Moving Your Aging Parents: Fulfilling their Needs and Yours Before, During, and After the Move
By Nancy Wesson and Jacqueline Marcell
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About this ebook
Will you be ready when it's time...?
Whether whittling down to the essentials for a parent moving into a room or two or downsizing for ourselves, ignoring the spirit and basing decisions on health and safety alone could have devastating results.
In this hope filled book you will learn how to:
Expert's Acclaim for Moving Your Aging Parents
"A creative and inspiring godsend for helping Mom and Dad transition to the next phase of life. Valuable for caregivers, healthcare professionals, and seniors interested in aging with independence, dignity and grace."
--Jacqueline Marcell, author Elder Rage, host of Coping With Caregiving radio show
"What a truly remarkable and elegantly written book. The information is relevant for every relocation regardless of the age or circumstances of the client."
--Sally B. Yaryan, Director, Professional Development & Education; Austin Board of REALTORS (r)
"As a thirty-five year plus veteran of health care practice as a Registered Nurse, specializing in the care of the elderly, I offer my heart-felt endorsement of this excellent book. It offers concrete plans to follow and emphasizes the emotional and spiritual counterparts that transform seemingly difficult chores into acts of mutual joy, growth, and love."
--Mary Durfor for Rebecca Reads
Learn more about this author at www.FocusOnSpace.com
From the Aging With Grace Series at Loving Healing Press www.LovingHealing.com
Nancy Wesson
Nancy Wesson intuitively combines her education, training, interests, and expertise to create a toolbox of skills and services to take you, or your business, beyond surviving to thriving. Her work is both transformational and practical. The guidance she gives comes from experience in applying these tools to a broad range of successes in the realms of Business, Feng Shui, Mediation, ADD/ADHD Coaching, Organization, Real Estate Analysis and Life Transition. Nancy offers seminars in Feng Shui, People Reading Skills, ADD/ADHD, Applied Intuition, Real Estate Analysis, Thriving After Divorce, and Dispute Resolution as well as custom topics. She teaches courses at the Academy of Oriental Medicine, the University of Texas Informal Classes, Texas State University, Austin Board of Realtors, San Marcos Board of Realtors and other venues. She has made guest appearances on KLRU television is Austin, TX, was the featured guest on an episode of At Home produced by Shenandoah University Public Television in Winchester, VA. Nancy writes for numerous local publications, including a regular syndicated column on Feng Shui in The Austin Homesteader. She is currently applying her skills in a more organic way, serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Gulu Town, Gulu District, Uganda, Africa. Her work as a Program Adviser with the NGO, LABE (Literacy and Adult Basic Education) will end October of 2013. Nancy welcomes your questions and letters, but is currently unavailable for on-site consultations. You are invited to follow her Peace Corps blog: ATexanGoesQuesting.blogspot.com.
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Reviews for Moving Your Aging Parents
26 ratings12 reviews
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I am so sorry that it took so long for me to read this book! My mother, who recently turned 99, had already moved into her apartment at the retirement village and I thought the book would be good for the next move, the expected move to the nursing home sometime in the future. However, this book would have been a perfect how-to book for her move from the family home. I wish my brothers and I had read this book before her move.Now I am moving from my home of the last 25 years, downsizing into what I expect will be my home until I need additional care. So what I expected to be a reference book for my mother's move has become a reference book for me. I have a lot of stuff and it is hard to let go of so many things that have memories. This book has given me pointers on letting go, deciding what is important, and structuring my new home based on my changing needs. Ms. Wesson reminds us to treat these changes for our parents (and in my case, for myself) with respect and understanding. What an important message.I recommend this book. It is well thought out, easy to read and has lots of really good information.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5This was a good book, and it covered what I think are all the important issues - identifying their needs, coping with their emotional issues about moving, deciding what to keep and what to get rid of, selling the family home, and trying to do all this while respecting their dignity and individuality. What this doesn't cover, and what I wanted it to cover, was how to change MY parents' minds about moving out of their home and near to one of their children in the first place! My parents really are too elderly and sick to be living in the middle of the woods in the middle of nowhere with the only hospital 45 minutes away, in an area where it snows a lot, where the nearest grocery or drug store is also 45 minutes away, with no reasonable bus service, no nursing homes (except 2 1/2 hours away) and no system of home health care in their area for the elderly. They chose the worst possible place to retire unless they were both in perfect health. HOWEVER, that does not make them even remotely willing to move, as this is the house they have been buidling for 45 years. What I wanted from this book it was unable to give me. It does give advice on how to start the conversation about moving for safety and health reasons, etc, but there really is no magic formula for getting them to agree in the first place. In the end, I have decided to respect their choices for independence over my preference of safety. I wish it were different, but I can't make it so.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This book has proved an excellent resource when dealing with upcoming changes in my parents life. They are both 84 and needing more and more assistance. We built our house with a wing for them when need be, and this book addresses changes from helping them downsize now to how to make a future move comfortable for them, my husband and myself. It also addresses care of self as the caretaker. It addresses every possible scenario and I will refer to it over and over along the way.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This is an excellent book for the "sandwich generation," those whose parents need to downsize due to illness or finances or loss of partner. It is something that should be read before decisions are made and supplies questions that should be asked and considerations that need to be addressed. Moving a parent or set of parents from a home of their own to another city or a smaller apartment, much less a nursing or assisted living situation, has its own unique set of emotional and physical disasters and joys unique to that situation. Also, it is a situation for which we have not been trained, and for which we have no precedent other than friends that have been through it. There are too few books out there, and this is the best I have found in covering both the needs of the aging parents, and the needs of the children or caregivers.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5My mother has Stage 3 Alzheimer's and lives with my brother. Within the next two years we will have to face moving her to a facility where she can receive the kind of care that my brother and I will no longer be able to give to her. I wish I had read this before we moved my mother from her one-bedroom apartment in a small town to a big house in a big city. There is so much more to this book than just suggestions about the physical move - there is attention to the happiness and comfort of your parent and as well as discussion of the "depression era" mindset, which I found helpful in understanding my mother's need to keep things like string, plasticware and paper bags. And there is a section for caretakers on remembering to be good to themselves. During this - inevitable - upcoming move, my brother and I will be more prepared for having read this book and won't make some of the same mistakes we made during her initial move to live with him. A helpful book and great reference tool that readers will return to again and again.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5This is a rather engaging book and other reviewers have described its contents well. The author, a professional organizer, coach, and feng shui practitioner, uses her expertise while moving her 85-year-old mother to a new location. In the process of describing this event, she discusses the psychological and spiritual importance of our homes and how to incorporate these into a move to a new home.For the book to have been truly comprehensive, I would have liked to have seen more discussion of finances and of finding a suitable place, especially if one is looking for a nursing home or an assisted-living situation. The title might imply that this book is a comprehensive guide, although that wasn't the author's intent.All in all, interesting and helpful, but not the whole story.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This book arrived in a timely manner-my 85 yr. old neighbor unexpectedly lost her husband in November 2008. He took complete care of her as she was in poor health. He also did all of the paperwork. O f course she dosen't know where anything is and wasn't even sure how much she had to live on. I loaned this book to her daughter before reading it myself. She said the biggest help to her was that it helped her to see the emotional side of the conflicts her mother was going through. Unfortunately nothing had been arranged ahead of time because it was thought that the wife would go first. How often that occurs. I made a move in my late fifties and now I can look back and see what an emotional an experience it was for me. My only criticism is that it seems to be written for the more wealthy of the senior citizens and the more healthy. As the baby boomers age this book should be helpful to them and their children..The book was helpful to me as an aging parent in suggesting how better to organize my life and to prepare for the time when inevitable change comes about and I am unable to keep up a home by myself. It also made me think about what is important to me and especially why it has meaning in my life. One of my daughter's quotes :"Mom, don't you dare die before you clean out your garage." I'm working on it ,dear, I'm working on it.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5We are the aging parents who needed to move in Moving Your Aging Parents by Nancy Daniel Wesson. We sold our house, every corner and crevice overflowing with forty years of our family's life, and moved to an apartment. The overflow filled two storage garages and a storage room (and that was after we gave away some large items).Author Nancy Wesson covers practical, soulful, and medical needs in a variety of thoughtful settings. She makes a compelling case for being sensitive to the emotions of someone who is downsizing, as well as looking out for the physical requirements. She includes a section on how to meet the special needs of elders who have low vision or hearing, Parkinson's or Alzheimer's disease with specific details known to experienced caretakers.As I read Nancy's admonishments for caretakers to remember to be kind to themselves, I was amused to realize that I needed that advice too. I had been rather hard on me, demanding too much of myself at times during our move.This guide goes so far beyond downsizing or even helping elders downsize, that it surprises me that I also found it easy to read, and easy to implement her ideas. I'm so glad to have received this particular book as part of my participation in the LibraryThing Early Review program, because I have made room in our new place, in my new life, in my heart, for things I would have put aside without Nancy's wisdom.Retirement, it has been often noted, is not undiluted joy, but can also be a time of facing new limitations, whether they be physical, financial, social, or all three. Nancy shows how to put the joy back into the Golden Years.I dusted off my portable sewing machine, and discovered it can fit under and on top of a desk, making the area dual-use, then added my laptop for a triple-play. I brought my hand-loom out of retirement, and have been inspired to combine weaving, beading, crochet and sewing, making unique designs. It is fun to give myself permission to ignore "the rules" and make something just for the pleasure of it.I cannot recommend this handy collection of practical wisdom and nurturing encouragement too strongly. Even people who are not moving could benefit from reading Nancy's book, as many of us would like some help sorting out our lives, belongings and activities to get a fresh start on the tangle of possessions and frenetic scheduling we call home.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Nancy Daniel Wesson writes with so much warmth and compassion. She covers all the bases of moving an aging parent to a smaller place with wisdom, compassion, and gentle pacing.. Wesson has thought of every aspect of what is often a gigantic and dauntless job and walks you through it without the rush and franticness that often accompanies such a huge job. It should be read before moving anyone, yourself included . There is good advice on all levels, i.e. considering what's important to take and not take, how to arrange rooms to accomodate differing health concerns, packing, caring for the moving one during the move, honoring and developing rituals, caring for yourself as well. I'm thinking of using it on my children to help them to clean up their rooms. Wesson is wonderful for knowing how to keep things from being a 'let's get it done' disaster. She makes things simply a matter of putting your things in the new place and going on with life in a generally uninterrupted way. She is so compassionate and gentle. She covers so much ground....room arrangements, understanding fears and needs, understanding your needs to get through this. (Chapter 14..."Taking Care of Yourself," is my favorite chapter and I plan to read it often just for myself.) I wish the title of the book could better show what a great resource this is to help with moving anyone to what could be a less than home situation. The book deserves a lot of credit and recognition for the love and caring enveloped within. I recommend it for everyone who could use some understanding of aging parents, siblings, selves, or younger children or spouses for that matter, and thier need for adjusting to living in a new place.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This book has proved an excellent resource when dealing with upcoming changes in my parents life. They are both 84 and needing more and more assistance. We built our house with a wing for them when need be, and this book addresses changes from helping them downsize now to how to make a future move comfortable for them, my husband and myself. It also addresses care of self as the caretaker. It addresses every possible scenario and I will refer to it over and over along the way.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5It isn’t something I like to think about, but I know it’s unlikely that both of our surviving parents will be able to live out their lives in the homes they currently occupy. My mother-in-law is battling fairly serious eye problems, and one day she may be blind. Where will she live then? And what will become of all her “stuff”? She’s already done two major down-sizings -- first from a three-story 19th century Big House worthy of a Southern plantation (and containing remnants of three generations of family) to a 20th century ranch, and then 20 years later to a two-bedroom apartment. Still, she’s managed to keep a lot of possessions and we have to assume the things she hasn’t yet let go will be very difficult for her to give up. So I looked forward to reading [Moving Your Aging Parents] for some practical advice on how to deal with what I’m treating as an inevitability. I was a little put off at first by the author’s profession as a Feng Shui consultant, but she’s also a professional organizer, and she seems to know whereof she speaks here. The book is full of concrete suggestions for handling the physical as well as the emotional aspects of a move, with very little new age nonsense. (I’m as spiritual as the next person, but I confess to skipping the bits about dealing with “predecessor energy”, and “cleansing the Chakra”---just not the type of help I’m looking for here.) The chapters that explain how to assess an older person’s capabilities and needs for assistance are especially forthright, including basic information about common problems faced by older individuals, such as loss of vision or hearing, the early signs of Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease. Much of the advice is applicable even if you don’t have elderly parents to move…how to “declutter” your home; deciding what possessions have real value to you, and which ones you’re keeping for the wrong reasons; making a house attractive to potential buyers; packing and unpacking logically; defusing emotional triggers in conversations with loved ones. As with any self-help book, so much of this is common sense, but having it all spelled out in one place is valuable, and the author of [Moving Your Aging Parents] has done an excellent job of laying it all out, complete with suggested activities at the end of many of the chapters, designed to help organize the many tasks associated with life’s big changes.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Great Book!! If only I had had it a year ago. My sister and I moved my 90 year old mother in April, 2008 from a home she had lived in for over 60 years to a “suite plus” which is a living/bedroom and tiny kitchenette. The whole thing was one big nightmare.Wesson writes her book after her Mom’s place has been broken into twice. In each chapter, Wesson talks of the reality, the hope, and the sadness that accompanies many moves to retirement, assisted living or nursing homes.The book starts off with What Matters Most? which seems like an easy enough thing to consider. But after 60+ years in one house, raising 3 children there, watching one child and a husband die there; What Matters Most? is not an easy question to answer.One of the best things about this book is the Suggested Activities at the end of most chapters. If you have the luxury of planning the move months or years in advance, by all means read these suggestions. “Moving ‘away from’ is not enough. We must know what we are moving toward.” If this one thought is kept in mind, the whole move will be simpler and smoother on the parent and the children who are helping. In Chapter 5, Wesson lists the nine domains in one’s life then tells how to deal with each as the move becomes a reality. Each domain is listed: Health, Activities, Spirituality, Family, Finances, Community, Relationship, Creativity & Future and Helpful People & Travel. With each, there are needs to think of presently and needs for the future. As Wesson says, “…the natural tendency is to focus on the immediate needs, not the more mundane day-to-day activities that sustain life beyond the crisis.” Again, I wish I had had this book, I’m pretty sure we only thought of the immediate needs of my Mother – because we were in crisis mode.This is a very helpful book. Even if you and in your 30s, please read it so you will be prepared - we are all getting older.