Retrospecticus: 2013-2014 Professional Basketball Yearbook

By Ian Levy

The basketball writers of Hickory-High have collaborated on a lengthy review of the 2013-2014 NBA season, a yearbook if you will. While we don't have the pictures and visual elements of your old dusty high school yearbook, we do have memories from the regular season and playoffs, senior superlatives, prom songs and individual sections written about each team's season. This book was assembled with creativity and care, joy and ambition; a reflection of a wonderful season spent watching, enjoying and writing about NBA basketball. We hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ian Levy
• Release date: Jun 19, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311026521

Book preview

Last summer I had the enormous privilege of collaborating on the Hardwood Paroxysm 2013-2014 Season Preview, a 100+ page ebook assembled by the approximately 357 writers at HP. It was an incredible experience — the writing was a joy, but the collegiality throughout the process was something particularly special. In the end there was a surplus of group pride and a thorough and weighty final product. That experience was the direct inspiration for the text you are now reading.

Retrospecticus is an attempt to recreate that experience with my own staff at Hickory-High. The talented group of writers who volunteer their time and creativity to Hickory-High are an absolute blessing but, although we waste hours every day on group email threads, our work is mostly done in parallel — written separately and not seen by colleagues until it is published. I wanted to try something more intentionally collaborative, and bigger, much bigger.

The idea to frame this season review project as a yearbook came fairly early on and it seemed like a ludicrously appropriate choice. You’ll quickly notice that this is not a yearbook in the traditional sense, mostly because licensing photos of every NBA player was well outside our budget of zero dollars. We’ve tried to keep some yearbook structures in place but still work in our own styles to tell some of our favorite stories from this season. You’ll find memories from the regular season and playoffs, senior superlatives, prom songs and individual sections on each team’s season.

As with everything at Hickory-High, this project is far from perfect. This was our first swing at a project of this magnitude and I’m quite certain that we’ve missed in places. Editing on this scale and formatting in this style were both new experiences for me and the execution is clumsy at times. But at its core, I believe Retrospecticus is true to the Hickory-High experience. It was created with creativity and care, joy and ambition. We had a blast putting it together and we hope you enjoy reading it as much we enjoyed writing it.

While we are excited to share Retrospecticus with all of you, it is also a bittersweet benchmark. As you may have heard this is the last project from the Hickory-High collective. A wonderful (yet-to-be-announced) opportunity has opened up for us that necessitates shutting the door on Hickory-High. Although many of us will be working together in the future, this is the last project from this particular group of writers in this particular configuration. I have been so privileged to blindly lead this talented group over the past few seasons and I can’t thank them enough for all the wonderful work they have done. Not all of our writers were able to contribute to this project and since this may stand as Hickory-High’s tombstone, I want to make sure I thank Andrew Johnson, Cole Patty, Jacob Frankel, Sean Widmer and Kyle Soppe for all their terrific contributions.

Summer is a wonderful time of year, but it also marks the end of many things. At this moment in time, the arrival of summer marks the end of the 2013-2014 season and the end of Hickory-High. We hope Retrospecticus will serve as a wonderful reminder of the memories we’ve made together, both on the court and on the internets.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for being a friend.

Have a great summer and see you next year,

Ian Levy

The Voyage of Soaring Hawk

by David Vertsberger

Dawn breaks over the horizon, the sun gleaming over the Soaring Hawk, gently rocking at the Southeast Division port. The ship has had a long-running streak of success looting the Eastern front, but has yet to come home with close to an amount of treasure that would label it legendary. Its financier, Sir Spirit of Georgia, came on board this morning with great haste. The crew was still asleep, except for one man.

Quartermaster Ferry.

Welcome aboard, sir Spirit. How was your trip over?

Let’s skip the subtleties, shall we?

By all means.

I brought you on one year ago because I wasn’t satisfied with these repeated accomplishments year in and year out. We tread water while the Pearl of South Beach and the Tea Party each return with enough gold to purchase our vessel six times over. I want our ship to command the respect that theirs do. I want to be feared across the Eastern front and brave the great waves of the West. My patience is growing thin. I commend you for replacing Captain Woody and Master Gunner Johnson, but I’m expecting much more from you, and soon.

Quartermaster Ferry pours himself a cup of rum, picks up the glass and says, In my many years at sea I’ve heard the wildest of tales. One sailing master collecting 11 precious artifacts in 13 years as a pirate, a financier like yourself being left adrift at sea for not wanting colored folk manning his ship. I found glee in listening to the rubbish-talk. I only ever shared one story, the story of a ship that was built from scratch that looted four chests of jewels. This ship never left the waters without an abundance of treasure, all being led by the same captain and sailing master over 15 years.

Spirit scoffed. You’re telling me this why?

It happened. I was there.

Nonsense.

Ferry took a sip of his drink, places the glass down and says, The ship still thrives in the West. It’s called the Spur. I know of a man on the crew, I think he should be our next captain.

What makes you think he’ll leave such a prosperous ship for ours?

If he stays there, he’ll never live to see captainship. We can offer him something they can’t.

So your plan is to have our ship be rebuilt in the form of theirs using this man’s expertise… Brilliant. What’s his name?

Budenholzer.

Ferry and Spirit travel by land, their voyage spanning eight days and eight nights until finally reaching the Spur. The ship hardly looked threatening from the exterior. Seeing the ship after hearing Ferry’s fable puzzled Spirit, who turned to Ferry in confusion.

Looks harmless, doesn’t it? said Ferry.

Once aboard, Spirit realized the true power of the beast. The crew ran like clockwork, never missing a beat. Look at the weaponry. Certainly not the biggest cannons out there, but they are by far the most precise and efficient. They jam less frequently than any others. Reliable, said Ferry.

Ferry and Spirit approached Budenholzer’s hold. A knock, then a voice.

Enter.

Ferry enters first, much to the jubilation of Budenhozler.

Daniel! exclaimed Budenholzer as he greeted Ferry with a warm embrace.

It’s been years. To what do I owe this pleasure of seeing you and...

The financier of my ship, Sir Spirit.

...and Sir Spirit?

We want you to captain our ship.

Are you serious?

Completely.

I’ll have to talk to Captain Popovich about this.

See that you do.

Budenholzer left the room, headed to the deck, where he found Captain Popovich skimming over a map.

Cap’n.

What can I do for you, Budenholzer?

I just received an offer to captain my own ship sir. I wanted to speak to you before making a decision. I have the utmost respect for you sir, you’ve taught me so much over the years and we’ve accomplished so many great things. I’ve always wanted to be a captain sir, but never at the cost of hurting your shi-

Go.

Sir?

Popovich, never a man of many words, patted Budenholzer’s shoulder and repeated, Go.

Thank you sir.

The three headed back to the Soaring Hawk to make preparations for plundering season.

I think you’ll appreciate the crew I’ve assembled for you, Budenholzer. Jeff Teague shall be sailing master. Though he’s young, he’s improved his navigation and course-directing skills to the point where I feel he can help guide us for years to come. Our master gunner, Kyle Korver, is of course in charge of our arms. He’s a cold-blooded assassin. Thought he was just cabin boy last year, I feel DeMarre Carroll can be strong in the first mate role, helping wherever aid is needed. At boatswain is Al Horford, a master of all aspects of seacraft. Paul Millsap is your carpenter, keeping the vessel sturdy through the darkest of hours.

Aye, I approve.

The Soaring Hawk set off on the eve of the 11th month, 2013.

For its first four fortnights at sea, all was looking swell. Although the crew had never manned a ship together before, they were cohesive and had the chemistry of inseparable brothers. The ship began resembling the Spur incredibly quickly, from its strategies in battle to the morale and attitude of its crew. Captain Budenholzer brought forth sound leadership from his days learning under the great Popovich on the Spur. The Soaring Hawk was the third most powerful vessel in the Eastern fleet before disaster struck.

In the midst of a battle between the Soaring Hawk and the Cavalier on the 26th day of the 12th month, a storm began raging. In the heat of the fight and effects of the storm, Horford was thrown off the ship and into the waters below. The Soaring Hawk ended up defeating the Cavalier, but the crew failed to find Horford overboard.

Without their boatswain, the ship began to struggle, with crew members having to take on roles they weren’t used to. Teague’s navigation skills fell short without Horford’s sail handling. Millsap had to take on the sailing master and boatswain positions while maintaining his carpentry role. For the next couple of months the ship struggled to keep afloat, and injuries to other vital members of the crew didn’t help.

Master gunner Korver was hit by debris and had to recover in bed for six battles, leaving the ship’s arms in disarray. One of the riggers — a fellow from overseas that went by the name of Pero Antic - missed a month’s work of duty after slipping while furling the sails and falling a great distance to the deck.

However, once these rocky waters were behind the Soaring Hawk the ship managed to regain some of its continuity and strength as the pirating season neared its end, even with Horford still lost at sea. The ship finished among the top eight vessels in the East, each of which circled around the year’s great treasure. As the Hawk neared, it was soon face to face the Blue Collar, an ugly monstrosity of a ship that battered its opposition into the depths below.

The battle waged was a grueling one, lasting 7 nights until finally, the Blue Collar’s sailing master Paul George had captain Budenholzer at gunpoint. The Soaring Hawk surrendered, dropping their weapons and giving up their planned journey to the year’s prize. As the Blue Collar’s crew finished looting the Soaring Hawk, George lowered his pistol and turned to head back to his ship.

Why not kill me? asked Budenhozler.

Now you don’t really want that, do you?

George boarded the Blue Collar, which was about to set off before Budenholzer turned towards the enemy ship and said, You’re going to regret not killing me when you had the chance.

George smirked. And why is that?

Because we’ll be right back here next year. Stronger. More experienced. Ready. And when we come face to face once again, you’re going to wish you never crossed paths with us in the first place.

Looking forward to it.

The ships sailed off in opposite directions, the Soaring Hawk hardly keeping sail and most of its crew hurt or worse. But the defeat wasn’t as bleak or haunting as it should have been, for what comes next for the crew keeps them optimistic. Although this year ended like those of past for the Hawk, it was a gesture of great things ahead, finally heading in the right direction.

The Legacy of Dino Radja

by Ian Levy

To be a member of the Boston Celtics is to do battle with legacy. Every season the Celtics are not just competing with the 29 other franchises, they are competing history. With a rich and deep legacy of championship basketball. With outsized personalities. With memorable performers. With epic performances. Each new campaign is a pell-mell championship or bust road trip, fueled by grit, experience, and basketball played the way the Gods intended.

At least that’s what the Celtics’ season ticket sales department would like you to believe. The truth is, for all their championship banners and retired numbers, the Celtics have had their share of wretched seasons and employed just as many skeleton-in-the-closet players as any other franchise. And unfortunately, that is the legacy the 2013-2014 Boston Celtics did battle with. They were battling the memories of John Havlicek or Larry Bird, it was Dana Barros, Dino Radja and Walter McCarty they were tasked with outdoing.

With the departures of Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett, the final vestiges of that 2008 title team aging away, this was supposed to be a rebuilding year for the Celtics. They had a roster filled with exciting young players and a handful of useful veterans, their mission was not to win a title but to define themselves anew, individually and collectively so that they could be assessed for future value against the more impressive templates of legacy. They were tasked with building a bridge to a bright and prosperous future.

Well, the Celtics spent all season building that bridge, but when construction halted in the middle of April, they found themselves still in the middle of the lake, miles from the shore and unsure if that was even the shore they were looking at.

The veterans played hard and played well, within the context of their own personal definitions of hard and well. Jeff Green played in all 82 games, a victory worth celebrating in its own right. He led the team in scoring and looked closer to the player the Celtics thought they were getting in the Kendrick Perkins trade than he ever has before. But for all his driving, shooting and general goodwill building he still never really found a useful function on the floor. At least not one that will exist outside of this miserable lottery-chasing season. Brandon Bass did Brandon Bass things and Gerald Wallace looked not quite as corpse-esque as he had the past few seasons. But the Celtics spent more than 6,000 minutes on these three players and paid them just under $26 million combined for them, a price tag they are on the hook for next season as well. Those are filler minutes paid for with meaningful dollars, none of which have gotten the Celtics any closer to where they would actually like to be. Did you hear that noise? It was the ghosts of Antoine Walker and Vitaly Potapenko closing the basement door.

While the rest of this team was doing metaphysical battle with spectres of Celtics’ past, Rajon Rondo was just playing against himself. On January 17th he returned to the Celtics lineup from the knee injury that had held him out since the middle of last season. His return was