to be Jessie as a child and she is crying because her elementary school teacher has said hateful things about her and shoved her and her desk into the hallway, saying she didn't deserve to be in the classroom with the other students. I simply cannot imagine a teacher doing that to a child. Any child. I so wanted to punch that woman. I am sorry. I am not usually a violent person, but I really wanted to beat that teacher to a pulp. And it really brought it home to me how extraordinary Jessie is that she takes it all and rarely complains. I thought Destiny, like Sway and Compass, to be a thought-provoking glimpse into a world all of us need to understand. -- Taylor Jones, reviewer.

Well, needless to say, Jennifer Gibson has done it again in the sequel to Sway and Compass. The third book in the series, Destiny, continues the story of Jessie, the hard-of-hearing teenager, and shows us another aspect of what life can be like for the disabled. Jessie is older now and facing the prospect of looking for work. It is a daunting challenge, complicated by her disability, of course, but even further complicated by the petty cruelty of those she must deal with on a daily basis. And this time, it is not just the high school classmates that torment her, but professional adults who really ought to know better. Reading of the behavior of some of these people, I was truly disappointed and disillusioned, right along with Jessie. When the poor kid finally breaks down and sobs, Why? Why me? I can fully understand her pain. -- Regan Murphy, reviewer.

A heart-warming story, told with compassion, honesty, and an authentic ring of truth. This one's a keeper. -- Gibby, beta reader

Acknowledgments

As always, I will be eternally grateful for the invaluable support of my parents, especially my mother, Dr. Cheryl Gibson for editing the first draft of this book and to my father, Dr. Glenn Gibson for his medical knowledge and input.

To my real life inspiration and muse, I tip my hat to my three mouseketeers, my oldest and endearingly handsome buddy Liam for being such a loyal and loving friend; my furry, purry firecracker Molotov; and my squeaky darling Belladonna. I thank you all. Without your everyday antics and chatter, Parker and Serena would not have existed.

I raise my glass of wine to my aunt Susan for giving Merlot and Riesling a new world to play in, cheers!

Most of all, I must extend my most gracious thanks to my fans and beta readers for their extensive support. Your love is what kept this series alive.

Kudos to the team at Black Opal Books for producing the trilogy -- it's a dream come true and I couldn't have done it without you.

Find the light within you and let it shine.

DESTINY

by

Jennifer Gibson

A BLACK OPAL BOOKS PUBLICATION

Copyright 2013 Jennifer Gibson

Cover Art by Jennifer Gibson

Copyright 2013 All Rights Reserved

EBOOK ISBN: 978-1-626940-43-7

EXCERPT

I found it hugely ironic that as the seasons changed, so did my life. Just around the bend was a pivotal moment that could determine my future, and I was scared. Really scared.

I had taken just a few steps when the lights sputtered, dimmed, went bright, dimmed again, then suddenly went completely black. I stood frozen to the spot, fear holding me hostage. Aw, crap, I thought.

There was an eerie, loud wail down the hall. My hands began to shake, rattling the ice cubes in the pitchers. Another long moan floated toward me from down the hallway.

Well, that's just creeptastic, I thought darkly as my breath came out in shaky gasps.

Okay, I can do this. I'm not a scaredy cat. It's just a dark hallway. Keep going, I muttered to myself, trying to summon up the courage to move my feet, but they weren't listening.

Then there was a loud bang followed by sounds of something crashing. Another high-pitched warbling wail rose in the air.

Okay, now that's what I call scary.

Some of the lights came back on sporadically, leaving dark cones of shadows throughout the corridor. A figure suddenly appeared in the doorway off to my right and I flinched, nearly dropping the pitchers. I sucked in a hard gasp, trying not to scream.

Sway

As I tumble and fall, like a leaf in the wind,

I’m at its mercy, twisting and turning,

spinning all around.

Struggling against the pull,

resisting it’s sinister fate,

sinking deeper into the darkness.

Smoky tendrils tugging at me,

wrapping me in its dark embrace.

The world grows dimmer,

I no longer see the light.

My cries disappear into the night,

falling onto silent ears.

Swirling chaos churning against me,

turning my life upside down.

Swaying and swinging, to and fro,

completely out of control.

Twisting and turning,

reaching for my only hope,

striving toward a guiding light.

All I need is your solace.

Will you share your warmth?

Can you shed some light,

cast a beam of hope my way?

Can you lend a guiding hand,

pull me upright, and stand beside me,

as resolute as pillars of stone?

CHAPTER 1

Awakening

I sat on the porch, hugging my knees with my face toward the sun, reveling in the warm feeling. The air smelled of freshly fallen leaves and sweet sunflowers. I watched the vibrant orange and crimson red leaves shake and shimmer in the breeze. They looked like they were shivering in the cool air, all too aware that winter was just around the corner.

A tiny red squirrel scampered up the tree, scooting along thick bark until it reached an outstretched branch. It promptly sat down with a huff, twitching its tail like a flag as it peered downward. It seemed to be scouting for potential falling nuts from this vantage point or perhaps selecting a new hiding spot to bury its next treasure.

The floorboards beneath me rumbled, a slight vibration from someone walking behind me. It came to a halt just behind my back. I peered up and spotted Ethan, holding two steaming mugs in his hands. He grinned, leaned down, and gave me a kiss upside down.

Ooh! Just like Spiderman! I said, giggling, as he handed me a yellow mug filled with swirls of luscious chocolate. Wisps of white steam floated upward as I inhaled its delicious aroma, a mix of peppermint and dark chocolate.

Mmm! Thanks, I murmured as I blew across the top of the mug, pushing the steam away from me and forming a very long curly shape in the letter S.

I could smell Ethan's scent, a combination of pine and fresh snow which always reminded me of Christmas. I loved it. His presence had a calming effect on me whenever he was near. I always felt more grounded around him. He was my rock, he was a strong a pillar of stone. In many ways, he was literally my anchor, stopping me from being sent adrift on the days I felt lost, like today.

As I gingerly leaned in and took a tentative sip, being cautious not to burn my tongue, out of the corner of my eye I noticed him watching me. I could feel his gaze on me.

What? I asked as I slurped on the rich chocolate. It tasted like someone swirled a candy cane in it.

Miss camp? he replied as he gestured at my shirt with his free hand.

I looked down at my long sleeved waffle shirt in forest green. On the front was a white logo of an owl sitting inside a circle of branches featuring large letters that said Camp Balsam. It was where both of us taught martial arts. It had been a long, hot, and adventurous summer.

It was an eye-opening experience that changed me. It left a lasting impression that I couldn't shake. I went as one person, left as another. It was like night and day. I couldn't believe how different I felt when I got home. Mom was the first one to notice the difference. Aside from my being supremely tanned and more fit than usual, she remarked that I seemed like a new person, like a butterfly finally emerging from its shy cocoon.

She had seen a big shift in my confidence and noticed that I was more open and happy despite my exhaustion. I slept in as late as possible every day for a week upon arriving home.

Going back to school was a rude awakening. My body screamed and demanded more time to sleep in as if it wanted to make up for all that was lost during camp.

Not only was it a physical shift, it was the atmosphere at school. The difference between camp and school was drastic. I felt right at home during the summer, surrounded by so many good people where no one was judged, but loved regardless of their disability. It was a place of acceptance for both the staff and the kids. Every day I was met with hugs, warm smiles, and cheerful greetings.

On the first day of school, it was a shock to walk down the slick hallways and be treated so coldly. Everyone just pushed and shoved their way toward class, no smiles or a sense of acknowledgment. All eyes were averted, completely absorbed in their schedules or toward their destination. I was met with stony silence. It left me with a deep sense of isolation and confusion. I suddenly felt so displaced. It felt like a drastic shift between two realities, and I couldn't find my bearings. I felt so lost.

I fiddled with the cuff of my shirt, smoothing out a wrinkle, nodding at Ethan. Yeah, I do. A wave of sorrow washed over me.

Jessie, what's wrong? You've been really quiet lately, he said as he tilted his head to the side and reached out with his left hand, stroking my cheek with his fingers. His touch left a warm trail on my skin.

I heaved a deep sigh as I wondered how to convey my thoughts clearly to him. "Have you ever had that sensation when the ground suddenly seemed to disappear and you feel like you're falling?'

He nodded. Um...yeah, sort of, he replied as his hand slid down my arm, moving up and down in slow, sensual motions.

I just feel so lost, like a leaf turning and twisting in the air, completely at the mercy of the wind, I said and looked out across the yard, toward the trees that displayed their vast plumage of brilliant fall colors.

Ever since we left camp, it's like there is this huge hole in my life. My voice nearly broke, sounding more like a gasp. I could feel tears welling up behind my eyes.

Ethan grabbed my mug and placed it beside him on the porch and scooted closer to me, pulling me into his chest. He rubbed my back in slow circles.

You feel like you've lost your friends? he inquired, his voice rumbling in his chest near my face.

I nodded, suddenly feeling so tired.

You know what? So do I, Jessie, so do I. He leaned his head down to look into my eyes, his eyebrows creased in concern. Is this about school?

I nodded again. Yeah, I said softly, afraid that I'd lose control and start sobbing uncontrollably.

I could feel his chest rise and fall as he sighed deeply in frustration. He nearly growled as he clenched his jaw. I wish that they could see what I see in you. They seem to have a very twisted and misguided view about you.

I nodded. I know. I thought that by now, they would treat me with more respect, just accept me for who I am. I want to be their friend, but it seems like that they don't want that at all. It's as if the harder I try, the more I push them away.

As I spoke, his warm hand moved upward toward my neck, his fingers massaging the muscles in gentle strokes.

It's like every cruel joke and juvenile sense of ignorance followed me from junior high to here. I had expected to be able to shake off that awkward persona a couple of years ago.

I slowly shook my head, trying to dispel those old memories and feelings.

It's as if I have this horrible, dark shadow from my past slithering into the present. Just when I think I had broken that bond, it rears its ugly head again and strikes at me in the form a demeaning prank or disparaging remark.

My hands trembled as I spoke.

I thought I was stronger, more sure of myself. It felt like the real me came through at camp. The minute I went back to school, it's as if that person simply vanished.

A tear rolled down my cheek. Before I could reach up and wipe it away, Ethan's hand gently swiped it off. He pulled me in toward his lips and gave me a soft kiss on my cheek where the tear had fallen. He moved slowly toward my lips, touching them lightly and sensuously, leaving behind a tingling sensation. His mouth tasted like chocolate and candy canes.

My mind suddenly went blank, infused with a sense of one thought only: Ethan.

I gripped his hand, intertwining my fingers with his, their warmth sending a fire along my arm.

As we continued to kiss I was filled with a languid feeling, relishing in the comfort of his soft lips.

When we broke apart, gasping slightly, he gazed into my eyes as his other hand moved slowly along the back of my neck.

Feeling better? he said with a half-smile that curled up in the corner.

I nodded as I chuckled lightly.

Jessie, those students at your school are just trying to tear you down so that they can climb all over you, literally. They are only doing it to make themselves seem stronger when in fact, it's the opposite. They are so insecure and threatened by you that they have to make you seem smaller so they feel bigger. They are just playing mind games with you. You know what is true in your heart. Let it shine like you did at camp. You revealed your true self and everyone loved it.

He reached up and stroked the side of my cheek, then tucked a long lock of blonde curls behind my ear.

Once they see how strong you really are, they won't patronize you anymore. You have the power to be in control of everything that happens, especially now.

My eyebrows knitted together as I looked into his eyes. What do you mean especially now?

Your training, Jessie. It's not only making you physically stronger, it's about utilizing your inner strength. It's about finding the confidence from within. If any of them saw you at the dojo or at summer camp, they wouldn't think twice about giving you any lip.

His fingers grazed my forehead as he stroked the skin, brushing my bangs aside.

You are a very different person now. You're a teacher. That is so much more than what most of them have achieved so far. It's amazing, Jessie. Show them that.

I nodded as I thought about it.

So, um...can I have my hot chocolate back or are you planning on hogging it? I said as I tried to reach for it.

He barked a hefty laugh. That's going to cost you, he said with a sly wink, leaning in closer to me.

Uh huh...and uh, what would that be? I said, smirking.

Mmm, how about this? he mumbled as his tender lips touched mine, pulling me in.

CHAPTER 2

Canvass

Here you go! I exclaimed cheerfully to Parker and Serena as I placed their plates of tuna in front of them. Both of them were sitting on the floor, waiting somewhat patiently with their tails curled around their paws. As soon as I bent down to give them their dinner, they jumped up and strutted over to their respective dishes. One was blue, the other pink. How they knew which ones were theirs was a mystery to me.

Mom was busy stirring the pumpkin soup as I tended to the cats. Meanwhile, Ethan grabbed napkins and utensils from one the drawers. I pulled out a pile of plates from the shelves, went over to the dining table, and began placing them on top of the placemats as Ethan added the knives and forks. Both of us went around the table, getting everything ready for dinner. It was a comfortable routine that made my day feel just a bit better. It was a nice feeling, cozy and warm.

It wasn't the heat from the kitchen that was making it seem so cozy. It was just a nice, fuzzy feeling that I got in my heart whenever everything seemed to click. It was this moment, right now, being together as a family at home that made it feel so right.

Jessie, can you light the candle for me please? Mom spoke to me over her shoulder so that I could lip-read her. She gestured with her other hand toward the middle of the dining table.

I nodded as I strode toward the drawer and snatched up a lighter. I spun around on my heel and leaned over one of the chairs to reach the candle. Even though Thanksgiving was not until next month, Mom was already in a Martha Stewart decorating mode. There was a golden glass dish filled with sparkling amber gems that resembled acorns and a small white pumpkin the size of my fist with a wick in the center. As I placed the lighter in the middle of the candle, it burst into a shimmering flame, casting a soft glow onto the glittering decorations.

Mom and I loved going window-shopping at stores like the Pottery Barn for inspiration. We often collected magazines and catalogs from their stores and gleaned a lot of intriguing ideas from their displays. We tried our best to copy their style with what we had and often incorporated our own flair, such as the vintage glass dish that belonged to my grandmother.

I smiled as I watched the flame grow bigger, casting a larger glow onto the table. I wished we could've lit the fireplace in the living room, too. The image of the crackling fire in my head brought back a sudden and recent memory of roasting marshmallows at camp.

I must've had a faraway look on my face, since I felt a gentle prod on my shoulder. I looked to my left and found Ethan staring at me with a whimsical smile. What'cha thinking about?

Hmm? Oh! Um...camp. You know, marshmallows and s'mores, I said as my mind slowly reeled itself back to reality.

Huh? His face did a comical dance as he tried to figure that one out, sending a bemused expression my way.

I was thinking about how nice it would be to have the fireplace lit, which led my mind elsewhere.

Ah! Okay, I get it now. He shook his head and smiled seductively, no doubt thinking about our steamy kisses behind the cabin at camp.

Oh, that's lovely, Jessie, thank you. And thank you, Ethan, for helping out with the table.

It was my pleasure, Ethan said as he bowed slightly toward her, a polite habit from years of bowing in karate. It was more of an unconscious gesture that conveyed respect.

Anything else that needs to be done, Mom?

No, that looks great honey! She looked up across the counter as she surveyed the table. Her auburn curly hair was getting damp and fizzy around her face from the rising steam of the soup. Her cheeks were a little bit flushed from baking all day. She had been creating a new batch of cookies this afternoon, delicate sugar cookies decorated in elaborate icing with sparkling toppings for a new client. Mom's business was called Paige's Pastries which was rapidly gaining popularity. There would be days when the kitchen was filled with orders, particularly for weddings or a banquet. Every conceivable surface would be covered with trays and plates topped with mouthwatering treats. It filled the house with a delectable sweet scent, making it smell very much like a bakery. And there were lots of leftovers, mostly broken pieces, which I got to sample.

Can you find your father for me and tell him dinner is ready, please? she asked as she spooned the soup into the bowls with a large silver ladle. Ethan quickly grabbed each bowl and placed it on the table as I darted out of the kitchen in search of Dad.

Dad? I called out as I walked down the hallway toward the library where I often found him buried nose deep in books. As a professor at the local University, he was usually doing research, or marking grad student papers.

I yelled again as I entered the library. Dad! It was an aptly named room--an entire wall was filled with floor to ceiling shelves that overflowed with books of all sizes, colors, and thickness. Some were obviously very old and worn. Others were still fairly new and in pristine shape.

Sure enough, there he was, sitting at his desk, furiously scribbling on his notepad.

Da--ad, I said in a singsong voice.

It reminded me of the scene from the movie Indiana Jones where Junior tries to get his father's attention and all he achieved was being told to count in Greek.

He jerked his head up out of a foggy stupor.

Hmm...Oh! Jessie? Did you say something? He lifted his glasses on top of his head as he turned to look at me. His medium length chestnut hair stood out at various angles, tuffs of it sticking out beneath his glasses. His brown beard was showing signs of his age, starting to turn gray along the sides.

Mom said that supper's ready, I replied, feeling slightly exasperated.

He grinned as he pushed the chair away and stood up. Ah! Just in time, I'm starving!

We marched into the kitchen and sat down, eager to dive in. Wisps of steam floated upward from the bowl as I grabbed a spoon. It smelled divine. We all began to slurp noisily and dip pieces of bread into the pumpkin soup.

So...Ethan. Tell me, how was camp this year? Did you enjoy it? asked Mom.

I rolled my eyes, holding back a grin. Mom had been nagging me for details about camp. She complained that I didn't write enough letters or emails this past summer. Our schedule was so crazy busy, that I couldn't even find the time to sit down, or summon the energy to think about writing a note. And the fact was that it felt weird to have to go into Luc's cabin to use his computer. Even though we were all welcome, there was just not enough free time for most of us to use it.

I told her as much about camp as I could when got home but there was still a lot I left out. It was hard to describe what went on. So much had happened in such a short period of time. It was as if she was vicariously living summer camp through me. Now she was trying to glean more information from Ethan.

Ethan's spoon came to a dead halt over top of his soup. The dark orange liquid trickled over the edge and landed with a plop into the bowl. He flicked his eyes at me.

I shrugged my shoulders ever so slightly.

Um, oh...wow. Where to start? He appeared momentarily dumbstruck, totally not expecting this curveball.

I could see that he was quickly gathering his wits, trying to decide what to say, or reveal in this case.

Honestly? I loved it. The kids were great, super hyper, and really, really amazing. We had a really good bunch of kids this year. He quickly gulped down the soup from the spoon that he had halted earlier before he continued on with his recollection. What surprised me most was how fast they learned the moves that we taught and how eager they were. Especially karate in the pool, you know, jumping off the diving board and doing a front kick, he said with a proud grin.

I nodded as he spoke, agreeing with his highlights.

And they were so smart. It made me so angry that some of them were actually labeled slow or mentally challenged by their teachers at school. He mimed quotes in the air with his fingers as he spoke, clearly angered by this definition.

They really shined at camp. I was so proud of them. He placed his hand on his chest as he gushed over the kids.

Mom gestured with her spoon at Ethan. For them to change like that is impressive.

Dad's eyes were bouncing back and forth like ping pong balls as he watched the conversation while he slurped on his soup, clearly absorbed in the story.

Luc had many parents ask him how we managed to bring out the best in their kids, Ethan said, his eyes sparkling. They're shocked at the change when they come back to pick them up.

Why do you think that happens? asked Mom as she dunked a chunk of bread into the soup.

He took a moment to consider his response. I think, based on what Luc said, it's that none of us judge the kids. We accept them as they are and allow them to find their own personalities away from their teachers and parents.

I think they feel free to be themselves, I added. There's no fear of being cast aside as an outsider, everyone is treated equally at camp."

Ethan nodded. I wish you could've seen how much they changed. It was awesome.

Was there anything in particular that you enjoyed at camp? queried Mom, clearly interested in this.

The corner of Ethan's mouth quirked up into a sinful little smile and he flicked a sideways glance at me. I had the distinct feeling that I knew what he enjoyed most--me. And the kisses behind the cabins.

Oh, pretty much everything. You know, swimming, rock climbing, the campfires, stuff like that. Jessie made it even better. It was great having her there with me this year, he said rather innocently, cleverly hiding his wicked thoughts from Mom.

She beamed, clearly pleased by Ethan's compliments. Aw, that's very sweet! Well, I'm glad to hear that.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

So...Jessie, Mom said. While we are on the topic of working with kids, I was talking to Joanne and she mentioned that she was looking for someone who had experience.

I nearly dropped the spoon I was holding but managed to grab it just as it hit the soup. Some of it splashed out onto the rim.

I nervously cleared my throat. Um, what do you mean?

You remember Joanne, right?

Vaguely. Didn't you guys to go to school together? I asked.

Mom nodded. Yes. She runs the art gallery in town. Her assistant recently left to go to Sheridan College.

Uh huh, I said.

Well, she is running an after school program for kids, sort of an art camp, I guess.

I sent a worried look toward Ethan, having a sneaking suspicion about what was coming next.

With your artistic background and experience working with kids, I thought that this might be a perfect fit, she said cheerfully, thrilled at the prospect of me working in an art gallery.

Me? But I just finished working at summer camp! I cried out, stunned at the idea.

Her face fell and I promptly regretted saying those words.

I already told her that I thought it was a great idea, she said firmly.

But...Mom! I heaved a heavy sigh. It seemed too soon to dive right back into working with kids again. I was already doing that in Karate every week.

Honey, she is willing to pay you. And it will only be twice a week until Christmas.

She wants me to teach art? I mean, I'm not that good at it, you know. I flapped my hand at her in exasperation.

She tilted her head to the side and stared at me with unmoving eyes, clearly trying to send a message that I should be taking this opportunity more seriously. No. She will do the teaching. All you have to do is help her gather the supplies, get them ready for class, sit by the kids, and give them helpful hints. Simple.

I tried really hard not to snort. Oh, sure--simple. I inhaled deeply through my nose, trying to calm down.

I've already set up an interview for you to meet Joanne.

Stunned, I dropped my spoon. It hit the bowl with a sharp clatter. Bits of soup splashed out onto the edge and onto my fingers. I licked my wet fingers. When? I asked in between licks.

This week on Wednesday after school.

Wow, so soon? I said, feeling aghast.

Mom heaved a sigh. Jessie, you are lucky to get this interview. Jobs are scarce around here and you could use the money for school and karate.

I felt mortified. It was one thing to teach karate at summer camp, entirely another to teach art. I felt completely out of my element and very inexperienced, ironically. I didn't think I was qualified enough. Mom continued to stare at me unwaveringly. I turned my gaze toward Dad who shrugged his shoulders and said, I agree with your mother, Jessie. It would be a good experience. Even if you don't get the job, you could use the opportunity to practice doing job interviews. You know Joanne which would make it easier for you.

I relented. Fine. I'll go since everything is already set up.

That's marvelous, Jessie! Joanne will be so pleased to hear that!

I rolled my eyes in Ethan's direction as we all went back to eating our soup. He grinned sheepishly at the drama that unfolded in front of him.

CHAPTER 3

Impressions

It started out as a foggy morning and was now a dismal day. The overall effect seemed to have clouded my mind as well, making me feel heavy and oppressed. I had a hard time focusing in class because I was constantly worrying about the impending interview.

It was a real struggle trying to get back in to the routine at school after teaching summer camp. It seemed too soon and that my body was slowly catching up, kicking and screaming the entire time.

I kept dropping my textbooks which seemed thicker than ever, making my backpack feel heavier than last year. As I flicked through the pages, I suddenly felt overwhelmed. The majority of the course load was advanced but I had a few general-level classes. I began to wonder if I made a mistake in taking so many advanced ones. I struggled in some classes, missing my classmates' responses to the teacher's questions or in debates where answers flew quickly back and forth, too fast for me to keep up. I had asked the teachers to repeat the answers for me, but they often forgot or simply ignored me. I've lost count of how many times I'd asked them to do that for me and it had reached the point where they would just glare at me for slowing them down. There were times when it felt